Last Names

cowgurl178

What is every one planning on doing for their LOs last name if you and SO don't share the same name? His? Your? Hyphenating?

KendraL86

I kept my last name when we got married for professional reasons. We are giving LO DH's last name. I am now considering changing my last name because I want to have the same last name as my LO. I know I could just use DH's last name socially (and not legally change it), but, I dunno. It just feels feels important we all have the same last name these days.

Serenla

His, I kept my maiden name and added his name to my last one. I do not mind the double last name but I do not want to stress out my kids and end up with some ridiculously long name if they get married and end up marrying another person with a hyphen.

TallaB

I kept my maiden name...but mostly out of laziness. Baby will take DH's last name and eventually I may change mine.

deidremaria

We're hyphenating.

snmetz7

@KendraL86 you can still go by your professional name at work and your legal name with LO This is what my mom did with us

Serenla

snmetz7 said:

@KendraL86 you can still go by your professional name at work and your legal name with LO This is what my mom did with us

I use my maiden name at work but my legal name everywhere else. No issues so far.

MamaFantastic

my husband and i have the same last name, but i am close to a family where the wife kept her maiden name for professional reasons, and the kids both have the mom's maiden name as their middle name and Dad's last name as their formal last name.  

so in this example, you have Mr Smith and Mrs Jones.... and the kids are Mary Jones Smith and John Jones Smith ....  not hyphenated, just as their middle and last names.

Jessimax

In Quebec we aren't allowed to take our husbands last name. LOs have DH's last name and I'm kind of upset that I can't have the same last name.

Serenla

Jessimax said:

In Quebec we aren't allowed to take our husbands last name. LOs have DH's last name and I'm kind of upset that I can't have the same last name.

...what?

Eta ok I checked because I found that odd. You can change your name but you have to go through the courts and you need to give a different reason (not marriage). You cannot do it like in the US where we can change our name on the marriage cert.

Bluebird2318

I changed my name after marriage. (My maiden name was long, German, and difficult for most people to spell, so I couldn't be rid of it quick enough! DH's last name is much easier on people. )) That being said, I think even if I had kept my name I would give LO's DH's last name. And probably would have eventually changed mine anyway once we had children. My name isn't so important to me that I would feel the need to complicate things by hyphenating, but I understand why some people do. 

Emily041285

I hated my maiden name. No one ever spells it right and it actually caused me some headaches with a dr messing up the spelling so my insurance wouldn't cover me. No way would I make my child deal with it too!

KendraL86

snmetz7 said:

@KendraL86 you can still go by your professional name at work and your legal name with LO This is what my mom did with us

@aprilmay9, yes. Exactly.

@serenla and @snmetz7 - Unfortunately, I can't just use my non legal name. I am an attorney and my state requires we put our legal name on things like letterhead, business cards, etc. I assume it is so potential clients can look us up with the state bar association if they want.

misskristina21

We weren't married when we had DD, but I knew that she would automatically have DH's who was just my boyfriend at the time. We got married in Dec of last year, and I just got my name legally changed at the beginning of the month. I would hate to give a kid a hyphenated name though.

CurlieWhirlie

I changed my name when I married my ex, and our son has his last name. When we got divorced, I considered keeping the name because of our son, but my feelings about his family made me want to change it. It was such a huge pain in the ass to change it in the first place (all the paperwork), and then changing it back was the same again, only sadder, that I am determined never to change my name again.

So in our family, SO and his two sons from his previous marriage and this new baby will all have the last name T, my son will have the last name M, and I have the last name J. My only worry in this blended family situation is that my son will feel like the odd man out, and wonder why he's different. I doubt it will have any long-term repercussions, though.

spano41

I took DH name when we got married and changed my middle name to my maiden name.  I consider myself a feminist, but to me sharing the same last name was important in feeling like a unified family so I chose to make the sacrifice.  DH makes plenty of sacrifices in other areas.   I also changed my name professionally which was pretty annoying but I just include my middle name on things and there hasn't been much confusion.  I do have publications under my maiden name that can not be changed so that is the only downside.  I figure it is just easier to change it now and deal with it for a few years at most instead of dealing with two names for 30 years.  As far as LO is concerned, I just brought it up a few days ago so we're not completely set on it, but I think we are going to use my maiden name for the kids' middle names.  I am not a fan of hyphenated names, especially since DH last name is long.

Stace0616

My maiden name is long and German and I love it!!! Since DH has brothers and not much of a relationship with his biological dad, we decided to both use my last name. The government shutdown put the actual name change process on hold, but I'm really excited for our child to have my last name.

A big part of our decision was because my last name would have died out with my parents and I felt like it was such a shame to lose a name with so much history and I didn't want to lose my Germanic culture and traditions. So now the pressure is on me to have some baby boys to carry on the name

Serenla

spano41 said:

I took DH name when we got married and changed my middle name to my maiden name.  I consider myself a feminist, but to me sharing the same last name was important in feeling like a unified family so I chose to make the sacrifice.  DH makes plenty of sacrifices in other areas.   I also changed my name professionally which was pretty annoying but I just include my middle name on things and there hasn't been much confusion.  I do have publications under my maiden name that can not be changed so that is the only downside.  I figure it is just easier to change it now and deal with it for a few years at most instead of dealing with two names for 30 years.  As far as LO is concerned, I just brought it up a few days ago so we're not completely set on it, but I think we are going to use my maiden name for the kids' middle names.  I am not a fan of hyphenated names, especially since DH last name is long.

Feminism, to me anyway, is the right to choose to take a name or not .I like the idea of giving the kids your maiden name as their middle name, it works.

Kumori

I hate my last name so we are going to do my SO's last name. Besides we are a nerdy couple and I like saying he is a Hobbit! (His last name is Shire) 

spano41

Serenla said:

spano41 said:

I took DH name when we got married and changed my middle name to my maiden name.  I consider myself a feminist, but to me sharing the same last name was important in feeling like a unified family so I chose to make the sacrifice.  DH makes plenty of sacrifices in other areas.   I also changed my name professionally which was pretty annoying but I just include my middle name on things and there hasn't been much confusion.  I do have publications under my maiden name that can not be changed so that is the only downside.  I figure it is just easier to change it now and deal with it for a few years at most instead of dealing with two names for 30 years.  As far as LO is concerned, I just brought it up a few days ago so we're not completely set on it, but I think we are going to use my maiden name for the kids' middle names.  I am not a fan of hyphenated names, especially since DH last name is long.

Feminism, to me anyway, is the right to choose to take a name or not .I like the idea of giving the kids your maiden name as their middle name, it works.

I totally agree....that's why I used the word "chose" but I definitely know people who think that taking your husbands name is the most anti-feminist thing ever no matter what....to each their own. 

Serenla

AprilMay9 said:

This is off topic and just a stupid rant by me. But my h's family and friends refuse to call me by my maiden name. It really grinds my gears. They know my name. I'm on fb with it. Grr. Carry on.

I hate this! My Grandparents and some of my family refuse to call me "Maiden-Married." Nope I am just "Married," drives me crazy!! 

pineconey

I took his name, but my maiden name is my middle name (I dropped my given middle name completely) because DH has a super boring last name and I didn't want to have a completely common name. LO will just take his name, though I considered having my maiden as the middle.

ream02

DD has her dad's last name even though we were not married.

DS has his dad's last name as do I. I'm a traditional kind of gal when it comes to the last name thinking though that kids should have their father's last name if father is in their lives even at all.

spano41

Serenla said:

AprilMay9 said:

This is off topic and just a stupid rant by me. But my h's family and friends refuse to call me by my maiden name. It really grinds my gears. They know my name. I'm on fb with it. Grr. Carry on.

I hate this! My Grandparents and some of my family refuse to call me "Maiden-Married." Nope I am just "Married," drives me crazy!! 

That would drive me crazy.  My SIL has a hyphenated name and even though it messed up all of my place cards at my wedding, I changed the font so her whole name would fit on the card   if someone went through the trouble to hyphenate their name it's obviously important to them! 

strawberrytree

Serenla said:

In Quebec we aren't allowed to take our husbands last name. LOs have DH's last name and I'm kind of upset that I can't have the same last name.

...what? Eta ok I checked because I found that odd. You can change your name but you have to go through the courts and you need to give a different reason (not marriage). You cannot do it like in the US where we can change our name on the marriage cert.

Yup, bless Quebec's little heart. Other provinces in Canada do not have this law. My mom's family is from Quebec and I remember when I was about 12/13 visiting my grandmother in the hospital before she died and she was registered there under her maiden name. She went by her husband's last name socially but she was still Firstname Maidenname legally. I had no idea about the law so it kind of shocked me to realise the name I'd known her by wasn't *really* her name. I know a few women who have done that now, 'informally' adopted their husband's last name but they still have their original name legally. 

J&NL

His last name.

Sisimama10

The baby will have his last name. We aren't married and aren't planning on it.

maelic

I kept my name, it was never a question. In Italy where I'm from women don't change their name when they get married and honestly I find it a little weird.

We might hyphenate, but my last name is a pain to have to spell out while his is easy peasy (though it's a first name, so people get confused). I'm not opposed to the kids just having his name, I just feel a little left out.

Sisimama10

poru said:

snmetz7 said:

@KendraL86 you can still go by your professional name at work and your legal name with LO This is what my mom did with us

I would suggest this approach.  Things like school questions / medical things are a lot easier for you with kids when you share a last name.  I had a friend finally change hers legally (even though she still preferred her maiden name socially AND professionally) because she otherwise had to carry around proof that she was the kids mom.

ETA:  just read you up that are a professional so can't practice under a different name ... boo.


I have a different last name than DD and have never had a problem like you mentioned. No one has ever asked me for proof that I am her mom.

AcaAwkward

My maiden name is my middle name now. Professionally, I use(d) both (not hyphenated; it's reads this way on my law license, bar card, business cards, etc). Personally, I usually just introduce myself using my new last name.

DD has DH's last name, as will this LO.

vanvoorhis-101

I changed my last name. My maiden name was VanVoorhis (note my screen name from college.) Now I am a Bates, Its much easier but I still cant escape the horror movie references. 8-|

Bees Everywhere

I didn't change my last name when I got married and our kids will have DH's last name. My son's middle name is one from my side of the family and his first name is just his own. 

Avion22

I didn't change my last name when we got married, but have been considering hyphenating. I will probably do it when we get back to the U.S. next year, because right now it's just too hard to do while we're stationed overseas (too many passports, visas, ID cards, drivers licenses...better to just wait until we're home). I would love to continue to use my maiden name professionally, and I think if I hyphenate people at work will still refer to me by my maiden name (I know other women with hyphenated names who are called by their maiden name only). Regardless, LO will have my husband's last name, even if I end up hyphenating. It's pretty common these days for kids to have different names than their parents, so I'm not too worried about that.

Sarahjess06

Our DS has his last name, as will this little peanut.

Eventually we will get married and I will take his name. However our DS was a big surprise, and we wanted to have another while he was still young so they could be close. Also didn't want to rush a wedding and comprise on all that. So that's what's going on with that.

BiggerinRealLife

I changed my name when I got married so that my maiden name was a second middle name. Then I changed back, but kept his last name. So now I'm Christy Marie Mylastname Hislastname. DH has four names too, so we'll follow suit with our kids. They'll have my maiden name as their second middle name, and his last name. We only have the middle names figured out, so our kid would be:
Girlname Kathryn Maidenname Ourlastname
or
Boyname Joshua Maidenname Ourlastname.

Wow, I think I made that explanation more complicated than it needed to be.

Medic99

I took my H's last name because my maiden is boring and I never really cared for it. My H's last name is German, long, and beautiful. I couldn't change my name fast enough.

sambrownmac10

I have h last name, but I've considered giving lo hyphenated my maiden and h name because my foster kids have the same as my maiden name. I thought this may make them feel like we aren't "replacing them"

snmetz7

You could also hyphenate your last name that way people still recognize you professionally oh that's ms yourlastname guess Ashe got married and is not yourlastname-hislastname. And have kiddos just take his name. That way you're still connected to them as well.

And I have heard of people having to prove they are the partners of a different last name baby but I think that's becoming more and more common these days with the divorce and remarriage rates

Nijay714

I'm not married to my son's father, I gave my son my last name as his middle name and his father's last name. I'm a single mom and his father isn't exactly a stand up dad, I'd like go hyphenate his name because he's so close to my dad and I want him to have my name, but I'll let him make that choice for himself when he's older..

KatieKim0815

I love my husband's last name and was eager to take it so all our kids have it too.

CalinAZ

Serenla said: His, I kept my maiden name and added his name to my last one. I do not mind the double last name but I do not want to stress out my kids and end up with some ridiculously long name if they get married and end up marrying another person with a hyphen.
Ugh...this "reasoning" was the bane of my existence growing up with a hyphenated name! "What if you get married to John Smith, and then your name would be Brown-James-Smith...and then your kid marries Jacob Douglas and...."

Drove me insane! FWIW, DH and I both took half of my last name (my mom's maiden name), so I now have a short lovely last name. I can't think of anyone with a hyphenated name who would hyphenate that. 

And, while it is more common than when I was growing up, I was forever having to explain that my parents weren't divorced, and having to deal with constant mix ups with paperwork because it would be filed under the wrong last name. I liked the concept of having both my parents last names, but in practice it sucked. Getting married and having kids, it was super important to me that we had one family name that we shared.