Starting to worry

*blue*flower*

I have wanted to have a NB since the start of this pregnancy, but as my EDD approaches I am getting nervous that i won't be able to do it. We will not have a doula, and I wonder how much support my DH will be able to give during labor. While I've done reading and research he has not, and it makes me wonder if I can rely fully on him during labor to be the support I need. It seems like so many NB stories I read rely heavily on a doula. I'm really starting to wonder if I'll be able to do it. Any one else have feelings similar to this before delivery?

aylafsu88

I can understand your concern and your worry.  I was nervous that my H would forget the things we  learned in Bradley classes and just space out.  While he did forget some things he also remember a lot a did a great job.  One thing I did was print out some of the information (like positions, signs of labor etc).  I had these on hand so that if he needed to refer to them he could.  I did have a doula but wanted my H to be my main support and to be the most involved.  I think your H might surprise you with how prepared and supportive he is!



ETA: I just saw that he has not done much preparation.  Is that due to his schedule or work?  I don't think that classes are necessary but I do think your H should read a little on natural birth just so he knows what is normal and what to expect.  Could you give him a few things to read like the stages of labor, how to time contractions, etc?  Those types of things would be really helpful in addition to having things like positions printed out.

hamiltks10

You CAN do it!  You have done the research and the prep work.  Trust your body and be confident that it will do what it is designed to do.  The more calm and confident you are, the better the chance is that you will have the birth experience you desire.  

Here is quick version of my birth story.  We hired a doula for the birth of my DS.  Our intention was to labor at home for as long as possible and have her come over when I found it difficult to cope on my own. She never made it to my house. There was that point where I "just knew" it was time to go to the hospital...so we left and she met us there.  I arrived in triage at 10cm, got wheeled into the L & D room and had my DS in less than 30 minutes.  Our doula made it to the hospital in time to hold one of my legs...that was it.

I, too, was unsure how my DH would handle the whole thing.  He went to the Hypnobirthing classes with me, but I wasn't sure how much he paid attention to and how much he bought into it.  But, when the time came, he was a rock star.  He remembered so much...probably more than I did!  And the most important thing was that he was 100% on board with our birth plan.  He didn't waiver once on the things that we had talked about and agreed upon.  

So if I had any words of advice, it would be to fully trust yourself.  Trust the decisions you have made and trust your body to do what it is capable of doing.  And make sure you and your DH are on the same page...that he knows your birth preferences as well as you do and understands the reasons behind them.  When the time comes, I am sure he will step up to the plate and be a terrific support person for you.

Life is Exciting

Any way you can squeeze in a NB class with DH before your EDD? That's what really got My DH on board. The teacher focused a lot on the role of the birth partner.

robyn2201

Could your doula do a mini class with you and your dh? Go over your birth preferences and make sure he knows the emotional sign posts, stages of labor and ways he can support you.

JJ_13

I'll be honest, I think natural birth is really, really, really hard - especially if 1) you don't have a doula or 2) your DH isn't prepared or 3) you're in a hospital where drugs are available. I had a doula AND a prepared husband and it was still incredibly difficult. Is there no way you can spring for a doula? It was the best $500 I ever spent...

insertclevername

Have you talked with your husband about how important it is to you?  I would discuss your nerves and concerns with him as soon as possible and provide him with some easy reading material on the matter.  Have you written out a birth plan?  Have DH read it and go over it with your midwife or OB.  Provide it to the nursing staff at the hospital. 

With that being said, I did not have a written birth plan or a doula and was able to have a med free, mostly intervention free birth (had episiotomy).  This time I will probably type up a very simple birth plan, because I feel if I had that last time I may have been able to avoid an episiotomy (Dr. did it without even consulting me).  I do not plan on having a doula this time around either.

mrscountry527

I could have written this post exactly! I'm getting very nervous about being able to go natural, but I want it so badly. DH has no time at all to read anything or even watch a DVD. I have no doula. If my friend can make it, she will be there. She was a L&D nurse for a few years so I'm hoping that will help. My plan is to stay home as long as possible and to have no IV access when I do go to the hospital. I've read books, watched a video, and read birth stories. I found the birth stories really helpful because they either make me realize why I don't want interventions and meds, and give me encouragement that I can do it!

Stay strong and try to stay focused on WHY you want a natural birth.

stever

I didn't have a doula or a MW and I was fine. Better than fine, actually, for both my boys' births.

Fear is totally normal.

Good luck!

joyfultrex

I went natural with no support, I didn't think I was in labor so sent DH to work, and he ended up missing the birth completely. It is possible and as long as you stay stubborn about it being what you want to do you will be fine. I labored at home, alone. Eventually my mom came to check on me and she said to go to the hospital. I got there and DS was out in 30 min. It definetly depends on your personality but I actually preferred being alone, though it wasn't planned that way. With no one to complain to, I just dealt with it because I had to. Be true to yourself and you will be fine.

2junebabies

Yeah I just want to add that I did not have a doula and I did not regret that decision at all. We couldn't afford it and I was worried that without one I'd be screwed. I planned to have my mom in the room with DH since she had 2 natural births of her own. My mom was coming from 9 hours away so she never made it, and that turned out to be for the best. DH was helpful prior to transition, when his helpful words encouraged me. Once I hit transition and got to the hospital, I didn't even want anyone to talk to me, I just wanted to focus by myself. Labor is painful, but I found that for myself managing it was pretty simple as long as I just focused on breathing deep and took one contraction at a time. A doula or even my mom being there would've been annoying and distracting to me. YOU CAN DO THIS! Your body was made to do it! It is normal to have fear but once you're in the moment your body will do what it needs to do. 

*blue*flower*

Thank you so much every one! DH is working super long days and studying for tests at night. He has to finish this series of exams before the baby comes so there isn't much free time. I did talk with him again yesterday and we agreed that we needed to put together a list of things I wanted him to definitely know and things that could be helpful to know so he can reference them. We also are going to sit down and read a few sections in some of my books. Unfortunately I am jammed up with school projects right now so the lists are going to have to wait until this weekend. I feel better now and I really appreciate all your input! I do plan to labor at home as long as possible even though our drive to the hospital is at least 45 minutes without traffic so hopefully I can get there and only have to get through a little bit more labor in the hospital.

2junebabies

Leftie22 Haha they probably would've understood if you did. At one point my husband was saying something encouraging and I was just like "Shh..." It was so distracting! 

kdjudd

I bet your husband is going to do great! My husband was super nervous about the whole process, but when we arrived at the hospital his adrenaline kicked in and he was amazing! He was by far the most supportive person there. I loved our special bonding time together.