Let's talk bullying

snowgirl427

I know the question was brought up last week or two about what you will do to keep LO from being a bully. But what about the flip side? How will you prepare LO to have enough self confidence and self worth to be able to be strong in the event he/she is bullied?

This is weighing heavily on me and has kept me up at night. A 12 year old close by killed herself. 12 years old. She had been bullied so badly she was pulled out of school last year and homeschooled. Then the bullying moved online causing her parents to intervene but I guess it was just too much.

So my question.. How do we make sure our LOs know how deeply loved they are and how special they are, no matter what someone else says?

LaxMOM44

I really don't know with this one because I remember my whole world being my friends and school when I was younger. And if your whole world consisted of hate and sadness I don't know what someone could say to help me cope.

H and I both grew up in pretty frigid households so we promised that we'd tell our children how wonderful and special and loved they were EVERY SINGLE DAY even when we were too busy or mad at them. But I don't know if that's enough.

I also want to get her involved in a lot of activities outside of school so she has different peer groups and hopefully something she is really good at that makes her feel goo about herself.

I also want to let her know that she can talk to me. I'll try and ask her about her day and really listen to what she is saying, hopefully see some signs if he is unhappy. I also want her to be able to invite her friends over so that I can make sure she has a group of peers that she is close with and that are supportive.

This is something that really scares me as well.

botanicalbliss

I don't have any kind of plan set in place yet.  I really hope to have great communication with G so that if anything is going on he'll open up to me about it.  I hate that bullying has become so intense. 

jayro10

Ugh, this is one of my biggest fears. I have no idea what we will do. This parenting-during-tough-times thing stresses me out. I just want to snuggle my baby.

Kashy

I was bullied and picked on really badly in school.   From about grade 2 (when it is no longer cool to be friends with everyone) until about grade 10.  I used to just take it and it would eat me up on the inside.  I had 2 really good friends, but it still did not make up for all of the bullying I got. Then one day I decided enough was enough and I would not stand for it anymore and I pushed back.  The ppl who picked on my started to slowly back off and my last two years of high school were finally ok and I did not dread having to go everyday.

Honestly I'm not sure how I will go about handling this, but I hope my sweet boy will never have to endure what I did.

TradeMama

My oldest son is now 15 and when he was in 7th/8th grade he was really small. Here you can check your kid's grades online, and I started seeing that he had assignments he wasn't turning in and he was consistently late to one of his classes. I was mad, and when I asked him about it he finally told me there were some kids who would knock his books out of his hands and rip up his homework.

DH and i called his school and demanded a meeting with the principal, assistant principal, counselor and teachers. They knew what was going on and hadn't done anything. I told them that they needed to be sure my child was safe when they entered the building and that I expected the "zero tolerance" policy to be enforced. I told them if I heard of ONE more incident, I'd expect the kids to be expelled immediately, and I wouldn't hesitate to get the police, school board, or anyone else involved. My son never had another problem, and by 9th grade he was a totally different person. He went from a small, shy kid making C's to an honor student taking AP classes and varsity athlete.

IME it makes a huge difference when your kids know you will advocate for them. My kids know if there is a problem they can't handle I will deal with it.

I encourage everyone to familiarize yourself with your school's policies as well as state laws regarding bullying and harassment. And don't be afraid to be THAT parent.

DiFazette

I'll be doing all of the things you other ladies suggested, as well as teaching my child(ren) to hold their own.  I always knew how to stand up for myself growing up with two big brothers and when someone said or did something I didn't like, I wasn't afraid to say so.  Bullies are hard on the kids they think are weak because they're easy targets. 

Also to @TradeMama's point, my whole life my two brothers picked on me like siblings do, but they also told me that they'd always be there to protect me, as well as my parents.  I knew I had backup...and it allowed me to advocate for myself because I knew I had an escalation plan if I ever needed it.

 

snowgirl427

@kashy - I'm sorry to hear your story. Hugs!

Everyone else, I really like all the ideas and experiences. My mom and I were discussing this and trying to figure out why bullying is so prevalent right now. I think a big part is uninvolved parents. @trademama I think you are exactly right. Don't be afraid to be that person!

Kashy

Shantxtell said:

I learned in HS that most bullies are cowards. I was tormented by a girl freshman year and one day I just lost it and threw a basketball at her face. She left me alone after that. Since I have a ginger I'm expecting a little teasing. We plan on teaching her to stand up for herself and not take shit from anyone ( a lesson I wish someone had taught me before I learned it myself). I will teach Violet that our differences are what makes us beautiful. I grew up hating my big nose, but I learned that it makes me unique and is part of my heritage. I'm sure Violet will hate her gorgeous copper hair at some point- but hopefully she can have a sense of humor and poke fun at herself before others try to tear her down.

They are cowards!  Until I realized that my life was hell.  Then I stood up to them and they backed off and left me alone.  I know not all kids have the strength to stand up to them once they are beaten down, so I hope I can help my son be strong enough to stand up to them and not let them push him around. 

Also being a redhead did not help my situation and now DS's hair is becoming strawberry blondish I hope he will not have to face being picked on for it.  I sure hope your LO will not have to face bullying because she's a ginger! 

LaxMOM44

@shantxtell tell violet anyone makes fun of her hair imma beat them up!!! That's pure happiness on your child's head!

coffeeandbooks

I am definitely planning on sending LO to martial arts classes, not so he can learn to throw punches persay, but more to develop a sense of confidence in himself and knowledge that he has the ability to defend himself if absolutely necessary.
I also believe in lots of positive reinforcement and acknowledging how difficult school can be and how it is only finite (this too shall pass) and there is a whole big world out there.  That is what got me through it all...knowing I was going to leave it behind soon.