Late Term and Child Loss

Caught off guard...again

This past weekend I had to travel home to attend a childhood friend's wedding. She also asked me to do a reading in it. I agreed, but only on tentatively (I explained that I'm never really sure how a day is going to be or if there will be some crazy trigger to set me off). She was completely OK with that knowing everything we are going through. She has been one of my biggest supports and I really wanted to come through for her. I was also waiting to find out my bar results the day before the wedding. I was so scared I would fail. I just couldn't bare the thought of taking another blow (side note: I passed...yay!).

Anyway, the weekend was going well and I was feeling good. The bar result was some much needed good news for the entire family. This has been a long road for all of us. Because everything was going well, I let my friend know I could do the reading and I was really excited about it. About an hour before the wedding, while I was getting ready, I got a random text message from an out of state friend who I hadn't talked to in a while. The text read "I was just thinking about you. When is your due date?" BAM!! Just like I was hit. At first, I was Ok, but slowly the text kept sinking in. WHY?!? Of all the times to send that, why did it have to be so close to the wedding? Luckily, I had a freak out moment and my husband was a total support and trooper. I was able to pull it together by the time the wedding started and the reading went fine. It just felt like a punch to the gut. She didn't know what had happened, but I was angry at her for not knowing, myself for agreeing to the reading, my friend for asking....EVERYONE! I know it doesn't make sense to be angry, but it was easier that feeling the pain. 

I just have to wonder when we will stop getting caught off guard. I know it won't be anytime soon. I just hate when that happens. I hope all of you are starting the week off well. Here's to making it through another week. 
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers


Re: Caught off guard...again

  • ****SIGGY WARNING****


    Aww, sweetie, I'm so sorry that happened.  Congrats on passing the bar and doing the reading for your friend.  Both are huge accomplishments (ok, the bar is probably a bit bigger of a deal).  I wish I could say that you get to a point where you're not caught off guard but if there is a time, I haven't seen it.  While I think we'll always be caught off guard, I do think you get less "shocked" as you go through your journey.  I've been caught off guard recently and while it stings, I don't completely panic anymore and at some point, this will be you too.



    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers







  • ***Siggy warning***

    Congrats on passing the bar! And for also making it through the reading.

    I agree with Flutter. You may get more time between the moments, but they still creep up on you. I had someone just today ask me how my baby was and how old she would be now. You learn a little bit each time about how to answer those questions too, and they dont come with such a sting. However, they can still hurt and they are still very much a reminder of what we have lost.
    Lilypie - (qptF)

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    "Elsie Irene was born sleeping at 35w 6d on December 8, 2012. Mommy and Daddy miss you sweet girl."

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  • Though both PP response are comforting, the reality that it will always hurts sucks. I can't imagine a life with consistent pain.

    I'm so happy for you for passing the bar!!! Congrats!!! And good job getting thru the reading!

    I totally know how you feel about the anger. I've been angry with everyone for the past week and a half. Me and my fiancé have been getting at each other too. I just don't know how else to deal with the pain with out crying. And I think holding in the tears only makes me more angry. I'm sorry you are feeling these feelings, but know you are not alone. And here's to a good week!
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