I haven't been on this board in a while. I've been kind of sticking my head in the sand re: DS's autism in some ways, I guess. I just haven't wanted to face it.
DS used to present largely with the absence of some typical behaviors, but until recently, did not display any obviously atypical behaviors. Well, they're here now. Major visual stimming, severe tantrums, significant rigidity that interferes with our daily lives.... We used to be able to delude ourselves that DS had really very mild autism, and that he'd probably just grow up to be "quirky" but totally functional. That delusion has basically been shattered as I have realized that my son's autism really isn't that mild. I honestly feel as devastated now as I did when he was originally diagnosed.
None of this is helped by the fact that I work full time at a very demanding job, and spend most evenings and weekends alone with my son and these difficult behaviors (my husband works evenings and weekends, and changing that is not an option). Oh, and I might be losing that job due to cutbacks, which will leave us without health insurance. Managing this stress, our insane schedules, the crushing debt we live under.... I just can't do it. I feel like every minute of the day must be spent rushing to take care of DS, work, tringy to get laundry done and the house to a basic level of decency, etc etc. I'm failing at every part of my life. We do not have local family and friends for help. There is so little in my life that feels enjoyable these days.
I'm really just venting here; I know there are no easy answers. I will be getting back on an antidepressant, which helped with my initial bout of depression after the original diagnosis. I'm also looking for a local parent support group, but I'm not sure that will even be possible with our schedules, but I will try. I just really don't feel up for all the challenges ahead.