How can I get my 12 month old to sooth himself to sleep?

vhails2011

OK. I have no problem with rocking him to sleep with a bottle. But is it to late to teach to soothe himself to sleep? We finally got him to sleep in his crib at night but I don't put him down until 11 or 11:30 yes because if I put him down earlier then that he'll wake up in the middle of the night, and want to come back to bed with us. I was just wondering if you ladies have any tips on how I can get him to soothe himself to sleep the Cry out method doesn't work very well I have things in his crib to keep him occupied. I just want him to be able to take longer naps, and be able to soothe himself to sleep at night. 

ChelsiAnn13

Having things in his crib may be one f the problems. You don't want their sleeping area to be a play zone or distracting.

My DD sucked her thumb since we never gave her a paci so that is kind of how she soothed herself. I also breast fed.

You will need to research and chose a sleeping method that works for you because him going to sleep that late is not healthy for them. In addition he may just not be ready to sleep trough the night.

We chose to do a cry it out method. We put we down at bed time, and if she cried we let her cry for an hour. If she was still crying after then we would check on her and try again. I don't remember having to do that more then once or twice though. Having a video monitor helped because I could see she was fine.
If she woke up in the middle of the night I would guage the cry and look on the monitor. If she sounded like she was hurt, had a bad dream, or had poo ( which usually was accompanied by her crying and standing up) then I would get her. I would changer her or comfort her, usually nurse her and lay her back down. If she cried we did our cry it out method.
If she was still laying down and didn't seem to actually need us then I let her put herself back to sleep.

Her crib is always empty, In fact we just introduced a blanket and pillow recently. By giving in to him and not putting him down at a healthy time you are just escalating the issue. He will need to learn how to soothe himself and it sounds like you aren't letting him learn. Some people let their kids take a stuffed animal or something that can help them comfort themselves but we didn't let her have one until recently. While my DD likes to sleep with we cat she never needs him to get to sleep.

This consistency paid off, it didn't take long, and we now have an amazing sleeper!

vhails2011

ChelsiAnn13 said:

Having things in his crib may be one f the problems. You don't want their sleeping area to be a play zone or distracting. My DD sucked her thumb since we never gave her a paci so that is kind of how she soothed herself. I also breast fed. You will need to research and chose a sleeping method that works for you because him going to sleep that late is not healthy for them. In addition he may just not be ready to sleep trough the night. We chose to do a cry it out method. We put we down at bed time, and if she cried we let her cry for an hour. If she was still crying after then we would check on her and try again. I don't remember having to do that more then once or twice though. Having a video monitor helped because I could see she was fine. If she woke up in the middle of the night I would guage the cry and look on the monitor. If she sounded like she was hurt, had a bad dream, or had poo ( which usually was accompanied by her crying and standing up) then I would get her. I would changer her or comfort her, usually nurse her and lay her back down. If she cried we did our cry it out method. If she was still laying down and didn't seem to actually need us then I let her put herself back to sleep. Her crib is always empty, In fact we just introduced a blanket and pillow recently. By giving in to him and not putting him down at a healthy time you are just escalating the issue. He will need to learn how to soothe himself and it sounds like you aren't letting him learn. Some people let their kids take a stuffed animal or something that can help them comfort themselves but we didn't let her have one until recently. While my DD likes to sleep with we cat she never needs him to get to sleep. This consistency paid off, it didn't take long, and we now have an amazing sleeper!

We all have different ways of parenting. Your's may be different then mine. But thanks, and no thanks for your advice. 

ChelsiAnn13

My advice was to look up different sleeping methods and chose one that works for you.
The rest was my experience and advice from research I have done. Keep in mind that you asked the people on the forum and I said what I did because I have an excellent sleeper. There may be many other ways that works but I was co slept and my parents did a lot of what you described and I fought sleeping in my own room until I was 18, no joke.

I said that we personally chose cry it out which is why I posted "our method" when I referred to it.

Also the advice I gave was from many different types of methods that said similar things. I researched a lot of different methods before I chose my method. I suggest you do the same.

AlliM3191

wow, let's just agree that although we don't all agree on things that she does need help with her son. I have to agree that if you can try to help him get to sleep sooner than 11 it'd be better off for you and your son in the long run, especially when they need to wake up early for daycares, school, etc. I wasn't able to do the cry it out sessions, some people can and some people can't. That's okay, it doesn't mean people were incorrect, there's no incorrect way to leave your child in the room (so long as they are safe). I couldn't do it because hearing her cry broke my heart so I decided to try to find a new way around it. What I ended up doing was I put away her toys that make loud noises, talk, play music or flash lights 30 minutes before bedtime and let her play with the less stimulating ones such as puzzles, stuffed animals, blocks, etc. so she could start calming down for bedtime and in the last 5 minutes we'd cuddle and read a bed time book together. When I lay her down I give her a warm bottle or formula or milk (she's still weening) and give her her blankie and lay her doll next to her, tell her good night and close the door behind me. She'll watch me leave and fall asleep after her bottle is finished. I leave only her blanket and dolly in the crib with her and her dolly rattles so it's not a flashy toy, but she can enterain herself should she be awake and still feel playful. If she's crying of having a bad night I'll let her wait 15 minutes before I go get her and then I won't leave the room or turn the light on (she has a nightlight), and I'll pick her up and hum or sing lullabies to her and calm her down as well as check her diaper to make sure she didn't potty since I put her down and it was keeping her up. My daughter grew accustomed to our schedule and has been sleep the whole night from 7pm-9am when she was 2 months old until she was around 7 or 8 months and sleeps from 8-9ish until 9am. (her bedtime only was changed due to her naptime). She sleeps through the entire night and only wakes up should a noise wake her, she's sick, she has a bad dream (which is rare), or should she potty and it wakes her up. Sometimes she'll wake up and she'll call out ma or pa and when no one answers her she'll reposition herself with her blanky and fall back asleep. She isn't dependant on her blanky, she can sleep without it which is also important for your son to not be dependant upon any object for sleep. Every child is different and while Addy's routine works for her and their child's worked for them, your son may be different and may require a different routine from either of us. Good luck though.

tbmadeamistake

DD has always been a great sleeper.  We started instilling a bedtime routine pretty early on.  Right now at 14 months it consists of kissing us goodnight, reading two books in the rocker, turning off the light and talking about "night nights" briefly, and then saying goodnight as I put her in the crib with her fave stuffed animal and a blanket.  If she cries, I let her go for 10 minutes before I go in a soothe.  The first time I soothe I do not pick her out of the crib.  I pat her back, lay her back down, and tell her that it's time for sleeping, then leave again, even if she's still crying.  If still crying 10 minutes later, I'll take her out until she calms down and then try again.  She never comes back out of the bedroom.  I'd say in the last 2 months I've had to do that maybe 3 times.  The majority of the time, she gets in her crib and either immediately puts herself to sleep or chats to her animal for a while and then goes to sleep. 
The routine for us was the most important part!  She knows exactly what to expect and when.  Same time every night and same routine. The only difference is that DH will read her three books and I only read her two. 
I say get yourself a good routine at whatever time is working now, and get him putting himself to sleep, and then just gradually push that routine earlier and earlier until he's going to bed at a more reasonable hour for you. 
Also, much like PP, if DD wakes up in the middle of the night, unless it's a scared cry, she gets the same 10 minutes before I go in to check. 
GL!

Socialworkgirl

I tried lots of strategies to help DD learn to soothe herself to sleep with no luck and her sleep just got worse and worse. So we also did CIO. I believe it was the only thing that would have worked for DD. The key was to be really consistent. We also did not do check ins unless she cried over an hour which only happened a couple times. After CIO she is a great sleeper but still does not take super long naps. I would also agree with PP who said a very consistent bed time routine is key. Now, if she wakes up, she almost always sits or stands up so we go in and lay her back down stay with her for a minute soothing her in her crib and then leave to let her fall asleep on her own. We only pick her up if she keeps crying after we lay her down which rarely happens. And we never bring her out of her bedroom. Some nights I do have to go into her room several times Whatever you decide to do, your LO will probably protest--fussing or crying some-- but with DD we have found if we are really consistent and respond the same way every time, she learns the drill eventually. Good luck!

SunAndRain

Wow OP. just wow.

Putting your toddler to bed at 1130 is ridiculous. Unless your whole family is on some extremely unusual sechedule, like a parent works until 10 PM so everyone stays up late for a bit of family time.

Nursing your baby to sleep for a year and then suddenly wondering how you can sleep traing your baby....there are no silver bullets. Logically, any other option will likely require some CIO in your situation.

My advise? Stop pretending you know it all and everyone else is stupid. Open you mind to consider all the options put there and take on to account how successful some methods have been for parents.

I do wonder if your emotional over reaction is a byproduct of your extreme fatigue caused by your lack of success at establishing a healthy sleeping routine for your family. This is on you. Sleep is as important as every other function: eating healthy, exercise, playtime that stimulates brain development, etc. you are responsible for ensuring your baby is getting adequate sleep. If that means you have to give up the notion of LO never CIO then so be it.

Socialworkgirl

I did mean to also say, if you are looking for resources on no cry methods, a couple are No Cry Sleep Solution and the Sleep Lady book (can't remember the rest of the title).  As I mentioned above, these ultimately did not work for us.  Maybe you would have more success though.

shannm

I say get rid if the bottle. Set up a bedtime routine and pull everything out of the crib except for a lovie or other comfort item. Then read Ferber's book and really take it seriously. If you are consistent, I bet it will be easier than you think.

jess9802

DS is also a pretty good sleeper.

We have a consistent bedtime - 7 PM. I offer to nurse him, then we read a few stories, then he goes in his crib. He usually cries when I first put him in. Then he grabs his blankie, rolls over, and is asleep within one to five minutes. A couple of nights it's taken up to ten minutes before he finally falls asleep. And then he's asleep until the morning. It's the same routine with his nap.

CIO gets a bad, negative, and undeserved rap. Sure, it's not for little babies who are unable to self-soothe or still in such a period of rapid growth that they need middle of the night feedings. But a toddler has different capabilities and different needs, and it will not harm them in the least to CIO for a couple of nights.

mamajames

I to do the CIO method but I would check in about every 10 minutes. The biggest thing is to not pick them up unless like a pp stated they have a poopy diaper. This method can be very trying because it is hard to hear your LO crying and it can take a couple nights to get it. Another thing I used that was helpful was the fisher price tranquil seas aquarium. It hangs on the crib and plays soft music and water sounds. My 3 rd son found it very soothing and it has different settings like just music or just sea sounds, and he could push the button himself to start it if he woke up in the middle of the night. 

violajack

It's never too late to teach him new things. But you will have to teach him, you can't expect to just keep him up super late at night so that he passes out until morning. You need to put him to bed at a normal toddler time and when he wakes up in the middle of the night, you'll need to parent him back to sleep. 

Do whatever you need to do to soothe him. Rock, sing, pat, rub, offer a sippy of water, whatever. Do that for a few nights. He needs to get used to the idea that sleep is from 8-8 (or whatever, just not staying up until 11:30). 

Then offer a little less soothing. This is when you're going to have to decide how much crying you're willing to deal with. If you want to cut out all parental soothing cold turkey you're going to get some serious crying. He's not going to like the change in routine. He's not going to like being left alone. He's going to wonder why you aren't there. He's going to be frustrated and upset. If you want less crying, you can wean him off your interventions more slowly, by soothing only until he is drowsy, and then moving from more hands on soothing like rocking, to leaving him in the crib and patting his back, to no touch like singing or talking softly. He'll likely still cry some, because it's still a change in what he's expecting, but less than if you do nothing. 

If you want to avoid leaving him to cry it out, you're going to have to get up and go in there and offer comfort. They will eventually figure out how to navigate the light sleep periods and getting themselves back to sleep on their own. We all do it every night as adults. It's just not going to happen by magic at 12 months. Most people I've heard from who have just naturally let their kids figure it out don't have kids sleeping through the night until something more like 18 months to 3 years. 

FYI, we're still doing 3-5 night wakings but since DS sleeps on a bed right next to ours, he either rolls over and nurses briefly, or flops around whining while I rub his back and we're both back to sleep in a matter of minutes. I honestly couldn't tell you specifically how many times or what times he's waking up, because by morning I can only sort of remember being woken up. I read several sleep books and decided none of the training methods were for us and I'm currently reading The Baby Sleep Book by Dr Sears and finally finding peace with where we are in our sleep journey.