Funny sh*t my DH/SO did...hospital tour edition

kschref

Feeling the need for some funnies up in here!  I know a lot of people have already toured the hospital/birthing center/batcave where they hope to give birth.  Did your DH/SO do or say anything funny during the tour?

Mine didn't ask the nurses a single question but made sure to steal a room service menu from one of the recovery rooms and stick it in my purse.  His excuse was that I'm vegan and he wanted to see if there was anything I can eat from their cafeteria when we go, but I know he just wanted to check it out for his own purposes.  Priorities.

mj0413

Are you really vegan!?

MH didn't do anything on our tour, but there were a few super obnoxious people on it with us. A guy who looked totally high and creepy with his GF, a couple who brought along her parents and her dad was like rubbing her stomach (so weird), and this husband that was making all kinds of inappropriate and distasteful comments (I felt so bad for his wife).

kschref

@mj0413 - Yup, really vegan.  DH eats "double meat" on everything to make up for my "lack of impact on the environment".  Raising our son is going to be interesting, to say the least!

katags

We didn't take a tour, but in one of our childbirth classes DH had to go show the instructor how to use the DVR player.  She was seriously clueless about the whole thing, which was hilarious in a super sad/pathetic kind of way.

And he didn't actually say this in class, but told me he almost did:
During the part about umbilical cord cutting, the instructor said that the dad needs to let them know when we arrive that he wants to cut the cord.  DH wanted to know if they would provide the super huge giant scissors (like the kind you see at ribbon cutting ceremonies) because that was the ONLY way he'd cut the umbilical cord himself.    I did relay that information to my OB at my next appointment. She laughed.

mj0413

@kschref that's amazing! i was GF/vegan for over two years, then got pregnant and am no longer either (for now). once LO comes i'll be both again, though. i can't wait. MH is a total carnivore, too. we haven't had the discussion about how we'll raise our kids, but i'm thinking they'll be GF and vegetarian (mainly vegan). i'd love to chat with you about it! i don't really have vegan friends, so most people think i'm totally crazy and radical. 

heather52904

katags said:

We didn't take a tour, but in one of our childbirth classes DH had to go show the instructor how to use the DVR player.  She was seriously clueless about the whole thing, which was hilarious in a super sad/pathetic kind of way.

And he didn't actually say this in class, but told me he almost did:
During the part about umbilical cord cutting, the instructor said that the dad needs to let them know when we arrive that he wants to cut the cord.  DH wanted to know if they would provide the super huge giant scissors (like the kind you see at ribbon cutting ceremonies) because that was the ONLY way he'd cut the umbilical cord himself.    I did relay that information to my OB at my next appointment. She laughed.

MH asked me the same thing about the scissors after our class!

CopperT0p

When we did a tour before having DS, DH decided he had to try out all the chairs/cots available to him.  Trying to sit on a chair in the labour rooms wasn't too bad, but then we got to the post-labour rooms. He folded out the cot in the post-delivery room and laid out on it.  He then proclaimed in front of everyone that it was durable enough.  

That's my DH.  Always the engineer and worrying about durability.  It made stroller shopping a huge task until we found the 'most durable' in his eyes. 

brideandbreve

No funny stories about my DH, but when we took a childbirth basics class before having DS, we were appalled by this one couple and how the husband acted.

When the instructor started talking about post-partum activities, like how you'll be able to get up and walk the halls after you have the baby if you're feeling up to it and how the nurses will want to make sure you're up and moving, the husband asked the instructor how early his wife could start working out again after the baby was born. The instructor was like, "Well, that all depends on how she's feeling." And the husband was like, "But even if she's feeling kind of crappy, she can still walk, right? So she can take walks around the neighborhood as soon as she gets home, right?" and the wife just sat there. I felt horrible for her.

That same guy later made a comment about post-partum weight loss, saying, "Oh, she can just count calories and diet to lose the weight." The instructor was like, "It's not a good idea to diet and restrict your caloric intake when you're breast feeding." And he was like, "Women have been breast feeding for years, so I'm not worried about her calories affecting what millions of other women do on a regular basis."

There was another husband who actually bitched and complained when the instructor had us pregnant folks sit on exercise balls while our husbands rubbed our backs during an instructional video at the end. He sat there and rubbed his wife's back all half-assed and kept saying, "This is so stupid. I can't believe I'm paying to take a class where you get a back rub."

I left that class so thankful to have my husband. He even said when we got to our car, "What the hell is wrong with those douche bags?!"

MrsGraham06

We walked by the little photography studio they have at my hospital and we saw a tiny baby getting her picture taken. MH stopped to look at her for a minute and then looked at me all dewy-eyed and said "I didn't know babies were so tiny." I died of the cuteness. 

Then he asked the nurse if he could bring McDonald's into the room while I'm in labor. *facepalm*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quote tree fail

My labor with DS1 was long. My parents came by the night my water broke, to see how things were going, and assuming there was a baby. They went out to supper before coming over, and brought leftovers for DH and, if I was interested (aka had baby) me. It was garlic sausage pizza. I was in labor still, smelled it when Dad got to the door, and kicked him out. So DH took it to the waiting room so I wouldn't smell it.

Guess what- he had garlic breath the rest of the night! YUCK! He breathed that shit in my face, and I could smell it after he has brushed his teeth like 10 times! It's not that the smell nauseated me, it just PISSED ME OFF TO NO END!!! And, garlic is just plain stinky!

My parents have not visited me while I was in labor since then

Munchie2.0

On our tour we stopped by the nursery... There was a baby boy that was just brought in-

He was actually big- DH that came out of a girls no-no square! 

Then he saw the umbilical cord, and was like "what the heeeeeeeeell is that" 

None of this stopped him from trying to convince me to partake in a "quickie" in one of the rooms... smh

BABYROSEJEANS17

Not during the tour but at the end of our birthing class we had to go around the room (sort of like a round robin) and simulate the techniques. We were the obnoxious couple giggling throughout the last hour of class.

Siblynika

He just

brideandbreve said:

No funny stories about my DH, but when we took a childbirth basics class before having DS, we were appalled by this one couple and how the husband acted.

When the instructor started talking about post-partum activities, like how you'll be able to get up and walk the halls after you have the baby if you're feeling up to it and how the nurses will want to make sure you're up and moving, the husband asked the instructor how early his wife could start working out again after the baby was born. The instructor was like, "Well, that all depends on how she's feeling." And the husband was like, "But even if she's feeling kind of crappy, she can still walk, right? So she can take walks around the neighborhood as soon as she gets home, right?" and the wife just sat there. I felt horrible for her.

That same guy later made a comment about post-partum weight loss, saying, "Oh, she can just count calories and diet to lose the weight." The instructor was like, "It's not a good idea to diet and restrict your caloric intake when you're breast feeding." And he was like, "Women have been breast feeding for years, so I'm not worried about her calories affecting what millions of other women do on a regular basis."

There was another husband who actually bitched and complained when the instructor had us pregnant folks sit on exercise balls while our husbands rubbed our backs during an instructional video at the end. He sat there and rubbed his wife's back all half-assed and kept saying, "This is so stupid. I can't believe I'm paying to take a class where you get a back rub."

I left that class so thankful to have my husband. He even said when we got to our car, "What the hell is wrong with those douche bags?!"

I had to go hug my DH after reading this how awful for their wives.

4lilmunchkins

We did a family tour and brought the kids along. SO didn't say anything, but my 7 year old son kept asking which baby was ours when looking through the nursery window.

Siblynika

DH dropped the female reproductive track figurine-thing at my appointment last week... He was playing 'doctor' and when the doctor actually walked in, he dropped it. We all just stood there awkwardly staring at it until he picked it up.

AnnikaD20

DH picked up a birthing ball, and the tour lady was like "please don't bounce that off the floor, it'll make it lose air." He was like "aww, dammit!" and sadly set it back down. I get the impression that he's not the first man to see it as a giant bouncy ball, cause she knew right where he was headed with it.