PSA: s/o can of worms

ras26

I see that the owner of this comment started another inflammatory thread, so the message may be lost, but can we agree that this sort of underhanded humble-brag comment isn't really supportive and should be avoided?

"I am a SAHM. I give MAJOR props to working mothers everywhere. I know I could not do it. I am sure it is extremely difficult to leave sad faces at daycare, look at photos on your desk and wonder how many firsts you will miss. I have been a shoulder to my girlfriends that cry about working and leaving LOs at home. To then come home from an 8-10 hour day and cook and clean and get LOs in the bath and ready for bed. That is exhausting. However, I am sure you showered, got to put makeup on, talk to adults, take bathroom and a nice lunch break, stop for coffee, chat with friends, etc. That to a SAHM sounds like a mini-vacation."

Thanks for the "compliment" but my kid doesn't have a sad face when I leave her at daycare; I don't stare longingly at her picture all day lamenting about how awful it is to be at work and thinking of all the things I could have missed etc etc.  You see, what you did there was project what you *think* WM go through when it's not really the case.  In typical day I don't put on makeup, I didn't get a nice lunch break, I don't stop for coffee, and I *gasp* work when I'm at work, not chat with friends all day.  Posts like the one above only fuel the mommy-wars.  Just don't.

Fucahwe

I don't think you should take offense. It's probably coming from someone who has never been a working mom, so why put so much thought into it? And a lot of what she said is true.

Tally06

Oh good....more of this nonsense but with a whole brand new thread! Yippee. 8-|

RondackHiker

Fucahwe said:

I don't think you should take offense. It's probably coming from someone who has never been a working mom, so why put so much thought into it? And a lot of what she said is true.

Actually, a lot of what she said is ridiculous stereotypes. Stereotypes are annoying at best and offensive at worse, and they should be pointed out. She's never been a working mom, so she may not know that the ridiculous BS about 'sad faces' and 'missing firsts' and 'looking at photos' is old and overdone as hell. Since she doesn't, it's nice to clue her in so she doesn't offend people with that nonsense.

ras26

Tally06 said:

Oh good....more of this nonsense but with a whole brand new thread! Yippee. 8-|

Sorry.  I didn't mean to invite more.  I am anti-mommy wars.  I swear.  Since she started another inflammatory thread, I thought it might be worth it to point out that neither side likely fully understands the difficulties of the other, so it's not really worth projecting things that aren't true.  We all do what's best for our families.  You can say you respect the "other side" without throwing in what you think must be really awful about it.  I'll stop, but I won't DD.

ras26

RondackHiker said:

Fucahwe said:

I don't think you should take offense. It's probably coming from someone who has never been a working mom, so why put so much thought into it? And a lot of what she said is true.

Actually, a lot of what she said is ridiculous stereotypes. Stereotypes are annoying at best and offensive at worse, and they should be pointed out. She's never been a working mom, so she may not know that the ridiculous BS about 'sad faces' and 'missing firsts' and 'looking at photos' is old and overdone as hell. Since she doesn't, it's nice to clue her in so she doesn't offend people with that nonsense.

Thank you.  This was exactly my point. 

kvlrn

Not again... :-w

MoxyByProxy

oy.. we have a rash of threads that wont die the past few days.. dont get me wrong all im all for seeing how snarky this crap can get but sometimes its best to just let it go.. even if its just for a few days. 

BTW.. I am shocked nobody has posted the good old standard of..

"Do you really think i'd work if i didnt have to?" Some of us NEED to work.. for MONEY.. and things like.. FOOD. Some of us arnt really given a choice.. juuuuuust sayin

MoxyByProxy

Thanks for the "compliment" but my kid doesn't have a sad face when I leave her at daycare; I don't stare longingly at her picture all day lamenting about how awful it is to be at work and thinking of all the things I could have missed etc etc.  

Not sure who made this exact comment or if you are saying it sarcastically.. but this is offensive as hell.. is this what SOME SAHM's on here think of working moms? Seriously?  Most mommies would love to not see the sad crying face at the door or as they are handing baby off to someone else but we do.. because dont have a choice.. because the baby likes things like non crappy diapers.. and food and one income isnt enough. 

I'm tired of seeing the mommy on mommy judgment flying around here about this. If you are lucky enough and financially stable enough to be a 1 income family.. that is awesome.. seriously.. awesome. Specially if you can do it without digging in to credit card debt.. and my hat is way off to you.. but you are in the lucky minority. Most working mommies are not only working because they financially need the money as well as need a purpose bigger than watching bubble guppies all day. It does not in any way mean they love their kids less or have any judgments on the sahm's who can do it for whatever reasons. 

Tally06

ras26 said:

Tally06 said:

Oh good....more of this nonsense but with a whole brand new thread! Yippee. 8-|

Sorry.  I didn't mean to invite more.  I am anti-mommy wars.  I swear.  Since she started another inflammatory thread, I thought it might be worth it to point out that neither side likely fully understands the difficulties of the other, so it's not really worth projecting things that aren't true.  We all do what's best for our families.  You can say you respect the "other side" without throwing in what you think must be really awful about it.  I'll stop, but I won't DD.

I understand your frustration. No one likes to feel like their choices are being judged or have someone make incorrect assumptions about your life.

I think that the majority of us (or those with any sense and perspective) understand that both WMs and SAHMs have difficult roles and finding personal balance and happiness means different things to different people and personalities. The few people here who think that they have it harder than anyone else sound ridiculous and are in the minority. I hope that their stated opinions sound ludicrous to the rest of us.

ras26

MoxyByProxy said:

Thanks for the "compliment" but my kid doesn't have a sad face when I leave her at daycare; I don't stare longingly at her picture all day lamenting about how awful it is to be at work and thinking of all the things I could have missed etc etc.  

Not sure who made this exact comment or if you are saying it sarcastically.. but this is offensive as hell.. is this what SOME SAHM's on here think of working moms? Seriously?  Most mommies would love to not see the sad crying face at the door or as they are handing baby off to someone else but we do.. because dont have a choice.. because the baby likes things like non crappy diapers.. and food and one income isnt enough. 

I'm tired of seeing the mommy on mommy judgment flying around here about this. If you are lucky enough and financially stable enough to be a 1 income family.. that is awesome.. seriously.. awesome. Specially if you can do it without digging in to credit card debt.. and my hat is way off to you.. but you are in the lucky minority. Most working mommies are not only working because they financially need the money as well as need a purpose bigger than watching bubble guppies all day. It does not in any way mean they love their kids less or have any judgments on the sahm's who can do it for whatever reasons. 

I'm confused.  This seems out of the blue.  Were you quoting my original post?  What I quoted was directly from the other thread.  It was an actual quote.  I was saying that my kid goes to daycare; I work full time.  Whether it's by choice or necessity doesn't matter.  Yet, the things she said must be difficult aren't necessarily.  I think something got lost in translation. 

MoxyByProxy

buffaluffagus said:

Now should we start discussing vaccinations or circumcision? 

Woooo!!!!

o geeze.. lets not go there.. yet lol

Im still battling my mother from 12 years ago. 

jpietropinto

I haven't really seen the other posts about this stuff but when I see this stuff I think "The grass is always greener" right? 

I am a working mom. Some days I'm not gonna lie it's great to be at work and not have to worry about teething and diapers or a 6 year old attitude but then other days I'm missing them so much it hurts. 

Being a mom is hard. Period. Doesn't matter if you work full time or stay at home full time. It's all hard. 

ras26

buffaluffagus said:

Madisonpenny said:

buffaluffagus said:

Now should we start discussing vaccinations or circumcision? 

Woooo!!!!

Don't forget the Breastfeeding vs. bottle feed debate

Oh yeah! WHO LOVES THEIR BABIES?!?!???? 

I can't believe I missed the obvious one.

Don't forget CIO!

MoxyByProxy

sorry to be clueless but what is CIO? 

ras26

MoxyByProxy said:

sorry to be clueless but what is CIO? 

Cry it out aka sleep training.  It's one of the later hot topics that gets debated endlessly.

kb3ll

Lets not forget letting your child sleep in the bed with you

MoxyByProxy

o not even poking that one with a long long borrowed stick lol

im a bit old school since my youngest is almost a teen...im seeing lots of things that are done now that some mommies would be horrified by that we did then lol .. and it was only 12 years ago!

jpietropinto

kb3ll said:

Lets not forget letting your child sleep in the bed with you

I was told that I'd roll over and suffocate my baby if I did that. LOL funny both my kids are alive and well today 3 and 6 years old. 

MoxyByProxy

I did not let my boys sleep in bed with me.. and there is a very good reason for it..

I took several elbows and foot shots to the face.. and woke up peed on with the first.. it had nothing to do with suffocating lol The second never knew the joy of sleeping with mommy. 

kb3ll

I let my son sleep with us when he's having a rough a night...and as an infant sometimes that's the only way anyone ever slept!

Rbfdac1

Sheesh.

RondackHiker

You all forget extended rear-facing versus forward facing.

And I'm sure there are debates we haven't even thought of that will come up. A few I've seen:

~Having sex before being cleared by docs after birth

~Having sex with newborn in the bedroom (luckily I've only ever seen one person admit to doing it with LO in the bed...)

~dumping pets (especially if LO startled or hurt the pet in some way and it reacted like a normal startled creature would do)

~returning shopping carts

~kids wearing PJs in public

~POUCHES

~cart covers

~juice

~when to start solids

~purees vs baby lead weaning

~going down slides with your kid

~kids wearing jean shorts

~Mom hair/pants/cars/whatever

~why some poster had a kid/had another kid with her SO who refuses to help and kind of sucks in general

~when to leave baby with a sitter for an hour, two hours, evening, overnight

~if DH watching the baby while mom runs out is baby-sitting

ras26

See, this is all just training for the repetitive inflammatory threads that are to come.  And trust me, they will.  Multiple times.  :-)

kb3ll

You all forget extended rear-facing versus forward facing.

And I'm sure there are debates we haven't even thought of that will come up. A few I've seen:

~Having sex before being cleared by docs after birth

~Having sex with newborn in the bedroom (luckily I've only ever seen one person admit to doing it with LO in the bed...)

~dumping pets (especially if LO startled or hurt the pet in some way and it reacted like a normal startled creature would do)

~returning shopping carts

~kids wearing PJs in public

~POUCHES

~cart covers

~juice

~when to start solids

~purees vs baby lead weaning

~going down slides with your kid

~kids wearing jean shorts

~Mom hair/pants/cars/whatever

~why some poster had a kid/had another kid with her SO who refuses to help and kind of sucks in general

~when to leave baby with a sitter for an hour, two hours, evening, overnight

~if DH watching the baby while mom runs out is baby-sitting

I would hope some of these would be too trivial to get upset over...but then again...

ras26

kb3ll said:

You all forget extended rear-facing versus forward facing.

And I'm sure there are debates we haven't even thought of that will come up. A few I've seen:

~Having sex before being cleared by docs after birth

~Having sex with newborn in the bedroom (luckily I've only ever seen one person admit to doing it with LO in the bed...)

~dumping pets (especially if LO startled or hurt the pet in some way and it reacted like a normal startled creature would do)

~returning shopping carts

~kids wearing PJs in public

~POUCHES

~cart covers

~juice

~when to start solids

~purees vs baby lead weaning

~going down slides with your kid

~kids wearing jean shorts

~Mom hair/pants/cars/whatever

~why some poster had a kid/had another kid with her SO who refuses to help and kind of sucks in general

~when to leave baby with a sitter for an hour, two hours, evening, overnight

~if DH watching the baby while mom runs out is baby-sitting

I would hope some of these would be too trivial to get upset over...but then again...

She's not kidding.  The shopping cart wars on Parenting get heated!!

RondackHiker

kb3ll said:

I would hope some of these would be too trivial to get upset over...but then again...

Those all inspired multi page debates.

Personally I find kid clothing and pouches some of the most ridiculous, with shopping cart covers right up there.

kb3ll

ras26 said:

kb3ll said:

You all forget extended rear-facing versus forward facing.

And I'm sure there are debates we haven't even thought of that will come up. A few I've seen:

~Having sex before being cleared by docs after birth

~Having sex with newborn in the bedroom (luckily I've only ever seen one person admit to doing it with LO in the bed...)

~dumping pets (especially if LO startled or hurt the pet in some way and it reacted like a normal startled creature would do)

~returning shopping carts

~kids wearing PJs in public

~POUCHES

~cart covers

~juice

~when to start solids

~purees vs baby lead weaning

~going down slides with your kid

~kids wearing jean shorts

~Mom hair/pants/cars/whatever

~why some poster had a kid/had another kid with her SO who refuses to help and kind of sucks in general

~when to leave baby with a sitter for an hour, two hours, evening, overnight

~if DH watching the baby while mom runs out is baby-sitting

I would hope some of these would be too trivial to get upset over...but then again...

She's not kidding.  The shopping cart wars on Parenting get heated!!

No I believe her, I just find that and some others a pointless fight that I doubt I'd get upset over.

ras26

ChiaWombat said:

What would a pouch debate entail?

Well, first, you should have done baby-led weaning and skipped purees all together.  Then, you aren't teaching them to eat properly with a spoon, and THEN, once they know how to use a spoon, you're going to ruin their teeth. 

*note these are not my personal opinions

Fucahwe

I ge

ras26 said:

RondackHiker said:

Fucahwe said:

I don't think you should take offense. It's probably coming from someone who has never been a working mom, so why put so much thought into it? And a lot of what she said is true.

Actually, a lot of what she said is ridiculous stereotypes. Stereotypes are annoying at best and offensive at worse, and they should be pointed out. She's never been a working mom, so she may not know that the ridiculous BS about 'sad faces' and 'missing firsts' and 'looking at photos' is old and overdone as hell. Since she doesn't, it's nice to clue her in so she doesn't offend people with that nonsense.


Thank you.  This was exactly my point. 


I get it, and it makes sense to point it out to her where she was mistaken. I'm just saying it doesn't make sense to be offended by someone's ignorance.

kvlrn

Madisonpenny said:

buffaluffagus said:

Now should we start discussing vaccinations or circumcision? 

Woooo!!!!

Don't forget the Breastfeeding vs. bottle feed debate

Oh good grief! I'm not ready for that!

ras26

ChiaWombat said:

ChiaWombat said:

What would a pouch debate entail?

Well, first, you should have done baby-led weaning and skipped purees all together.  Then, you aren't teaching them to eat properly with a spoon, and THEN, once they know how to use a spoon, you're going to ruin their teeth. 

*note these are not my personal opinions

Oh!!!! In my head I was thinking about the baby carrier pouches. Not food pouches. Yowza. I feel silly.

Oh well that one wasn't mentioned. ;-)  There is debate on carrying your child in a sling vs. a wrap vs. a structured carrier vs. not having them attached to you at all times. 

JordyInIndy

@rondackhiker Please, tell me what a mom jeans/hair/car debate consists of. I'm dying to know.

kindofasurprise

ras26 said:

kb3ll said:

You all forget extended rear-facing versus forward facing.

And I'm sure there are debates we haven't even thought of that will come up. A few I've seen:

~Having sex before being cleared by docs after birth

~Having sex with newborn in the bedroom (luckily I've only ever seen one person admit to doing it with LO in the bed...)

~dumping pets (especially if LO startled or hurt the pet in some way and it reacted like a normal startled creature would do)

~returning shopping carts

~kids wearing PJs in public

~POUCHES

~cart covers

~juice

~when to start solids

~purees vs baby lead weaning

~going down slides with your kid

~kids wearing jean shorts

~Mom hair/pants/cars/whatever

~why some poster had a kid/had another kid with her SO who refuses to help and kind of sucks in general

~when to leave baby with a sitter for an hour, two hours, evening, overnight

~if DH watching the baby while mom runs out is baby-sitting

I would hope some of these would be too trivial to get upset over...but then again...

She's not kidding.  The shopping cart wars on Parenting get heated!!

boogerbearoriginal

OMG I am dying. I have been busy at work and not able to post as much, all these "debate" posts are killing me though.

Here where I will admit, being an evil WM, I don't even have a picture of my LO on my desk to weep over. Oh how I must hate my child. Bwahahahaha.

RondackHiker

buffaluffagus said:

RondackHiker said:

You all forget extended rear-facing versus forward facing.

And I'm sure there are debates we haven't even thought of that will come up. A few I've seen:

~Having sex before being cleared by docs after birth

~Having sex with newborn in the bedroom (luckily I've only ever seen one person admit to doing it with LO in the bed...)

~dumping pets (especially if LO startled or hurt the pet in some way and it reacted like a normal startled creature would do)

~returning shopping carts

~kids wearing PJs in public

~POUCHES

~cart covers

~juice

~when to start solids

~purees vs baby lead weaning

~going down slides with your kid

~kids wearing jean shorts

~Mom hair/pants/cars/whatever

~why some poster had a kid/had another kid with her SO who refuses to help and kind of sucks in general

~when to leave baby with a sitter for an hour, two hours, evening, overnight

~if DH watching the baby while mom runs out is baby-sitting

Oh, Parenting. 

Also,
pitbulls.

To be fair, many of these weren't posted on parenting but were on various boards and were either discussed or recalled on parenting (sex with baby in the bed is old, for example).

TicaAngel00

MoxyByProxy said:

oy.. we have a rash of threads that wont die the past few days.. dont get me wrong all im all for seeing how snarky this crap can get but sometimes its best to just let it go.. even if its just for a few days. 

BTW.. I am shocked nobody has posted the good old standard of..

"Do you really think i'd work if i didnt have to?" Some of us NEED to work.. for MONEY.. and things like.. FOOD. Some of us arnt really given a choice.. juuuuuust sayin

THIS THIS THIS!! 

DH is in law school full-time and I gladly work to help support our growing family. Truthfully, if we had our retirement fully funded, neither one of us would work. But alas, that is not the case and it is not for me to judge other's decisions on what they find works best for the family OR to impose what we do as what others should be doing. 

I will also say this, maybe we should ignore the inflammatory threads entirely. If they don't get our attention, we can move on to more important topics!  Just my 2 cents. 

littlepig2

I said it in the other thread and I'll say it again, I think Fucahwe is MUD. one hundred percent.

RondackHiker

JordyInIndy said:

@rondackhiker Please, tell me what a mom jeans/hair/car debate consists of. I'm dying to know.

@JordyInIndy I'm not the best person to ask since I don't fully get it.

Apparently it's bad to look like a mom, which is odd since we are moms. But there are "mom" haircuts and jeans and cars.

Mom cars are minivans. Mom jeans are high waisted I think... Or unflattering. Or something. I don't think I've ever really gotten what makes jeans mom jeans versus just an unflattering cut or not being in style. Mom haircuts are short cuts, but only if they're not styled (I am not clear on this either) or longer hair only worn in ponytails.

I have never been that into style so I've had mom hair (ponytail) since I was in college. Sucks for me, I guess.