Am I being greedy?

CanadianGurl

Here's the scoop. I come from a family with 1 sibling, we're both biologically related to our parents. DH comes from a family with 1 sibling, they are both adopted. DH and I have 1 biological 4-month old DS. We're planning on having another child sometime next year. I brought up adoption to DH but he feels that maybe the siblings won't feel as close if they aren't both in the "same boat." (see previous post if you like).

In the meantime, I've asked my MIL what she thought about DH and I having both adopted and biological children. She waited 2 years to adopt her first baby through the provincial system and 6 years to adopt DH as a baby.

MIL thought it was a bit selfish to adopt a child since we can have our own biological children? If we do adopt, I was thinking of an older child anyways. Am I being greedy?

DAT1205

GREEDY????????????  NO WAY!!!!!!  I think two things #1...if you and your DH have the love to give to another child what difference does it make if you conceived that child or not.  #2.........Families come in all different varietys these days and the bottom line is who cares are long as there is love and support in the family.  Sibilings will be sibilings regardless of DNA.

Good luck in your decisions.

Mrs_Rod

DAT...well said.  I don't think you are being greedy at all.  I have friends that have biological children and adopted children and trust the loves those kids have for each transcends any type of stereo type someone might have.

Ranita

Wow, this makes me really sad.  There are literally millions of orphans in the world at this moment, many living locally and others internationally.  If there are families (like yours) who want to provide unconditional love to these children that is a great thing.  As far as siblings not being in the same boat...I think it is the responsibility of parents to love and nurture each child in their home and there are many who share DNA wno don't feel equally loved, it's not an adoption vs biology issue.  As for your MIL, I wonder how she was treated when she was going through her adoption journey.  Perhaps she's speaking out of hurt.

CanadianGurl

Good point Ranita, I never thought of it that way. My MIL had a very tough time with her adoption. Her DH's family was unfortunately not at all supportive of their decision to adopt, and she received a lot of "flack' (sp?) for it, so maybe that is where that is coming from. Thanks for the insight.

candm

I think Ranita put it very well. With millions of orphans in the world, I think it is more greedy to have another bio child (a decision that I am struggling with for our 4th child--bio or adopted--a decision we won't be making for a year or more though).

I certainly hope our children will feel equally bonded to each other. Will they? I guess I won't know for sure for years to come, but I definitely don't think such doubts would have been an incentive for us not to adopt.

brownmouse

Greedy? Of course not!!! I can't believe someone would say you are being greedy for wanting to adopt. That's just silly.

Because saving a child(who otherwise might never get the opportunity for a normal family life) from being shuffled from foster home to foster home is greedy, not kindhearted. *sarcasm*

 My parents tried for years to have kids, and when they finally gave up, they adopted three kids. Siblings, who were in foster care together. Then, after having these three kids (my brothers and sister) for not even a year, found out they were pregnant with me. Then, two years later, came my accidental little brother.

 My siblings and I are all very close. Being adopted doesn't make any difference when you grow up together. They are my siblings, blood or aopted, and I love them all the same.

 Actually, something my mother always found funny, the brother that I am closest to, Tony, is my adopted brother, about three and a half years older than me. When we were kids, we were retty much inseparable. When people knew that some of us were adopted, and some werent, they always thought for sure that Tony and I were the adopted ones, because we had such a bond. And it didn't help that we both had blond hair, and all my other siblings have brown hair.

Sorry...rambling.

Just thought I'd give my two sense.


 

anna&steve

First - we have a biological daughter and are in the waiting phase of adopting internationally. I don't feel in anyway greedy. I wouldn't even know how anyone could say that adopting is greedy.

 But, mainly I wanted to say that I have a good friend who was adopted and then her parents had a biological son. She said as kids her and her brother would fight (like all siblings) and her brother would say, "well, I am their real child" and she would always reply, "well, they paid good money for me!" I just thought it might give you a laugh. Siblings are siblings however they are made!

Good luck,

Anna