Preschool Indecision

ILoveBoys

I have 3 kids: DS(8), DS(6) and DD(3). I've been a SAHM since DS's were 4 and 2. I love it! DS's didn't do daycare or preschool, just went straight to kindergarten.

DH and I have started talking about preschool for DD, 2 mornings a week 9-12 at our church. I have some indecision.

On one hand, the boys didn't go. She is my only child at home, and we've always told people we thought it was unnecessary for us to send DD to someone else for things I could teach her.

On the other hand, she is SO very busy. And she's the only one at home which means I'm her playmate. It takes a long time to get things done with her bc she's into everything. More than the boys ever were. And DH says I'm stressed and frustrated at the end of the day.

Thoughts?

kcisthebombdotcom

If you think the benefit of preschool is the rote memorization stuff like counting and letters you missed the purpose. Preschool is where kids learn to listen to another adult besides family, get to practice their social skills without a parent for support and learn the rules of a classroom. Preschool has been proven to be beneficial for children's social, emotional, and cognitive development. It's not something you can teach at home. Certainly children don't need preschool at three to thrive but if you have the resources to send her, you're doing nothing but helping.

mylittlesunshine

I think it would benefit the both of you to send her.

PreK IMO is more for the socialization then for learning. Then, you could have a little time without her to get stuff done.

ILoveBoys

@KC_13 I know that's not the only reason for preschool. We do MOPS, play dates, church nursery, she stays overnight with grandma/grandpa. So she isn't stuck at home all the time. :-)

We honestly couldn't afford it either. But DH is getting a promotion soon.

kcisthebombdotcom

ILoveBoys said:

@KC_13 I know that's not the only reason for preschool. We do MOPS, play dates, church nursery, she stays overnight with grandma/grandpa. So she isn't stuck at home all the time. :-) We honestly couldn't afford it either. But DH is getting a promotion soon.

Socializing at activities with you there and sleepovers with family is not the same thing as preschool. If you can't afford it, don't even think about it. If your dh's raise ends up being substantial enough to make it affordable for you, consider it then.

bumpuser8448316

Preschool isn't about learning academics. And you can't get the same benefit from a playgroup. DS just started preschool and he went into it already knowing all his letters, numbers, etc. We had also done kindermusik, Gymboree and playgroups. What he got out of those isn't even close to what he gets out of preschool.

I don't think preschool is important at 3 but at 4 for sure kids need to go. We put DS in this year because we have a new baby and I wanted him to have his own thing and time away from baby. He absolutely loves it

notkateanymore

I am a fan of preschool, so I say yes.

ILoveBoys

KC we would be able to afford it post promotion.

I don't think it's unfair to send a child straight to kindergarten 80's. But we couldn't have afforded it for the boys and they both did fine. People around here do anywhere from 1-3 depending on if they work.

Also....she naps almost 2 hours a day, from 11:30-2. I'm hesitant to mess with her nap.

AimeeL85

I think it's best to make the decision based on the individual child, and it sounds like that's what you're trying to do.  The circumstances and your day-to-day dynamics change with every child you add and then you have to reevaluate the options. 

I think it would probably be great for your DD to go, almost all the preschoolers I know (including my DS who is also 2) love it.  IMO preschool at this age, while definitely not crucial, is fun for them, breaks up the week for you, and gives you a little break.  Plus, it's only 6 hours a week.  My DS' schedule is similar (2 days, 2.5 hours per day) - to me, that's nothing. I think of it as a playdate that I don't have to supervise!

Don't worry about what you've said to other people or what they might think.  If anyone asks why you changed your mind, just tell them you heard great things about the school and decided to give it a try and she enjoys it.

Andrewsgal

Amy I agree with you. Not going to preschool here is unheard of and a child would be seriously behind if they didn't.

ILoveBoys

@LalaMama it's not rigid, she naps anywhere from 11:30/12-2/2:30. But we drop her brothers off at 7:40 so we have 4 hours to run errands or play date if we wish to. We have to do carline at 2:30 so she has to get her nap in before.
Also, the boys both napped 1.5-2 hours everyday until they went to kindergarten. :-) I have big sleepers/eaters. All 90+% on growth chart. DD is still 99% for both height/weight.

The program at our church does have a space, I'm good friends with the director and talked to her this morning.

kcisthebombdotcom

ILoveBoys said:

@LalaMama it's not rigid, she naps anywhere from 11:30/12-2/2:30. But we drop her brothers off at 7:40 so we have 4 hours to run errands or play date if we wish to. We have to do carline at 2:30 so she has to get her nap in before. Also, the boys both napped 1.5-2 hours everyday until they went to kindergarten. :-) I have big sleepers/eaters. All 90+% on growth chart. DD is still 99% for both height/weight. The program at our church does have a space, I'm good friends with the director and talked to her this morning.

How do you know for sure dh is getting a raise, the exact amount when it hasn't started yet? I don't know--I can't imagine talking to someone about something I technically couldn't afford.

ILoveBoys

KC_13 said:

ILoveBoys said:

@LalaMama it's not rigid, she naps anywhere from 11:30/12-2/2:30. But we drop her brothers off at 7:40 so we have 4 hours to run errands or play date if we wish to. We have to do carline at 2:30 so she has to get her nap in before.
Also, the boys both napped 1.5-2 hours everyday until they went to kindergarten. :-) I have big sleepers/eaters. All 90+% on growth chart. DD is still 99% for both height/weight.

The program at our church does have a space, I'm good friends with the director and talked to her this morning.

How do you know for sure dh is getting a raise, the exact amount when it hasn't started yet? I don't know--I can't imagine talking to someone about something I technically couldn't afford.

He has a new job. He's gotten the offer and is starting next week. Just no paychecks yet.

Dochas

I think she'd enjoy it and she'll adjust and nap a little bit later/shorter.  Every 3 year old I know naps.

kcisthebombdotcom

ILoveBoys said:

ILoveBoys said:

@LalaMama it's not rigid, she naps anywhere from 11:30/12-2/2:30. But we drop her brothers off at 7:40 so we have 4 hours to run errands or play date if we wish to. We have to do carline at 2:30 so she has to get her nap in before. Also, the boys both napped 1.5-2 hours everyday until they went to kindergarten. :-) I have big sleepers/eaters. All 90+% on growth chart. DD is still 99% for both height/weight. The program at our church does have a space, I'm good friends with the director and talked to her this morning.

How do you know for sure dh is getting a raise, the exact amount when it hasn't started yet? I don't know--I can't imagine talking to someone about something I technically couldn't afford.

He has a new job. He's gotten the offer and is starting next week. Just no paychecks yet.

Ah, that makes sense. A "promotion soon" sounded like you were banking on something that might be happening in the future.

ILoveBoys

Sorry @KC_13.

Thanks ladies. I don't do change well. And I feel the MOM GUILT. Like 20 years from now she will wonder why her brothers stated home but I "sent her away". Ugh. Lol

sschwege

ILoveBoys said:

Sorry @KC_13. Thanks ladies. I don't do change well. And I feel the MOM GUILT. Like 20 years from now she will wonder why her brothers stated home but I "sent her away". Ugh. Lol

It's great that you are thinking all this over, that's part of being a good parent.

My BIL is still upset with his mother for not sending him to preschool.  He's 35 years old and still complaining about it to his mom, I just heard him bring it up this past July, it's ridiculous!  My point in saying this is, research both sides and be confident in the decision.  No one should ever fault you for doing what is best for your children and treating them as individuals.  What's the same is not always what's fair and what's fair is not always the same. 

AimeeL85

sschwege said:

ILoveBoys said:

Sorry @KC_13. Thanks ladies. I don't do change well. And I feel the MOM GUILT. Like 20 years from now she will wonder why her brothers stated home but I "sent her away". Ugh. Lol

It's great that you are thinking all this over, that's part of being a good parent.

My BIL is still upset with his mother for not sending him to preschool.  He's 35 years old and still complaining about it to his mom, I just heard him bring it up this past July, it's ridiculous!  My point in saying this is, research both sides and be confident in the decision.  No one should ever fault you for doing what is best for your children and treating them as individuals.  What's the same is not always what's fair and what's fair is not always the same. 

Ok, I haveeeee to know what your BIL's deal is.  Why is a 35yo still talking about his preschool or lack thereof?

ILoveBoys

@sschwege REALLY??! Wow.

sschwege

AimeeL85 said:

sschwege said:

ILoveBoys said:

Sorry @KC_13. Thanks ladies. I don't do change well. And I feel the MOM GUILT. Like 20 years from now she will wonder why her brothers stated home but I "sent her away". Ugh. Lol

It's great that you are thinking all this over, that's part of being a good parent.

My BIL is still upset with his mother for not sending him to preschool.  He's 35 years old and still complaining about it to his mom, I just heard him bring it up this past July, it's ridiculous!  My point in saying this is, research both sides and be confident in the decision.  No one should ever fault you for doing what is best for your children and treating them as individuals.  What's the same is not always what's fair and what's fair is not always the same. 

Ok, I haveeeee to know what your BIL's deal is.  Why is a 35yo still talking about his preschool or lack thereof?

He's upset because his older brother (my DH) went and he didn't.  He says he struggled so much transitioning to kindergarten because he never went to preschool.  

Dochas

ILoveBoys said:

Sorry @KC_13. Thanks ladies. I don't do change well. And I feel the MOM GUILT. Like 20 years from now she will wonder why her brothers stated home but I "sent her away". Ugh. Lol

Her brothers will be too busy complaining that you were too poor to send them to preschool for anyone to care.  She'll have to find some other fault to capitalize on.

notkateanymore

Wow, your BIL has major first world issues. He needs some therapy.

sschwege

KateMW said:

Wow, your BIL has major first world issues. He needs some therapy.

Overall he's a good guy, but such a baby over certain things.  I just feel bad for my MIL because I know it really hurts her feelings.

ILoveBoys

We play date with other kids her age, who also have school aged siblings and they also do school pickup. When we do mops and bible study we don't get home until a little closer to 12 and she does fine. :-) I'm a "projector".

@Dochas- true story.

Love My Lil Princess 509

KateMW said:

Wow, your BIL has major first world issues. He needs some therapy.

Lol...this. Your bil also grew up in the 80s like I did, when back then, it was pretty much unheard of to go to pre-school. The only person I know of who went is Dh at age 2. It did 0 for him considering he did horrible in school all the way up th line. My mil is a hermit who doesn't drive , socialize outside her family, and probably would have kept him home dusting with her, so at least he had some interaction with other kids...

Love My Lil Princess 509

amy052006 said:

Love My Lil Princess 509 said:

KateMW said:

Wow, your BIL has major first world issues. He needs some therapy.

Lol...this. Your bil also grew up in the 80s like I did, when back then, it was pretty much unheard of to go to pre-school. The only person I know of who went is Dh at age 2. It did 0 for him considering he did horrible in school all the way up th line. My mil is a hermit who doesn't drive , socialize outside her family, and probably would have kept him home dusting with her, so at least he had some interaction with other kids...

Yeah, no.  I grew up in the 80s. Everyone went to pre-school, and many for two years.  

Posts like these really hammer home to me why we need mandatory, fully funded early childhood education.

Well where I'm from, it's not the norm. As someone whose taught before as well, I can think of perhaps using additional funding to help the already struggling schools out there, rather then forcing "school" for a 2 year old so they can learn to sit and stand when told to. But this is only my opinion.

To the op, if you can afford it and you think it will help your lo, go for it. Otherwise, I will never be sold on the dire need for school before pre-k age.

penguingrrl

amy052006 said:

Love My Lil Princess 509 said:

Wow, your BIL has major first world issues. He needs some therapy.

Lol...this. Your bil also grew up in the 80s like I did, when back then, it was pretty much unheard of to go to pre-school. The only person I know of who went is Dh at age 2. It did 0 for him considering he did horrible in school all the way up th line. My mil is a hermit who doesn't drive , socialize outside her family, and probably would have kept him home dusting with her, so at least he had some interaction with other kids...

Yeah, no.  I grew up in the 80s. Everyone went to pre-school, and many for two years.  

Posts like these really hammer home to me why we need mandatory, fully funded early childhood education.

Yup, another kid who grew up in the 80s and didn't know anyone who didn't go to preschool. NYC has free universal preK and it's an amazing program. I definitely think it needs to gain national traction.

OP, if you can find any way in your budget to do so, I would send your daughter to preschool. We have cut many other things out to ensure our kids get a solid start with their education. 

AimeeL85

amy052006 said:

Love My Lil Princess 509 said:

Wow, your BIL has major first world issues. He needs some therapy.

Lol...this. Your bil also grew up in the 80s like I did, when back then, it was pretty much unheard of to go to pre-school. The only person I know of who went is Dh at age 2. It did 0 for him considering he did horrible in school all the way up th line. My mil is a hermit who doesn't drive , socialize outside her family, and probably would have kept him home dusting with her, so at least he had some interaction with other kids...

Yeah, no.  I grew up in the 80s. Everyone went to pre-school, and many for two years.  

Posts like these really hammer home to me why we need mandatory, fully funded early childhood education.

Maybe it's regional.  I was born in '85, I didn't attend preschool and very few of my classmates did, either. 

sschwege

AimeeL85 said:

amy052006 said:

Love My Lil Princess 509 said:

Wow, your BIL has major first world issues. He needs some therapy.

Lol...this. Your bil also grew up in the 80s like I did, when back then, it was pretty much unheard of to go to pre-school. The only person I know of who went is Dh at age 2. It did 0 for him considering he did horrible in school all the way up th line. My mil is a hermit who doesn't drive , socialize outside her family, and probably would have kept him home dusting with her, so at least he had some interaction with other kids...

Yeah, no.  I grew up in the 80s. Everyone went to pre-school, and many for two years.  

Posts like these really hammer home to me why we need mandatory, fully funded early childhood education.

Maybe it's regional.  I was born in '85, I didn't attend preschool and very few of my classmates did, either. 

I think it probably is regional.  I was born in '80 and most kids in my neighborhood went to one year of preschool.  I went for two years, but that was pretty unusual.   I remember when I got a little older my friends teasing me (in a loving way) that I must have failed preschool because I went for two years.   

bumpuser8448316

ILoveBoys said:

@LalaMama it's not rigid, she naps anywhere from 11:30/12-2/2:30. But we drop her brothers off at 7:40 so we have 4 hours to run errands or play date if we wish to. We have to do carline at 2:30 so she has to get her nap in before. Also, the boys both napped 1.5-2 hours everyday until they went to kindergarten. :-) I have big sleepers/eaters. All 90+% on growth chart. DD is still 99% for both height/weight. The program at our church does have a space, I'm good friends with the director and talked to her this morning.

How do you know for sure dh is getting a raise, the exact amount when it hasn't started yet? I don't know--I can't imagine talking to someone about something I technically couldn't afford.

DH's company has a pay scale. Everyone at X position starts at the same rate. Now, the annual raises depend performance reviews but promotions just go to the next pay scale. So we would know the exact pay DH would get for each promotion.

Mrs.Hizzo

Love My Lil Princess 509 said:

Wow, your BIL has major first world issues. He needs some therapy.

Lol...this. Your bil also grew up in the 80s like I did, when back then, it was pretty much unheard of to go to pre-school. The only person I know of who went is Dh at age 2. It did 0 for him considering he did horrible in school all the way up th line. My mil is a hermit who doesn't drive , socialize outside her family, and probably would have kept him home dusting with her, so at least he had some interaction with other kids...

Eh? Newsflash, I was 3 and 4 in the 70's, and everyone I grew up with  went to preschool.

Andrewsgal

Bullshit on the regional. I am going to blow that out of the water.

Andrewsgal

amy052006 said:

Andrewsgal said:

Bullshit on the regional. I am going to blow that out of the water.

Andrewsgal said:

Well, I tend to think of "regional" in micro terms.  Like, I could easily think of some parts of PA maybe only an hour from here where people probably don't care about pre-school as much.  As opposed to East Coast vs. South -- that sort of thing.

I consider it more socioeconomic than regional.

ILoveBoys

amy052006 said:

Andrewsgal said:

amy052006 said:

Andrewsgal said:

Bullshit on the regional. I am going to blow that out of the water.

Andrewsgal said:

Well, I tend to think of "regional" in micro terms.  Like, I could easily think of some parts of PA maybe only an hour from here where people probably don't care about pre-school as much.  As opposed to East Coast vs. South -- that sort of thing.

I consider it more socioeconomic than regional.

Andrewsgal said:

Andrewsgal said:

Maybe -- except in Philadelphia it really isn't.  Quality of pre-school is socio-economic, but not whether you go or not.  Unless you are like off the grid, homeless poor. 

We have not been off the grid, homeless poor the last 8 years. We own a home, 2 cars and enjoy life. The boys each play one sport a season. But we could not have afforded preschool when they were preschool age.

ILoveBoys

I'm not "bragging". That's where we are NOW. When DS's were 4 and 2 we were renting, barely making bills, and actually DID fall into the no mans land. But thanks for helping me feel the guilt.

ILoveBoys

I did say we couldn't afford it when THEY were preschool age.

ILoveBoys

I did enroll her this morning. Thank you everyone for your opinions and thoughts.

notkateanymore

I'm not "bragging". That's where we are NOW. When DS's were 4 and 2 we were renting, barely making bills, and actually DID fall into the no mans land. But thanks for helping me feel the guilt.

Were you working?

ILoveBoys

No, I wasn't working. DH was in his first job after college and we moved away from Ky to Minnesota. We were going to be there a year, then move to Maryland a year. When we left Ky, I became a SAHM because we would be moving so much. I looked at jobs but anything I could have gotten would've barely covered daycare costs where we were. 

  (We were renting because we were only going to be there a year)

CinemaGoddess

Is someone's husband seriously upset about not going to preschool?

Forreal?

Is that guy also pissed that his parents "lied" to him about Santa?

Sorry, when you hit the age of 35, you give up the right to bitch about not going to preschool.  Rally, you give up that right when you graduate from 8th grade.  

shadypines

Figures!!!

8-|