Facing reality. — The Bump
Childless not by choice

Facing reality.

Tomorrow is the first (and second, I have 2) of 7 appointments over the next week and a half with my doctors to start back up on all my meds I had been avoiding while TTC.  I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it's not easy.  I can't even come up with the words to try to explain what I'm feeling.  I've been off most of my meds for 4 years and it's been miserable.  I kept justifying that it was worth the risk and pain because I was going to have a baby and it would all be worth it.  But all I got was a lot of heartache and thousands of dollars in medical bills. 

Please tell me this gets easier.  I feel so dumb for not preparing myself for this more.  I just kept ignoring it and pretending I would be fine because I knew it was going to happen and I really thought I had accepted this.  Apparently not.  I'm not ready to give up on this, but right now it's just not something we can keep doing and reality is punching me in the face. 
Son: Jackson, 11/02/06, stillborn due to PPROM and IUGR. Over the next ten years we had 9 miscarriages from 8-14 weeks. On May 18, 2016 my daughter, Ridley, was born. We're OADNBC.

Re: Facing reality.

  • Hugs. I know it sucks. I don't know how to look on the bright side sometimes. However, you said you feel better on your medications and even if you decide to go back off someday it'll be a break for rebuilding your body as it sounds like they help. I'm hoping I don't sound like an idiot. Really, hugs. I hate these type of decisions.
    Married to the love of my life since 2005
    TTC #1 - 
    BFP # 1: 5/2006 - m/c @ 6 weeks (natural) / EDD 1/17/2007
    BFP # 2: 7/2007 - chemical pregnancy / EDD 3/18/2008
    BFP # 3: 6/2013 - 7/9 u/s: No hb, measuring 2 weeks behind. Very high HCG#'s 7/21 u/s: No change, ruled out molar pregnancy. Completed Natural Missed M/C 7/26/2013 / EDD 2/5/2014
    TTA with Diaphragm. 
    CFNBC
    I didn't want to kiss you goodbye, that was the trouble; I wanted to kiss you goodnight. And there's a lot of difference. - Ernest Hemingway 

    Licensed foster family. No current placements. Open to adoption but that is not our goal and as such we don't have dual foster/adopt home study.
    2012-2013: Former Foster Mommy to 1 bubbly little 8 y.o. girl that has moved onto an amazing adoptive home.

  • Loading the player...
  • Others ahead of me in accepting CFNBC say it does get easier in time. I do ok for a while but then something happens to kicks back down. All you can do is keep getting up each time. Hugs.

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

  • Loading the player...
  • Thanks, guys.  I think I just had too much to drink last night and got all emotional.  For the most part I'm doing okay with it all.  I'm going to Lowe's this afternoon to get supplies to start working on my craft area to keep my mind off everything for long enough to adjust.  Hopefully it'll help.
    Son: Jackson, 11/02/06, stillborn due to PPROM and IUGR. Over the next ten years we had 9 miscarriages from 8-14 weeks. On May 18, 2016 my daughter, Ridley, was born. We're OADNBC.
  • I am along the same lines as Kiki & MrsMcIrish, some days are better than others & it helps to focus on other things, I hope @EllyD14 that being back on the meds you need will help, and I sometimes oddly feel more at peace, knowing that I am doing myself better, by not being or trying to get Pg, kwim ?

    Thank you, @wickedsugar.  I hadn't really put much thought in to how being back on my meds would really change things for the better so much as it was just a definitive end to a dream.  But you're right.  I know that as I start really taking care of myself I'll feel so much better physically and mentally and getting on with life will hopefully be easier at that point. 
    Son: Jackson, 11/02/06, stillborn due to PPROM and IUGR. Over the next ten years we had 9 miscarriages from 8-14 weeks. On May 18, 2016 my daughter, Ridley, was born. We're OADNBC.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards