Greetings all. I am a few weeks away from having a baby girl, which is fantastic, but I am struggling terribly with the mom. The pregnancy was unplanned and happened very early in our relationship, and that put tremendous strain on us as a new couple (though we were head over heels in love). After struggling for quite a while, my ex announced that we were now split up, and promptly broke off all contact with me. This is despite the fact that we had spent four months working towards being a family. I'm hardly perfect, but I worked my ass off to support her in every way I could, and I have continued to offer whatever I can, but she simply refuses to communicate. She would probably argue with this assessment, but I think she is struggling with serious mental illness (I won't go through all the reasons I think this, but there are many). I don't know where she's delivering, I have no idea if my daughter is healthy and on track, and I'm kind of falling apart. Months ago, she said we could work on a parenting plan after the baby is born, but she has gone back on her word a number of times, and I'm operating in a total information vacuum. My mom called her mom (no response), I called her dad (no response), and I have tried talking with her best friend, who told me that my ex had specifically asked her not to respond to me.
I have worked with a mediator (she asked me to hire one, then refused to see him), and he has suggested I hire a private detective to figure out if she is still even in the city and what her plans are. That feels batshit crazy to me, but I really am desperate. I know just saying this doesn't mean much, but I'm a really good human being, and I know I can be a great father to this child, and loving and providing for my daughter is far and away my highest priority. If anyone has any thoughts or resources you would be willing to share, I would be very thankful.
Re: Soon-to-be dad in serious need of help/advice.
Consult a lawyer first is my advice. Go online and look for one who's versed in father's rights. There are usually groups in each state and lawyers who are proponents of fathers rights. I'm not sure how much can be done for the birth but off you have anything where she tells you that you're the father OR that you'll never see YOUR child she's at least admitting paternity. You'll still probably need a DNA test if she fights you but that could get you in the door to see your daughter sooner than later. They can do paternity tests at the hospital and you'll have results in about 2 weeks. I would seek a lawyer in advance to get an order for testing at the hospital. (Yes you still have to find her, a lawyer can help) Her behavior is obviously intended to denying you your child. Save the text from her friend stating she's been asked not to talk to you. That's important. You have rights. If you suspect mental instability, save any documentation you have for that as well. The court will look at your daughters best interest so you will need a strong case. Don't give up. There are dozens of women around here who with there BD's were so determined to provide for there children. I'm happy to help any dad who wants to make his child's life better. I'm glad you're here.
The fact i had a lawyer intimidated my ex enough he just signed the papers. Anyways. If i have to go for custody which i doubt i will ill lawyer up again. My son is to important not to. And im sure you feel.the same about your little girl