Cincinnati Babies
stacieann15
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What do you wish... (and introduction)
stacieann15
member
Hi ladies,
What do you wish you had done before getting pregnant?
This could be something like traveling or something like getting more money in the bank. I'm looking to see what your checklists were before you started TTC.
I am Stacie and I recognize a lot of your names from the Nest. I have been married for 2.5 years and my husband and I are considering TTC in 2009. I just want to make sure I have all my ducks in a row.
I'm a graduate student (starting my PhD in mass com next month) and I would also love to hear about your experiences with pregnancies or being a mom while in grad school.
Nice to meet you all again!
~Stacie
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Re: What do you wish... (and introduction)
Hey Stacie! How is Hal doing? I never understand his Italian facebook updates.
Anyway, I Agree 100% with the above poster. We didn't have a list nor did we want one. If you keep waiting for the perfect situation to come along you may never have them. Good luck TTC!
Katie: 1/16/08 2lbs. 15oz.
Abby & Emily: 12/31/10 6lbs. 2oz. & 5lbs. 7oz.
I don't know that there is a ever a "right time" to plan on having a family b/c there will always be something you wish was better or different - fiancials/bigger house/different job, etc. However, one thing I can say we planned was that we both agreed we were not going to have children until we were financially able for me to stay home with them if I was to choose that - it was just something that was important for us to have that option.
I do think I would have traveled a bit more - like out of the country to Europe and Australia b/c now there's no way I would leave my child to travel that far....but then again, there will always be time for traveling once the kiddos are grown up! :-) Although, witht hat being said, being a mother has been far more rewarding than any trip I could have planned! My advice is if there is anything you wish you really could do - I would do it now so you don't have to wonder "what if"
I agree with the pps who said that they didn't make lists. There were some things that we got out of the way before we got married- education, financial stability, and things that we planned to accomplish shortly after- buying a house. I got pregnant very shortly after our wedding and then buying our house became more important to us, but we were able to find one we loved fairly quickly.
As far as travelling, etc... yeah, I suppose we would have liked to travel more, but we do plan on and look forward to taking vacations as a family once the baby arrives.
I guess I feel like we were very ready to start a family and willing to sacrifice things that are easier when you are single or don't have kids, like going out on the weekends, dining out, etc...
Yay Stacie!
My only requirement was a house. We moved in to ours when I was 14w. Sure it would have been nice to travel more but like the pps said if you wait for the "perfect time" you might be waiting forever. I definitely don't regret not waiting. Good luck!
We did the traveling we wanted to do and were in a good situation financially. We mainly just wanted some alone time as a couple, and I'm glad we got it. Relish it while you have it -- it's so different once there's a baby in the picture!
The one thing I will say is that if you have any issues as a couple that need to be resolved, do it before having a baby. That adjustment was very hard on our marriage for a few months, and I used to see posts about that every day on 0-6. So I'd just take the time to make your marriage as strong as you can, because it takes a beating in the beginning of parenthood!
Jennie
Hi!
I haven't formally introduced myself here yet. I am waiting til our 1st OB appt (at 11 wks..... grrrrrrrr)
I am 32, got married last May. I knew we didn't have the luxury of waiting that long... I felt the same way you did... so much to do. Would we miss out on anything?
We were *maybe* going to TTC in Feb. I got a surprise BFP last month... and that second that I saw that big beautiful plus sign, there was nothing I wanted more in the world. Nothing matters anymore. As ppl mentioned before you can never be truly ready.
GL!
I would have loved to have traveled more and save more money. I keep thinking had I waited the 5 years after marriage (we only waited one) to get preg that I would be able to stay home with him and now I have to work instead.
But I wouldn't trade him for the world and I have no regrets. You can't have regrets when you see that beautiful little face smiling and screaming mommy mommy mommy and telling you they love you.
Honestly, you can travel with a child still... either have someone watch them or take them too. You will be amazed at what you can do without if needs be.
If you want my two cents, you should get a good nest egg, get the prices for day care now (b/c dear lord are they expensive) and save more than you think you will need for time off for maternity leave. The monetary thing was the big one for us. Everything else you learn as you go and you and DH will just know when the time is right mentally to start trying. Good luck!
Elijah Matthew - 5/3/07 ~ Adalyn Rosemary - 3/23/11
*Photos by Kacy Cierley*
I was pregnant while in grad school and if I had only one wish it was that I had completed my MBA before the baby came along. I had great intentions to pick back up taking classes 6 months after Nora was born but I don't want to take time away from her right now. I love being a Mom and just want to focus on that whenever I can in her younger years.
It seems like there will always be another great trip to take, more money to make, more wild nights out with friends.... Motherhood far surpasses any of the joy I would get from these things. I'm happy for the experiences my DH and I had as a couple before having Nora and I don't consider our lives on hold. Having a kid is part of the wonderful journey for us.
Thanks for your responses so far. My husband and I discussed this a lot before we got married, and luckily we've been able to focus on that and do the things we've wanted to do. For example, he really wanted to go to Europe before trying to have kids. We went (Germany, Hungary, Austria, Czech Republic, and Slovakia) in 2007 and we're going to Italy in May (we're also taking a cruise with my family this summer). So I'm not really concerned about the traveling stuff, really.
My goals were the main ones that are usually in place-- get married, buy a house or at least have a stable place that is affordable. Babies can be expensive, so it's nice to have little or no debt.
Other than that, there's not much planning. I would have liked to have taken one more vacation with DH, maybe somewhere warm over a cold season, like Jamaica or Aruba or somewhere like that. We'll probably never go without Leah, and she's too little to go now. Also, I would have wanted to get my Master's degree, but that would have taken me more than two years while working full-time, and I wouldn't have wanted to wait that long, so....
Sometimes there is no perfect time. If you are feeling ready and have your ducks in order, I'd go for it!
No regrets here. My DD wasn't exactly planned and I will admit being married without kids is a breeze compared to having kids. Having one kid was a lot easier too. Things started getting a lot more crazy once we added number 2.
I don't think you can ever travel enough so I wouldn't wait for that. I grew up an Army brat and got to travel all over the world and I still have a ton of places I'd like to visit some day.
I really wish I had completed my Master's before having kids. Your brain just isn't the same and school is 100 times harder with kids around, but it's totally worth it. Ironically, having kids totally changed what I want for my career so without them I wouldn't have gone to Grad school anyway. Good luck with TTC.
I agree with the pps... there is no perfect time. DH and I wanted some time together as a couple, but we didn't want to wait around too long. He's 36, and I'm 30, and we don't want to be in our 60's with teenagers hanging around. I also didn't want to deal with the over 35 and preggo thing.
I do agree with policebride- make sure you have any marital issues in order. Once DC comes along, there's no turning back. I've seen too many people try to deal with too many icky marital things that should have been worked out before even thinking about a baby entered the picture.
Remember you have 9 full months to prep for baby's arrival and get yourself mentally ready. You will never be fully ready for that baby, but once s/he is here nothing else will matter. During those 9 months, dh and I took a vacation together, and spent a lot of time just talking and having fun with the 2 of us. I will cherish those moments, but I absolutely LOVE being mommy and having a family. I can't even imagine my life without DS.
Babies need love, a few sleepers, a car seat, and lots of diapers and wipes. They don't need all of the "extra" stuff, but it is nice. Just remember that because if we waited until everything was financially "perfect" with zero debt (student loans/mortgage/etc...), it would never happen. Good luck!!!
Married to my BFF on 8.13.05 (after dating 5 years)!
DS born 2.14.08. DD born 9.30.09.
I wanted the normal things before baby arrived: a big enough home with a yard for her to play in, my career to be in place with job satisfaction, most of the bills paid (cars etc), a large chunk of money in savings and in investments, good insurance etc. Aside from that, we wanted to travel some, and just enjoy each other. We traveled a lot while TTC, and basically had time to do everything on our list because it took us 23 cycles to conceive.
There is no perfect time to have a baby. There will always be something you want to do before having children no matter how perfect your situation is. It may take you some time to conceive (or not) and the nine months of gestation time is plenty of time to prepare your home and your lives to welcome a baby. As long as your marriage is strong and you are financially stable, you have a great foundation for starting your family. Good luck with TTC!