WWYD: NIP in front of FIL

WasNotWas

So now that I have used all the acronyms

We are going on a mini vacation this weekend with my ILs. Last weekend I successfully NIP without a cover at the zoo so my confidence is high, but I think this is my next challenge...nursing in front of my FIL. He is a crass man and I don't think he separates sexual boobs from functional boobs.

So WWYD...ask him to leave the room when I nurse? (Which I did with my own dad when he came to visit), nurse with a cover? Or just eff it and nurse in front of him?

For reference, we will be staying in separate hotel rooms, but I'm sure there will be times when we are in "private" that I will need to nurse. All times that we are in public I plan on reading the room to see if a nursing cover is necessary or not.

lioness13

I nursed in front of my FIL. I think he was uncomfortable but I didn't care. My uncle-in-law was kind of crass and silly but it didn't bother me. I don't think you'll know until you're in the situation.

riansmommie

I would say eff it and nurse where ever LO is ready to be fed. If he has an issue with it he can avert his eyes/go away. If he were to say something to you I would hope your hubby would speak up and tell his dad off about it.

RedCherry1109

I nurse in front over who ever, I just cover up but that's just who I am. I am very big breasted so there's no way of me keeping my breast from showing.

deejohn2012

It's all about your comfort level. I nursed without a cover in front of my dad, and neither of us were uncomfortable. My brother was another story. He sat in the car until I was done.. Haha. I wouldn't nurse without a cover in front of my aunt's fiance because he's a perv and would make ridiculous comments the whole time. If you're fine with it, then nurse when and where LO is hungry.

TriciaandSean

I nursed in front of my FIL at the dinner table.  He may have been embarrassed but it is too hot for a nursing cover.  I do what's convenient for me.

homebird

I nurse in front of everyone, lol. Discreetly. If I feel like someone is going to be uncomfortable or make a rude remark I'll use a cover (but it makes it more difficult, imo).

TheTamedShrew

Wow. I wish you guys could've heard the conversation at my in laws Sunday night. It was going on while I was in the next room nursing (under a cover). My MIL brings up the whole chik-fil-a thing and how that woman was just trying to call attention to herself and my BIL and SIL chime in with "she needed to cover that up" and " so inappropriate" and "what happened to no shoes, no shirt, no service?". My MIL only breast fed her first child for two months and then didn't want to do it anymore and my SIL is not breast feeding her 3 month old because she (and I quote) "has no desire to so that". I was livid. They even expected me to chime in against this woman. I just couldn't understand their logic at all and thought it was very disrespectful to me. I mean I cover mainly because I am too self conscious and a FTM, but I had no idea I was being EXPECTED to cover. covering is always a real pain in the ass and DD always acts confused and
gets hot. Even before I became a nursing mom, I never expected women to cover themselves. Ridiculous.

HeartLikeMine3

I am so glad you posted this tomorrow night we will be at a huge family dinner at a resturaunt with my dad, FIL, brother, and uncles. I've been worried about what to do I've never NIP bc I have taken LO out much until lately. But I think ill nurse with a cover I just hope I don't end up flashing everyone. I just know this is something I should be proud of and must get over ASAP

steph_pegasus

I would nurse in front of him and be prepared with a couple different responses if you expect that he will make comments. I'd be prepared for anything from joking back to putting your foot down depending on your relationship.
I have not had any problem NIP or in front of family, and all I do is pull a receiving blanket up around DD, but not draping over us both.

JessicaKS

jo27key said:

Wow. I wish you guys could've heard the conversation at my in laws Sunday night. It was going on while I was in the next room nursing (under a cover). My MIL brings up the whole chik-fil-a thing and how that woman was just trying to call attention to herself and my BIL and SIL chime in with "she needed to cover that up" and " so inappropriate" and "what happened to no shoes, no shirt, no service?". My MIL only breast fed her first child for two months and then didn't want to do it anymore and my SIL is not breast feeding her 3 month old because she (and I quote) "has no desire to so that". I was livid. They even expected me to chime in against this woman. I just couldn't understand their logic at all and thought it was very disrespectful to me. I mean I cover mainly because I am too self conscious and a FTM, but I had no idea I was being EXPECTED to cover. covering is always a real pain in the ass and DD always acts confused and
gets hot. Even before I became a nursing mom, I never expected women to cover themselves. Ridiculous.

I was visiting with our friends about a month after LO was born and the girl, who I am not close with brought up nursing in public at some point. She is conservative and very southern and she said "I think there are some cultures where that is appropriate", referencing NIP. She said it kinda snooty and I was feeling annoyed so I said back "I BF LO out to lunch at (Mexican restaurant) just last week." I really wanted to make her feel bad, which is kinda petty of me because I am certainly no huge NIP advocate! I'll do it if I must but I try to avoid it all costs and I def use my cover! I was just so mad at her for being judgy...

natalie115

I never thought I'd be so passionate about NIP, but seeing the stories lately about women being shamed and reprimanded for NIP made me livid. It actually makes me want to NIP all the time and just wait for someone to say something to me LOL

To answer your question, I would just nurse and try to be discreet (it's not like anyone tries to flaunt it anyway). Be prepared for a little awkwardness. I'm sure he'll get over any discomfort on his part in no time. I nurse in front of my FIL and while I think he was surprised the first time he saw me do it he no acts like it's NBD b/c it's not. People tend to adopt whatever attitude you have about it. If you act like it's totally normal and not embarrassing chances are he'll end up feeling that way too. If not eff him :-)

iggles09

jo27key said:

Wow. I wish you guys could've heard the conversation at my in laws Sunday night. It was going on while I was in the next room nursing (under a cover). My MIL brings up the whole chik-fil-a thing and how that woman was just trying to call attention to herself and my BIL and SIL chime in with "she needed to cover that up" and " so inappropriate" and "what happened to no shoes, no shirt, no service?". My MIL only breast fed her first child for two months and then didn't want to do it anymore and my SIL is not breast feeding her 3 month old because she (and I quote) "has no desire to so that". I was livid. They even expected me to chime in against this woman. I just couldn't understand their logic at all and thought it was very disrespectful to me. I mean I cover mainly because I am too self conscious and a FTM, but I had no idea I was being EXPECTED to cover. covering is always a real pain in the ass and DD always acts confused and
gets hot. Even before I became a nursing mom, I never expected women to cover themselves. Ridiculous.

My SIL was telling me about a lady that was breastfeeding at a mall near an area for children to play. She had the baby nursing and an older child. Her exact words were "what ever you do do NOT ever be like that woman! So gross" I just stared at her BC I honestly couldn't respond. I have NIP but I feel differently about it in front of my dad and FIL. But that could be BC my dad makes it so awkward. He's always like oh I better leave theroom, don't want to go blind. Anyone else I don't care. I know that's weird though.

megaroo64

Here is my nursing in front of FIL experience. Let me start by saying that I hate the man. He is also a pretty crass guy and just generally a jerk. Anyway, he was at my house and I was getting ready to feed B and he suggested that I leave the room to do so- oh hell no! It was almost like a game of chicken- I really didn't want to nurse in front of him, and he certainly didn't want to see it, but I refused to crack first, and he ended up leaving the room.

Moral of the story: nursing your LO is not an activity that is going to go away and it shouldn't be an activity that isolates you. Nurse in front of him an let him decide his comfort level about the situation. If he is uncomfortable- he can leave.

kh59

My go-to line is, "You don't mind if I feed the baby, right?" as I'm already getting set to nurse. Being presumptuous has gotten me pretty far. Then the other person is the one who has to decide to live with it or leave.

kanga1622Wed220857

I say use a cover just for your own comfort level. Then you don't have to worry about FIL.

I always use a cover because my very large chest makes it almost impossible to be modest without a huge cover. I don't cover around my DH, DS, or my sisters. The only other person that has seen me nurse uncovered was my 22 year old nephew. He walked into the room where I was nursing and day down right next to me to join the conversation. It didn't phase him in the least.

After 27 months of nursing DS1, the only comment I ever got that was irritating was when I asked a Target customer service employee if there was a chair somewhere I could use. She tried to tell me to use the bathroom and got a rather loud piece of my mind for that!

JessicaKS

kanga1622Wed220857 said:

I say use a cover just for your own comfort level. Then you don't have to worry about FIL.

I always use a cover because my very large chest makes it almost impossible to be modest without a huge cover. I don't cover around my DH, DS, or my sisters. The only other person that has seen me nurse uncovered was my 22 year old nephew. He walked into the room where I was nursing and day down right next to me to join the conversation. It didn't phase him in the least.

After 27 months of nursing DS1, the only comment I ever got that was irritating was when I asked a Target customer service employee if there was a chair somewhere I could use. She tried to tell me to use the bathroom and got a rather loud piece of my mind for that!

The sales lady at Nordstrom got major points the other day when I was trying on some clothes. I told her I was looking for a dress that would be easy to BF in and she was helping me find some. When she brought me back to the changing room she said to take all the time I need and if I wanted to stay in the changing room to breastfeed to feel free! Then again, Nordstrom also has THE best "mothers areas" in their bathrooms and awesome changing tables! I guess they just have a good attitude about this stuff in general, unlike Target clearly!

llbta85

StephPegasus said:

I would nurse in front of him and be prepared with a couple different responses if you expect that he will make comments. I'd be prepared for anything from joking back to putting your foot down depending on your relationship. I have not had any problem NIP or in front of family, and all I do is pull a receiving blanket up around DD, but not draping over us both.

This for me.  With DS I was terrified to NIP, but for some reason with DD I DGAF and will nurse her anywhere.  I use one of her A&A blankets to cover if she is bobbing off and on and getting distracted easily.  I feel like the actual nursing covers draw more attention to what you are doing and in the summer its got to be super hot under there.

JessicaKS

llbta85 said:

StephPegasus said:

I would nurse in front of him and be prepared with a couple different responses if you expect that he will make comments. I'd be prepared for anything from joking back to putting your foot down depending on your relationship.
I have not had any problem NIP or in front of family, and all I do is pull a receiving blanket up around DD, but not draping over us both.

This for me.  With DS I was terrified to NIP, but for some reason with DD I DGAF and will nurse her anywhere.  I use one of her A&A blankets to cover if she is bobbing off and on and getting distracted easily.  I feel like the actual nursing covers draw more attention to what you are doing and in the summer its got to be super hot under there.


Yeh the nursing cover I have is amazing but hot as hell underneath!

LaBellaVida

If it were me...I would feed O. I would cover up though. 

jennOK

I was only able to breast feed for a short time because of supply problems and my own health issues. It was very emotional for me to stop and I cried over it. I really wanted to nurse my LO.

Well, I could tell my MIL really was uncomfortable with it when I was nursing, and she kept making comments to discourage me.

When I finally gave it up, she acted relieved, and she told me "we'll, I never nursed my children. I never had any desire to. I was always to busy and on the go." I think there was just a generation in there where it wasn't done, so they don't understand it.

peachnectarine

jennOK said:

Well, I could tell my MIL really was uncomfortable with it when I was nursing, and she kept making comments to discourage me.

When I finally gave it up, she acted relieved, and she told me "we'll, I never nursed my children. I never had any desire to. I was always to busy and on the go." I think there was just a generation in there where it wasn't done, so they don't understand it.

Exactly. My mom and grandmothers never BF, so they just don't understand. They're always asking when I'm going to be done and switch to formula. There are not many women in my family, so I am the first one to BF.

RedCherry1109

Jess002 said:

jennOK said:

Well, I could tell my MIL really was uncomfortable with it when I was nursing, and she kept making comments to discourage me.

When I finally gave it up, she acted relieved, and she told me "we'll, I never nursed my children. I never had any desire to. I was always to busy and on the go." I think there was just a generation in there where it wasn't done, so they don't understand it.

Exactly. My mom and grandmothers never BF, so they just don't understand. They're always asking when I'm going to be done and switch to formula. There are not many women in my family, so I am the first one to BF.

the same with me, I'm the first one to BF in my family. They support me but sometimes they make comments that hurts my feelings but I'm making myself stick with it because I have no real reason to stop and switch to formula.

ChristyD6

I think NIP whether in front of family or strangers just takes practice. My first time was horrible and I felt so self conscious but it keeps getting better. Now I can nurse while walking down the street I don't use a cover bc when I tried it drove me crazy. I keep covered with a tank top/Tshirt combo.

BunnyLove416

My in-laws came to stay with us when LO was 2 weeks old, we live in a tiny NYC apartment so FIL was pretty much out of luck on having a choice, I could not for the life of me figure out how to keep him latched with the dang cover on and LO was eating constantly. That said my inlaws are amazing and  just wanted me to be comfortable, plus they have 7 other grandkids and my MIL breastfed her kids so I think that helped.  My parents had a little more trouble with it and my dad still leaves the room but he doesn't make a show about it.

Honestly I'm so desensitized to my boobs at this point I just have no problem popping them out anymore, never thought that would happen! 

HeartLikeMine3

I finally NIP Friday night with a cover my Inlaws and whole family was there I used a cover and it went better than expected although I had my DH to help hand me LO while I adjusted I think I may need a little practice to do it alone. Just a juggling act but everyone just acted like it was no big deal.

skio

Eff him. If he wants to act like an adolescent when you feed your baby, let him and ignore him. Nurse wherever you need to.

WasNotWas

Update: NIP in front of FIL went well! His wife never breastfed so he asked a lot of questions, none of which were offensive(!). He was also fascinated with baby wearing. I was pleasantly surprised.