Vent - schools & working parents

cja06

I am so frustrated and need to get this off my chest to people who might understand. My oldest is starting kindergarten next month. They have been inviting us to a numer of open houses, kindergarten round-up, bus safety days, etc. ALL of the programs are during the work day and not in the beginning or end, but right in the middle of the day (like at 10 a.m., 11 a.m., 1 p.m.).

I work from home most days when I am not travelling, but my children go to daycare/camp and my husband's works 30 miles away. In order to have my child attend any of these, I pretty much need to keep him home for a half day which means taking time off of work.

I want to be an involved parent in my child's school, and I want him to be able to attend these opportunities to help ease the transition, but this seems like it is completely biased against working parents. If they have to do it on a weekday, why couldn't they do them first thing in the morning or late in the afternoon so parents can still put in the necessary time at work?

Anyone else dealing with this?

mae0111

Honestly, this is one of the many reasons we're sending DD1 to private school in the fall.  It goes from pre-K through 8th grade.  They tend to have their open houses in evenings or over the weekend.  They also start 45 minutes earlier than public schools in my area. The before-school care offered through our town would require me to drive 15 minutes across town, drop her off, and then have her get on a bus to drive her 15 minutes back to the school that's a 5 minute walk from our house.  We'd have to leave super early, because after I drove 15 minutes to the before-school care site, I'd have to drive 20-30 mins in traffic to the train station, rush to make my train, and then spend 25 minutes on the train commuting to work.

It's worth the tuition for us.

I hope this gets better.  Maybe it will change once school starts, and the PTA meetings, etc., will happen in the evenings??

*sparky*

The school DS attends was very much like this too and they have slowly changed somewhat.  For example, meet the teacher day used to be mid-morning, now it starts at 7:30 am.  I guess in your situation I would pick the most important events to attend and skip the rest.  And maybe a conversation with the administration along the lines of making the events more convenient for working parents and/or scheduling them all at once would help.  The reason our school changed was because parents were vocal about it.  The school just needed to realize that there is not always a SAHP anymore and they needed to be more accomodating.

Now the Father's events during the year are still scheduled for the evenings, but things like Mother's Day tea are still in the middle of the day, which bugs me, but they are making progress so I deal with it.

mexicolombiana

I anticipate this being a problem in our lives later on when our 2 girls are in school.  For now DD#1 is starting pre-k and the open house was at 11:00-1:00 p.m. one day.  I just took a few hours off of work but I don't have that luxury all the time.  

I figure I'll just have to skip a bunch of events, or try to get off work as much as possible.  Sucks really. 

itsmevkb

I find that the school our two oldest attend is about half and half.  They have things in the evening but it's like "there is mandatory attendance at the 5:00pm Christmas concert."  Okay, so that's technically after school and in the early evening but don't most people work until 5:00, or even if they don't, aren't home until around that time? 

They do plan some things for later in the evenings, like starting at 6:00 or on the weekends or, my favorite, sort of an open house time when I can just show up anytime between 8 and 8.

christinak22

If they always had things in the evenings, people would complain about younger siblings' bedtimes. I'm not looking forward to the politics of school at all. Yikes.

cja06

I'm not saying everything should be in the evening at all, but some consideration for working parents' schedules would be nice. Just have it early in the day or late in the afternoon - not in the middle of the day for everything.

shannm

That sucks. We will have something during the day once in a while like a school performance, and I take a personal day.
Why so many open houses? DS is starting k too and has none of that....

cja06

He had Kindergarten Round Up back in May at 11 a.m. so we could learn what to expect in kindergarten. The open house is at 1 p.m. to meet his teacher and tour the school (which was closed all last year for repairs, so non of us have ever been in the school). The bus safety class which they strongly recommend all kindergarteners take to learn about how to ride the bus safely, rules, what to expect, etc. is at 10 a.m. on a Friday.

His PM extension (basically after school care at a different place) has an open house for new students at 10 a.m. on a Friday as well (and these are all for working parents, so you would think they would know better!).

The PTO meetings are definitely in the evenings, thankfully.

  

SoMoNY

Myself and a few other WMs told our kids daycare/preschool that these mid-day meetings ruined entire work days and we wouldn't be attending.  Once the old lady realized just how man WMs there were she moved meetings from 1-2pm to 7pm and started making better use of email and announcements.

I live on LI where many parents commute to the city.

When it comes time for school we'll use some time if we have to but I'll be that parent that blows off the mandatory chorus concert is DS isn't into it.   Not a fan of mandatory activities

MamaAllison

All this is confirming my decision to send DD to the private school where I work - I'll be able to bop down to middle of the day stuff on prep periods, etc. Good luck to everyone dealing with this - sounds like a real PITA!

JennaNAaron

I feel your pain.  Our oldest will be in K this year.  1st-5th grade open house is from 4:30-6:30 in the evening.  Kindergarten open house/meet the teacher is from 12-2 on a Friday.  DD has a lot of anxiety so it's important to us that she get to see her classroom and meet her teacher.  My husband will have to take time off, go get her from daycare, take her over, then take her back to daycare.  I was very frustrated when I got the letter in the mail.  I'm a teacher and I work 45 minutes from home so me attending is out of the question.

*sparky*

bridefromafar said:

His PM extension (basically after school care at a different place) has an open house for new students at 10 a.m. on a Friday as well (and these are all for working parents, so you would think they would know better!).

  

OK the school scheduling things mid-day is annoying but this is just stupid.  I mean, if you are using after-care you most likely are doing it because you have a job. 

itsmevkb

SoMoNY said:

When it comes time for school we'll use some time if we have to but I'll be that parent that blows off the mandatory chorus concert is DS isn't into it.   Not a fan of mandatory activities

I semi-wish my kids weren't into it, but they are.  That might change when they get older though.  Also, my kids wear uniforms so the school tends to "bribe" them into wanting to do everything by giving out free dress coupons if they attend certain school functions.  So far, the Christmas and Spring concerts are the only things they consider mandatory and probably because it's a small school so if half a class doesn't show up it would be like 8 kids standing up there singing.  I have, however, ignored the rule about having to stay for the entire concert.  Having a baby and a toddler are the perfect excuse to duck out after my kids grades are done ;-)

KL777

DS's kindergarten "Meet & Greet" is at 9 am on a weekday.  His "Open House" will be later in the year in the evening.

RachelD158

I am a teacher and we have 5 mandatory nights in our contract. They are usually covered with open house, conferences, curriculum night, boom fairs, etc. Honestly, teachers work way too much out of our contracted hours. If we did everything at night we would never see our own families. I think you will see as the year goes on how much is offered at night to accomodate families.

MNgirl326

RachelD158 said:

I am a teacher and we have 5 mandatory nights in our contract. They are usually covered with open house, conferences, curriculum night, boom fairs, etc. Honestly, teachers work way too much out of our contracted hours. If we did everything at night we would never see our own families. I think you will see as the year goes on how much is offered at night to accomodate families.

Yup this- teahcers have families too.  So, as much as it sucks to have to take off work to accommodate school schedules remember that teachers have their own families and any support staff that stays after hours gets paid extra- which includes janitorial staff.  So most often times, they are trying to save money by having things during regular business hours.

JennaNAaron

RachelD158 said:

I am a teacher and we have 5 mandatory nights in our contract. They are usually covered with open house, conferences, curriculum night, boom fairs, etc. Honestly, teachers work way too much out of our contracted hours. If we did everything at night we would never see our own families. I think you will see as the year goes on how much is offered at night to accomodate families.

I'm a teacher and other than our science fair ALL our events are at night.  We have at least one a month.

RachelD158

abartow said:

RachelD158 said:

I am a teacher and we have 5 mandatory nights in our contract. They are usually covered with open house, conferences, curriculum night, boom fairs, etc. Honestly, teachers work way too much out of our contracted hours. If we did everything at night we would never see our own families. I think you will see as the year goes on how much is offered at night to accomodate families.

Yup this- teahcers have families too.  So, as much as it sucks to have to take off work to accommodate school schedules remember that teachers have their own families and any support staff that stays after hours gets paid extra- which includes janitorial staff.  So most often times, they are trying to save money by having things during regular business hours.


And just a reminder....teachers aren't paid anything extra for coming in at night....we barely get a thank you. So, as we work all day and then at night for an event we are not seeing our own children all day.

MNgirl326

RachelD158 said:

RachelD158 said:

I am a teacher and we have 5 mandatory nights in our contract. They are usually covered with open house, conferences, curriculum night, boom fairs, etc. Honestly, teachers work way too much out of our contracted hours. If we did everything at night we would never see our own families. I think you will see as the year goes on how much is offered at night to accomodate families.

Yup this- teahcers have families too.  So, as much as it sucks to have to take off work to accommodate school schedules remember that teachers have their own families and any support staff that stays after hours gets paid extra- which includes janitorial staff.  So most often times, they are trying to save money by having things during regular business hours.

And just a reminder....teachers aren't paid anything extra for coming in at night....we barely get a thank you. So, as we work all day and then at night for an event we are not seeing our own children all day.

And lucky me gets to pay a baby sitter to watch LO while I go tend to school functions after hours b/c DH works out of town so much. 

dizzycooks

I was going to chime in with something about how teachers are daytime employees just like you.  I often don't even get the option of taking time off to go to events because I don't get personal time, just sick time.  I would have to lie to go to the events many of you are describing.  Does it suck?  Yeah, but if you contact the teacher and let them know you can't make it (wish you could!) and to please let you know if you can pick up the info in the office or come by to say hi at 8am or 3:30pm (whatever) so it's near the start of end of your day, I think you'll find most are quite accomodating.  That said, I am not a daycare provider or a shift worker, it is not my job to be available when you don't work, that's when I go home to my own family and tend my own child's events/needs.

CarrieB.

Kimbus22 said:

When I worked days, middle of the day stuff was easiest to do because I could take a long lunch instead of a half day.  Maybe that's what they're thinking people do?

That's what I would do, but I can flex time and work from home if needed.

I'm not looking forward to figuring all this out though once my kids are in school.

RachelD158

theresat858 said:

I'm pretty sure that when I was a kid, we just went to school... I don't think such programs are really necessary.  Particularly anything called an 'open house'. Just don't go.

That's horrible advice but that's a whole new topic.

SoMoNY

RachelD158 said:

RachelD158 said:

I am a teacher and we have 5 mandatory nights in our contract. They are usually covered with open house, conferences, curriculum night, boom fairs, etc. Honestly, teachers work way too much out of our contracted hours. If we did everything at night we would never see our own families. I think you will see as the year goes on how much is offered at night to accomodate families.

Yup this- teahcers have families too.  So, as much as it sucks to have to take off work to accommodate school schedules remember that teachers have their own families and any support staff that stays after hours gets paid extra- which includes janitorial staff.  So most often times, they are trying to save money by having things during regular business hours.

And just a reminder....teachers aren't paid anything extra for coming in at night....we barely get a thank you. So, as we work all day and then at night for an event we are not seeing our own children all day.

A lot of us work extra hours and aren't compensated for it.  This isn't a burden only teachers face.

Sometimes I come in or take a call at odd hours because the people I work with are in Paris, Hong Kong, Seoul.  

sweetsunnyc

Yes and it's very frustrating. For example, my daughter is going in to kindergarten and her "meet the teacher" event is from 10-11:30 tomorrow. And then a room mom is hosting a "getting to know each other" event in the park right afterwords. I am taking a half day to meet the teacher, but will have to skip on the park. It's hard to find balance as a working mom and things like this are a reminder. I want to be involved with my child and her school, but I can't work a half day three days out of the week. She attends a private school and I know that the majority of moms do not work- I have no problem with that, but I do have a problem when they make comments about me not being able to volunteer more as in " Oh no, you have to work? Isn't there a way that you could stay home......." Ugh- I need to put this in Monday morning vents.

RachelD158

SoMoNY said:

RachelD158 said:

abartow said:

RachelD158 said:

I am a teacher and we have 5 mandatory nights in our contract. They are usually covered with open house, conferences, curriculum night, boom fairs, etc. Honestly, teachers work way too much out of our contracted hours. If we did everything at night we would never see our own families. I think you will see as the year goes on how much is offered at night to accomodate families.

Yup this- teahcers have families too.  So, as much as it sucks to have to take off work to accommodate school schedules remember that teachers have their own families and any support staff that stays after hours gets paid extra- which includes janitorial staff.  So most often times, they are trying to save money by having things during regular business hours.

And just a reminder....teachers aren't paid anything extra for coming in at night....we barely get a thank you. So, as we work all day and then at night for an event we are not seeing our own children all day.

A lot of us work extra hours and aren't compensated for it.  This isn't a burden only teachers face.

Sometimes I come in or take a call at odd hours because the people I work with are in Paris, Hong Kong, Seoul.  

No one said that teachers are the only ones who aren't compensated. But we were talking about schools and therefore teachers.

erbear

Say something.

My little one's daycare does this and no matter how many times I've complained (I'm a working mom. No one puts their 6 week old at daycare unless they are working...I can't come to something at 11...), nothing has changed. But my big's school has made some positive changes, moving some things to evenings or 5:00 or 7:30.

erbear

RachelD158 said:

I am a teacher and we have 5 mandatory nights in our contract. They are usually covered with open house, conferences, curriculum night, boom fairs, etc. Honestly, teachers work way too much out of our contracted hours. If we did everything at night we would never see our own families. I think you will see as the year goes on how much is offered at night to accomodate families.

I'm a teacher too and I'd give up 5 nights a year without question (I do, plus a few Saturdays) if it meant that parents would attend things at school.

kcox123

That seems like a lot. My daycare has all their parties (which involve pArents) at 3pm which I always find odd. It's a daycare. Parents are working. Make it 4pm at least.
My oldest is going into 2nd grade. They do a good job of offering daytime, end-of-day, and evening hours for most stuff but my school is 70% low-income. Almost all the families are dual income.

Islandgirl1129

RachelD158 said:

I am a teacher and we have 5 mandatory nights in our contract. They are usually covered with open house, conferences, curriculum night, boom fairs, etc. Honestly, teachers work way too much out of our contracted hours. If we did everything at night we would never see our own families. I think you will see as the year goes on how much is offered at night to accomodate families.

I agree teachers have families to and are often not paid to do evening activities. They also work too many hours outside of contract already to have conferences, phone calls, and emails with parents in addition to lesson plans etc. Try to realize they are there to educate your child not necessarily accommodate your schedule.

daisy662

Heaven forbid a teacher work "outside their contract". What other professional positions do you know of that first of all, have a contract, and second of all, only have to work 5 evenings a year?? I am not saying teachers don't work hard or shouldn't have a life outside of work, but we all have extra things we have to do for our jobs. For some reasons teachers like to complain about it. A lot. Not all, but many teachers and its very frustrating. I love the poster who said that she would do it if it meant obtaining participation from her parents. Good for you - you are a teacher for the right reasons. This is a teacher who deserves recognition. Not the ones who count the extra hours they work and feel entitled to extra paY for it. Very rarely are professional positions compensated extra for overtime. I sure am not and trust me, I work waaaaay more hours than a teacher. I do it without complaining because it is what I signed up for. And yes, they should be available for working parents. This topic is high on my radar right now because I just moved and I am hearing similar complaints from my neighbors this year.

Soxgirl07

Those events come up more than you'd think for a lot of teachers. When my kids were born, I had to make the rule for myself that I wouldn't be out more than 1 night a week or even do that for more than 3 weeks in a row. If I could help it. I break the rule sometimes. Other times nothing comes up for awhile.

Granted those aren't all mandatory events, but many are things we're expected to put in an appearance at.

I'm not complaining. I love being so involved in the school community and part of me is sad that I've been more disconnected since having kids. I just want you to know that most teachers probably aren't complaining about something that happens a few times a year.

*sparky*

PrivacyWanted said:

I thought OP was saying stuff shouldn't be the middle of the day, 1st thing or end of the day would work best. Not that teachers should do everything in the evening.

That was my impression too.  I don't think that is an unreasonable request.

And funny enough, as I was reading the updates to this post, I received an email from DS's school that the school store will not be open during meet the teacher day next week (which is from 7:30 - 12:00), but will instead be open from 8:00 - 12:00 the day before.  So if I want DS to have the needed supplies, I now have to go into work late two days in a row.  It is things like that which irritate me.  Why not have the store open when everyone is there?  No one has any reason to be at the school the day before.  I do appreciate that they are starting both events early so I don't have to miss the full day of work.

RachelD158

daisy662 said:

Heaven forbid a teacher work "outside their contract". What other professional positions do you know of that first of all, have a contract, and second of all, only have to work 5 evenings a year?? I am not saying teachers don't work hard or shouldn't have a life outside of work, but we all have extra things we have to do for our jobs. For some reasons teachers like to complain about it. A lot. Not all, but many teachers and its very frustrating. I love the poster who said that she would do it if it meant obtaining participation from her parents. Good for you - you are a teacher for the right reasons. This is a teacher who deserves recognition. Not the ones who count the extra hours they work and feel entitled to extra paY for it. Very rarely are professional positions compensated extra for overtime. I sure am not and trust me, I work waaaaay more hours than a teacher. I do it without complaining because it is what I signed up for. And yes, they should be available for working parents. This topic is high on my radar right now because I just moved and I am hearing similar complaints from my neighbors this year.

You have NO idea. I'm just going to laugh at your ignorant comment and leave it at that.

MNgirl326

Both the school I teach at and the daycare LO goes to have tried to hold events during evening hours and guess what...very few people show up.  There are ALWAYS conflicts with older sibling events, sports practices, church nights, dinner, tired parents from work, swimming lessons, etc.

Honestly there is no perfect system.  What works for some, doesn't work for others.  IF it is important to you, you will make it work.  If it isn't, well, it wouldn't really matter if it is was during the day or night, because chances are you wouldn't come anyway. 

northtamarack

There is always going to be someone who is unhappy.  My school used to offer daytime AND evening student conferences, but now they only do in the evening.  I had several parents complain.  Some of them work nights, so it is the same situation as OP.  Some of them are SAHM who have older children/other obligations.  I agree with the PP who said if it is important, you'll make it happen.  

daisy662

Trust me, I have many many close friends and family members who are teachers. I know plenty about it. I never said the job was easy. I said that all professional positions have a certain amount of extra that needs to go into it but for some reason many teachers feel they should be exempt from that which I do not understand.

dizzycooks

PrivacyWanted said:

I thought OP was saying stuff shouldn't be the middle of the day, 1st thing or end of the day would work best. Not that teachers should do everything in the evening.

That was my impression too.  I don't think that is an unreasonable request.

And funny enough, as I was reading the updates to this post, I received an email from DS's school that the school store will not be open during meet the teacher day next week (which is from 7:30 - 12:00), but will instead be open from 8:00 - 12:00 the day before.  So if I want DS to have the needed supplies, I now have to go into work late two days in a row.  It is things like that which irritate me.  Why not have the store open when everyone is there?  No one has any reason to be at the school the day before.  I do appreciate that they are starting both events early so I don't have to miss the full day of work.

Can your husband do one of the days? Maybe his aunt, cousin, friend, neighbor could tae him for supplies. My guess is a teacher runs the school store and needs to be in her classroom.

MNgirl326

S

*sparky* said:

PrivacyWanted said:

I thought OP was saying stuff shouldn't be the middle of the day, 1st thing or end of the day would work best. Not that teachers should do everything in the evening.

That was my impression too.  I don't think that is an unreasonable request.

And funny enough, as I was reading the updates to this post, I received an email from DS's school that the school store will not be open during meet the teacher day next week (which is from 7:30 - 12:00), but will instead be open from 8:00 - 12:00 the day before.  So if I want DS to have the needed supplies, I now have to go into work late two days in a row.  It is things like that which irritate me.  Why not have the store open when everyone is there?  No one has any reason to be at the school the day before.  I do appreciate that they are starting both events early so I don't have to miss the full day of work.

So call the school- explain that you can't take two days off in a row. Ask if there is anyone there who could pull the needed supplies and set then aside for you and you will pay for them the day of the meet and greet.

Mjmksb04

The hours teachers work is an irrelevant point here. It is completely valid to be annoyed by every school open house being mid day. 

dizzycooks

Mjmksb04 said:

The hours teachers work is an irrelevant point here. It is completely valid to be annoyed by every school open house being mid day. 

True.  However everyone would also be irritated if the hours of a school were 10-6 instead of 8-4 because that would cause issues daily, not just five times a year.