Preemies
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Milestone worries

So I know having a preemie I need to be a little less "crazy first time mom" with watching his milestones. I know he's going to be a bit behind. (LO was born 34w0d)
But I'm finding it really hard to not stress. My best friend had a full term LO two weeks after me and her little lady is so much further ahead then mine! I know every baby develops in their own time and even if he was full term he could be different, but how do you ladies stop yourself from going crazy worrying?
Parker is 4months old tomorrow, 2.5mos adjusted. He can't hold his head up still which worries me.. And there are lots of other areas I feel he's behind in too.
How do you gals cope with these feelings of worry and jealousy of other babies that are further ahead?

Re: Milestone worries

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    I ignored their actual age in the beginning. Babies really do develop in their own time and there is a very wide range of "normal" for most things. Bring up your concerns with your pediatrician to see if they're worried.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
    Married 9/22/07, began TTC 8/10
    Diagnosed with DOR, LP defect, mild endometriosis and cysts
    BFP #1 EDD 9/10/11, natural miscarriage at 6w
    BFP #2 Medicated cycle, twin boys born 4/4/12 at 29w4d
    BFP #3 EDD 8/8/14, D&C for missed miscarriage at 8w, baby boy with triploidy
    BFP #4 June 2014 CP
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    I'm not there yet, my LO is only 1weeks adjusted 10 weeks actual. But from what I've read and been told, like you said babies all develop in their own pattern. Maybe if you are worried speak to your pedi and ask about Any early intervention. I do know that for your baby being 2.5 mths adjusted it would be "early" for him to hol his head up. If he can hold it to turn side to side right now that seems pretty on target. To my knowledge around 4mths is when they can hold their heads up longer and by 6mths they should be able to control thier heads mostly on their own. Just remember to go by adjusted age not actual. Which I'm sure you do. Keep positive.
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    LaciJaxxLaciJaxx member
    edited November 2013
    Although its easier said than done sometimes, we have to be thankful for what we have instead of worrying about what we don't. Every baby is different and will get there at their own pace, in perfect timing. If you're a reader, try picking up a book by Magda Gerber. She's amazing!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

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    Pregnancy #1 EDD 1/20/13, D&C for unexplained miscarriage at 12w
    Pregnancy #2 EDD 8/28/2013, Carson was born on 6/28/2013 at 31w - spent 37 days in the NICU
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    I just thought I'd share something that stuck with me. Obviously there are some children that have disabilities that need to be addressed and then there are others that do not. I would try to rule out a disability first.

    From the book "Dear Parent: Caring for Infants with Respect" by Magda Gerber: "Infants always do what they can do - and they should not be expected to do what they are not ready for. 

    Every infant develops according to his or her built-in, predetermined time schedule. There is a wide gap between the time some infants sit or stand up, make first steps, or utter their first words. There are no later consequences whether an infant starts to walk or talk very early or very late. Why, then, don't we wait patiently until it happens naturally? In other words, at the perfect time."

    Examples of milestones timelines - they vary drastically:
    Turning over from back to stomach - from 19 to 39 weeks 
    A baby who can roll onto his stomach (and back) by himself began to play in this position - from 22 to 41 weeks
    Average range of when babies can get themselves into a sitting position - from 38 weeks to 16 months
    And then begin to play in this position - from 40 weeks to 16 months
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

    imageimageimage

    Pregnancy #1 EDD 1/20/13, D&C for unexplained miscarriage at 12w
    Pregnancy #2 EDD 8/28/2013, Carson was born on 6/28/2013 at 31w - spent 37 days in the NICU
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    For me, worry and jealousy are very different.  I am jealous when other moms don't get that you adjust for being a preemie and always want to compare and think my baby is behind, even when she's ahead of her adjusted age.  Even when she's super fast to do something for her actual age, sometimes she doesn't get credit because developmental assessors, etc. do not believe she can.  I am jealous because somehow it seems like preemie moms can never win in the celebration of milestones the way full term moms do, yet end up thinking about milestones more. The only solution is to focus on the charts less and celebrate your baby's accomplishments without the context.  It actually helped me to go to an early intervention playgroup because it is full of preemies and although there is much discussion of development, there is not bragging about "my 2 year-old can already spell" or "my 4 month-old crawls."

    Worry is something else entirely.  Comparisons and excitement about new skills goes out the window when you think what you see is indicating a greater issue.  But at this point, you can't know.  Just like other things that may happen, you cannot obsess over them.  Ask questions at the doctor, when it's later, get assessments if milestones aren't being met, and get recommended help when it's needed.  But at this point, you shouldn't worry.  It seems to me if you don't get to spend as much time in the womb and maybe spend a lot of time in the NICU, you can't possibly be caught up for the early milestones.  Give your LO a chance to build muscles and then you can take action if it doesn't happen.
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