Pregnant, but the father doesn't want the baby.

ajb19

Yesterday I took 4 tests and they all came back positives. When I told the father he flipped out and told me he didn't want to be a parent. When I explained to him that I wasn't getting an abortion he got worse. Telling me I was forcing him to become a parent, he had a chance to be someone with a living and now that was ruined. He told me he had so much hate for me right now, he was so disgusted and for me to stay away from his family.
We were together for almost 5 years, but broke up this January. We began to start talking again in May-June and then began having a physical relationship. I was on the pill, but I was always bad at taking it and we never used a condom. So this is both of our faults and I'm taking responsibility.
I think I made a mistake because I told him he could back out. I regret it because I don't want to do this without him. I'm so scared. I have such a great support system, but to me no one will compare to the father. I don't know what to do. Should I give him some time then try contacting him again or just forget it. If he wants to be a part of this he'll come to me? This is all so scary

Dr.Loretta

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

IMO you have 2 options, since abortion is out of the question.

1. Have the baby, parent the child yourself, and take advantage of the support system you DO have.

2. Make an adoption plan for your child.

You have a lot of time to consider your options. I'd find a unbiased counselor (your ob/gyn may be able to give you some recommendations) to explore your options and make a decision that feels right to you.

In the short-term, I would give him some time, discuss your situation with whatever counselor or trusted person you talk to, and circle back when he's had time to process this.

GL

amandalou22

Unfortunately, this is a common situation I think. You follow YOUR heart. This is your precious child...if he chooses not to parent with you, then it's ultimately his loss. Just surround yourself with your support system. Sorry you are dealing with this but it WILL work out. It will, believe that!

amanda_rae_2008

ajb19 said:

Yesterday I took 4 tests and they all came back positives. When I told the father he flipped out and told me he didn't want to be a parent. When I explained to him that I wasn't getting an abortion he got worse. Telling me I was forcing him to become a parent, he had a chance to be someone with a living and now that was ruined. He told me he had so much hate for me right now, he was so disgusted and for me to stay away from his family.
We were together for almost 5 years, but broke up this January. We began to start talking again in May-June and then began having a physical relationship. I was on the pill, but I was always bad at taking it and we never used a condom. So this is both of our faults and I'm taking responsibility.
I think I made a mistake because I told him he could back out. I regret it because I don't want to do this without him. I'm so scared. I have such a great support system, but to me no one will compare to the father. I don't know what to do. Should I give him some time then try contacting him again or just forget it. If he wants to be a part of this he'll come to me? This is all so scary

I know where you are coming from..... In the same place.
I'm just giving him space and trying to stay positive ! I have more than enough support without him!!! If he comes around then that's okay,but I'm not going to push him to be apart of our lives.

It does suck when someone tells you all those things ... I was so upset I started bleeding and had to take a trip to the ER .... But thank goodness everything was okay they just said it was stress. So stay calm and keep your head up you have done nothing wrong!

ajb19

We got in to a fight today because he told me he wanted nothing to do with the baby. Fine, but financially he will. I told his mother on Sunday about the pregnancy and she's already been a part of it more than him. So I told him today his mother already knew because I knew he was going to try to pull crap like this. Maybe his mom will talk some sense in to him. This all just sucks ):

seannasmommy16

The father of my first child walked out when we found out we weren't having a boy. He has had no contact with me or my child since that day. I filed for child support, he has yet to pay anything. Ive done it on my own for the last 3 years.. About a year ago I met a guy who treats my daughter like he's her father. He loves her so much and now we are expecting another one. I was 16 with my first one. I was scared and heart broken at first but I've realized that my daughter and I have done just fine with out him. It's hard work and it's scary but once that baby gets here you forget the hard part of him not being there and you focus on doing what's right for the baby. It's always hard when you realize that the dad wants nothing to do with the baby, but if you have a great support system and you confident in yourself that you can do it nothing will stop you.

msronzio

I don't have any good advice for you. I just wanted to say you're very brave for standing up for your unborn child, and I applaud you for taking responsibility, just as a good mom does. Definitely dial in on your support team. It also sounds like you have a healthy relationship with his mom, which is good news. I wish you the best of luck.

msronzio

@seannasmommy16 Congratulations! That sounds like it was rough; my mom was a single mom for my entire life. I'm glad your story has a happy ending though

jbara79

Dr.Loretta said:

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

IMO you have 2 options, since abortion is out of the question.

1. Have the baby, parent the child yourself, and take advantage of the support system you DO have.

2. Make an adoption plan for your child.

You have a lot of time to consider your options. I'd find a unbiased counselor (your ob/gyn may be able to give you some recommendations) to explore your options and make a decision that feels right to you.

In the short-term, I would give him some time, discuss your situation with whatever counselor or trusted person you talk to, and circle back when he's had time to process this.

GL

I agree with this advice. But most of all follow your heart. If you want this baby then keep it. A father is nice but not always necessary. Just stay strong and speak with someone who can give you more advice on your options. Good luck

Momhasamigraine2

Dr.Loretta said:

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

IMO you have 2 options, since abortion is out of the question.

1. Have the baby, parent the child yourself, and take advantage of the support system you DO have.

2. Make an adoption plan for your child.

You have a lot of time to consider your options. I'd find a unbiased counselor (your ob/gyn may be able to give you some recommendations) to explore your options and make a decision that feels right to you.

In the short-term, I would give him some time, discuss your situation with whatever counselor or trusted person you talk to, and circle back when he's had time to process this.

GL

I agree.

seannasmommy16

msronzio said:

@seannasmommy16 Congratulations! That sounds like it was rough; my mom was a single mom for my entire life. I'm glad your story has a happy ending though

Thank you. It hasn't been easy but it's been well worth it!