Boyfriend not being supportive

honomo

You're wrong, and you're a jerk. but i wish you happiness. no sense in sinking to your level. 

honomo

i'm not looking for an easy way out. nothing about this is easy!! i'd LOVE to have had the picture perfect marriage and family taht all of you presumably have. but it just hadsn't worked out that way. i don't expect everyone to be understanding either! i know not everyone can grasp the whole situation just based on a few posts on here. and even if they did know the whole situation, i would probably still be judged. that's fine. i'll figure it out on my own. thanks for the pep talk though!

jdoyle7215

sounds like you need PROFESSIONAL help!!!  

honomo

no, apparently I NEEED AN ABORTION! that's the best suggestion i've gotten from you miserable people so far! THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

honomo

carseat... that's already done. NOTHING i can do about that now. i'm talking about how i know nothing ahead is going to be easy, and i don't expect it to be. you're absolutely right,. i THOUGHT it would be the easy way. it hasn't been, won't be, and i don't know that anything about my life is ever EVER going to be easy. i'm so sick of it! I'M TIRED OF THE HARD STUFF. 

honomo

nikkys2008 said:

honomo said:

no, apparently I NEEED AN ABORTION! that's the best suggestion i've gotten from you miserable people so far! THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How about get a job?

awesome. how about get a job as a consultant? you have the answer to everything! JOBS FOR ALL! 

cattuccino

Here I thought I was being reasonably supportive. How silly of me.

aessary03

I agree with the other ladies.  The deceit you've done is horrible.  I wouldn't blame him if he left you and never spoke to you again when you tell him what you did.  You said something earlier about glass houses, but I'm pretty certain I've never done anything remotely close to this level of deceit to my husband. 

You aired your dirty laundry on a public Internet forum.  You gave us the information you wanted to give us.  You didn't get the answers you wanted.  So now you're trying to justify every aspect, such as the abusive husband, school is too expensive, he never wanted me to work, I'm Catholic, etc.  Just own up that you're not a very stellar person without all of the justifications.  Honestly, it doesn't change my opinion of you.

You should be focusing on your 2 children you already have rather than having someone knock you up to help you take care of your 2 children.  That's sick and wrong.  You should probably seek out counseling, because you're going to end up doing damage to your 2 children by being so desperate to trap a man.  There are men out there that prey on women like you to prey on their children.  Think about that.

There's always the adoption option.

oneblessedmess

LOL WTF. I've only read the OP. This ish can't be real.

EDIT: And now I've read the rest. Hell to tha no. Honomo? MUD.

Meery82

aessary03 said:

I agree with the other ladies.  The deceit you've done is horrible.  I wouldn't blame him if he left you and never spoke to you again when you tell him what you did.  You said something earlier about glass houses, but I'm pretty certain I've never done anything remotely close to this level of deceit to my husband. 

You aired your dirty laundry on a public Internet forum.  You gave us the information you wanted to give us.  You didn't get the answers you wanted.  So now you're trying to justify every aspect, such as the abusive husband, school is too expensive, he never wanted me to work, I'm Catholic, etc.  Just own up that you're not a very stellar person without all of the justifications.  Honestly, it doesn't change my opinion of you.

You should be focusing on your 2 children you already have rather than having someone knock you up to help you take care of your 2 children.  That's sick and wrong.  You should probably seek out counseling, because you're going to end up doing damage to your 2 children by being so desperate to trap a man.  There are men out there that prey on women like you to prey on their children.  Think about that.

There's always the adoption option.

This, especially the part about men who prey on women to prey on their children. (Damn new format won't let me bold). You need to get your head out of your àss and start making some adult decisions. Your children are your priority. You have to do what's best for them because you are all they've got. I have news for you, the "hard stuff" you are so sick of is only going to get harder. Why, you ask? Because you make stupid decisions! You've got to grow up, quit playing the whiny victim, and act like an adult. Take responsibility for your actions. You'll be lucky if this guy ever talks to you again. Find a job. Do what you have to do to finish nursing school. Pay your own way. And quit freakin lying to people! 

MUD means made up drama. I'm sure you can see why your outrageous post has made others skeptical. No one is making fun of you.

mfarmer0811

If you really do want to tell him the truth, and ALL of it, you need to do it ASAP! If he won't answer your phone calls, write him a letter, email, or something. Make sure you take all the blame, and tell him how you feel about him, and how much you know you have hurt him. 
What you did was really terrible, but all you can do now is move on, and do what's best for you and your children (without being dishonest)

jbasore1123

honomo said:

I UNDERSTAND it was a bad decision. Ugh, I've made lots of them. But it's about WHERE I GO FROM HERE. And I don't have any idea where to start. How to fix it. i'm going to have a baby, and I'm scared as hell. I don't need judgment, i need advice.  

*lurking* You need therapy to sort some things out
And I hope one day you learn to put the lives of your children first before your relationships. You need to start thinking for THEIR best interest, which may not always be what you want.

Kfran84

honomo said:

I am pregnant, and my boyfriend doesn't want anything to do with the baby. Probably because I lied and said I was taking birth control, when in reality, I WANTED him to knock me up... I can't keep a steady job, house, or ANYTHING for my current two children, and he seemed like a well-rounded guy. I mean, after all, he's in the military. And because of his position in the military, I know he'll have to take care of me and the baby (and, consequently, my other two kids). I want him to marry me so I don't have to worry about my ex-husband taking my two kids from me. So I let him knock me up, and acted like it was a surprise to me. Maybe he's figured me out, and maybe that's why he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Help! 

Just for posterity, in case of future edits.

Carry on...

Lissa832

What exactly makes you believe that he HAS to support you and your other children? You are not his responsibility, nor are your other kids. With him being in the military, he will pay child support, and the baby can also be covered by Tricare once paternity is established. Child support is to take care of HIS child, not you and not your other kids. If he was smart, he'd stay as far away from you as possible.

Starfishx95

It sounds like you can't take care of yourself or your two kids you need to give your baby up for adoption for a GOOD family that can TAKE CARE OF A CHILD

dorener

I recommend starting with a counselor. If you don't have money there should be free counseling groups you can join, start looking into it, yes, you made a mistake and a horrible one but I see you are looking for advice. The thing you need to do now is get yourself the help you need to become a strong independent woman who can support those three kids without a man, if you find a good man later in life, great, but your priority now is to help those defenseless children who deserve everything in this world. DO NOT have expectations of what the father should do, assume he will do nothing and be the rock those children need and deserve. If he decides he wants to be involved, great, but do not wait for that. Good luck and God bless those children.

dorener

Oops duplicate sorry

lindsey1031

honomo said:

I UNDERSTAND it was a bad decision. Ugh, I've made lots of them. But it's about WHERE I GO FROM HERE. And I don't have any idea where to start. How to fix it. i'm going to have a baby, and I'm scared as hell. I don't need judgment, i need advice.  

Understand that you used your children and manipulated your bf. You can't fix your situation until you fix yourself. You should be scared. I recommend giving all your kids up and signing away your parental rights to someone who will be a responsible parent and a good role model for them. We don't need any more mal-adjusted people in this world.

Pamelacake

I just want to add that my mother did this. She had five kids with my father and after divorcing him went to find her high school sweetheart, also a military man. He moved in with my mom immediately and left his wife for her. He never paid any bills, he laid around, always left messes for me to clean up.

My mother was on birth control and she will deny it to this day but there were numerous times where I would go to take a shower in her master bathroom and find a pill in the sink that didn't get washed down, it was her birth control.

OK so I'll get to the point.. my little half brother from this situation is now 15. My mom let this man live with her for about 10 years with the last 2-3 years being a no commitment situation.

My mom has  never seen a dime of child support from this man, he never paid any bills while living with her, childcare expenses.. etc.

She thought she could trap him by getting pregnant and ended up living miserably for over 10 years. She worked all of the time.. she was the bread winner, she had 6 kids and a grown man to support bc his truck was more important than food on the table. I was the oldest so at age 15 I had two jobs. my mom did not qualify for any type of assistance. My first job was to buy food for my siblings and my second was for clothes and I went to school full time.

This man stayed with my mom for a free ride.

IDK what the outcome of your situation will be, but my mom's was not what she expected. and it took a toll on all of her other children as well as her.

Just Food for thought.

ETA: your bf probably feels very betrayed. if you can't get him to answer the phone I mean I think that's obvious. Think of it like this, try to put yourself in his shoes. He didn't want to have a baby. Say a woman gets raped and a pregnancy come of it.. She didn't choose to get pregnant.. That's what your baby daddy is feeling. I know it's not the same thing but he could be having those feelings about the pregnancy

 

linzerd

I first saw your post last night, and my first thought was "oh boy honey, I hope you're wearing you're flame retardant suit!" But I have to say I'm surprised at the lack of name calling and swearing in the responses. Good for you ladies, you've grown up since the knot (if some of you frequented over there). The knot seems to be not only more judgemental but veryyyy "know it all". Anyhow, what you've done is exactly the situation involving my husband's first child when he was a teenager. His girlfriend, who was bipolar (not that there is anything wrong with someone with this disorder, it just needs to be treated, also throwing that in there because there is obviously something wrong with you, psychologically). So, Shaundra got herself KU and my mother in law (who had a baby at age 17 AND was raised catholic) had to sit her down and explain to her that no, she was not having this baby. She was not going to trap my husband into marrying her or being a teen father. She was having an abortion, which she eventually did. Once my husband broke up with her, she then trapped another guy into marrying her by telling him she was pregnant again, but then said she had had a m/c. She then said that this m/c baby had been that of my husband's. We call her captain fake baby now b/c it is really not known how many abortions/m/c's she actually had. We know that she did have at least 2 children later on, and had custody of one or possibly both, taken away. She also did a slew of drugs during her first pregnancy and proceeded to look smugly at everyone saying "see, she's fine". The point is: Do you really want to be Captain Fake Baby? No, you don't. The only real advice you are going to get here is: 1. Have an abortion. 2. Give your baby up for adoption. 3. Get some counseling, public assistance, and get your friggin act together and take care or your damn kids. You made your bed.

SuperMom17

*yawn*. MUD

KittyKat102012

Termination of the pregnancy.

shashonie

This has to be a joke thread and I'm going to think of it as such. No one would really do this, then post it, and then think they were going to get positive support from ANYONE.

hisbeautyalways

Definitely MUD. But if somebody in the future searches and finds this who also has a pregnancy that is unwanted by either or both parents, is tricked or tricking somebody into having a baby, or cannot care for future children or the children they already have, here are your options:
Adoption. Abortion. Counseling. Do everything you can to find a job (mow lawns, clean houses, drive old people to appointments, babysit).

CaliforniaDream87

This has to be MUD. If it isn't I think you're a gold digging liar.

PregoPuma

Oh wow I can't believe how many hits this post has gotten. I assumed it was fake. Maybe a 12 yr old boy & his friends at his day's computer poking fun at us. This can't possibly be real. If it is, I feel sorry for the children involved here.

BLT20051

Mud.

But lol that you think he's Prince Charming who has enough money to fix all your problems because he's in the military. Um, we don't make that much, FYI.

BLT20051

GhostMonkey said:

Baconlettucetomato said:

Mud.

But lol that you think he's Prince Charming who has enough money to fix all your problems because he's in the military. Um, we don't make that much, FYI.

Whatevs. Everyone in the military is loaded. Don't try to lie.

I'm curious why she has loans for school. No job and 2 kids, she should be qualifying for grants up the ass. And why housing is an issue because with that going on she should clearly qualify for housing assistance and the loans should not play any part.




Her mud is very clouded.

WildRumpus

honomo said:

I feel attacked for my former divorce, but you people don't know the abuse i suffered at the hands of my ex. and i'm still trying to figure things out on my own. i was married to him for 10 years, right out of high school, and i have never known how to take care of myself. I WILL get it together, i know that. it's just hard right now. 

Trapping someone in a relationship with a baby isn't typically seen as a great start to being self sufficient...

Michelle N

honomo said:

I can't, can't CANT terminate. Why is that always listed as an option? I'm catholic. I just can't do that. 

You're clearly a really great Catholic. 

That ship has sailed, honey. 

Fess up. It's going to come out anyway. Oh, and then grow up. Fast. 

crogers19

As a military spouse and someone who has extended family who has pulled shit like this, I have no issue saying, OP you are a total bitch.

I hope this man you tricked into the sack has enough balls and brains to collect evidence against you, go to legal and bury you in paperwork and legal fees for the next 10 years. 

Stop being a selfish lazy brat and  apply for a job at Wal-Mart if nothing else.

Michelle N

Oh I just read the screen name. Mud "fo sho". 

Get a life, OP.

neener*neener*

Is your name "ho no mo" as in Ho no more??? bahahahaha

I really hope this is MUD because if not, you are ridiculous and shame on you for trying to trap a man by getting pregnant and lying to him.

KNSATX

You're an idiot and I hope this guy doesn't marry you; he clearly doesn't trust you and you've clearly demonstrated you aren't mature enough for marriage. You're especially not mature enough for an Army marriage, which can be a special kind of stressful. Where to go from here? Counseling. Get ready to dig deep and do some hard work; this situation won't get any better if you continue on this path. 

neener*neener*

And OP, people like YOU are what is wrong with America!!!! OMG seriously... GET-A-LIFE!

twohunts

Baconlettucetomato said:

GhostMonkey said:

Baconlettucetomato said:

Mud.

But lol that you think he's Prince Charming who has enough money to fix all your problems because he's in the military. Um, we don't make that much, FYI.

Whatevs. Everyone in the military is loaded. Don't try to lie.

I'm curious why she has loans for school. No job and 2 kids, she should be qualifying for grants up the ass. And why housing is an issue because with that going on she should clearly qualify for housing assistance and the loans should not play any part.

Her mud is very clouded.
Not only that, but you don't even start paying loans until after you graduate... Unless you don't finish and leave school.

codec

Why do people keep bringing this shit back to the front? 

The last time OP replied was Jul 26th. 

calimama2007

Couldn't read all the responses, this is totally MUD right?

VVT3111

i keep reading your display name and keep thinking it says nohomo.

jkelly41

honomo said:

But I DO love him, and I know he loves me. Surely I'm not the only mom out there who's baited a husband? 

This is so disturbing....that's a very dishonorable thing to do.