3rd Trimester
Options

Baby Nurse

2»

Re: Baby Nurse

  • Options
    maybebridemaybebride member
    edited September 2013
    I don't judge other moms on a regular basis because if you aren't in their shoes, you don't know what you would do. And never say never when it comes to raising and caring for your own children.
    And I do not judge the OP, but she repeatedly stated that she is lazy, PPD aside, so I most definitely side eye that. 
    I care for my son about 75% of the time by myself. I don't go out and about without him often at all, we don't use babysitters. Why? Not because I am a martyr. I had a child so that I could be with him and care for him. It is  my job as his mother to get up with him in the middle of the night whenever he needs it, even if that means I sleep on the couch with him or I only get 3 hours of sleep before going to work. 
    Now, the other reasons for needing a baby nurse - including a husband who travels consistently and a lot - are valid. Special needs, PPD. All valid. But, to me, hiring one because you can and because you don't want to deal with night-time (or other) care, is selfish. (And for the mom who has someone help out with a toddler a few times a week, completely different.)
    Proud Doxie Mommy
    image

    TTC #1 since Sept. 2009 - DX unexplained IF March 2011 - "Surprise" BFP March 2012
    DS born via c-section 11/17/12
    TTC #2 (or, not TTA) Nov. 2013
    BFP #2 8/22/14, Missed M/C 6w2d, Discovered 7w4d/Official 8w6d, D&C 9/27/14
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    Jumping on this board becasue it's entertaining. I honestly think this would of gotten better responses if you left it at - I'm hiring a baby nurse because I can afford it and want it end of story. By giving an explanation of what EVERY MOTHER goes through - conisdering most babies eat every two hours at night, etc etc and I was high risk and had major issues at birth and after - I can't understand the extra explantation. I also have no family, a toddler and my husband works and travels like millions of others. I personally like to bond with my child and sleep depervation comes with having a new child. End of story.
     

    As I said in a previous post, I had severe ppd/ppa in my last pregnancy fueled mainly by sleep deprivation. My son was up every 2 hours to eat. My husband works crazy hours and didn't help, plus I have no close relatives. I couldn't bond with my son because I was so sleep deprived. I almost fell asleep at the wheel. So, I would like to to hire someone in the beginning to assist me so I can function during the day to take care of my son.  So what does that say about me? That I shouldn't have kids? That I'm a bad mom? Wow, I guess I shou7ld get my tubes tied asap.

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

  • Options
    I personally don't see anything wrong with hiring a night nurse. She can bond with her baby during the day too it doesn't have to be at night. I didn't even know such option existed but if things get unbearable I might look into it myself. If one can afford it I don't see how it is such a horrible idea. To each their own though.
  • Options
    Wow just wow, I try not to judge but geez a night nurse come on I would hate to miss out on that bonding experience.
    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb1m.lilypie.com/NpgBm8.png" width="200" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie First Birthday tickers"
  • Options
    1.i would have no problem telling you what i think of your post in person. 2. Nothing about my post in nasty, sorry , its my opinion, deal with it! 3.This is a public form. It's not my job to mind read! If you don't put the info, we don't know, duh! Even at that, I know plenty of people with some pretty awful physical complaints that manage really well so problems does not necessarily equal hired help. Over and out...
  • Options
    I have Epilepsy with a husbands work schedule that is going to be crazy, but I do not think that is a reason to get a nurse. The guys in my house have already been warned learn to cook and clean as you go cause I will not be into doing all the cleaning once LO arrives. I will nap when LO naps, and on hubbys days off he will be getting up with him.
    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb1m.lilypie.com/NpgBm8.png" width="200" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie First Birthday tickers"
  • Options
    estreyas said:
    aeh72 said:
    For what it's worth, it's not just newbies who feel the way Wood.Aimee does and just because we feel that way doesn't mean TB isn't for us.  I'm not a warm and fuzzy person, necessarily, and I like to keep it real too but I do agree with her that sometimes posts on here take on a tenor that would not generally be considered civil.  I've probably been guilty myself of being snarky from time to time on here. But, I appreciate when posters like Wood.Aimee make the comments she did because I hope it reminds people that we can be direct and honest but still be civil with each other.  I'm not saying anyone was necessarily uncivil in this particular post, but it does happen on here and I don't think there's anything wrong with someone calling it out.  Oh, and it's not "your house."  This is a public forum that no one has any ownership over no matter how long you've been on here.
    Note the quotes around "our house" in my original statement. Quotes serve two purposes - one, to directly cite something (which isn't relevant here, since we have quote boxes), and the second is commonly quotes to designate euphemisms. "Our house" doesn't mean mine, or yours, or anyone else's in particular -- it means the existing communities and their established patterns of behaviour. And in the case of a community like TB, the tenor is very clearly established. If there are more people that feel like Wood.Aimee does - that's great. But recognize that it's going to be an uphill battle because of the tenor of these boards, and that coming in and attempting to white-knight gets a poor response, and they need to be ready for that.

    Edited to clarify a phrase.
    I understand the euphemism "our house" and your use of it, but the overall message I, at least, took from your response was that if you disagree with the established tenor of the board or even the tone/tenor of certain posts, you don't really have the right to suggest people take a different approach - especially if you are new to TB.  There are a lot of times people give responses like Wood.Aimee when they are just upset that no one agreed with them (and, that, I do find annoying), but she wasn't doing that in her post.   She was simply sugesting the maybe people could be a little nicer in some of their responses.  I don't see what's wrong with that and why she needed to be criticized for it. I just always cringe when I see this happen to people, and yesterday I felt like saying something about it.  TB is a great place, and I hope people don't leave when they get jumped on for a well-intended suggestion. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    I think previous PPD is a good reason to consider hiring a nurse. You might also consider hiring someone to help with other household tasks so you are free to spend more time bonding with your baby and don't get as exhausted trying to do everything on your own.
    Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Parent of Baby Boy M, born December 2013 Angels: Miscarriage @ 9 weeks, May 2015, Chemical Pregnancy November 2015



    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • Options
    I am not lazy. I have a physical injury that makes it difficult to do many of these tasks. The main purpose of our Baby nurse is to show me and my Husband who are first time parents, on the proper way to take care of our child. A Baby nurse is not a nanny. Would you get in a car and start driving without any driving lessons? We have the means to hire someone who can both educate us and assist me; so I see no issues here.
  • Options
    Jas723 said:

    I am not lazy. I have a physical injury that makes it difficult to do many of these tasks. The main purpose of our Baby nurse is to show me and my Husband who are first time parents, on the proper way to take care of our child. A Baby nurse is not a nanny. Would you get in a car and start driving without any driving lessons? We have the means to hire someone who can both educate us and assist me; so I see no issues here.

    This is written like people haven't been raising children on their own for thousands of years! The reason we take driving lessons is that there is a test we have to pass. I don't recall getting my test date for parenthood
    :-S I'd bet a lot of money if people weren't legally obligated to pass a driving test they would jump in a car without lessons. In fact, that's exactly what people did before the creation of such tests! (step forward grandparents generation) So...not a valid argument for my perspective. Bottom line, do what you want to do, it's still not going to make me agree with it. Fortunately, I can get on with life without people agreeing and sugar coating everything for me :)
  • Options
    Joy2611 said:



    Jas723 said:

    I am not lazy. I have a physical injury that makes it difficult to do many of these tasks. The main purpose of our Baby nurse is to show me and my Husband who are first time parents, on the proper way to take care of our child. A Baby nurse is not a nanny. Would you get in a car and start driving without any driving lessons? We have the means to hire someone who can both educate us and assist me; so I see no issues here.

    This is written like people haven't been raising children on their own for thousands of years! The reason we take driving lessons is that there is a test we have to pass. I don't recall getting my test date for parenthood
    :-S I'd bet a lot of money if people weren't legally obligated to pass a driving test they would jump in a car without lessons. In fact, that's exactly what people did before the creation of such tests! (step forward grandparents generation) So...not a valid argument for my perspective. Bottom line, do what you want to do, it's still not going to make me agree with it. Fortunately, I can get on with life without people agreeing and sugar coating everything for me :)

    This is such a strange response.  Jas (not the OP) says she has an injury and wants to learn to take care of her child the proper way.  And you're advocating that she should just jump right in and do it!!  Who needs lessons?  "My grandparents learned to drive cars without lessons!!!!"  Jas is trying to be responsible within her limitations and you're spouting off irresponsibility to the masses.  Your stance here is laughably ridiculous.
    </

    Perhaps the confusion lies in the fact that I have read the thread and therefore assumed Jas would have too. Silly me! The OP was about a night nurse. As I cannot mind read I assumed this was what Jas meant when she said 'baby nurse'. If not then her post is in the wrong place so save your condescension for someone who cares.

    Her sentence about her injury, how i read it, was standalone. She then went on to discuss her primary reason for paid help. She did not link these, you did. Are you a mind reader?Impressive!

    Also, Jas used the lessons analogy, I was merely running with it so I have no clue why that is "irresponsible". In other words, parenting is the 'lesson', you make mistakes, you learn from them, it makes you better the next time. One day people might learn to read the comments correctly. Wishful thinking? Most likely.
  • Options
    I feel I should clarify further as I know how difficult it is to read the thread. The topic is called 'baby nurse' but the discussion goes on to clarify what that means for people commenting on the OP (I.e someone that gets up at night with the baby so you can sleep).
  • Options
    And my response is strange? Hmmm...seems more like you want to disagree with me but can't construct a good reason as to why. You could just opt to not post? You see, I don't post my opinion thinking that everyone is going to agree, in fact i welcome other views as it makes it more interesting. So it realky doesn't bother me one way or another what you think.
  • Options

    WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?

    From what I can gather, I made a comment and was attacked because someone didn't agree with it. I suspect a misunderstanding of the thread on the part of a PP may have also played some role.
  • Options
    Haha, you amuse me. You're the one running about with your knight in shining armour garb on. Go back to sleep.
  • Options
    Yeah, I care that much I didn't even notice your last response until now. Responding does not equal me caring. It's more like response= amused/bored.
  • Options
    You asked what was going on, what did you expect me to say? Silly me for not knowing you are a tag team. Fight your own battles. Bored now.
  • Options
    Maybe my mom to take care of the other four kids at home, but no nurse.
    image
    image 
    image
    ~Drew '13~Camden '12~Mihaila '10~Aaliyah '09~Noah '07~

  • Options

    WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?

    From what I can gather, I made a comment and was attacked because someone didn't agree with it. I suspect a misunderstanding of the thread on the part of a PP may have also played some role.



    Lol. No one is attacking you. Melodramatic much? You are too busy passing sanctimonious judgment on the OP (& others who have different needs/parenting styles) to really hear yourself. You are coming off very angry & like you have a complete inability to look outside yourself. Your way isn't the only way.

    If someone wants to spend their hard earned $ on someone to show them the ropes of parenting, help at night-- whatever. That's their choice. You don't have to agree with it but you don't have to act like an asshat when you disagree either.

    You seemed to have missed this memo.


    LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:



    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

  • Options
    Goodness, what it sounds like to me is quite a few of you need "night nurses"  so you can get some more rest, as you're kinda mean and judgemental....just sayin'.  Do what you feel is best for you.  As what might be best for one person, might not necessarily be best for you whether it's because you want more sleep or you have personal or medical reasons why you would hire one in the first place.  Not sure I'd want some of you to be my mommy, as you seem quite mean.  Sure, we all have our opinions and are allowed them, but as a human being...there are ways to say something to someone without being so rude.  So, hire a night nurse!  Go for it!  Then when you're thinking more clearly than the rest of us because you've got more sleep than we do, then you can say the "I told you so".  Studies show that people who are not sleep deprived are better parents to their children and generally happier people...not a sermon, just a thought!
  • Options
    jnsmith85 said:
    Seriously?? How lazy are you?
    No need to be rude!  I am not having a baby nurse, but I do understand why some people choose to have one. 
  • Options
    I suffered from PPD with DS, and am so thankful to have supports in place this time around! We have hired a baby nurse to help us out a few nights a week (for us, this is for once we both go back to work). We also have a doula/ lactation consultant coming to help with BFing as soon as I get home from the hospital. Actually, she will come to the hospital if I need her! I gave up too quickly with DS, and I still feel guilty about it. I want to do anything I can to be the best mommy I can be! I really hope PPD doesn't rear its ugly head this time around. My goal is to quickly gain confidence and wean off the help ASAP!
  • Options
    Those middle of the night feedings are such special times for bonding with LO. I learned so much about my baby during that time. You might be tired but it comes with the territory. I wouldn't want or trust anyone enough to do this for me.
  • Options
    I have anxiety disorder and i know how it can intensify with sleep deprivation. If you can afford it go for it. I can see how it would give you quality of bonding time over quantity

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Options
    I would've thought these were only for the incredibly wealthy.  I guess if you've got cash to burn and won't miss the nighttime routine with your baby, then whatevs. 

    And though I certainly experienced severe sleep deprivation with both kids, there's still something about my baby's cries for me and the desire to take care of those needs myself that would prevent me from hiring nighttime help even if I were made of money.  Hired help can do all the physical chores, but they can't do it with my parental love.
    Our family is complete!

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Options
    Arielle27 said:
    I'm not reading any of the previous posts as it looks like things have gotten ugly... But to answer the OPs original question: I didn't have any help with my first two, but this time (as we are expecting 3u3 in the next few weeks and have no helpful family or even friends in the area, and DH is about to open a new business) we've hired someone to help out, mostly driving the older two to/from their two different daycares and to help me out a little in the house. We'll hopefully be able to keep her for 3weeks or so part-time.
    This, IMO, is a totally separate thing. You're taking responsibility for your newborn and arranging a little help with older children/the house. If I were going to hire anyone for any kind of help, it would be this. Fortunately I have my MIL who will be helping for a week or so once DS is here. She's only going to be hanging with DD and maybe making meals though -- not getting up in the middle of the night so I can sleep while someone else watches over my newborn.

    To each their own, but it's not something I would personally consider unless I was having multiples.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    1.i would have no problem telling you what i think of your post in person. 2. Nothing about my post in nasty, sorry , its my opinion, deal with it! 3.This is a public form. It's not my job to mind read! If you don't put the info, we don't know, duh! Even at that, I know plenty of people with some pretty awful physical complaints that manage really well so problems does not necessarily equal hired help. Over and out...

    I don't know. I found a lot of your posts in this thread seem to be nasty, judgemental & kind of angry. I don't know why your knickers are in a twist over this subject. Even with clarification of OP's circumstances you are continuing to act like a twatwaffle. If someone wants or needs a night nurse then that's really not up to you to decide if they suck. The question was,"are you getting one? Why?". Not should I get one? Also someone explain how you miss any bonding? If she is suffering from PPD the lack of sleep will making bonding problematic anyway. If she is rested & feels at her best emotionally then she will be better able to bond. Even if she were some "rich bitch" who didn't feel like doing night duty, why would it matter? Different folks have different needs. I wouldn't do it because I prefer to spend my money elsewhere, but if For whatever reason someone wanted to do this I don't think that makes them lazy. I also don't think they are missing out on a vital experience. I think they know their needs and want to be mindful of their limitations.
    LMAO @ twatwaffle. I can't wait for the chance to use this IRL
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    To be honest, i only skimmed everyone else's responses so sorry if this has been said...
    If you are exclusively breastfeeding a baby nurse is not much help. Bottle feeding might be another story though. Personally, i think spending that cash on a housekeeper for the first week or two is so much more useful. When you have a little one it is nice to spend all your time on the baby (and getting rest) and let someone else do the dishes/laundry!! Doing housework wont make you a better momma! Hope that helps.
  • Options
    No. But I might get a house cleaner in once/twice a week for the first week or 2? Then we have family coming to stay from 2 weeks old to fuck knows when. I'll make them clean haha!

    I have to learn how to take care of my baby myself (and so does FI). I already know how to clean my house, I just wont have time!
  • Options

    Honestly, if I had the money to spend and wasn't planning on BF'ing, I would consider a night nurse.  A baby that doesn't sleep, has colic, sleep deprivation and PPD can be a very tough combination for anyone to handle.  Having help doesn't make you any less of a mother and being a martyr doesn't make you any more of a mother.  If someone wants to hire a night nurse, so be it.  Lots of sanctimommies up in this post.

    Thank God! Someone else who is thinking with sense. My eyes were rolling very very hard at all the Mommy Martyrdom in this ribbon.

    If I wasn't so pro-breastfeeding, you'd better believe I would hire a night nurse!  No judgment here.  Go for it.  They are super expensive. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"