A/S - Found abnormality in scan

angiek1

On Friday we went in for our A/S.  I've had some friends lately have various issues with pregnancies and deliveries so I truly was one of those people hoping for a happy and healthy baby.  We already have a spunky DD, but I really had no preference on the sex of this baby.  

We went in for our scan and everything seemed normal (techs acted fine and we didn't see anything). We were told that we are having another GIRL!! We were thrilled at the news.  Following our scan we had our regular OB appt.  When she came into the room I could sense something was up.  Our OB informed us that our daughter's left arm didn't fully form and that we needed to see a specialist.  I immediately broke down; not so much at the thought of my daughter missing part of her arm,  but I had fear of what else that could mean.  I knew the odds of only having one deformity was rare and so I started to brace myself for the worst. 

My OB is amazing and scheduled us with a perinatal specialist following our meeting.  Long story short, many tears were shed.  After a very lengthy scan our specialist informed us that we are in the less than 1% of the population that experiences what is called a congenital limb deficiency.  Randomly her left arm just stopped developing.  This wasn't caused by genetics or because of anything I did (according to the doc).  We got lucky - usually stuff like this is tied to greater issues.  Our LO will be healthy and out of all the limbs to not have she is missing the one that'll impact her life the least. 

While I know we are blessed I still wonder what I could have done differently.   Was it the 1 -2 cups of coffee I enjoy here and there? Was it b/c of the Tylenol I took for my constant headaches?? I also think about the challenges she will face and let's be honest; kids are cruel. Will boys not date her? Will kid make fun of her? Will people not be her friend b/c of this? I know all stupid and trivial to think about - but those are things that are on my mind. 

Anyway - I am very lucky and blessed - and my LO is still perfect - but it is still news to adjust to.  We go back in two weeks to confirm that this is an isolated deformity so please any T&P's are appreciated.  Like I said I know we are blessed, but I still am sad/worried/concerned for her and the challenges she will have to face. 

EDITS: Grammer and clarifying my thoughts.

buckeyebride22

Many (((hugs))) and T&Ps.  Did they mention an amniotic band?  I actually work with a woman whose arm stops just after her elbow.  She is a phlembotimist (sp?) and is amazing at her job.  She is married and has three children.  I don't even notice it on her anymore.  A limb doesn't make a person!  I doubt anything you did could have caused it. 

angiek1

buckeyebride22 said:

Many (((hugs))) and T&Ps.  Did they mention an amniotic band?  I actually work with a woman whose arm stops just after her elbow.  She is a phlembotimist (sp?) and is amazing at her job.  She is married and has three children.  I don't even notice it on her anymore.  A limb doesn't make a person!  I doubt anything you did could have caused it. 

The perinatal ruled the amniotic band out since no other limb was affected.  He is going to confirm this at our next appt in 2 weeks.

jldubb0626

*hugs* I'll be thinking of you and your little girl! Keep us updated. 

lolinshag

Don't beat yourself up Momma! Like your doctor said, it is just one of those things that happen.

Just strive to always let her know how much she is loved. Don't treat her any different than your first daughter. We had a kid a year younger than me in school. He had an arm that stopped at where the elbow would be. He was one of the coolest dudes I knew! He even played baseball and was pretty darn good! I asked him once when we were small if he missed his arm and he said why would he? He was just extra special and if someone didn't like it "then they could go somewhere else cause i am the awesomest".

Amarantheansea

Lots of love and positive vibes! She sounds perfect! Sometimes physical obstacles only make a person stronger! You will learn so much from her!!! You are a very lucky momma!

Ninjafarmerswife

Sending hugs and T&Ps. I'm glad your little girl is otherwise healthy and hopefully hearing this news early will be a blessing with helping you prepare.

fredtheredhead2

Sending hugs and thoughts your way. I grew up with a girl who had an arm that didn't form completely in utero and we honestly never paid it any attention. It was just part of who she was She had a completely active life and never let it get in her way.

jgraham80

Hugs coming to you...I am also a teacher and have had a similar experience.  It's surprising that even middle schoolers (who can be cruel) don't bat an eye!  To be honest, I had a student in one of my extra curricular classes who I never even noticed had a deformity until a few months in.  No one made it an issue, so no one really even noticed.  I'm sure your little girl with have a very happy life!

megngregk

Lots of hugs for you! The emotions and the fears must be really overwhelming, but please don't beat yourself up or question yourself. Your baby girl will be perfect! I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers that everything goes well at your next appointment.

I have a nephew who I don't see due to a divorce and distance, but his left arm didn't fully form, either. He was otherwise a perfectly normal, happy, well adjusted kid who didn't let it stand in his way. I remember being so in awe of him when I was younger because of his capabilities. Your little one will have some extra obstacles to overcome, but just think of how amazing she will be

BEAUNAL

Hugs and definitely thoughts and prayers for the rest of the pregnancy. She is going to follow your lead and you are going to do an amazing job with her. Congratulations on your little beauty.

megngregk

Oh, I was also friends with a guy in college whose arm stopped above the elbow. He was a championship wrestler. She will be just fine! This isn't going to stand in her way.

aessary03

What an emotionally draining day.  I know you're upset, but it sounds like you've got a good outlook on the situation.  Yes, I understand your concerns, especially about kids being cruel.  Honestly, if you raise her in a love filled house, the other kids will catch on and it will be no big deal.  You'll always have that one little asshole who says something, but I bet the majority of the kids will accept her, stick up for her, and love her just like you do!  Thoughts and prayers .... and big hugs to you.  Sounds like she'll be a very well loved little girl.

MarkandAbbi

There is a book called Blade Runner about Oscar Pistorius (double amputee who ran in the Olympics) his parents chose to amputate his legs at 11months old due to deformities. It is an amazing book and will give you a different perspective about life and how easily his parents could have treated him as the "poor you kid" and instead chose to raise him "normal". Worth the purchase and the read.

Chuckaluck315

There is a girl here without her left arm. I think she's in grade 6 or 7. She is the ultimate "cool" girl. She's gorgeous with a ton of friends, she swims on the swim team (and is top 5 every race!) and she's a whiz at track and field. She is in the advanced program at school and participates in all the spelling/georaphy bees as well as the math-letes program. She's amazing and her mom is great, has her help with her younger bro and do what all her bros do. I love watching that family live and play:) I hope this helps you when you think about your little ladies future:)

nbbride06

(((Hugs)))

notthecheat

Ts and PS for you!! So sorry for the distressing news. I know its easier said than done but its not your fault!! They told you so!! If you can find a way to let go of that blame it will help tremendously. There will always be a tiny part of you that will think "what-if" and that's natural but if you can make peace with the part that outright blames yourself it will take a weight off. It is ok to take time to grieve for the life that you had wanted for your daughter. It will be challenging at times and yeah kids are mean and I'm sure she will hear at least one nasty comment growing up. The good news is that there are also kids out there who won't care about that and will have fun playing with her and being her friend. She is so lucky to have parents like you who love her so much already and can't wait to give her the best life you can give, just like you are doing for your other daughter. I know when she is born and you see her for the first time you will also think of how lucky you are to be holding such a beautiful little miracle in your arms. Much love to you! Try not to beat yourself up, you are already doing a FABULOUS job Mama!!

HappyDoc

Sending T&P your way. Hoping you can find some peace and comfort in knowing that you did not cause this, and will have a fabulous daughter in a few months!

Elvislass

Sending lots of love to you xx
My best friendhas no femur bones, therefore she is very short, I have know her for 20 years now and he has never let it bother her, wonderful amazing woman!
Your girl will do amazing!!!

bellamatson

This made me tear up.
Your new baby girl will be perfect! One of the girls I know was born without her left arm. She is one of THE strongest people I know. She has never let her only having one arm stop her from anything.
I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smooth, and that she stays healthy!
Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

AprlShwrs18

How scary and I'm so glad you ended up with a very healthy baby.  Kids are resilient and, from what I've seen, many actually have a line they won't cross when it comes to making fun of kids.  Like - they'll pick on someone because they have glasses or are nerdy, but not if they have something that is truly different that they can understand.  I'm a teacher of middle school and I think kids are sometimes tempted to make fun of things they have trouble understanding.  Your a strong Momma...and you'll teach your girl to be strong...and that's the best lesson she can learn!

And please don't beat yourself up - believe your doctors that you did nothing wrong.  You really didn't - trust your gut and that you have and will do everything you can to protect this baby.  

runnergrl6675

Your daughter has a great momma and she will do great!

pennstated912

*hugs tight*

I know how scary that must be for you. I'm sending you many T&Ps!

Just remember that your baby girl is healthy and will be happy. She will have a loving group of family and friends surrounding her.

I went to school with a girl that never developed her left hand. Honestly, she was and is an amazing person and I didn't notice she didn't have a left hand until she addressed it about a month after we became friends. I promise that you didn't do anything wrong. These things can happen to anyone (ex. I have a congenital brain anomaly caused by absolutely nothing. It was luck of the draw).

Your DD will be a strong and loving girl just like her momma.

Arrgcr

T & Ps! You'll have such a wonderful little girl!

LindsB314

First congrats on team pink!! So sorry you are going through this & please know you did not do anything wrong! Sending lots of hugs & thinking of you!!!

HullGut

An adorable little girl! That is great news. I am so sorry to hear about the other news, I would be upset too. But as long as she is healthy and can lead a great life everything will be fine. She will be strong and you will raise her to be proud of who she is. 

I suggest you research some blogs and website written by parents of people who have dealt with this situation. It may bring you some comfort and reassurance. I will be praying for you and your baby. Don't beat yourself up, you did nothing wrong. 

jmjj1310

Sending my thoughts and prayers! Hugs!

angiek1

Thanks everyone for the great vibes and messages! Going through this thread and reading all the threads of others with a similar condition truly makes me feel better. 

MindyBadger1

Lots of hugs. She will be beautiful, loved, and successful.

Listen to your doctors- YOU are not at fault here.

Of course kids can be cruel, but you can teach her to be strong and confident. And she will teach kids and those around her so many lessons.

xoxo

km_md

So many ((Hugs)) I am so sorry that you received this news. You and your family will be in my thoughts and I really hope for the best outcome for your DD.

LabPupLuv

I am so sorry to hear this. You have such a great attitude about it and it's clear you love her dearly. She's perfect and you will raise her to be strong. Just stop beating yourself up about this and second guessing everything you did while pregnant. This is not your fault!

LimeDrops

My sister has a limb deficiency defect and I know that it was very difficult for my mother, emotionally. The important thing to remember is that it was just a random occurrence... There is no blame to be found. As long as you make it clear to your daughter that you love her and that she can do anything the other kids can do, she will grow up to be a very strong, capable person. My parents had high expectations of my sister and there were no excuses. She did chores, played sports, played instruments, learned to type (fast!) one-handed. Now she's married, having a baby, and has an awesome career.. As a sibling, I honestly did not even process it until I was in jr high. I just thought it was like any other difference, like eye color or height, because that's how our family treated it. NBD. The kids in school never said anything or teased except sometimes in very very young grades just to ask why or what happened. Congrats on your baby girl and the long full life ahead of her!

citybeach

I'm so sorry to hear this, it must be very difficult for you. Congratulations on your little girl! Take care.

goldenB

::HUGS::
I am sending you many T/P's for you and your sweet little girl. Reading your post made me tear up because even though I don't know you I can tell you love her so much already. She is lucky to have a good mama like you. I also want to echo the other PP's in saying that you shouldn't blame yourself for anything. She is made in love and already that makes her perfect.

xo

genaruthp

I am so glad she is healthy! Don't beat yourself up. She's going to amaze you every day with all the things she can do.

T&Ps

ksonne

Sendings many T&P's for your little girl! One of my college classmates didn't have her left forearm develop properly. She was an amazing lab partner in anatomy and physiology and now she's a kick ass nurse. Sending some extra hugs to you, too.

SvedkaStoli

A lady that I know had her baby at at 25 weeks and her girl lost all of the fingers on one of her hands due to sepsis. Her mom tells her that her dragon hand just didn't have time to turn into a human one. The girl is smart as a whip and funny and engaging. I am so sorry you are going through this but if you treat her just like all the other kids, she will grow up exactly that. No different than others. Best of luck to you and I will keep you in my thoughts!

daltosostarby

Congrats on your daughter, and I am sending my thoughts and prayers to you and your family!

Jaytee501

I grew that with her family's love, your beautiful DD will grow to be a strong, confident person with a rich, full life!

nic5606

Hugs.  A teenage girl in my neighborhood is missing her arm at the elbow from birth as well. She is a beautiful girl, involved in everything at school. (sports too). I am so sorry this happened, but this can make her stronger. I am sure you will help instill all the confidence she needs and it will not matter.  Congrats on your baby girl!!

Kiklips03

Many hugs and blessings!!! Very happy to here your LO is over all healthy and we face many challenges in life and I agree kids are cruel but we are human and one of the best things we know how to do is adapt. Your baby girl seems to have a very strong optimistic mother who is going to lead her through her challenges :-)