Disciplining a 12 month old

littlemurphy2912

My DH and I decided a month ago or so that we were going to start teaching our DD right from wrong by sternly saying the word NO when she does something she is not supposed to. She didn't really get why we were saying that and kept doing it and we would try to direct her attention to something else that she could do but she kept going back to something she wasn't supposed to be doing and then would pitch a fit and we would let her and just ignore her and she would stop after a few seconds of whining. She still goes towards things that she is not allowed to be at and the word NO didn't seem to affect her much so we started giving her hand a tap to let her know "that's not what you should be doing" and would accompany the tap with NO and she would keep doing it. She now has started smacking my DH and I's faces and scratching when we hold her and says NO NO NO randomly while playing. I have read that parents should be more calmer and gentler when teaching their kids right from wrong and we have tried doing that but that doesn't seem to do anything. I don't like confusing her but I want to know what is the best way to get her to understand right from wrong. I also know her daycare doesn't punish the kids there which is great and they say that she listens to them when they say NO to her in a positive way and have her stop whatever she shouldn't be doing. Not sure where we are going wrong but we don't want her smacking her teachers, classmates, family and friends or scratching them either. Any advice?

ELF4321

The best way to teach her right from wrong is to let her get older. Seriously, she is far too young for her to control her impulses in the way you seem to be expecting. Over-using the word "no" is just going to make the word meaningless to her.

Save the stern discipline for things that are truly dangerous like outlets, cords, climbing the bookcase (although even then it's up to you to minimize these risks and redirect her). Removing temptation or redirecting is the best thing at her age, along with a more positive verbal reprimand like "your plate belongs on the table" or "let's leave the TV remote alone".

And please, please stop hitting her hand. All you are doing is teaching her that violence is an appropriate response when someone does something that you don't like. You're already seeing this as she has begun hitting you when she's unhappy.

Julz629

You can't discipline a 12 month old.  Redirection is best at this age.

As for the hand smacking, stop that immediately.  She is too young to understand and is at an age where she will imitate everything you do.  So if you are doing that to her, of course she will do it in return.

Redirect...redirect...redirect.  It's hard something, but what about parenting is really easy?

littlemurphy2912

Thanks for the responses! I had a feeling trying to discipline a 12 month old may not work due to her being too young to understand. I will stop tapping her hand as well as that isn't getting us anywhere. There are a couple other kids in my family as in cousins and a niece that are much older than my DD and don't have very good discipline and get away with a lot of things and we want to make sure she won't be another one that does that and will be obedient and listen. Just hope I don't get my head too wrapped around that and let her be able to explore and learn about things.

meglette417

Also, don't say no!  They will start repeating that all the time.  I know it is hard but I try to say stop or we don't do that.

singingirl96

I think that at 12 months they are too young to understand what is right from wrong.  Smacking her hand just teaches her that slapping is ok. A stern NO! should be enough for now, then divert their attention to something else.

You're gonna get all kinds of different opinions on disciplining.  If you're pro-spanking, I guess that's ok, as long you don't cross the line.  I was spanked as a kid and turned out just fine. Though my parents used that as an absolute last resort. I was mostly put on time out, restriction, or get things I loved taken away.  If all of that didn't work, then I'd get a few good spankings, but, like I said it was a last resort.

I'm not gonna say that I won't spank my kid ever, but I'll tell you that I'll mostly take things away / ground him.

My theory on disciplining is that you need to be consistent and not make promises you don't intend to keep.  If you say "if you don't stop doing ____ , we're not going to the park!" and then you go anyway, then your kid will lose respect for you.

But for now, your baby is only 1, disciplining doesn't really start for a while yet, maybe at 2.

littlemurphy2912

Thank you for your response. That is true that there are many different opinions about disciplining. My parents did spank my sisters but didn't ever have to spank me except for once I think and it was their last resort too. They said I was such a good baby and I knew if something was bad and I shouldn't be messing with it then I wouldn't because I was scared of getting in-trouble for something I was doing wrong. I don't know that I am going to be the same way with my DD but I do want her to know right from wrong and to be polite and obedient and honest like her daddy and mommy both are.

zbeesma86

I understand the frustration! DD is redirected a TON!

I try to say things other than no. like "gross" "icky" or "danger"

also- "not a toy"

DD is into everything! Just turned one and is walking all over the house- into drawers. pulling things off her small bookcase. grabbing blinds. Redirection is best- I try to sit with her and play with her toys.

littlemurphy2912

I definitely am going to sit down with my DH and talk to him about all of these great ideas you ladies are giving me and see what we can come up with to do for our DD. Thanks again everyone!

Jen0204

I'm reading 1, 2, 3 Magic and How to Talk So Your Kids Listen and Listen So Your Kids Talk.  1, 2, 3 Magic is a no hitting/spanking discipline solution that I really like.  They say that you can start as early as 18 months, and my 18 month old twins are definitely starting to get the point of time outs, though they aren't at the point where they would get the counting aspect of it yet.  From 12 months on (actually even earlier) I looked at our disciplining of them more as a way for us to develop good habits rather then expecting it to discipline them.  We started doing time outs that were really just a break to reset where we would sit with the offending party, make them sit down, calmly explain why we were sitting down, keep them there for 30 seconds, then let them get up, give a hug and a kiss and send them on their way.  Now with time outs DD2 stands on her own and DD1 usually needs one of us to stand or sit with her still.  We always end with a quick explanation and a hug and kiss. 

DawnLilly

You don't have to use just one method. Use what works for your child. We use "We don't..." Or "Stop" not "No". Sometimes redirection works, sometimes a "time out" sitting on moms lap works, he's very active so he despises this. That usually works, if not a smack on the hand may be necessary. Especially if its something dangerous he won't stay away from and needs to associate the object like a power cord with the fact that it could hurt him. I usually smack his hand and say "ouch" then try to touch it and smack my own hand and say "ouch".

chicsahm

Well I think some discipline works, but you have to use the right form.... DS started hitting at around that age, this was not OK with us. I firmly grabbed his hand when he started, said "we do not hit" in a firm voice and placed him on our rug in the mudroom and walked away. He threw a fit and either he would crawl out and find a toy or after a bit I would go get him with his lovie and binky and comfort him and say again we do not hit.... The hitting stopped after about 2 weeks..... he knew he couldn't hit so when he was mad he threw his hand behind him, sort of like swiping the air... but never hit us or the dogs again. Redirection is important to esp if it is something that is easy to redirect. Hitting was an action we had to stop, playing with remotes, touching something he should not be etc, we redirect.

Smh619

I agree that it is impossible to discipline a 12 month old. I'm finding with my 13 month old that it seems to be a game for him. We rented a beach house last week, which had no outlet covers
My husband would freak every time he would go near one. He began crawling really fast toward one, stop to look at us and laugh. I try to pick my battles (safety first) I find myself repeating "we don't play on the stairs, it's not safe" over & over but I guess that's all I can do right now.

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JWSchwarz

Teach "careful" or gentle. Your job is to teach them what to do, not what not to do. Saying no doesn't teach them the right action. She hits the dog for example? Gently take her hand and pet the dog and say gentle. The row food? Say "we eat food, not throw" and dramatically eat the food. She will be disciplined by you being consistent. She will test your limits over and over and that is how children learn right from wrong....not by you saying no or yelling or making them feel like they did something wrong.

JWSchwarz

Oops 'throw' not 'the row food'