SO is not happy.

MsHoneyMuffin

Good morning ladies. I come to you from the first tri board in need of help. I got my BFP on Saturday. I'll be four weeks tomorrow.

My SO and I decided last march we wanted to start trying once summer came. In May we stoped using the pill.

Yesterday I told him the big news and he's not happy at all. He says he's not ready to be a dad, that he can't have a kid right now. He says all he can think about is how his life is over.

I feel like I'm going to die. We did this together! He participated in this!

I'm hoping that if any of you went through this, you can share with me how things are turning out. Thank you.

KariAnne1985

My SO turned 40 in March and I had a conversation with him about having another child (we have a 3 year old). I told him if we were going to have more, it needed to be sooner than later, and he somewhat agreed. We got pregnant over his birthday weekend, and found out at the end of March. When I told him, he was PISSED...at ME!! He's way happy about it now, just the initial "holy shit, we're pregnant!" 

Talk to him, listen to his fears and let him know you have fears too. Everything happens for a reason, and yes, your life will never be the same. It just gets better (some days you don't feel like it, but it does!) 

ashleeyo23

From my experience, the majority of men will have a severe panic attack when you tell them you are pregnant. It's not that they want to be an a$$ or that they don't love you or won't love your baby. They are scared. They put so much stress on themselves to take care of their family, be a provider, be successful, etc. that it scares them when they realize it is all come to fruition. My husband wanted everything in our lives to be PERFECT when we got pregnant - which is not realistic. Your husband may just be scared and stressing.

I would say give him some time, he will come around. He just has to figure out all his emotions (which is not easy for most men in the first place). My husband literally almost passed out in our bathroom when we found out. He was silent for about two days before he came around. Now he's excited (we are due in 4 weeks). Give him time, stay positive, and don't nag him about it. Let him figure it out. He will come around.

MsHoneyMuffin

Yes, we decided together in May to stop using protection of any kind. He was fully aware sex could result in pregnancy.

lollipoppoop

MsHoneyMuffin said:

Yes, we decided together in May to stop using protection of any kind. He was fully aware sex could result in pregnancy.

I would give him some space, but it sounds really immature for him to know hes having unprotected sex and then get all upset when you become pregnant. 

Angel5218

Being scared and worried is normal but to be angry is not, especially since it sounds like he was fully on board and you and him had open lines of communication about it.

He is sounding very selfish right now. This isn't about him anymore, its about the three of you. He made the adult decision to try for a family, he cannot just up and say he isn't ready when it actually happens.

I hope a little time and some honest conversation between the two of you will help. Tell him how his reaction made you feel, tell him that you both entered into this and that he shouldn't be surprised that its happening. If need be seek some professional help if he refuses to accept what is happening.

Praying you have a H&H 9 months and praying your SO wakes up and realizes that he has to help you now and that this is not about him anymore.

This is probably none of my business but can I ask your ages? His reaction just sounds so immature and I am just curious how old he is. I know all men can be extremely immature no matter their age, I am just curious

MsHoneyMuffin

I am 28 and SO is 32.

MissJenna2011

All men are different, some men can't wait to have babies, are involved in every aspect of pregnancy and are over the top excited. Some aren't, some are polar opposites, upset, overwhelmed or angry (btw all of these emotions can be displayed the same upset way for a man)

 My first child was a huge surprise (Yaz BC fail) and my husband was NOT happy, upset, and overwhelmed (ours was a complete unplanned surprise though in our early 20's)

Our second was completely planned and my husband still seemed like he was caught off guard lol what part of taking out an IUD & let's plan this baby, hey i'm ovulating caught him off guard? 

I'm due w. our 3rd, another complete surprise(NuvaRing BC fail)... he handled it like a champ, he was strong and supportive even though neither of us was ready for this again. I cried like a baby... And though he is never over the moon, tell the whole world, super excited... He loves his kids more than anything!

Give your man time, other women may say that this/his reaction is horrible, but this is a big chapter of life to start, some crazy emotions are to be expected! As mean, immature of frustrating as it is... only time will tell.

zou bisou

Funny how these guys never mind making the babies...

bossyfnp

Oh well...as simple as that...he knew what the outcome would be

Angel5218

I will say that even though DH and I have planned both pregnancies he never seemed totally thrilled when I told him the news. I even get upset b/c he seems so detached sometimes, but I think that is just a guy thing to do. He never freaked out at the news I was pregnant, but he didn't have the "over the moon with happiness" reaction I was looking for. They worry, they are not sure what to do, and they just don't get that emotionally attached during the pregnancy. I still stand by my opinion that your SO's reaction was immature and selfish, but hopefully he will come around. I know when DS was born my husband wouldn't put him down. I know, deep down, DH always wanted a girl at some point and even when we found out we were having a girl this time he just didn't seem excited. But I am expecting him to have the same reaction he did when our son was born, until then I just think it doesn't seem real to him.

Sorry that was a bit long, just hoping your SO comes around...just wanted to share that my husband is baby crazy (has always wanted children) and he didn't show a lot of emotion till after the pregnancy.

ELauren88

It took MH a little bit to digest the information, even though we were trying. He now says it's because we spent so long (3 years) trying to avoid getting PG, so when when it only took us 3 months to get PG, he hadn't really thought about it being a super happy thing. He now, of course, loves his little girl, and is a wonderful father.

Give your SO a little time to digest this news, and see when he comes around. At the same time, perfectly normal for you to be upset that he wasn't all hearts and roses, just don't hold the grudge for too long, or it will be a looooong 9 months for you!

JennyCupcakes01

My SO admitted to me he felt some anger when I told him I was pregnant, but then he said he started to feel angry at HIMSELF for feeling anger towards me. Now, he is incredibly excited about being a dad.

Sometimes, certain things bring on unexpected reactions at first. I hope he feels better about it soon.

Therese Demesa

I agree with everyone else on this board. When I first found I was pregnant, my BF was scared shitless and put the blame on me that we were going to have a kid. I broke it off from him for a couple weeks because I couldn't handle our issues. But those two weeks helped us reflect on whether we should be together or not having this kid. Those couple of weeks helped him realized he needed to step up and make it work with me. Now I am 28 weeks are we both excited. He still says he is not ready from time to time but he is maturing more and more about the situation so I am thankful for that. I am planning to move in with him next month then get our own apartment in the summer. Best of luck girl. If it's meant to be, he will come around. 

Therese Demesa

edit grammar: *we are