Favorite twin?

mylittleladies1229

Ok.  This is probably a taboo topic and something parents do not want to admit to themselves, but do you find yourself favoring one twin over the other?  I know that I favor one so I try to overcompensate with the other one by giving her lots of attention and doing things for her first.  I know that it is not right at all, but it is how I feel.  I think that I bonded with one daughter more easily than the other.  My other daughter has a tight bond with her dad.  Over the past two weeks I have bonded more with her because she is teething and seems to want me more, so this has helped me to feel less guilty.  

Just wondering if there are other MoM's out there who have experienced this and how have you dealt with it as your children have gotten older?  I would never ever want to make either of my girls feel like I loved or liked them any less than the other.

kimberm0511

I don't have experience with twins just yet, but I do have two older boys that are 2 years apart. It may be different with twins, but I can admit that there are times when I "favor" one over the other. My younger one is a huge mama's boy and is a big snuggler, so he is constantly clinging to me. I used to feel so guilty that I seemed to favor him over his brother, even though I love them equally. However, recently my youngest has started going through a bratty phase and my older one has turned a corner and is so helpful and super sweet. So now I kind of favor him more! So, in my experience, maybe it's normal to favor one child over the other at times, but it can definitely switch!

PumpkinAndThePeanut

I don't have a favorite but to my family it might be perceived that way. One DD is really dependent on me (nurses to sleep, needs to be worn to wind down, will only sleep with us) while her sister is more independent. Also, she's a terrific nurser while I have had a lot of problems nursing the more independent one, which I noticed was affecting my feelings for her a bit. I try to attachment parent the best I can so I have told myself that BFing is not the same as mothering and that if I feed the independent one a bottle when she's crying at the breast, I am meeting her needs.

I'm not sure how old your LOs are but I've found that once they start smiling, laughing, cooing/chatting and developing their distinct personalities, that had helped me appreciate them for the unique individuals they are, and to love them equally.

Hugs! I hope you're able to sort these feelings out. I think you will as you recognize and admit the feelings and are taking steps to rectify them.

Brummy14

I wouldn't say I favor one -- but there are certainly qualities in each that I love/drive me crazy. And they're so different in each of them. And, it varies by the day.

I think the Mompetition video floating around there says it best...in response to the inevitable "which one is your favorite" question --- it's "the one that isn't crying."

ceechie

Brummy14 said:

I wouldn't say I favor one -- but there are certainly qualities in each that I love/drive me crazy. And they're so different in each of them. And, it varies by the day.

I think the Mompetition video floating around there says it best...in response to the inevitable "which one is your favorite" question --- it's "the one that isn't crying."

That's fantastic!
I get accused of this by dh all the time. My first born is super daddy attached, from day one. And we tend to have similar personalities, so we fight a lot. But she is my world- we just don't always get along . My second is my son and he just melts my heart. He is MY kid.
With the twins, just under 3 mos old, Baby A is a needier personality. I call her my sensitive twin. Always needs hugs and attention. Wont even take bottles from anyone but dh, and i cant be in the room. Doesn't easily go to others. But baby b loves people. She'll go to anyone. She'll always take a bottle and will let anyone feed her. She hang out in her crib or swing and smile at anyone who talks to her. Where as A, screams if not held.
So, dh claims I favor A more, but I feel like she just needs me more. She is also the one with jaundice and reflux. So I guess I feel more attached, but it's not my fault! Haha

JocelynB0911

Brummy14 said:

I wouldn't say I favor one -- but there are certainly qualities in each that I love/drive me crazy. And they're so different in each of them. And, it varies by the day.

I think the Mompetition video floating around there says it best...in response to the inevitable "which one is your favorite" question --- it's "the one that isn't crying."

Of my four kids, who ever isn't crying is my favorite. That being said, I don't have a favorite right this second.

As far as my twins go, since there was so much of a discordance I tend to sway towards the smaller one. I'm realizing they both need me equally and now go with who ever cries first, gets me first.

Lil Kate

I don't favor one over the other but one is way more high maintenance. So I end up doing more with her and then feeling guilty and trying to do more with the other. Hoping this will fade the older they get because it upsets me quite a bit

mylittleladies1229

I'm so glad that I am not alone.  I told my husband about this and he made me feel so guilty.  I don't WANT to do it, but I can't help how I feel.  At least if I admit it I can try to treat them equally.

LottaLattes

Sure, you'll like one more than the other, and it'll switch around on you. Has been true for the boys as well as the babies so far. They will do the same with you and your spouse, same no hard feelings applies

lovebugkim

In the very beginning I definitely favored my baby B more only because he was in the NICU & baby A roomed in with us. I felt like I wasn't or couldn't be there enough for him so when we came home he got more of my attention. As they've gotten older, I no longer have a favorite as I love them both equally, but they have switched & each taken their turns as to who is more needy & wants mama more than the other. At 2, my baby B is definitely more attached to me than A, but A is more of an attention seeker & B is more independent.

MissMarnee

I've been struggling with this a little more in the last few weeks, I'm so glad you brought it up I've been feeling so bad about it! My girls are 4 months, and one is so much more smiley than the other, really connects and is socially alert. It's so easy to make her laugh and giggle and she is a big snuggler. Her sister is just as laid back and content, she just doesn't respond to me like her sister does. She favors her dad, but just in general she just doesn't flirt or connect like her sister does. It's so hard! I feel awful, Baby B is such a charmer! I'm spending more time with Baby A to compensate and try to develop out bond, it's helped a little. I just try and remind myself that I'm the leader in our relationships, and not base my choices on my reactions to the girls...

bumpuser924057

Brummy14 said:

I think the Mompetition video floating around there says it best...in response to the inevitable "which one is your favorite" question --- it's "the one that isn't crying."

I have totally used this line a few times.  So true!  

Missa_g

I don't necessarily feel I have a favorite at any point, but there are definitely things I appreciate and dislike about each at times. J is fiercely independent and headstrong which can drive me nuts and make me feel not needed. But he is the funniest kid ever and has a very compassionate, empathic side if someone is hurt or sad. S is our sweet snuggler, but he can be overly clingy and needy. He can also be bossy and acts out physically more than J. They have each had their individual struggles which have required more of my attention at points, S had awful reflux induced projectile vomit as a newborn so he had to be held more. J has a speech delay so I spend a lot of time working with him now. I think it's all normal and it changes. Nothing will ever be totally equal, no matter how hard we try.

ceechie

The mommy guilt is heavy in this post....

Sunglow28

I think that *I* love my boys equally, but I have one crazy smart, uber-charismatic twin that is favored by everyone else. My one twin is sweet and chubby and darling, and all things cute baby. 
The other one has mega personality - he's super bright, has sparkly eyes and makes instant connections with almost everyone. When we go out people are drawn to him. Right now, the twins don't notice, but I expect they will soon. It worries me.

mylittleladies1229

I think that *I* love my boys equally, but I have one crazy smart, uber-charismatic twin that is favored by everyone else. My one twin is sweet and chubby and darling, and all things cute baby. 
The other one has mega personality - he's super bright, has sparkly eyes and makes instant connections with almost everyone. When we go out people are drawn to him. Right now, the twins don't notice, but I expect they will soon. It worries me.

This worries me as well.  One baby is slightly chubbier than the other and has earned the nickname, "Chunky monkey" by my MIL.  My husband and I are not fans and have told her we don't like it, but she says "OH I'm only joking, calm down" They call my other daughter "Pretty girl". UM, don't you think that they are going to begin noticing that one nickname sucks??  

jcath

Have you seen that some ecard that says my favorite child is the one who naps the best?  I also favor the one that isn't crying.  I think it's okay and not uncommon that you feel that way and as long as you are aware and make sure you watch your behavior - it just is what it is.  I bet you'll find your feelings go back and forth over time.

I don't much like either of my girls at the moment as they are in the midst of almost two year old daily tantrums  Also two is not my favorite age...something I discovered with my older boys. You'll like some ages better than others, as long as you show up for the job every day, that's okay to.