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Stay at Home Moms
This makes me kind of annoyed.
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/8135857.aspx
This post was in response to another saying that babies/kids who go to daycare are better socialized than kids who SAH. The girl being called out (CougsBride or omething) said she'd rather SAH than send her baby to daycare merely for socialization.
I understand that SAH is not for everyone and not a viable option for everyone, but why is it ok to bash SAHM and their children, saying they will be less equipped to handle kindergarten? Whenever anyone makes a smidgen of a negative comment about a kid going to daycare, working moms generally freak! What is the deal!? Ugh
This discussion has been closed.
Re: This makes me kind of annoyed.
Well - I think there is more work involved for a SAHM to have a well-balanced kid. If you're a lazy bum who sits on the couch all day while your kid watches tv...then yeah a daycare kid will be much better off.
My son was a full-time daycare kid from the time he was 3 years old until just last week, and to be honest I didn't have to do anything to prepare him for kindergarten. Daycare took care of all that, they knew what to teach him better than I did!
I completely agree! I bet most of these women "can't" stay home and still live their same lifestyle but I'm sure many could if they made some sacrifices. We have done that. I can feed a family of 5 easily for less than $200 a month now. I also rarely but any clothes new for us or the kids. (Once upon a child is great!!) No, I don't have my nails done, or wear expensive clothes, but I am the one raising my children.
I worked full time for a few months after my son was born, mainly because I thought I couldn't afford to stay home. I think many working moms say that daycare is a better environment because they secretly feel guilty about putting their child in one. I'm not saying that's true for all working moms...but it certainly was for me!
I was really disheartened to read the statement that was made about how women should not have children if they have to work full time and can only see their child 3 hours a day. Some families really do need two incomes to survive. Does that mean they aren't entitled to have children?
Wow. Judge much?
That's a blanket statement. You can't know everyone's personal situation. Perhaps they are taking care of an elderly parent who requires additional nursing care (which comes at an additional cost), perhaps they are the major bread winner for their family, etc, etc. Granted I only used daycare for a few months, but I never once saw a Lexus or a similarly priced car in the parking lot.
I tend to agree that my kid isn't as socialized as she would be if she went to daycare, which is why I'm probably going to start looking for a MDO program at some point. If I finally graduate in a year, my kid(s) will end up in daycare so that I can GTF out of the house and work once in a while, and I don't think it'll kill them. I think each side has a lot of "holier than thou" complex going on.
eh, to each their own.
I don't feel holier than anyone, but my kid is plenty socialized. And not as well equipped to handle kindergarten? Really, that's just ridiculous to me. I never attended daycare or preschool and did juuuuuuust fine from kindergarten on forward. How silly.
I'm with ya citygirl! I feel like it's ridiculous to say that kids NEED daycare or preschool or anything like that for socialization. I never went to preschool or daycare and I still managed to do just fine when I went to kindergarten. My DS who has never even so much as gone to a playgroup, seems to be totally fine so far in social situations and I don't expect that will change. When he goes to the nursery at church he does great and they always tell me he is one of the most well behaved, and also great at sharing! He's much more into sharing than our niece who goes to daycare and hates to share. So I feel like I can do a great job teaching him social skills right here at home and it really bugs me when people think SAHM's can't do that!
I really hate that it's socially acceptable to bash SAHM's but the minute anyone says one little teeny word about WM's, then all heck breaks loose. And WE get seen as the judgemental ones. So annoying.
DS 09/2008
I have to say that I agree with you 100%
that's what i do!
Coug, are you really this stupid? Or is it an act to stir things up? I really can't tell.
You *really* can't see why a woman *might* want to work or (gasp) even enjoy her job AND her kids? I sure as hell hope your hubby is quitting his job soon because if he doesn't want to be home with his kids all day long he obviously doesn't love them.
Before you start that I'm a working mom and all defensive, I only work part time. But I'm sure you'll soon be calling CPS because I dare to be away from my children three days a week.?
I went to school for a loooong time and worked really hard to get my job. My job where, by the way, I get to help all kinds of kids, and I get to get outside of myself and my narrow little world to see how others live and the choices people have to make. But I'm sure you don't know anything about that.
In short, you suck.?
I would love to SAH with my DD but I can't. My husband works a commission only job and I have the only constant paycheck. My best friend is pregnant and her husband does the same thing. She has really good insurance through her job and they will need it when the baby is born. He has health issues and she doesn't have a choice. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices so that your family has the best even if you can't be there all the time. It sucks but sometimes it's what you can do at the time. My mom stayed home with me and I went to mother's day out. I don't think that kids that go to daycare have better social skills at all. My cousin learned to bite at daycare so that tells me that kids can learn bad habits there too! My daughter goes to a private sitter with just a few kids 3 days a week and my mom watches her the other 2. It's what I can do right now but hopefully, I can SAH when we get our finances in order. You can't down people for things like that. You can have an opinion but why be so mean about it all?
Nicely put!
Hey cougbride, you're a raging loser. I left a state funded year long mat leave early so I could get back to work because it made me happy and we have a good balance of work and life at home.
If you can't "see" why women might want a different option than you, you're a raging moron and are probably raising raging morons too. Good luck with that.
Overall though, I was raised by a SAHM and did juuuust fine in kindergarten and was plenty socialized. So I think that's pretty stupid as a comment overall.
WOW! So much narrow mindedness... I hope all you self-righteous SAHM's (and that is ONLY directed at those doing the bashing here, not all SAHM's in general) really know what you're talking about because words like these can come back and bite you in the a$$ someday.
I think cougbride probably has a slew of housekeepers lined up so she doesn't have to take a moment away from junior. What kind of heathen asswipe would leave their child in their crib to nap so they can WASH THE FLOOR!???
WHO?
WHOOOO??
Honestly cougbride, you just sound slooooooooooow. I found staying at home really challenging but I am happier at work, and Jo LOVES daycare and loves her time at home with her dad. I luck out and have a great situation, but to imply that I'd rather be at home and that I"m just jealous is laughable. Dude, I had your life, i didn't like it. It wasn't for me. And guess what? That's ok. It's good to have choices. I made mine. You made yours.
Well... now you're the one making blanket statements assuming that SAHM's don't have an education or don't understand life outside of their home.
I have a bachelor's degree and also got started on an MBA before I got married and got pregnant 3 months later. Even though I probably worked just as hard as you for my degree, I don't feel the slightest bit like I'm missing out because I'm not using it right now. I've also traveled to several countries and seen the world outside the U.S (not just my little house). Believe it or not, SAHM's CAN be intelligent people! And we handle the crap that gets thrown in our faces by working moms far better than an intelligent "you suck".
How incredibly judgemental.
SAH does not make you better than any working mom. It simply makes you different.
You imply some very offensive things in your post:
1. I value possesions over family
2. My feelings as a person should be forgotten so that I can be the center of my child's universe, as implied in the statement that I should be able to be all I want to be without sending my child to day care.
3. I am not willing to make sacrifices for my family.
4. I expect day care to raise my daughter.
You know nothing about which you speak, and pass judgement without having had to walk in another mom's shoes.
I work part time. I work M-W and stay home R-F. DH works full time. You have no idea what our circumstances are that led to this decision, but it's the best one for our family. Who are you to judge me, or anyone else for that?
Working does make me a better mom. I lose my patience less, and I enjoy my time with my daughter more. Adult conversation, interaction, and problem sovling are vital to my personal well-being, which is why I work. Not to mention I am the benefits carrier, even at part time.
Day care is not the monster that some make it out to be. My daughter loves her time there, and even in her short 11 month life has learned more at day care than I ever thought she could. I agree with citygrl_ that it's absurd that a working mom should think their child is more socialized for having been in day care instead of at home. It's a different brand of socialization, yes, but your child is no worse off than mine for having stayed home. My child is no worse off than yours for having been to day care.
You have no idea the sacrifices that DH and I have made for our family. With your close-minded attitidude, I doubt you would ever stop to listen. You know what? That's ok. I have no guilt about working.
You need to think before you speak, though. I could be a mom at your playgroup. Your blanket statements and judgement could fall on the wrong ears.
Oh Good Lord.
NOWHERE in my post did I say SAHMs couldn't be intelligent, educated, well traveled, etc. ?I was responding with MY circumstances and the reasons I choose to work. There were no blanket statements in my post.
And sorry, but "you suck" is VERY appropriate here. I could jazz it up with some big words, but why??
Wow is right. I hate dumb b!tches who think they know everyone.
::: golf claps :::
Just wanted to clear that up.
CougBride~ You don't know me or my situation, so how dare you judge me and any other working mom. You are a tool.
And not that it's any of your business, but even though DH makes a nice living, we cannot survive on just his salary - even if we make 'sacrifices'. We live in nice house/neighborhood/school district, drive modest cars, rarely eat/go out, only buy necessities, etc. We also have a 15 year old going off to college in 2.5 years. Please explain to me how we are supposed to do that and raise our son on one income without inheriting tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt. I'd love to know.
I also want to provide things for my children that my parents couldn't. My mom SAH until the youngest went off to school and she still says to this day that there were many things they wanted to do for us kids...and just couldn't afford to on one income. So even SAHMs can have regrets.
I'd just like to clarify that in no way in my last sentence am I knocking SAHMs. I think people should do whatever is best for them. SAH, working, whatever.
I WAH one day a week (and took a pay cut to be able to do so) and am in the office the other 4 days. Ideally, I'd like to WAH 1 other day...but that wasn't possible. However, I actually like coming into the office and having adult interaction. And that doesn't mean that I love my son any less than someone who SAH. This is what works for us.
As much as I would like to SAH PT, I truly CAN'T. I am the breadwinner. I carry our insurance coverage b/c DH's almost half his take home pay for less coverage. We can't go without coverage because I have endometriosis and other issues and my treatments would risk not being covered. DD has tracheomalacia, sleep apnea and reflux, she would be denied coverage. I am not willing to sell my home for less than I bought it for to buy a much smaller house or rent (I don't have a big house to begin with). I do make sacrifices for my daughter - I put off my OT until after she goes to bed each night, I take time off for her appointments, hospital stays, testing, and anything else she needs hindering advancement for me. I am with her as much as I possibly can be. She is not in daycare per se, she is with my MIL. We are trying to work it so DH gets a 2nd shift job (and leaves his career for a while) so she is only with someone other than her parents a few hours a day.
And contrary to your belief, I am a better mom to my daughter after work than I would be if I were home. I NEED the stimulation my job provides. I have my train time to relax, and give her my full attention when I get home. I cook all our meals for the week on Sunday so when I get home it's all about playing with, interacting with, and teaching my daughter. Despite everything, she is advanced for her age. She started crawling at 6 months, walking at 9, said her first word at 7 months, now says 5 words (with proper usage) and can point when you ask her where something is or what she wants. She is also the most loving kid there is - hugs and kisses all around all the time.
Okay....everyone....take a breath...and...
GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!
First of all there is no reason to use fowl language, or belittle anyone. We are all adults and can argue/discuss like adults can't we? Or is that asking too much?
EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!!! EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT BELIEFS!!!
You and only you know what's best for yourself and your family. Nobody else can say who's bad at what, or who should do this or that. Both sides are making ridiculous arguments because guess what none of you know the other person!! You don't know anyone elses situation but your own. There is no reason to get nasty.
I was raised by a SAHM and I was homeschooled until highschool. I am fine! I know lots of people who were raised by working moms and they are fine!
People just be happy in your decisions with your life. I think that if you were happy in your decisions whether it be stay at home or working, you wouldn't feel the nessecity to justify yourself and your decision. Maybe you should re-evaluate your decision and go from there.
Seriously ladies, if posts like this upset you so much then stay out of the Stay at Home board and/or the Working Mom board.
My guess would be that cece's kid desperately needs external stimulation.
Did we really need 3 paragraphs of "why can't we all get along?"
Uncalled for.
You can keep on guessing what my baby needs since you know me so well...
this is the most childish thing i have ever written on a message board:
YOU ARE AN IDIOT.
Just because someone stays home with their child(ren) all day doesn't make them good raising them...and just because someone goes to work doesn't mean they live a lavish lifestyle. I know very few moms that are friends of mine who drop their kids off at daycare and "drive away in a Lexus". I made 30k and had a hard time making ends meet when I was SINGLE in NJ/NYC. I didn't wear Prada and drive Mercedes. I wore Old Navy and drove a Saturn. Everyone's sacrifices are relative. And not all kids become Einstein from being in daycare. Cougs (and supporters)- you just make sweeping generalizations that make you sound foolish.
Some people are thrive in the role of suzie homemaker and some don't. Different strokes for different folks. It's common sense. I read someone wrote they feed a family of 5 on $200/mo. Yeah, good luck with that in NJ. Should we all "sacrifice" and move to western bumblef*ck like a VC Andrews novel to be able to stay home? In these economic times, most people have to have two incomes. Everyone wants to give their children the best. For some, that's staying home and for some that's other things that happen to involve money. No, you can't buy happiness, but you can buy a college education or other things that some people consider important. It IS all about priorities.