How good is your LO with independent play?

traveltheworld

This probably has been asked before, but I'm getting a little concerned with DS (15.5 months)'s inability to play by himself.  He goes to DC and does fine there, but if he is home with us, he wants one of us to be sitting on the floor with him.  He doesn't actually "play" with us, but he wants to know that we are there.  And it's not just about seeing us, we can't be doing anything either (e.g. reading a book, cleaning up, etc.)  So we just sit there beside him while he plays.  If we try to walk away or do something else, he follows us, cries, and/or try to disrupt us.

I'm not sure how normal this is and whether or not we need to correct the behaviour.  I personally do not mind spending the time with him (I can always get everything else done when he naps or goes to bed); and the fact that he plays fine by himself at DC gives me some comfort that he can do it; so I'm just not sure if I should try to enforce independent play more when I'm home with him.

kalette

She plays very well by herself. Yesterday she entertained herself for nearly the entire day just playing with the bowl of (safe) Halloween candy. When Daddy comes home and is "too fun" though she won't go back to playing independently easily.

I should maybe add that I'm a SAHM and with her all day, every day, so it might be different for a kid who's parents aren't there all day.

traveltheworld

Hmm...any tips on how to encourage more independent play?  Like I said, if we try to do our own thing he just whines/cries and comes after us.  So unless we leave him in a room by himself, we can't really enforce independent play.

aeh72

My son (19 months) has always been a little bit like this. He will play by himself for short periods at home (longer period on the weekends), but after daycare, he's pretty clingy.  I think part of it is winding down and being tired from a long day of a playing.  I'm not overly concerned about it.  Just like he didn't play with other kids at daycare for a long time, he and the other kids his age are starting to engage more with each other now. I think their play "styles" will continue to change over time.  Eventually, they'll want nothing to do with us  - not looking forward to that day! :-(

As for tips for dealing with it right now?  Could you put a play kitchen in your kitchen and that way he can "cook" while you cook but not,necessarily, have to be right next to you? 

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

allardr

I'm a SAHM if that matters, but she plays real well by herself. I try to space out my projects/cleaning etc so that i'm not ignoring her. But the one day DH & I were building her kids table & benches she played outside by herself for an hour! She was in& out of her sand box, chased the puppies, picked up leaves. I was in awe! Overall though she does great at this. Maybe start by getting LO ok with you doing something else while sitting there. Like you both read books together but each with own book. Then maybe you tell LO to read while you clean. baby steps.

dufferoo

My son is about 14 months and can entertain himself for all of about 2 seconda! He might last a little longer if I left a bunch of chokable stuff laying around Of course this can be frustrating at times (ma

henrytviii

My son is good at independent play but there are differently days where he wants close attention all day. Try to just go with what works for us on any given day and not worry to much about it.  I think a few people said this but I know there will come a day when we won't want me nearby all the time so I don't mind it now.  That said, independent play was something we gently worked on just so we could get somethings done around the house on the good days.  We started by suggesting toys or things to do right next to us while we folded laundry or cleaned and he has slowly started making up his own games.  I think the play kitchen is great idea. I also reserve some toys only for certain places.  For example he has a huge wood stacker that is only in the bathroom and he plays with it only when I shower.  Some things he will never let us do, working on the computer will definitely cause him to stop whatever he is doing and insist that we stop.

aeh72

I thought of another suggestion - does he have a push or riding toy? That is one thing that will occupy DS for a while.

traveltheworld

He does have a push and a riding toy and would happily go around in circles for 30 minutes if we are watching.  But if he thinks we are ignoring him, then he'll immediately stop and come hang on to our legs and whine.

Rias

I could somewhat relate. My 15 month DD is super attached to me. We always have to be playing with her or reading to her or she wants to make sure we are around at all times. There are times when she does play by herself and if we go to a friends house for a play date she does great with other little kids but at home it's a different story. Fwiw I realized that when she's teething she's more clingy. Good luck.

iwantnoworld

DS (almost 13m) plays really well by himself but doesn't particularly like being in the room by himself.  So if we're in the living room and I hope the baby gate to go to the kitchen, it usually results in whining or crying of some sort.  But his separation anxiety has been rearing its ugly head recently, so this may be temporary.  But if he can wonder in the same general area as me, he usually does his own thing.

Have you considered wearing him?  Maybe he just wants to be close to you?  Then if he squirms and doesn't like it, put him back in his play spot.  Or you could give him things to do to "help" you in whatever task you're trying to accomplish, or just something similar to keep him occupied.  I mean, I would try to give him stretches where he free plays without your involvement, but I honestly have no idea how to make that happen, because my DS is younger and fairly independent.  Hope you figure something out!

tamararachel2

My LO is almost 13 months and he's alright at it. He's definitely a mama's boy but if I absolutely need to get something done, he will fuss for a bit and then figure something out. I found that if he's super clingy it's usually because he's either hungry or thirsty. 

ashiscute

I'm a SAHM also and my older one played independently for about 5- 10 minutes at a time at that age.  My younger is 13 months old and he will sometimes.  I think what you can try is pick a very short task to accomplish (like put a couple things in the dishwasher) and tell him exactly what you are doing and that you'll be right back.  And then follow through and give him lots of attention when you get back.  Hopefully if you keep reinforcing he'll get the idea that you're not far and will be right there to play when he needs you.  Don't be concerned though, he's very normal!

Scorpgirl444

I'm a SAHM with 15.5 month old twins.  They co-play and they play on their own.  Both are *very* good at playing alone.  My daughter will sit for a good 15-20 min with her mega blocks.  She likes to practice making one big stack of single blocks.  My son will sit and flip through books, sometimes he will play with his remote control toy that sings and recently he has learned to climb into their wagon by himself so he will go in there and just play by himself in there.  

Both will sit at their table and play their little pianos too.  It's really cute.

Bootsie81

My kids were completely different from each other.  My son was exactly as you're describing.  It was hard to do anything but he finally out grew it at around 2 yrs old and plays great by himself now.  My daughter has always been good at playing by herself.  Probably too good... she's not much of a sharer.

traveltheworld

Ok thanks everyone. I feel better now. Like I said, I don't mind spending the time with DS. I work FT so when I'm home and he is awake, I like watching him play (he doesn't really play with me, just wants me to watch him). I just wanted to make sure I'm not "spoiling" him by always being within arm's reach.

vrj0522

I am a SAHM too and my son sounds just like your LO. He has a really hard time playing by himself (I strongly think it's time for a sibling) and will hang out by my side most of the day. I get very little done when he is awake. 

He is very people oriented though and it's obvious to me that he gets energized by being around people (he LOVES going to the store, gym daycare, church, and any other public places), so I think some of it has to do with his need for being around others. He is also very high energy so he doesn't sit still but he finally is starting to be interested in books and will spend 10-15 minutes of the day playing or reading on his own (usually broken into about  5 min intervals). That's it, but it's longer than even a month ago. I think as they continue to grow, understand more, and be able to do more, it'll be easier to encourage independent play.