forced to wean — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

forced to wean

Hi Ladies,

I just posted yesterday on being pregnant and nursing my 20 month old DD.  Last night I had some bleeding.  Today I had more bleeding, enough to wear a pad.  I took a pregnancy test last night and another this afternoon and both came back positive with a very dark line.

I called my midwife and she is having me go for bloodwork on my way home from work today to check hormone levels and HCG levels.  She did say that since I'm already have problems with bleeding and it's so early into my pregnancy (5 weeks) that she suggests weaning.  She said that nursing can cause uterine contractions.

I'm upset about possibily miscarrying this baby but I'm also upset at the thought of completely weaning DD.  Once I found out I was pregnant I did want to cut back on nursing with her but I never planned on forcing her to wean completely basically cold turkey like the midwife is suggesting.  I love nursing her when I get home from work.  I feel like it's a special way for us to reconnect after I've been gone all day and I'm a little sad that we won't have that anymore.  Also, I feel really really guilty just quitting cold turkey.  She is still nursing A LOT, especially at night, and I don't suspect she'll give it up easily.

Anyone been through this?

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Re: forced to wean

  • I havent, but I remember reading someone who was making a similar decision and she weighed how she would feel about the 4 possible outcomes:

    - stop nursing and dont miscarry
    - stop nursing and miscarry anyway

    - dont stop nursing and dont miscarry
    - dont stop nursing and miscarry

    For her the idea of stopping nursing and then miscarrying anyway (worse that not stoping and miscarrying) was the worst possible outcome, so she decided to keep nursing.  I think its a very personal decision about weaning/the fear of feeling you did somethign that could have potentially caused a problem (even though early on its really more likely something else).
    OasismommalizardknitterMagPie 1986
  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    edited November 2013
    I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

    I would be very hesitant to wean cold turkey unless you were sure the bleeding is directly related to breastfeeding. Sometimes people bleed during pregnancy. Have you had rough-ish sex lately? That can cause spotting too. It could also be that this pregnancy just isn't viable, and you're miscarrying (I hope and pray that it is a healthy and viable pregnancy!).

    Do you feel contractions or cramps while you nurse? Does the spotting happen immediately after a nursing session or does it seem more random. If your daughter only nurses a couple times a day, I would think that the bleeding is unrelated (but that's my non-medical opinion, of course).

    If you're uncomfortable with the recommendation to wean immediately, I'd seek a second opinion. There are a number of reasons for your own health and for DD that weaning cold turkey is not recommended. I find your midwife's suggestion very strange.

    You might also call your local LLL leader and ask for information and resources on nursing while pregnant. They can also help you wean as gently and as quickly as possible if that is the route you choose.

    ::Hugs::
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  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    edited November 2013
    https://kellymom.com/pregnancy/bf-preg/bfpregnancy_safety/

    ETA: And this:

    "...uterus has many safeguards preventing a strong reaction to the oxytocin that breastfeeding releases."

    And

    "Miscarriage expert Lesley Regan, PhD, MD, quoted in Adventures in Tandem Nursing, saw no reason that breastfeeding should impact pregnancy, even if the mother has a history of miscarriage or is experiencing a threatened miscarriage."

    https://kellymom.com/pregnancy/bf-preg/01safety/
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  • I am sorry you are going through this.  I don't have any advice on the weaning - I don't really know if breastfeeding can affect the miscarriage rate.

    But I'd like to say that during my pregnancy, I spotted several times.  And it was bright red blood, but not a lot of it. It can be normal to bleed some in early pregnancy.  I hope it is nothing.
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  • it's your personal decision on whether or not you decide to wean your daughter ...

    spotting can be scary in early pregnancy, but it sound like you're doing more than spotting.  it could be nothing (many women spot/bleed during early pregnancy), it could be an SCH, it could be a threatened miscarriage 

    relax, breathe, and try to make the best decision for yourself and your babies
  • ::hugs:: I am so sorry you're going through this.  While bleeding early in pg can be scary it doesn't always mean the end of the pregnancy.

    I have never read there is any evidence that bfing is related to miscarriage. If you are in fact miscarrying, I'm not sure anything can stop it at this point. And I also agree with PP that for you and for LO weaning cold turkey could be a problem in itself. However, you have to decide what path you feel comfortable taking. I would consider how you will feel with the 4 outcomes PP listed and go from there.

    And I want to apologize I posted on your other post first because how posts are sorted somehow this one was under it.


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  • i've read that in some cases, weaning is best -- not everyone is the same.  

    i would definitely take what your midwife is saying into serious consideration -- if you're not comfortable with her or what she is saying, get a second opinion, or possibly change doctors.  

    but again ... in some cases weaning is best and take what your midwife says into serious consideration
  • Thanks for all your responses. Ladies,  I went yesterday to Labcorp to get my bloodwork.  They tested for HCG, progesterone and some other stuff I wasn't familiar with.  I haven't gotten a call yet today from my midwife but I have a feeling I am no longer pregnant.  I started bleeding much much more last night like a heavy period.  DH is still holding out hope but this just can't be normal.  I'm not bleeding as much now but I still think this pregnancy is not viable.

    I do trust my midwife but I chose to not wean DD.  I didn't want to wean her and then end up miscarrying anyway which I have a feeling is what would have happened. 

    I have decided to cut way back on her nursing though.  She easily nurses 3-4 times a day on a work day  (up to 5 when I'm home with her) and she wakes up about every hour and a half to 2 hours during the night to nurse (we cosleep).  We're starting with night weaning and then we are going to slowly cut back on her daytime sessions until it's just in the morning, in the afternoon when I get home from work, and before bed.

    I'll keep you all posted on what happens. 

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  • were you cramping? was is just blood? or did it look like you passed tissue or a big clot?
  • I'm so sorry you're going through this.  Please keep us up to date on what happens.

    I really hope everything turns out okay with this pregnancy, but if it does not, I'm sure nursing had nothing to do with it.  Unfortunately, miscarriages are common and most are unpreventable.

    Good luck! 
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  • MommyPhoenixMommyPhoenix member
    edited November 2013
    I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I just wanted to offer lots of *hugs* to you. Hang in there Mama. Good luck!

     

     

     

     

  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    edited November 2013
    I'm so sorry you're going through this, @skibunny59. Good luck!
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  • Thanks Ladies for your kind words and support.  I did in fact have a miscarriage.  I started bleeding much more Wednesday night and a lot of cramping and yesterday morning I was passing large clots. 

    The other midwife in the group (there are three) called last night and said that my HCG and progesterone levels from my blood work were quite low.  I asked her about the nursing and she actually said that no, the nursing did not cause me to miscarry.   She reassured me that there was nothing I could have done to avoid this and that these things just happen sometimes.  They want me to go for follow up bloodwork to make sure everything came out.

    I started to panic when I first started bleeding but now I am at peace with it.  DH is really upset.  I believe that things happen for a reason and everything will work out in the end.  Thanks for all your support.

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  • Hugs to you!  I'm so sorry for your loss, but it sounds like it was inevitable and not viable.  I hope you're able to try again soon. 
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  • Hugs! Sorry for your loss. 
  • Oh, @skibunny59, I'm so sorry. ::hugs::
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  • @skibunny59, *hugs* for you and your DH. I'm so sorry for your loss.

     

     

     

     

  • I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm glad the other midwife was able to give you good information.
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  • i'm sorry for your loss :(
  • ::hugs:: I am so sorry for your loss.




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