Pregnancy is making me an insecure psycho.

troublejessy

I've been pretty proud of myself thus far - I haven't had any of the stereotypical preggo mood swings or random crying spells.  But something a lot worse has crept up - I'm getting super insecure and becoming irrationally suspicious.  My DH is amazing and would never ever cheat on me - but I am even having dreams about it!  I can't seem to shake this awful nagging feeling that something is off and it's really distracting and upsetting.  Little things like the way he is constantly on and never leaves his cell phone unattended ever (he even takes it in the bathroom in the morning when he showers) and has been a lot less *ahem* interested in me lately are starting to really bother me and hurt my feelings.

Logically, I know that I'm just insecure about my body changing and what it will look like after the baby - and I just want to feel wanted. Has anyone else ever felt this way when they were pregnant?  

dannie2011

I've had this feeling before, but in my case it turns out my husband was cheating. So my thoughts are if his behavior is new then I would call him on it. If he has always been like that then maybe you're over thinking it. But I tend to say follow your gut, ppl never regret following their gut just ignoring it.

Missfunball

troublejessy

Yes... All of it.

I try to remember that I'm a little more crazy than usual.  Though I have had talk with my DH and presented my concerns as irrational but suggested we not get so possessive with his phone so the crazy lady in my head doesn't have a complete meltdown.

Infidelity dream?  Kind of.  I had a homoerotic sex dream about my DH and one of his hot friends.....yeah....that happened.  

Talk to your partner....make sure to let him know that you know some of its crazy but if he could do/or not do things to make it easier as a way he can help with the pregnancy, I find that they can be receptive.  Just dont meltdown on, accuse  or justify it too much to them....that pretty much doesn't go well. 

Good luck!

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troublejessy

Thanks ladies - it's just a lot of weird things all of a sudden.  I'm not sure if I feel less or more concerned, haha.  For a week straight he had appointments before or after work, then had to work 18 hours one day, then tonight he's playing hockey (even though the last two days his back hurt so bad he was taking percocet).  He also stopped sitting next to me on the couch when we watch tv (and he's on his phone/tablet), because his back hurt and he wanted to stretch out on the other one.... but he's playing hockey.  He also instantly falls asleep as soon as we get in bed, thwarting most of my attempts (which recently resulted in a temper tantrum).  So, there are a lot of little dots that are probably completely legit, but have made my insecure preggo brain work overtime.

We don't have open email/phone, that's just how we've always been since we have no reason not to trust each other and I think it's important to be able to have private conversations with your friends, etc.  I did break down and check his computer history - completely out of curiosity about wth he has been doing since he spends so much time on there.  Squeaky clean.  It's almost like he doesn't even use his computer.  Also, it doesn't help that every website I'm on has an article like this:

https://www.fitpregnancy.com/parenting/sex-relationships/infidelity-while-pregnant

Talk about feeding a pregnant woman's paranoia!!!  Also, mini rant, why do they always assume that the woman isn't taking care of her partner while she's pregnant?  Pregnancy does not somehow render us incapable of giving blowjobs.  I feel like pregnancy has the opposite affect on many women (after the ms subsides that is!).

PinupMomma08

Internet history sounds too clean. I think you might have some legit concerns.

Missfunball

troublejessy

looks like you are facing more to snoop or not to snoop.  Seriously talk to your spouse.  If you tell him straight up you are feeling insecure maybe it will get him to make some changes.  If he gets defensive then I suppose it wouldn't be out of the realm to worry.  Just remember, if you're snooping, don't lose your marbles if you find what you are looking for.

Edit* Also, proceed with caution, when my ex was snooping and being crazy on me, and suspecting me of cheating because I liked my privacy (seriously) well it fractured us to the point that pretty much said fuck it and cheated (8 months of being under suspicion, even tried counseling to no avail).  I told him the next day saying I should have called it over, but my crazy brain was so pissed about 8 months of being called and treated like I cheater I felt like doing it to give a big middle finger to my ex.  (I was 20 at the time) 

benevolentforce

FWIW, If your husband is highly engaged at work, his schedule makes perfect sense to me - because it's my schedule.  I work 12 hour days regularly, and had an 18 hour day earlier this week. I take my phone into the bathroom with me (gross, sorry - but true).  Sometimes I even fall asleep with it in my hand in bed (DH thinks this is hilarious).  I also check it while DH and I are watching TV if something is going on at work, and other people are working late (I don't want them to have an unanswered question just sitting out there).  I also have been known to go workout while injured because it's my only method of stress release, and I'd rather be in some pain and not miss it than let my stress get all bottled up.  Since it's hockey, is it possible it's your DH's only manly social time?  My DH goes and plays basketball, and even though he's not your standard guy's guy, I know he hates to miss it.

All that said, you know your husband/relationship best.  I totally feel you on feeling insecure.  I had a dream my DH cheated two nights ago, and don't usually have those types of feelings.  Unless you have proof though, rather than accusing him, or nourishing your suspicions and feeling bad about it, why not instead try to get closer to your DH?  When he's on the phone, and away from you on the couch, ask him if when he's done you can cuddle.  If he's still standoff-ish, ask him what's up.  He might just be stressed and tired, but not doing a great job of communicating it to you.  Do you guys talk about his work?  Maybe he's got  some trouble there, but doesn't want to stress you out with it because you're pg?

Again, not trying to be the dude's advocate if he's behaving badly, but based on what you've shared thus far, his behavior sounds like it could be totally defensible.

Regardless, sorry you're going through it!

ewill2586

Sounds like your concerns are valid to me. I'd discreetly dig deeper. But I was cheated on the entire 1 1/2 year relationship (before pregnancy or dh). And all of these things you're describing are very familiar. Good luck.

springbaby03

Yea I'm sorry but your posts make my spidey senses tingle. The ladies are right you just need to talk to him, find out what's going on with him.

Excitedmum35

I had a dream that my DH was gay and left me for a guy we know who is gay. I felt funny about that for a day.

bran0915

Try not to jump to conclusions. It could be totally innocent. It could be that he reads his phone on the potty before he gets in the shower. And thee whole being less interested could be because "they" say a mans testosterone levels drop when their wife becomes pregnant. Think of it as natures way of preventing a man from straying

katykatykaty

The phone thing sounds weird to me, but DH and I use our phones interchangeably... We always just grab whichever one is closer.  We also both leave our email up on our computers all the time.  But I guess not everyone does that.  If you're concerned, I agree that the best thing to do is to talk to him about it. 

VineyardMel

My philosophy is to believe the best but don't be stupid. I think it's appropriate to start by giving him the benefit of the doubt, but it sounds like these are new and different behaviors and there's a reason that you've tuned into it. I don't think pregnancy alone makes you paranoid and if it were me I would be doing a little extra snooping and definitely having some conversations about it. You said that he would never cheat on you--I hope that's true, but I am in the camp that I think that's a dangerous position. I am admittedly paranoid due to past history (not with DH), but I think when people think that they or their partner would/could never cheat they don't actively protect the relationship as well as they could. Most people who cheat aren't the stereotypical scumbags who set out to cheat. They're decent people who let themselves get drawn into situations that start out innocently enough and turn into more. (Not that that excuses the behavior--once they cross the line they're definitely in scumbag territory!)

Not saying any of that to suggest that your hubs is, in fact, cheating on you, just that I think it's OK (and appropriate) to wonder and dig in to figure out what's going on when things feel off.