mixed feelings for exh

Sigir

My dh just told me that he saw my exh at my dc's halloween parade in a costume and was making fun of him. As you probably would know, there is no love lost between us. However, I have to admit that when I heard that, it twisted my heart a little. IMO the fact that my dc's dad wore a silly costume to her parade is pretty sweet. Yes he can be a total ahole and even worse sometimes. But it made me feel bad to hear dh mocking him. He really is just an a-hole when it comes to me, and is a pretty good dad. Anybody else get mixed feelings about their ex's sometimes, when they are being good parents?

+just+j+

I still want to defend XH sometimes when he tells me things XSD is saying and doing to him. If he dressed up in a dorkyass costume for my daughter, I would love it and think better of him.

I don't trust him. I don't really like him. But I do think there are some good qualities to him that are important to DD. And she matters the most.

 

CFjo2010

I don't have this exact issue, but I know when I hear one of BM's friends bitching about what a worthless piece of crap her XH is, I feel defensive for him.  He came in on Fridays for 6 weeks and taught a mini photography class to K's classroom.  And he is always incredibly polite and friendly when I'm there even though he knows I'm K's SM and knows I've heard all the crap his XW spews.  Obviously I don't know how this man is 24/7, but from what I've seen he's trying pretty damn hard to be involved and his girls seem to love him to pieces.

Given what has happened recently with you guys, maybe DH is just trying to bash XH in an effort to "cheer" you up?

CFjo2010

I meant to add that BM talks major crap about DH doing silly stuff with K.  He lets the girls paint his toenails every week and if he wears flip flops at drop off BM will make snide comments about him "not being a real man".  He also lets the girls put makeup on him and is goodnatured enough to wear a tutu to play with the girls (that was a couple years ago).  At the Father Daughter dances he'll go out and dance silly with the girls.  BM has bashed him so much, the other parents have started seeing how bitter she really is.  That phrase, "Actions speak louder than words"?  Yeah, going out there and being silly for your kids' sake speaks a lot louder than your DH making fun of him for it.

Sigir

Ita @jobalchak w your last statement in your second post. I know dh just hates exh bc he upsets me so much and treats me like shit, so tht is why he says stuff like that. He does not have the parent connection if that makes sense. I just said nothing to the comments and had to let it out here bc there is really nobody else that would understand.

nevertune

It is a strange dichotomy when your ex-husband is a good father. I hate my ex. He's a jerk and I will never forgive him for how he treated me. However, my son's father seems to be a different guy entirely even though it's the same person. My son's father is a good guy and cares about his kid and is easy to co-parent with. My ex gets jealous that I'm remarried and our family is doing well enough while he's struggling because he's just awful with money. My son's father likes my husband and is glad that our kid has a good step-father. So I can see that the dichotomous feelings go both ways.

I probably would have balked at the insults, too.

xmaryrickx

Eh, it's not nice to make fun of people. I think that's probably what you are feeling more so than its about your ex.