Facing reality.

KingLED

Tomorrow is the first (and second, I have 2) of 7 appointments over the next week and a half with my doctors to start back up on all my meds I had been avoiding while TTC.  I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it's not easy.  I can't even come up with the words to try to explain what I'm feeling.  I've been off most of my meds for 4 years and it's been miserable.  I kept justifying that it was worth the risk and pain because I was going to have a baby and it would all be worth it.  But all I got was a lot of heartache and thousands of dollars in medical bills. 

Please tell me this gets easier.  I feel so dumb for not preparing myself for this more.  I just kept ignoring it and pretending I would be fine because I knew it was going to happen and I really thought I had accepted this.  Apparently not.  I'm not ready to give up on this, but right now it's just not something we can keep doing and reality is punching me in the face. 

avioletsky

Hugs. I know it sucks. I don't know how to look on the bright side sometimes. However, you said you feel better on your medications and even if you decide to go back off someday it'll be a break for rebuilding your body as it sounds like they help. I'm hoping I don't sound like an idiot. Really, hugs. I hate these type of decisions.

Mrs.McIrish

Others ahead of me in accepting CFNBC say it does get easier in time. I do ok for a while but then something happens to kicks back down. All you can do is keep getting up each time. Hugs.

KingLED

Thanks, guys.  I think I just had too much to drink last night and got all emotional.  For the most part I'm doing okay with it all.  I'm going to Lowe's this afternoon to get supplies to start working on my craft area to keep my mind off everything for long enough to adjust.  Hopefully it'll help.

KingLED

wickedsugar said:

I am along the same lines as Kiki & MrsMcIrish, some days are better than others & it helps to focus on other things, I hope @EllyD14 that being back on the meds you need will help, and I sometimes oddly feel more at peace, knowing that I am doing myself better, by not being or trying to get Pg, kwim ?

Thank you, @wickedsugar.  I hadn't really put much thought in to how being back on my meds would really change things for the better so much as it was just a definitive end to a dream.  But you're right.  I know that as I start really taking care of myself I'll feel so much better physically and mentally and getting on with life will hopefully be easier at that point.