Late Term and Child Loss

Scared about being alone

Tomorrow my husband is going to attempt to go back to work. I'm scared to really be alone all day. We just moved so I don't know many people in the area. I'm not really close to the people I do know. Since we just moved here, I don't have a job yet. I've become so dependent on my husband's presence that I'm nervous about him not being with me. He works at the hospital where I delivered and his boss is completely aware and sensitive to our situation, but I just want him with me. This is such a change because I have never been a clinging person (I'm only clingy with him). I coming to terms with the fact that I may spend the day crying and that's ok. I know I have to stand on my own at some point, it just feels soon.
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Re: Scared about being alone

  • It was really difficult for my when my H went back to work.  Especially because he went back to work where his mind was busy on work, then would come home, tired, stressed from work and then have the grief hit him.  this was difficult for me because I had all day at home alone and when he came home we were in different place emotionally.  We learned how to live with it, and now that I'm back at work (I teach) that was different to adjust to as well.

    Do you have a friend you could make some plans with - coffee? lunch?  Or could you make phone dates with family and friends?  I wish there was a better answer - hugs to you!
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  • **SIGGY WARNING/child mentioned**

    I had six weeks off, and H had to leave after two [he's in the Air Force and had to return to his duty station, which is in a different state]. That was really hard for me. I kept busy by keeping my son at home with me instead of sending him to daycare on most days. On the days he went, I kept myself busy by going out - I would drive, go to museums, meet friends for lunch, go to an empty spot at a local park and read, scrapbook...anything to keep my mind off things. I watched a lot of movies and spent a lot of time in bed, too. I also did a lot of cleaning...purging closets, rearranging rooms etc.

    I hope you can find ways to stay busy as you heal. I know it will be hard, but we're here, too. Post on the board whenever, or even feel free to PM me if you just need a friendly ear to vent to. *hugs*


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  • Thank you. I just recently graduated from law school and I'm waiting to hear back about whether or not I passed the bar. I'm thinking I'll use this time to just job hunt like crazy. I can also try to get to know the city since I'm still pretty new and I haven't had the opportunity to get out much (studying took up most of my time). We closed on our townhouse today so moving will start this week, too. I know I have things to keep me busy, I'm just scared I won't want to do any of them. We did a final walk through on the townhouse today and I broke down when we reached what was supposed to be PJ's nursery. I just can't believe she isn't with me. Thanks for listening.
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  • ***SIGGY***

    After my loss, there came a point where staying idle drove me nuts, because it gave me time to think and reflect and remember. I didn't want to do any of those things, so I finally got off my butt after a couple of weeks and started doing things again. I never set the expectation that I'd get up and get a list done; I just wanted to make it through the day without completely melting down and re-incorporating myself with the world again. I know it will be hard, but it sounds like you have some things that, if you feel like doing them, you can do.

    Don't put that pressure on yourself to absolutely do something every day, though. I think you'll know when you're ready to get going again, even if it's just to step outside the door for a few minutes for a breath of fresh air. *hugs*


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  • After my loss, DH was home with me for weeks.  When he finally went back to work it was almost good for me to have some space.  He had pretty much been taking care of everything; cooking, cleaning, shopping and I would just lie on the sofa watching tv.  When he went back to work, it kinda gave me the responsibility to start taking care of things at home again. 

    Don't get me wrong, I missed him, and I was very lonely at home, but without him there I HAD to start doing things on my own.  

    It does seem like you know you have some things you can do, and it's ok if you don't do all of them.  Even doing one thing a day is a step forward!
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

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  • For me, it was hard to be alone, and sometimes it was hard to not be alone. DH went back within a week, and it was hard to see him go. I knew he needed something to use his brain power, but it was still very lonely without him. We had just experienced something huge, our world had changed. No one else really got the enormity of what had happened the way that the two of us experienced it and had to deal with our loss. 

    I found things to occupy my time until I too went back to work (about a week and a half after our loss. Not recommended, but I did it.) I think exploring your city and looking for a job are great ideas. But know it is ok too for the days you just need a good cry and to not do much else. 
    Lilypie - (qptF)

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    I'm so sorry, I wrote almost this exact same post 5 months ago.  I had six weeks off after we lost our daughter, but MH had to go back to work after two weeks.  The weekend before he went back I literally felt like a small child being ripped from their parent.  I felt homesick at the idea of him being away from me.  Before our loss, we were not a couple that spent a TON of time together.  We liked our together time and our alone time.  But after our loss, except for two nights I made him go out with a friend, and a night he went to the gym without me, we were together, joined at the hip for that entire two weeks.

    The morning he left for work was bad...I got out of bed to see him but I couldn't see him off, it made me too sad.  I went back to sleep and a few hours later he stopped back in to check on me.  The day wasn't as bad as I expected, the anticpation of it was the worst part.  I wrote myself a plan for each day while he was at work.  My first and foremost plan was to shower and get dressed each day.  Even if I just went back to bed (which I found I didn't need to do after a shower), or laid on the couch all day.  Not showering and not getting dressed just adds to the despair I find. 

    I gave myself a small chore to do each day, but giving myself at least two days to do nothing, or to do a very very small chore, like making a phone call that needed to be made.  Some days it was a bigger chore like organizing my home office, but if I absolutely could not bring myself to do it that day, I crossed it off but then assigned it to another day where I had given myself nothing to do.

    This made me feel like I had a purpose, so I wouldn't just lay around and wallow in my sadness with him gone each day.  Like I said, some days I did just that, but having goals each day gave me a little bit of structure and something to shoot for.

    Big hugs to you, my heart hurts just remembering how sad I felt at the idea of MH leaving all day, and how scared and sad you must be feeling right now.  Good luck sweetie.

    Lilypie - (fm2j)

    Lilypie - (YesX)

     My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks.  Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!


  • I was the same way with my DH right after losing our little girl. It has gotten better but I still get clingy sometimes. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

    Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS



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  • Our stories are so similar... I lost my son exactly one week ago. My fiancé went back to work today and I tried to go back to work myself but my director sent me back home. she felt I wasn't ready for work physically, and she felt I needed more time to grieve and heal. I came back home and got to spend 2 hours with him before he left to work. As soon as he left I felt the urge to think and cry. I just to thinking so many thoughts. It was hard, I decided I needed some rest and I took a nap. We just recently moved into our new house, which is way bigger then our last place and it just feels so much more empty. I don't talk to anyone in my area and my family and friends all live over an hour away. Its tough being alone, but I think it builds strength. and when your husband comes home just fall into his arms and tell him about your lonely day. I cant wait for my fiancé to come home, he works nights, and I don't want to fall asleep til he gets home. 


    We are all here for you to talk to... your not really alone!  

  • Well...I made it through the first day by myself. Thank you for all the support. I was nervous this morning, but I kept myself busy settling and finalizing all the stuff with the townhouse. My realtor was so sweet. As a gift, she got me a bracelet with Parker's name on it. I'm completely obsessed with this bracelet now. I love seeing her name written out and hearing people say it.

    Most of the day went well. I cried a little in the morning and again at night. My dad sent me all his pictures of PJ and there was a commercial on in the background playing nursery/lullaby music while I was looking at them. It wasn't a good combination. I'm coming to terms with the fact that my days will contain several moments of tears for a while. I think it's good to allow yourself that time to feel and not hold it in. I miss her every second, but I'm learning how to cope. We are supposed to be able to pick up her ashes on Wednesday. I think having her back with me will help me feel better in a weird way. Thanks again for all the kind words. I really do appreciate it. 
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  • I pick up Domenik's ashes on Wednesday too! And I feel like I'll feel much better once I bring him home as well! And I agree with you that it's an awesome feeling seeing his name and hearing people refer to him by his name! He is a person, has a birth certificate, and he should be spoken of as such! Your Parker has the same right! Glad your day went well!
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