Separation anxiety?

Kasia7

Hi everyone,
I have a problem with my LG, she's 4m 1w old. At home she's usually a happy baby, but whenever we go visit someone and they hold her she just screams like crazy! She won't calm down until I take her back and sometimes not even then. It started on Thanksgiving, but since then it only got worse. Before, she could be held by anyone as long as they walk with her and they're not too loud (she gets scared easily), but now she won't even go to people she knows and meets pretty often. Yesterday we went to visit my sister and at first my baby was fine, smiling at everyone, but as soon as my sister took her she started screaming. My sis tried to calm her down and going to another room, but after 10 minutes of constant screaming she gave her back to me. She calmed down after another few minutes of crying in my arms, but then after another few minutes of fussiness she started screaming again and did not calm down until we got back home (we had to leave due to her constant crying and screaming).
There is nothing that seems to work, I EBF but she won't eat or play or nothing no matter what me and my DH do. I don't think that something hurts her because it only happens when we're out. She's a little calmer when others visit us and she'll even let someone else hold her for some time. But every weekend we go visit someone and once a week I have to leave her with my MIL. I didn't leave her there since Thanksgiving so now I'm terrified she'll cry and won't eat anything for the whole time (6 hours).
I'm not sure how to help her. Should I let other people hold her and let her cry so that she could get used to them or will that cause even more anxiety? It's really hard to hear her cry like that, but sometimes even me holding her doesn't help...
I don't know what should I do. We can't just get locked at home especially that next week my parents come to visit from Europe to see the baby and we'll be around people all the time...

taraleanne

I think that's very common around her age, I know my LO was the same.  Spending more time with the people like your MIL and family will help, I think you just sort of have to deal with this phase. It will pass. 

Just a thought- but is she overtired when you visit these people? I know my LO had (and still has sometimes) short wake times at that age and would fuss with other people because he was tired and also overstimulated...   If she's overtired period, she might not even settle in your arms. My LO was the same. Restorative naps are SO important.  I know how hard it is to schedule visits with people but I'm afraid this is life with a young baby. Try and time it so that it's her wake period when you're visiting.....

Kasia7

Thank you!
She may be overtired... She has really hard time falling asleep during the day, no matter what I try, so some days she won't nap at all, maybe 10-15 minutes here and there. I just hope it'll pass quickly because it breaks my heart thinking how hard she cries when I leave her with someone...

taraleanne

Yup, she's overtired. Overtired babies only like their mommy's. At least in my experience    Not napping is normal for her age too! I've been there!! I worked VERY hard on naps, and am still working on it now.   I think she will become more comfortable with other people as she gets older but also if I were you I'd work on getting her some more day time sleep. Watch for the tired signs....starring into space, yawning (after 3 yawns she might be too far gone), rubbing eyes, turning her face into you when she's in your arms. Then get that girl for a nap  The trick is to start your wind down routine BEFORE she gets overtired. If I miss the boat with my DS then he won't go to sleep at all. It's tough. But I honestly think that's the biggest issue. When I made my DS's naps a priority, he become a happier baby with other people.   She probably won't be able to last too long between naps...less in the morning and more as the day goes on. I found that after waking for the day my baby has to have a nap 1h45m after waking. It used to be 1.5hours. As the day goes on, he can last longer and he can stay awake for 3-4 hours before bed. My baby is older though.   Work on those naps- you won't regret it. Good luck!

steelerbaby29

I agree with being overtired and can relate to short naps. My LO is 6 months next week, but definitely makes a difference to put them down at first signs of being tired. Our naps at that age used to be very short, but now they are getting better. Today I was putting him down every 1.5 hours and he fussed for maybe 1 min and fell asleep, some days he's ready to go down every 2 hours, it has been varying lately but he is also teething. His naps are lasting 45 min to 1.5 hours now as well. I still miss the window occasionally but I just do what I can to get him down and expect a short nap. It's just a phase and it will get better. I think a lot of ladies on here can relate to short naps, and having some kind of sleeping problem at some point.