....the next 4.5 years. At this rate it will be 5.5 but I guess if we get down to it he will probably be a HS drop out and it will be less. I'm pretty sure I have the worst SS on the planet. There are no sex and drugs involved but everything else you could think of. He wants to go live with his mom and since his SF is in jail BM sees $$$$ in child support so she wants him to move in too. She has been MIA the last 9 months but apparently she is now mom of the year. When SS came home Sunday he said his mom was going to "put the papers through" so he could move. When DH asked her what that means she said she isn't going to court (she would never win or really try). So she is putting thoughts in his head just to hurt him. SS is purposely failing his classes and he just quit football (coach didn't even talk to DH but that is another issue). I wish DH would just let him go. I really don't want him around me or my children.
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Re: I don't think I'm going to make it....
Is he violent?
Because if not your post comes off extremely over the top. He is what, 13? He has a BSC druggie mom who is in and out and he is probably going through puberty as well as all the other highschool aged pressures and emotions. Now he has a SM who is saying he is the worst SS in the whole wotld and she doesn't want him around her or her children.
Im sorry, but when a 13-14 year old starts failing school and quitting sports all while dealing with some seriously heavy emotional stuff like an absent mother and your reaction is not "what can we do to help him?" and instead is "I dont want him around me and my kids", and "I have the worst SS ever", you are an ASSHOLE.
I agree w/ pp- it can be the age that is rough. I am having a hard time with my SS right now who is 15 and it started a few years ago. The once sweet boy 10 years ago is starting to grow up, and boy he is not acting right, nor liking me at all.
Hopefully you can sit back and look at the bigger picture here. Who is he better off with? I'm sure you know the answer. We often have to set aside what is easier for us and think what is best for the child. Biological or not.
I know. We just got home from the stadium and that was in my mind. I was just venting about how he wants to leave but I guess I needed to give more detail. He starts therapy week. He should have started a long time ago but at least it's help.
Do everything you can to help him. Not push him aside. You'd never ask DH to make that decision, you'd just leave? It's the same thing. You're essentially giving your DH an ultimatum without calling it that. It's you or SS. That's not fair, and I'm sure SS senses the resentment. Probably why he is acting out.
Punching holes in the wall is vandalism no? Well I sure thought it was until last night. I wanted him taken for the night. He wasn't going to calm down without the police. DH has also talked about taking him to have a mental evaluation because the police suggested that last time.
You do know the types of thins that happen to kids when they go to juvy (sp) right? Punching holes in walls is usually handled by parents not police. If they take him away you do not get to choose how long he stays. And I should clarify that SD made the police take her to the hospital and refused to come home. They therapist quickly told her if she wants them to keep we she will be evaluated and she will have no control over how long she stays or who can visit her. I think you are so but bein mad that you are not considering what will happen. An angry kid will likely get hurt or learn more if the police keep him. They are not likely keeping a minor in a holding cell like a drunk over night. And they might get CPS involved too. I am not saying these are not issues but they are not as bad as they will get if you don't stop wanting the police to take him away. If you cannot be the person to Leo then take your kids and leave instead of threatening.
100% agree.
Don't give up on him yet. He is going through a lot. And that's not to say you that you aren't going through a lot, also. But giving up on him is just one more inventive for him to fail rather than rise above this, learn to cope (which is a skill that parents must teach), and succeed.
I really hope you work through this and that you can also learn to cope and eventually thrive.
But let me tell you from how I acted as a kid, it is so much easier for a child to hate the people who are their biggest supporters, who are always there, who they don'tthink they need to worry about being abandoned by.
My in-laws gave up on my DH when he was about 13, and he was sent to nine around from house to house between other family members and friends. It was not until he had someone to believe in him that he started to turn things around. And he was an adult with a lifetime of bad choices behind him and suicide on his mind by then. He can tell you now that his actions were his responsibility, but he can also tell you how hopeless and angry and scared it made him as a 13yo to be told he was a lost cause and was to dangerous and disrespectful to be around the people heshould have always been able to count on.
I get that you are frustrated. You need to get yourself some serious help. Stat. The things YOU are saying are absolutely appalling and it makes me wonder how much support he is getting. You know his mother is toxic, that he is clearly having issues yet he has not been in counseling for over two years?
This boy is crying out for help. He is angry, lost and desperate. He doesn't need anyone else to give up on him. He also doesn't need to be treated like a prisoner. He is being denied necessities because of frustration and anger. His clothes were taken away? Wtf. It's not too late to save this kid, but it will be very very soon.
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What does this mean "he wants to talk about my job and dh's job"? Is this part of the things he is doing that are bad?
One word: THERAPY.
Lots of it. For ALL OF YOU.
Um no my husband had him on the ground restraining him. My husband is the exact opposite of all those things you listed. Nice try though.
I can't say for sure because my oldest bio is 6 but most likely yes. You all don't know how I am IRL. You all only know what I am VENTING here. My MIL and mom told me on two different occasions that SS told her that he knew I was the only one in his life to truly give a crap about him. It's not true as his dad cares a great deal about him but when it comes to punishment and things of the sort I'm the voice of reason. I don't want this for him. I don't want him to have to go to school in old clothes. I bought the kid nice clothes to go to school in. Do you think I just like all that money I spent sitting on the floor in my room? Do you think I want him getting crap for wearing old clothes? I want him to behave and I'm taking advice from the officer that has been to my house multiple times just this month.
I seriously don't understand why people who have nothing but negative crap to say post. This is not the case at all. I'm sure MY children will give me hell. I'm not this evil person who only cares about MY kids.
I don't want you to think my H is a monster and saying something this simple shouldn't make you think that but with this board who knows.....I would say he tends to punish in excess. He has tried to lighten up and take a different approach but I'm not sure how that is working out....obviously. The police also said SS needs an ass whipping but my H hasn't spanked SS in years.
I honestly wouldnt take parenting advice from a cop. They don't have training in child development. I would see what the therapist says and follow that.