Boyfriend not being supportive

lyndz333

hippiechick21 said:

Omg... you are a horrible person.

THIS!  I'm so disgusted.  I hope this is MUD.

IrishBaby1982

Ladies, she sounds like

a.) Some bored teenager that has an IQ of 6

b.) Some middle aged woman who has a completely pathetic life and this is her form of enjoyment

c.) A man

That is all.  Loser.

btrebus

honomo said:

I can't keep a steady job, house, or ANYTHING for my current two children, and he seemed like a well-rounded guy. I mean, after all, he's in the military. And because of his position in the military, I know he'll have to take care of me and the baby (and, consequently, my other two kids). I want him to marry me so I don't have to worry about my ex-husband taking my two kids from me. 

You've got yourself into quite the pickle here. Why on earth did you think it was a great time to have another child when you don't have a job or a place to live for your existing family? Your BF has no obligations to your two kids, I'm not really sure where you got that. The military doesn't regulate your family situation (unless he's abusing you or he has an affair and the military finds out) so I'm not sure why you think the military is going to make him take care of the baby and your previous kids. My husband is a Marine, so I'm well versed in these matters. I'm sure there are thousands of illegitimate military children in the world with no dad around. Being forced into a marriage for a child is not healthy for anyone involved. He will be resentful and in the end the odds will not be in your favor for a lasting relationship. Marriage is about two people loving each other and WANTING to be together forever, not HAVING to be together. And even if you do get married that will not stop your ex from taking your kids away from you if he wants to. It's entirely up to the court system and who they see is a better fit parent. But if he can provide food and shelter for them and you can't, I wonder who they might see as a better fit...

I know a friend who tried to do the same thing (luckily she was unsuccessful). Children should be brought into the world with all the love and care they could possibly have. I know you will love your child, but it doesn't sound like it will have the adequate care it needs. Think about what this will do to your two kids now, it sounds like they already aren't getting what they need from their mother. I'm catholic as well, and abortion isn't the only option. You can give the baby up for adoption into a loving home that is prepared to provide for it. 

I pray for you, and most of all your children. You've got yourself in a very difficult situation, and I hope it works out for everyone, whatever the outcome. Come clean to your BF and hopefully things will work out. There's not a whole lot of advice we can give you- but I know how most men would feel if the same thing happened to them. 

Briz1126

Get up & get a job( its not that hard there's plenty of retail/food service jobs hiring) work hard at the job & keep it <~ this is where you start.... Unfortunately we can not tell you if your bf will stay with you or not but first & formost your children should be your main concern.

KRM05082013

you just need to sit down and talk to him. It was a mistake and you can't take it back.  the best thing you can you is sit and talk to him and he might leave you but he might not. This is the risk your going to have to take. You choose to fake being on birth control and now your pregnant and he is not happy. But he has a right not to be. Communation is the best thing in this relationship. Sit down with him when the kids are in bed and tell him everything why you did and what you were hoping to get from it. this is the only thing you can do. Time will be the only way to see how things go.

ocmommy2B

honomo said:

But I DO love him, and I know he loves me. Surely I'm not the only mom out there who's baited a husband? 

your didn't "bait a husband" baiting ones husband is coaxing him into wanting to start a family a little sooner or getting started on that second child you've been dreaming of. that's not what you did. you lied about the most life changing thing ever to a boyfriend ( not husband) for your own selfish gains. if you truly loved him you wouldn't have done something so deceitful and if he loves you he would want this when you BOTH are ready. financially, emotionally and otherwise. congrats on your pregnancy, as new life is always a blessing. but if I were him I wouldn't want anything to do with the situation either. sorry.

ocmommy2B

honomo said:

I understand people are going to be honest and share their opinions... but when do we get to the advice part? the GOOD advice? because I NEED IT. I need to know where to go from here. I'm facing a very long and lonely road ahead, and maybe I do deserve it, but I'd like to believe I am deserving of a second chance. we've all been given second chances.  

the advice would be to lie in the bed you've irresponsibly made for yourself and unborn child. come clean to him and then accept whatever consequences follow. given the situation he really doesn't owe you anything, but the best thing you can do is try to salvage some bit of honesty, as he deserves the truth. I think your idea of " good advice" is that you want us to make you feel better and be understanding and console you, but sometimes what you need to hear isn't what your want to hear!

ocmommy2B

honomo said:

I can't, can't CANT terminate. Why is that always listed as an option? I'm catholic. I just can't do that. 

soooo terminstion isn't very "Catholic" of you but lying, premarital sex and three kids out of wedlock is?

Lol you need serious mental assistance sister.

enjoli90

lol  

NicoleAnne416

LOL. good old school nest right here! You are not catholic. you wouldn't be unmarried and pregnant and if you truly truly followed each aspect of that religion. the guy? got screwed over. leave him alone. don't be an idiot, some of us are in real relationships, having real babies, and real lives.

WhitleyK28

Alrighty unlike car seat and everyone else on here im not gonna be a complete ass and tell you how awful you are because im sure many of them have done worse in their lifetime. So first things first, whether you two are married or not, he has to take care of the kid that is his. I'm a military spouse and an ex solider myself so I know that for a fact. And yes baiting him into this was wrong. However, I would come clean and tell him what you did maybe try a hand written letter? Make sure you go into this knowing a lot of trust was broken and be prepared to either work hard to rebuild that or loose him. If you do loose him I would turn the other 2 over to your ex especially if you know you cant provide for them. You do/will have visitation rights. You being catholic you know the Lord always makes a way. The people here judging you are just as wrong as you are. So brush them off. Don't forget to ask God for forgiveness as well. And if you need actual support or better put advice don't post on here send me a message because clearly everyone here just used this to judge you. 

cherylnicole

If you're going to give us MUD, at least make it be good.  

*yawn*

ScarlettV

I love how OP is apparently okay with the HORRIBLE things she's done, which we are expected to all look past... and yet thinks everyone calling her out on it is the meanest, most undeserved, worst thing ever. Boohoo.

Please stop using your 'terrible past' as an excuse for bad behavior. It's not a get out of jail free card.

Eggerkr

honomo said:

But I DO love him, and I know he loves me. Surely I'm not the only mom out there who's baited a husband? 

Two words for you... GOLD DIGGER!

You are so self centered to have done this to someone you supposedly "love".

Btw your post has made it to other boards as a link... It must feel pretty great to be a idiot!

xtinebby

I'm going to be as nice as possible. You pretty much used this man to save yourself. You can say you love him all you want. You lied and you make your post seem like he's some piece of shit who's not being supportive when in reality you lied to him, took advantage of him and his job and the security that it would give you. You are a selfish person regardless of what you may have gone threw in life. There is no excuse for your betrayal.

zomama325

First of all, why would you risk something like that?  Now not only are you going to have twp children that you don't know how to care for, but you will potentially have THREE children you can't care for.  There's no way it didn't go through your head that he might NOT just give into it and marry you.  So you were chancing it with your children as well as your unborn child.  That's not what a good mother does.  I'm not even a mother yet and I know that.

That's really messed up. What kind of man would want to be with someone who lied about that?  The fact that you felt you had to lie should have been a HUGE hint to you that he's not really for a child yet.  And if you fight for child support and he can prove that you lied like this to him, good luck getting child support.

">

hisbeautyalways

This is the thread that never ends...

calimama2007

this showed up again in my feed with new responses. I needed a good laugh after a bad Monday.

ocmommy2B

WhitleyK28 said:

Alrighty unlike car seat and everyone else on here im not gonna be a complete ass and tell you how awful you are because im sure many of them have done worse in their lifetime...... The people here judging you are just as wrong as you are. So brush them off. Don't forget to ask God for forgiveness as well. And if you need actual support or better put advice don't post on here send me a message because clearly everyone here just used this to judge you. 

you two must be next door neighbors on Fantasyland Lane lol

I've NEVER done anything worse than this in my lifetime - sorry! although if you said that, you must have... I'd be interested to know what the hell you could have done worse than this lol

and she put this crap out there for the public to scrutinize, so she can't be mad when true honest opinions are expressed. anyone who thinks her post should be met with hugs cuddles and kisses is delusional. we didn't use this to judge her, we used it to give her cold hard truths which she's clearly not used to receiving based on how immaturely she's acted throughout her life.

your advice was cute, but as far as the parts I pulled from your response - you're just as silly as she is

luvmybundle

So you lied about being on birth control in order to get pregnant with another baby, but you can't even provide support for the other two (hence the "trap")?  I can't even begin to take you serious.

J&NL

I wouldn't want to talk to you either if I was him. You sound like a tag chaser. How about you get a job and stop trying to snatch up military men to support you.

refletch

Yes, we all do make mistakes but mistakes have consequences -  for you this situation can have several many of them long term.  You need to be honest immediately - do not ask him for anything - be honest and then allow him to process and make a decision.  Regardless of his decision, you need to make the decision to get your life together FIRST - I'm sorry but its so sad to see someone that desperate for a husband; God gave you two feet, stand on them!

If you don't want to terminate then consider adoption.  There are many couples who can never have children for whatever reason that would be fantastic parents.  Your child SHOULD be the top  priority even if that means being raised by someone else in a more stable environment.

Kmom2014

Wooow I did the same exact thing...only the guy I was with didn't have anything I just wanted a baby and I lied about the birth control too...plus when he found out he went berserk and begged for an abortion but I said no. Now he doesn't want anything to do with his baby and he hates me. Im hopeing when the baby gets here he changes and things go back to normal. The only thing I can say is just wait and see because he may change once he see the baby...goodluck hun

veggieemogirl

Help is exactly what you need! I can't believe you would lie and get pregnant on purpose like that. I'm sorry, but it is no wonder he doesn't want anything to do with you. The biggest thing in a relationship is honesty and trust, you clearly aren't mature enough to have either. I suggest you grow up a little (a lot) more sweet heart.

BbyNewton13

I did the exact same thing your not the only one except I was like @kmom2014 the guy doesn't have anything I just want a baby so I had to lie about still taking my birth control but everything is still going good with me and him we just fight a lot more then we did before he found out I stopped taking birth control...the advice I give you is to just tell him the truth and hope he comes around goodluck