Twin with special needs

bry238

Anyone else have one typically developing twin and one with special needs? I'm looking for some words of encouragement. My boys were born in May at 35w6d at 6 and 6.5lbs due to preeclampsia. They spent 9 days in the NICU for some minor feeding issues, but were otherwise healthy. My twin A was born with torticollis because i carried him very low, very early on. He didn't have much room most of the pregnancy. Aside from some light PT and a possible helmet, things were looking good. Well at around 2 month I started noticing ankle clonus and got concerned. They sent me to a neurologist, who we couldn't get in with until just a few weeks ago. She sent us for an MRI yesterday and were awaiting results, but she is confident it's cerebral palsy. I'm heartbroken, confused, scared, and super stressed. I'm still overcoming some major post partum depression and to top it off had to go back to work 3 weeks ago. My other son is doing great, but I'm having such a hard time just being happy about what he's accomplishing because I'm just so sad about what my other son is NOT accomplishing. I'm just looking for advice about how to handle this. It's so hard not to compare them or wonder how it will effect their relationship. I can't help but wonder what went wrong, what I could've done differently during my pregnancy and where to go from here. Any advice would be really appreciated.

mylittleladies1229

I'm sorry I don't have any other advice other than don't beat yourself up about what you could have done differently, if anything at all, to change the outcome.  All you can do is focus on what you can do going forward.

PurrCrasher

My babies both have some special needs. There was concern that my DS had cerebral palsy at about that same age but it was ruled out and now he is doing fairly well. My twins just turned one and they are finally graduating from both physical and occupational therapy at the end of this month. My son is still not walking and likely won't for a while yet but I'm okay with that. He's funny and sweet and full of life. I fully understand and sympathize with what you're feeling right now. I think it's totally normal to grieve the "normal" childhood you dreamt of for your child. EVERY child is different but in my case with a lot of early intervention and therapy both of my children are functioning at or nearly at their current expected age. It's a tough road but I assure you it's one you can walk and you don't have to walk it alone. Feel free to message me any time and also visit the special needs board for more support. You can do it, Mama and you will see your child blossom before your very eyes. You will cheer and celebrate all of his milestones and it will all be okay. It really will.

macchiatto

I'm sorry about all the stress you're dealing with.
I do have one twin with special needs and one typically developing. My twin with SN didn't really get identified or start services till he was 2.5, but I had concerns (and he had an emergency hospitalization) starting when he was 5 or 6 months. It can be tough and assume one is older because he is more advanced in several areas. So far it doesn't seem to bother the twin with special needs though (they'll be 5 in January). It can definitely take some time to get used to the idea and to figure out what your LOs' life will be like; there can be a lot of unanswered questions along those lines early on and for me that was one hard part to deal with. The Special Needs board on TB is a good resource as well.

1+tripsmom

Baby A of my triplets has CP the other 2 are typically devloping or advanced. My trio are almost 2 and my little girl does not walk yet she will at some point but not soon. they were born at 35w3d. She is getting PT, OT, speech and feeding therpy she will have braces next week and may need a walker. I am happy to talk to you if want.

megemoney

I am very sorry that you are having to deal with all of the emotions that are hitting you with this news.  I know that it is hard to feel so much joy for one and feel disappointed about the diagnosis of the other. 

My twins were also born at 35w6d.  They were only 4lbs1oz each due to IUGR.  They spent 29 days in the NICU and none of those days were easy on us.  Only three days after my handsome boy and beautiful girl were born, we were surprised with the news that our girl, E, probably had Down Syndrome.  It was confirmed with a chromosomal blood analysis a few days later.  That was probably the hardest week of my life. 

I know I am not in the same boat as you, but I feel like it is similar enough that we are feeling similar feelings.  I pray that you find peace in what you are feeling and with your emotions.  Know that it is normal and that you are not feeling differently than any other new mother would.  I have to remind myself of that sometimes when I still have those days when I am sad over E's diagnosis.