Updates galore... Craziness beware

Lacyj67

Ok ladies... First I have to tell a story ...
I got a few months back a flyer in the mail from my REs office saying someone was coming to do a jewel kade party. And get to meet some fellow IVF patients... I opted out I had to work. Sooooo .... Today I get another one of those flyers.... But this one is DIFFERENT!!!!!!!!!
So it pretty much is inviting me to the party again for jewelry and there's some photos of kids on the flyer .... I recognize the girl ..... And the two twin boys in the photo.... I realize oh...my...gosh....
It's my anonymous DONORS CHILDREN. I got to briefly see a picture of her twin boys in the office and the pic they sent me is of the donor with her three year old girl. I showed my husband and we compared the pic we have... It is her!!!! She's the one throwing the party because it says look what IVF has given me! So I'm not missing this party for the world. It is jan 7th at 5:30 and I'm gonna go buy some jewelry!!! She doesn't know me or how I look but I'm going to sit and pretend I'm looking at some jewelry and stare at her all night! I can't wait!!!!!!!!
Ok story over what do you ladies think am I being way to stalker or stage five clinger!?? Would you do it??? I have to RSVP but kinda just want to show up so the nurses can't warn her of me coming incase she knows my name!! Oh I'm so naughty! Can't help it!

Lacyj67

Oh I got so worked up i forgot to tell you.... Our first adoption meeting was today and it went really really well. I loved the place and we filled out the first little packet of info tonight and will mail it tomorrow. Classes begin in jan!! I think we're doing this too! Ah

Mrs.McIrish

I'm going to be completely honest here and I hope you'll think about it. I don't think you should go. She's an anonymous donor and you're changing the relationship unfairly.. We all need donors to try to have a family. If donors are scared that they may be "discovered", they may stop donating. If you want to change the relationship to a known donor situation, you should ask the REs office and ask them to ask her if she wants to meet you. I'm disappointed that my clinic won't give adult photos but you know why? Because of facial recognition software and that having an adult photo can compromise the anonymous process. I completely understand the allure of why you want to go and being curious but I don't think it is fair to the donor. Just my 2cents.

Lacyj67

Ok good points. I agree with you on a few levels.... One question why is she holding it at the REs office and why did they invite me ??? She knows she donated to someone local... And the possibility that I could show up to our RE offices to a party she is possibly running. I won't be able to hold myself back. I have already decided I'm going. I want to hear her voice and see her in person.

Lacyj67

Although just to be honest about it I will RSVP so if the nurses need to warn her or something they can do so before I arrive. Or maybe it won't be her... Who knows.

ArgyleBride

I think you should let the nurses know, explicitly, that you want to go.  I get the draw, I really do, but it just isn't fair to sneak like that.  And what if it caused problems or friction later?  You don't want to risk bad feelings with your donor.  Or what if she stopped donating because of it? 

Or worse, you could be breaking your contract with the clinic.  I have no idea what the repercussions of that could be but they might drop you as a patient or who-knows-what.  If my IP's did this, it actually would break our contract so it's something you should think about. Don't risk so much just on curiosity.  Tell the nurses.

Sorry, I know this whole post is just a vat of cold water dumping on your excitement, but I really think you need to carefully consider what you might be risking.

Lacyj67

Now that I have have time to sit and think on this I'm questioning a lot of things..... You two have given very valid points and after a little google I was able to see and find something's about her. I am really torn about going now. My husband isn't sure about it either. I think I will call the nurse at my RE office tomorrow and talk to her. She is the one that matched us and she told me she knows the donor personally out side of the office. So I'm just going to be truthful to our nurse and tell her I think I know for sure the person doing the party is my donor and what she thinks I should do. Maybe the donor would not want me to come and it was a accident that that got mailed to me just because I'm a paitent. If the donor is ok with me comming I would love to go and meet her but not under false pretenses. I got a little worked up and excited and now the logical part of me is being realistic and having both of your inputs just made it more solid. So thank you girls for responding truthfully and helping me come to my senses.! Ugh I can't sleep.

brooklynesque

Lacyj67 said:

Now that I have have time to sit and think on this I'm questioning a lot of things..... You two have given very valid points and after a little google I was able to see and find something's about her. I am really torn about going now. My husband isn't sure about it either. I think I will call the nurse at my RE office tomorrow and talk to her. She is the one that matched us and she told me she knows the donor personally out side of the office. So I'm just going to be truthful to our nurse and tell her I think I know for sure the person doing the party is my donor and what she thinks I should do. Maybe the donor would not want me to come and it was a accident that that got mailed to me just because I'm a paitent. If the donor is ok with me comming I would love to go and meet her but not under false pretenses. I got a little worked up and excited and now the logical part of me is being realistic and having both of your inputs just made it more solid. So thank you girls for responding truthfully and helping me come to my senses.! Ugh I can't sleep.

This makes more sense to me -- it ought to be up to the donor whether to meet you.  And there ought to be no false pretenses as you say!  They might have sent the invite to all current patients at the practice. I too have figured out who my donor is but would only ever approach her through previously agreed upon channels (agency or lawyer) (she's indicated she's open to future contact -- but it's still her choice whether to ever meet me or the child(ren)).

Mrs.McIrish

I'm glad to hear that you are re-thinking your approach by talking to the nurse. I know others have met their donor which is fine--as long as it is a joint decision!

xmaystarx

A little off topic but, am I the only one who finds it strange that an RE's office would be hosting a jewelry party and invite patients? Is this party the type where the host gets credits?

Mrs.McIrish

xmaystarx said:

A little off topic but, am I the only one who finds it strange that an RE's office would be hosting a jewelry party and invite patients? Is this party the type where the host gets credits?

Lol, yes, I wondered about it too...

Lacyj67

Yes .... It's a jewel kade party.... And the more I think about it the more weirded out I get... Also even weirder that my "anonymous " donor who knows I am a curent paitent there is sending me a invite!!!? This is really messing with me and I can't help but be really confused about all this now. I've decided to call the nurse tomorrow and have a chat with her and see what's up with this!

ArgyleBride

I think that's a good idea!  They are pretty being pretty obtuse, seems to me.

Lacyj67

Okay.... Talked to nurse today. It was a office error that I received that invite. I will not be going to the party nor should I have been invited or sent that flyer. I don't know quite how to feel about it all and will completely respect the donor wanted to be anonymous. But just sayin.... She probably shouldn't be mingling with patients in my current RE office knowing im still a paitent there. Kinda unfair on my part that I don't get to mingle with all the other patients and get to know people going through my similar situation which was stated in the flyer. Once again proved that im singled out because of my certain IVF situation and I'm not a regluar IVF girl like the other ones .Ok rant done... Shocked that this happened and ... No words left.

brooklynesque

Hugs! I side-eye the whole jewelry party thing. I think you did the right thing by talking to the nurse.

Km672

I have to agree with Brooklyn.
I don't have an issue with the jewelry party, but its completely inappropriate that an anonymous egg donor is hosting it at the clinic she donated!

I'm sorry you even had to deal with that... You're right, it's not fair to you.

stinkerbell6879

Yup. I think the whole situation would not sit well with me. Sorry that this happened. Blah!

ArgyleBride

It seems like it was really badly handled by them.  There's no reason you should have had to go through this roller coaster if they were paying attention.  You could tell them so in a letter if you wanted.

LittleLady77

I would have reacted the exact same way as you. Super excited and planning on going, feeling conflicted after I thought about it and then disappointment when I got uninvited. I'm sorry that happened.

Lacyj67

Thanks ladies... This was quite a crazy few days and still can't believe that happened. But it did and im moving on... I guess mistakes happen but I hope they take better precaution with other donors and them wanting to be anonymous. They pretty much gave up her identity and that's not cool.
I have always been very open with lots of people about me getting a donor and IVF and everything. I don't hide or hold anything back so for me it's a little different but I got a donor that was anonymous and we will keep it that way.