I need hugs (warning: loss mentioned)

bulbasaur359

I usually lurk but just wanted to say how sorry I am you are facing this. I wouldn't wish loss on anyone. I hope that which ever way you choose is the easiest on you. I know it's never easy though.

seahorse102410

I am also sending you a huge hug. I was just so ficking angry. And sad. Wine helps and try to watch something funny. Just so sorry. It really really sucks.

NativeFloridian

MrsCodeMonkey said:

Thank you. I'm still in shock because here I am in maternity clothes with a baby bump. I was 6 days away from 2nd tri with no clue. I'm drinking a giant martini and trying to come to terms with it. To the ladies that shared their stories, thank you. I'm sorry for your losses too. It's so hard to process. One day picking out names...next day figuring out an appt for a D&C. And the worst is I'm scared shitless more than sad. Well, I'm both. I saw that little baby blob and it looked very much like a baby.

I know exactly how you feel.  I began miscarrying at 9w3d with my third pregnancy.  That feeling of going from excitement to sheer disappointment and sadness...it's really hard to process.  I was also really angry after a day or two.  I lashed out a lot because my SIL and I were due at the same time and some people were asking if I was going to give her my prenatals and such.  My way of dealing was to destroy everything pregnancy-related that I had and hole up and get all the hate and sadness out in my own way.  I probably should have seen a counselor, honestly.

Which brings me to my point in this comment - be sure to allow yourself to feel whatever it occurs to you to feel, do what you need to do.  Whatever that is, it's okay.

suv75

So sorry for your loss. My first ended in miscarriage. Low heartbeat at 6 weeks, no heartbeat at 7 weeks. I waited a week and a half, got a second ultrasound with a different doctor (the first two were done by techs), and scheduled my d and c on NYE of 2009. It was tough but I felt like I did everything I could and since it was definitely confirmed there was no viable fetus and risk of infection, I went ahead with D and C. Honestly, that was the easiest part. The waiting was the hardest. Good luck to you.

missyishere

I'm so so sorry, MCM

chardonnay24

I am so, so sorry.

angelashly

I am so so sorry. T&P are with you.

jorkz821

I'm so sorry for your loss. Big hugs.

Kitiara5512

I have no experience but I am so sorry for you loss ::hugs::

Caligirl81

I usually lurk over here, but just wanted to say how sorry I am. 

I went through the same thing in July and know how difficult it is.  I had no bleeding, spotting, or cramping when I went for our 10 week ultrasound.  I knew right away that something was wrong and seeing the image of our baby without its heart beating was easily the worst moment of my life. 

It is definitely a personal decision, but I chose to have a D&C the next day.  For me, I knew I could not emotionally handle waiting to miscarry naturally.  The ultrasound was hard enough on me and I just wanted to begin to move forward.  The physical recovery wasn't too bad and I did not have a lot of pain or bleeding.  I had the D&C on a Wednesday and stayed home from work on Thursday.  I went back to work on Friday so I could have some sense of normalcy. 

The weeks that followed were definitely hard and I still have moments when I cry about it, but time has helped.

I'll admit that until it happened to me, I truly underestimated just how heartbreaking having a miscarriage is...the pain might fade over time, but a part of it will be with me forever. 

(((hugs))) 

Luckie519

I am really sorry you are going through this.  I have had three losses and the ladies on the Miscarriage Board have been so supportive and awesome.  When the time comes, the ladies on PGAL are also just as supportive and awesome.

I don't really have anything to say that is going to make all the feelings and emotions go away.  Losses are hard.  It does get easier a little bit each day, but it never full goes away.  Hugs to you.

MamatoA2010

MrsCM, I'm so so sorry. My first pregnancy ended in loss at 6 weeks gestation so I didn't need a D&C. Its awful regardless. Huge hugs!

wesleycrusher

So sorry.

catycate

So so sorry. Thinking of you and your family. I hope you can find people to help out while your DH is out of town.

MrsCodeMonkey

catycate said:

So so sorry. Thinking of you and your family. I hope you can find people to help out while your DH is out of town.

Thanks! Turns out DH rescheduled his trip even though I asked him to keep it. He's really sweet.

MrsCodeMonkey

Caligirl81 said:

I usually lurk over here, but just wanted to say how sorry I am. 

I went through the same thing in July and know how difficult it is.  I had no bleeding, spotting, or cramping when I went for our 10 week ultrasound.  I knew right away that something was wrong and seeing the image of our baby without its heart beating was easily the worst moment of my life. 

It is definitely a personal decision, but I chose to have a D&C the next day.  For me, I knew I could not emotionally handle waiting to miscarry naturally.  The ultrasound was hard enough on me and I just wanted to begin to move forward.  The physical recovery wasn't too bad and I did not have a lot of pain or bleeding.  I had the D&C on a Wednesday and stayed home from work on Thursday.  I went back to work on Friday so I could have some sense of normalcy. 

The weeks that followed were definitely hard and I still have moments when I cry about it, but time has helped.

I'll admit that until it happened to me, I truly underestimated just how heartbreaking having a miscarriage is...the pain might fade over time, but a part of it will
be with me forever. 

(((hugs))) 

That's so tough. I know what you mean about the ultrasound. I asked the tech if it was moving and she said she can't give out information. She definitely had a look on her face. I had to wait for quite a while to talk to the midwife. It was torture. They should have just told me. I guess I knew it when I saw the still image.

After doing some reading I'm going to schedule the D&C, but I don't think I can do it over the weekend. I need to call Monday.

MrsCodeMonkey

Luckie519 said:

I am really sorry you are going through this.  I have had three losses and the ladies on the Miscarriage Board have been so supportive and awesome.  When the time comes, the ladies on PGAL are also just as supportive and awesome.

I don't really have anything to say that is going to make all the feelings and emotions go away.  Losses are hard.  It does get easier a little bit each day, but it never full goes away.  Hugs to you.

I lurked there some today, but I don't think they'd like my siggy. I also need to change the ticker. Last thing I want to do.

I had no idea it felt this way to experience a loss. I can't imagine more than one. Women are so strong to endure such pain.

LaurelBee

I'm so sorry for your loss, mama.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

NerdyMama2

*hugs* I'm so sorry.

PrimRoseMama

I'm so sorry. (((Hugs)))

thatoneredhead

Im so sorry

Caligirl81

That must have been horrible to have to wait My OB did my ultrasound and told me right away (although I realized pretty quickly what had happened).

I do not regret having the D&C...for me, it helped me move forward rather than prolong the inevitable.

Going through a loss is harder than I ever imagined and just really sucks...T&P for you and your family.

MrsCodeMonkey

tricia560 said:

I hate when the ultrasound techs make you wait, but I understand why they do it.

I went in for a routine appointment at 12 weeks, and my doctor couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler; I didn't panic because I knew it was a little early to find it easily, and we'd seen the heartbeat at two earlier ultrasounds (we had to use fertility drugs), the doctor went and got the portable ultrasound machine and used the external wand and STILL couldn't find the heartbeat.  Silly me, I still wasn't concerned when she went to get an internal wand, but I did notice at that point that she turned the screen away from me.  When she came back, she confirmed her suspicions and broke the news to me, and was just really sweet.  The whole office was.  My husband came and got me, drove me home, gave me a shot of whiskey (he's a strong believer in medicinal whiskey, it's his answer to most of life's traumas), and put me to bed.  I didn't realize how common miscarriages were until I started talking to the women I know in RL and almost all of them had personal experience, and really had my back.

The ladies of the loss board were really helpful and supportive, but if it happened now I wouldn't post there again for the same reason you're reluctant--I don't want to take my signature there and cause any pain (and I don't want to change my signature since it's a comfort to me).

Yeah, I bet it's not easy for the techs to keep a straight face. I knew I should have seen some movement. I was in denial. DH thought maybe the dating was off and they'd change my due date.

About the loss board, I think I'll avoid it for now. I still haven't gotten to a computer to remove my pregnancy ticker. But I wouldn't remove the rest anyhow, so I wouldn't want to cause someone pain.

I'm just grateful I have DD. I couldn't sleep last night and when she woke up at 5 I went in to cuddle. I fell asleep in her toddler bed for an hour. Better than nothing. Then we cuddled on the couch while she watched Elmo. She doesn't know what's going on, but she gives great cuddles.

MintBerryCrunch

I'm so sorry for your loss. This happened to me with my first pregnancy. I had a D&C in the hospital under general anesthesia so I only remember preop and postop, which were fine and not too scary. I went home like 2 hours after it was done. I had very little bleeding afterwards and not much pain. For me, I think it was the least traumatic way to go about things. I'm very glad I was asleep for it.

E-hugs. I'm so sorry.

kwitt22

The same thing happened to me had no signs what so ever of a m/c and it was discovered on an ultra sound. Huge hugs! I too had a D&C, my recovery was no so great, I bled a lot and needed another D&C. This is def not the norm though. My OB said its never happened in her 20 years of practice.

[Deleted User]

So, so sorry for your loss, hun. Sending you lots of light and love your way.