Stressing on plans for DDs during labor

mavgirl_73

Ugh so my craptastic family here in LV have just let us know they will be unable to take our girls when I begin to actively labor as they are going out of town for 3 weeks. Awesome for your family vacation but wow, this is gonna be really hard to work around. My MIL came last time and cannot get the time off work to come again. My mom also has already requested time off to come after baby comes and can't change it. I'm sure we will figure something out and I'll be praying daily that I labor through the night when they are sleeping. At least we will be at home.

lp0

How old are your DD's? (Mobile bumping, can't see your siggy if you have one) Is there a family room they can wait in and watch tv or something?

Family friend? Or what about hiring someone to come stay with them during the day and then DH could go home at night?

mavgirl_73

DDs will be almost 2.5 yrs and 14.5 months. We are doing homebirth and midwife suggested/and from research it's been suggested that during transition children (especially) young children can contribute to stalling labor (I.e. mom not being able to focus on laboring). We would've had an alternative plan for them to go somewhere but my family was adament that they wanted to help so we relied on them. We are still relatively new to our city and don't have friends we trust to take our kids.

mavgirl_73

Having either of our mothers move in for a month is not an option 1. They both work full time 2. They both live several hundred miles away. Thanks though.

tyedyeme12

Why did they suddenly change their minds? Did you tell them that this affects your birth plan? Do you have any other family that could come into town? Siblings? Long-time friends from where you're from that would be great help? These are super off the wall suggestions, but this is a tough one. I'm so sorry they bailed. :-/

notkateanymore

I second the notion of hiring a babysitter to take them out of the house or having a friend watch them at their house.

mavgirl_73

Yes it would be preferred to have them gone during the most difficult parts of labor. I think you'd be hard pressed to find many women who would want their children (especially their young kids) right by their side durin labor, hospital or not. We are throwing around the idea of having someone come watch our kids but our house is small and you can hear everything. I'm more down about having put my trust in my family to help out , as they pushed us into agreeing to, I'm sure we will figure something out. Just having a momentary freak out.

notkateanymore

Family sucks. What kind of family was/is it?

mavgirl_73

tyedyeme12 said:

Why did they suddenly change their minds? Did you tell them that this affects your birth plan? Do you have any other family that could come into town? Siblings? Long-time friends from where you're from that would be great help? These are super off the wall suggestions, but this is a tough one. I'm so sorry they bailed. :-/

I've no idea why they decided to go out of town. Yes I said that it does but they feel that their vacation is more important, which to them it is, I get it. No other family, I'm an only child. My husbands sister cannot come as she is new to her position and cannot take time off. My best friend just had her own baby in may so she is just gettin back to work and will have a 7 month old and lives in SD. I do appreciate the suggestions. Thanks

mavgirl_73

hercules03 said:

mavgirl_73 said:

Having either of our mothers move in for a month is not an option 1. They both work full time 2. They both live several hundred miles away. Thanks though.

I said those were my options - my family is all out of state, too. And I would never want them to come stay that long... which is why I said I've notified three friends.

I don't have friends here that I feel I could impose 2 under 2 on.

mavgirl_73

KateMW said:

I second the notion of hiring a babysitter to take them out of the house or having a friend watch them at their house.

No friends here to do that. A babysitter will probably be our option unless like I said I'm laboring at night. Just not my ideal as my kids are in a very precarious stage now and have stranger anxiety.

tyedyeme12

Dang girl, I'm sorry. This is stressful. I wish I had a good solution for you! I'm sure you'll find a great solution though, something you're comfortable with. 

mavgirl_73

@tyedyeme12, we will and hey people have been giving birth for hundreds of years and they figured it out ill live and ill have a cute baby.

mavgirl_73

KateMW said:

Family sucks. What kind of family was/is it?

My aunt (moms sister) and her daughter (my cousin).

Krystian1990

Well just because you are pregnant doesnt mean your family needs to stop/drop what they are doing. Maybe this is the only time they could get away and figured that "you are an adult with a husband, so im sure youll figure it out." Im sure you planned to get pregnant (even if you didnt) its not your families job to be there while you deliver, thats your job as the little girls parents. Always always have a back up plan. You shouldve from the get go had a back up plan. And ive actually heard a lot of women keep their younger children at home while in active labor during home birth. How difficult is it for your husband to pop on a DVD and give them a snack?

notkateanymore

If she talked with them and they agreed to help, it's definitely shitty of them not to follow through.

notthecheat

That definitely sucks, at least they are telling you now and not even later down the road. I second hiring a babysitter. If there is no one you trust yet, can you at least ask around at work (or have DH ask at work) for babysitter recommendations? That way you have a list in advance so at least one of them should be available when the time comes.

Krystian1990

hercules03 said:

KateMW said:

If she talked with them and they agreed to help, it's definitely shitty of them not to follow through.

I didn't read it as that. I read it as though they hadn't agreed but informed the OP they could not and the OP had expected them to do it. If they backed out, yah it sucks, but just another reason why you should have a back up to your back up's back up. Lol. Even if someone gives you a firm yes, what happens when they are violently ill the day you go into labor... ? Worst comes to worst, kiddos will be at the hospital with me. Maybe I'll pack some ear plugs so they don't hear mommies four letter laboring. Lol.

I always always have several back up plans for things like this!!!! Then again i only count on hubby my mom and grandmother.

Thank goodness for memes and nannies, theyll be keeping my oldest occupied. Knowing them itll be a trip to chocolate world(we live near hershey pa), red robin and possibly chuckie cheese

mavgirl_73

Krystian1990 said:

Well just because you are pregnant doesnt mean your family needs to stop/drop what they are doing. Maybe this is the only time they could get away and figured that "you are an adult with a husband, so im sure youll figure it out." Im sure you planned to get pregnant (even if you didnt) its not your families job to be there while you deliver, thats your job as the little girls parents. Always always have a back up plan. You shouldve from the get go had a back up plan. And ive actually heard a lot of women keep their younger children at home while in active labor during home birth. How difficult is it for your husband to pop on a DVD and give them a snack?

No one actually asked them to drop everything and stay with my kids, they offered and even with protesting from me they pushed the issue and wanted to help. I would've had a back up plan an seeing as how I still have 3 months I'm sure all come up with something.

As far as a DVD and a snack, ya with 2 under 3 years old its a bit more complicated.

I'm fully aware that this is our problem but thanks for that sparkling revelation

Cvc123

That's hard, I hope for the best in your situation, maybe your girls will be asleep while you labor and wake up to their new sibling. Otherwise stock up on snacks and DVDs so dh can go between you and your girls.

mavgirl_73

Krystian1990 said:

hercules03 said:

KateMW said:

If she talked with them and they agreed to help, it's definitely shitty of them not to follow through.

I didn't read it as that. I read it as though they hadn't agreed but informed the OP they could not and the OP had expected them to do it. If they backed out, yah it sucks, but just another reason why you should have a back up to your back up's back up. Lol. Even if someone gives you a firm yes, what happens when they are violently ill the day you go into labor... ? Worst comes to worst, kiddos will be at the hospital with me. Maybe I'll pack some ear plugs so they don't hear mommies four letter laboring. Lol.

I always always have several back up plans for things like this!!!! Then again i only count on hubby my mom and grandmother.

Thank goodness for memes and nannies, theyll be keeping my oldest occupied. Knowing them itll be a trip to chocolate world(we live near hershey pa), red robin and possibly chuckie cheese

Be thankful you have the family support.

mavgirl_73

Cvc123 said:

That's hard, I hope for the best in your situation, maybe your girls will be asleep while you labor and wake up to their new sibling. Otherwise stock up on snacks and DVDs so dh can go between you and your girls.

That's the plan...as of now anyway.

Krystian1990

mavgirl_73 said:

Krystian1990 said:

hercules03 said:

KateMW said:

If she talked with them and they agreed to help, it's definitely shitty of them not to follow through.

I didn't read it as that. I read it as though they hadn't agreed but informed the OP they could not and the OP had expected them to do it. If they backed out, yah it sucks, but just another reason why you should have a back up to your back up's back up. Lol. Even if someone gives you a firm yes, what happens when they are violently ill the day you go into labor... ? Worst comes to worst, kiddos will be at the hospital with me. Maybe I'll pack some ear plugs so they don't hear mommies four letter laboring. Lol.

I always always have several back up plans for things like this!!!! Then again i only count on hubby my mom and grandmother.

Thank goodness for memes and nannies, theyll be keeping my oldest occupied. Knowing them itll be a trip to chocolate world(we live near hershey pa), red robin and possibly chuckie cheese

Be thankful you have the family support.


I am. Seems you sound a tad jealous that some of support.

I wont have support for long. Im planning on moving 1300 miles from my mom who ive lived woth my entire life and leaned on her for a lot.

Krystian1990

Cvc123 said:

That's hard, I hope for the best in your situation, maybe your girls will be asleep while you labor and wake up to their new sibling. Otherwise stock up on snacks and DVDs so dh can go between you and your girls.

Thats not possible...

mavgirl_73

Krystian1990 said:

mavgirl_73 said:

Krystian1990 said:

hercules03 said:

KateMW said:

If she talked with them and they agreed to help, it's definitely shitty of them not to follow through.

I didn't read it as that. I read it as though they hadn't agreed but informed the OP they could not and the OP had expected them to do it. If they backed out, yah it sucks, but just another reason why you should have a back up to your back up's back up. Lol. Even if someone gives you a firm yes, what happens when they are violently ill the day you go into labor... ? Worst comes to worst, kiddos will be at the hospital with me. Maybe I'll pack some ear plugs so they don't hear mommies four letter laboring. Lol.

I always always have several back up plans for things like this!!!! Then again i only count on hubby my mom and grandmother.

Thank goodness for memes and nannies, theyll be keeping my oldest occupied. Knowing them itll be a trip to chocolate world(we live near hershey pa), red robin and possibly chuckie cheese

Be thankful you have the family support.

I am. Seems you sound a tad jealous that some of support.

I wont have support for long. Im planning on moving 1300 miles from my mom who ive lived woth my entire life and leaned on her for a lot.

It's not jealousy. It's envy, yes I wish I lived closer to my mother/MIL. And if you're moving 1300 miles you'll soon be on the other side of this coin.

Krystian1990

mavgirl_73 said:

Krystian1990 said:

Well just because you are pregnant doesnt mean your family needs to stop/drop what they are doing. Maybe this is the only time they could get away and figured that "you are an adult with a husband, so im sure youll figure it out." Im sure you planned to get pregnant (even if you didnt) its not your families job to be there while you deliver, thats your job as the little girls parents. Always always have a back up plan. You shouldve from the get go had a back up plan. And ive actually heard a lot of women keep their younger children at home while in active labor during home birth. How difficult is it for your husband to pop on a DVD and give them a snack?

No one actually asked them to drop everything and stay with my kids, they offered and even with protesting from me they pushed the issue and wanted to help. I would've had a back up plan an seeing as how I still have 3 months I'm sure all come up with something.

As far as a DVD and a snack, ya with 2 under 3 years old its a bit more complicated.

I'm fully aware that this is our problem but thanks for that sparkling revelation

Actually its not that difficult at all...you put the DVD in the player tell the girls "stay put, i need to go help/check on mommy and the new baby. Only come out if you need to go potty or you 100% need mommy or daddy."

And if your children are good listeners it wont be an issue.

But i see you want us all to understand. And agree with you.

Sucks they bailed on you, but again you can never 100% count on anyone in life.

mavgirl_73

Krystian1990 said:

Cvc123 said:

That's hard, I hope for the best in your situation, maybe your girls will be asleep while you labor and wake up to their new sibling. Otherwise stock up on snacks and DVDs so dh can go between you and your girls.

Thats not possible...

Why is this not possible?

Krystian1990

mavgirl_73 said:

Krystian1990 said:

mavgirl_73 said:

Krystian1990 said:

hercules03 said:

KateMW said:

If she talked with them and they agreed to help, it's definitely shitty of them not to follow through.

I didn't read it as that. I read it as though they hadn't agreed but informed the OP they could not and the OP had expected them to do it. If they backed out, yah it sucks, but just another reason why you should have a back up to your back up's back up. Lol. Even if someone gives you a firm yes, what happens when they are violently ill the day you go into labor... ? Worst comes to worst, kiddos will be at the hospital with me. Maybe I'll pack some ear plugs so they don't hear mommies four letter laboring. Lol.

I always always have several back up plans for things like this!!!! Then again i only count on hubby my mom and grandmother.

Thank goodness for memes and nannies, theyll be keeping my oldest occupied. Knowing them itll be a trip to chocolate world(we live near hershey pa), red robin and possibly chuckie cheese

Be thankful you have the family support.

I am. Seems you sound a tad jealous that some of support.

I wont have support for long. Im planning on moving 1300 miles from my mom who ive lived woth my entire life and leaned on her for a lot.

It's not jealousy. It's envy, yes I wish I lived closer to my mother/MIL. And if you're moving 1300 miles you'll soon be on the other side of this coin.



No i wont be. Because i know if i get pregnant again my mother will figure out how to come help me with my children when it comes time to unless an emergnancy comes up here at home. And i know my mom is always always just a call away. And if i really do need my mom that she will figure out a way to get on a plane and come help me.

Sounds like jealousy, you shouldve made a back up.

And you didnt protest that hard

Krystian1990

mavgirl_73 said:

Krystian1990 said:

Cvc123 said:

That's hard, I hope for the best in your situation, maybe your girls will be asleep while you labor and wake up to their new sibling. Otherwise stock up on snacks and DVDs so dh can go between you and your girls.

Thats not possible...

Why is this not possible?

You are the one who said the DVDs arent possible. Not me. Dont twist things.

You just dont want other options. You want your family to drop their vacation and be at your hands and knees.

And want all of us women to agree with you.

2010weddinggal

Krystian1990 said:

KateMW said:

If she talked with them and they agreed to help, it's definitely shitty of them not to follow through.

I didn't read it as that. I read it as though they hadn't agreed but informed the OP they could not and the OP had expected them to do it. If they backed out, yah it sucks, but just another reason why you should have a back up to your back up's back up. Lol. Even if someone gives you a firm yes, what happens when they are violently ill the day you go into labor... ? Worst comes to worst, kiddos will be at the hospital with me. Maybe I'll pack some ear plugs so they don't hear mommies four letter laboring. Lol.

I always always have several back up plans for things like this!!!! Then again i only count on hubby my mom and grandmother. Thank goodness for memes and nannies, theyll be keeping my oldest occupied. Knowing them itll be a trip to chocolate world(we live near hershey pa), red robin and possibly chuckie cheese

Be thankful you have the family support.

I am. Seems you sound a tad jealous that some of support. I wont have support for long. Im planning on moving 1300 miles from my mom who ive lived woth my entire life and leaned on her for a lot.

It's not jealousy. It's envy, yes I wish I lived closer to my mother/MIL. And if you're moving 1300 miles you'll soon be on the other side of this coin.

No i wont be. Because i know if i get pregnant again my mother will figure out how to come help me with my children when it comes time to unless an emergnancy comes up here at home. And i know my mom is always always just a call away. And if i really do need my mom that she will figure out a way to get on a plane and come help me. Sounds like jealousy, you shouldve made a back up. And you didnt protest that hard

Ok new girl it is quite apparent you are new, I would go back to lurking for a few cause around here we support each other. You just posted your intro tonight and already trying to tell people whats up good luck with that... BTW after reading your post in the GD post I'd rather take advice from a slug just saying....

2010weddinggal

Mav can you get a close friend to come sit with the girls for a few hours while your pushing and doing all the good stuff? I'm sorry your family arranged their vacation around the time your baby is coming. I'm sure you are going to find something/someone who would love to help you. BTW I'm just a tintsy bit jealous you get to do a home birth I hate hospitals

Krystian1990

2010weddinggal said:

Krystian1990 said:

mavgirl_73 said:

Krystian1990 said:

mavgirl_73 said:

Krystian1990 said:

hercules03 said:

KateMW said:

If she talked with them and they agreed to help, it's definitely shitty of them not to follow through.

I didn't read it as that. I read it as though they hadn't agreed but informed the OP they could not and the OP had expected them to do it. If they backed out, yah it sucks, but just another reason why you should have a back up to your back up's back up. Lol. Even if someone gives you a firm yes, what happens when they are violently ill the day you go into labor... ? Worst comes to worst, kiddos will be at the hospital with me. Maybe I'll pack some ear plugs so they don't hear mommies four letter laboring. Lol.

I always always have several back up plans for things like this!!!! Then again i only count on hubby my mom and grandmother.

Thank goodness for memes and nannies, theyll be keeping my oldest occupied. Knowing them itll be a trip to chocolate world(we live near hershey pa), red robin and possibly chuckie cheese

Be thankful you have the family support.

I am. Seems you sound a tad jealous that some of support.

I wont have support for long. Im planning on moving 1300 miles from my mom who ive lived woth my entire life and leaned on her for a lot.

It's not jealousy. It's envy, yes I wish I lived closer to my mother/MIL. And if you're moving 1300 miles you'll soon be on the other side of this coin.

No i wont be. Because i know if i get pregnant again my mother will figure out how to come help me with my children when it comes time to unless an emergnancy comes up here at home. And i know my mom is always always just a call away. And if i really do need my mom that she will figure out a way to get on a plane and come help me.

Sounds like jealousy, you shouldve made a back up.

And you didnt protest that hard

Ok new girl it is quite apparent you are new, I would go back to lurking for a few cause around here we support each other. You just posted your intro tonight and already trying to tell people whats up good luck with that... BTW after reading your post in the GD post I'd rather take advice from a slug just saying....


Lol.....

I was just saying what i saw by her post and her responses.

And apparently you dont support everyone.

She just seems on the jealous side that a family decided to take a vacation...and thats their right, she cant be mad at that.

And she keeps shooting down every suggestion that was given.

Shes got three months left, that is more then plenty of time to go out and make friends where she lives.

But i guess im just flabber gasted the fact she doesnt want her children at home.

2010weddinggal

Wow just wow must be a full moon tonight the trolls are out and jumping.....

notthecheat

I really wish I wasn't mobile and could gif right now...

2010weddinggal

Krystian1990 said:

Krystian1990 said:

KateMW said:

If she talked with them and they agreed to help, it's definitely shitty of them not to follow through.

I didn't read it as that. I read it as though they hadn't agreed but informed the OP they could not and the OP had expected them to do it. If they backed out, yah it sucks, but just another reason why you should have a back up to your back up's back up. Lol. Even if someone gives you a firm yes, what happens when they are violently ill the day you go into labor... ? Worst comes to worst, kiddos will be at the hospital with me. Maybe I'll pack some ear plugs so they don't hear mommies four letter laboring. Lol.

I always always have several back up plans for things like this!!!! Then again i only count on hubby my mom and grandmother. Thank goodness for memes and nannies, theyll be keeping my oldest occupied. Knowing them itll be a trip to chocolate world(we live near hershey pa), red robin and possibly chuckie cheese

Be thankful you have the family support.

I am. Seems you sound a tad jealous that some of support. I wont have support for long. Im planning on moving 1300 miles from my mom who ive lived woth my entire life and leaned on her for a lot.

It's not jealousy. It's envy, yes I wish I lived closer to my mother/MIL. And if you're moving 1300 miles you'll soon be on the other side of this coin.

No i wont be. Because i know if i get pregnant again my mother will figure out how to come help me with my children when it comes time to unless an emergnancy comes up here at home. And i know my mom is always always just a call away. And if i really do need my mom that she will figure out a way to get on a plane and come help me. Sounds like jealousy, you shouldve made a back up. And you didnt protest that hard

Ok new girl it is quite apparent you are new, I would go back to lurking for a few cause around here we support each other. You just posted your intro tonight and already trying to tell people whats up good luck with that... BTW after reading your post in the GD post I'd rather take advice from a slug just saying....

Lol..... I was just saying what i saw by her post and her responses. And apparently you dont support everyone. She just seems on the jealous side that a family decided to take a vacation...and thats their right, she cant be mad at that. And she keeps shooting down every suggestion that was given. Shes got three months left, that is more then plenty of time to go out and make friends where she lives. But i guess im just flabber gasted the fact she doesnt want her children at home.

Krystian1990

Youll live im sure...if not oh well. I wont care.

Cvc123

Krystian1990 said:

Cvc123 said:

That's hard, I hope for the best in your situation, maybe your girls will be asleep while you labor and wake up to their new sibling. Otherwise stock up on snacks and DVDs so dh can go between you and your girls.

Thats not possible...

Wow that's really negative of you, who are you to say that's not possible when I'm hoping for the best for her? Are you god? No I don't think so.

2010weddinggal

hercules03 said:

Two different people mentioned snacks and DVDs and OP accepted that response from one bumpie and not from the other. That's odd.

Not odd she is just stressing and I can understand that, while it is nice for children to get to experience it she just wants to be able to focus on the birth. BTW the attention span on children that age, well STM's know its like 5 minutes. DVD's and snacks are only going to work so long.

mavgirl_73

hercules03 said:

Two different people mentioned snacks and DVDs and OP accepted that response from one bumpie and not from the other. That's odd.

I think it's possible but one Bumpie posted the DVD/snack option as if that would satisfy children completely. But yes if it comes down to it that's what we will have to resort to.

Cvc123

@hercules03 good recap lol, I thought @krystian1990 was just being negative when I was just trying to be supportive.

mavgirl_73

Krystian1990 said:

mavgirl_73 said:

Krystian1990 said:

Well just because you are pregnant doesnt mean your family needs to stop/drop what they are doing. Maybe this is the only time they could get away and figured that "you are an adult with a husband, so im sure youll figure it out." Im sure you planned to get pregnant (even if you didnt) its not your families job to be there while you deliver, thats your job as the little girls parents. Always always have a back up plan. You shouldve from the get go had a back up plan. And ive actually heard a lot of women keep their younger children at home while in active labor during home birth. How difficult is it for your husband to pop on a DVD and give them a snack?

No one actually asked them to drop everything and stay with my kids, they offered and even with protesting from me they pushed the issue and wanted to help. I would've had a back up plan an seeing as how I still have 3 months I'm sure all come up with something.

As far as a DVD and a snack, ya with 2 under 3 years old its a bit more complicated.

I'm fully aware that this is our problem but thanks for that sparkling revelation

Actually its not that difficult at all...you put the DVD in the player tell the girls "stay put, i need to go help/check on mommy and the new baby. Only come out if you need to go potty or you 100% need mommy or daddy."

And if your children are good listeners it wont be an issue.

But i see you want us all to understand. And agree with you.

Sucks they bailed on you, but again you can never 100% count on anyone in life.

Not even gonna address these responses. Btw when you edit a post board etiquette is to say you edited.