Vent, questions, help needed - long
Wisteriacow
member
I feel like I'm at my wit's end. I'm reasonably smart and usually have a good sense of humour. My son has me worn out, stupid and feeling like a failure. I don't know what to do, when to do it, or how to do it. So here's everything and hopefully someone will have advice on at least some of it.
1. He won't sleep. He fights going to sleep. We've started trying to get him on a routine but it's not working. It's only been two days but he's only sleeping about 7-8 hours at night with stretches 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 hours max. He'll only fall asleep nursing or in his swing. I'm starting to keep sleep logs per The No Cry Sleep Solution but so far it's just making me realize how bad the problem is.
2. He's been fussing/crying a lot more at night. I don't know if it's reflux, teething, gas, or just his tempermant.
3. He is very hard to burp. Sometimes he'll relax enough and let out huge burps but other times he'll go all day with nothing. Then he gets out of sorts and spits up/vomits. Any chance letting him sit upright more in a Bumbo during the day would help with the gas/reflux?
4. My breasts hurt. I don't know why. When he nurses it's typically only for about 5-7 minutes on one side and we switch sides every two hours. We got in the habit of doing block feeds because I have a strong letdown and tend toward oversupply. Should we be switching back to both sides per feeding? Switching sides sooner than two hours? He really doesn't show any interest in eating for longer.
I think there was more but I'm so tired I can't remember it. I've probably rambled on enough for now anyway.
Re: Vent, questions, help needed - long
my suggestions
1. Sleep- Babies are often sleep WAY before we are clued in. Look for signs like rubbing eyes, staring off in the distance, yawning and begin winding down for nap or for bed. With the fighting sleep thing, you have to catch your DC when they are getting sleep not when they are overtired.
3. Burping- Its less about how hard you hit baby's back (that really doesn't work well) I do a combo of patting and rubbing. The more upright/stretched out baby's belly is the easier it is to burp. If you put DC on your knee, don't let him/her slouch over too far and then pat just above the butt and rub up, repeat
4. I was only able to breastfeed for a little while, but I generally did about 12 minutes each side so that both breasts were drained equally at each feeding. You can also try pumping to relieve pain. It sounds like DC isn't nursing long enough on each side.
You aren't stupid or a failure, babies are hard work! and sometime simpossible to figure out. DS stopped sleeping recently and I feel the same way occassionally, it seems I am not alone though and neither are you. You are doing your best.
If he has refulx can you talk to your Dr about ways to help him? What about changing your diet in case it's caused by food? I know there are certain foods taht cause lots of gas and issues in some babies.
Are you putting him to sleep early enough? DS gets SO fussy and cries at night if we wait too long to get him into bed. We do a quick routine which involves me feeding him in the glider and singing to him. I give him his paci and rock him a bit while he is lying half asleep in his crib. He is seriously ready for bed between 6-7pm. Used to go to bed much later but now that he goes so early we never (knock on wood) have any issue with him falling asleep... he does about 5 hours and then the rest is a nightmare, but that is new, he was doing great before he hit 4months.
Have you tried the aveeno calming bath and lotion?
My DD wouldn't sleep through the night until I started making her take 4 oz of breast milk in the bottle. She was passing out before she got full and I couldn't tell how much she was getting while she was nursing. The calming bath has been working wonders during her very fussy times at night. I also suggest a nipple shield. It worked great at keeping my boobs from getting sore.
I forgot to look at how old your LO is, but it does get better. I know everybody says that, but it's true. Forget about the whole getting a routine down, sometimes you just have to do what works best at that moment.
1. Where is he sleeping? Have you tried to let him "try out" other sleeping areas (bouncer, pallet on floor, car seat, etc)? The sleeping stretches don't sound abnormal for a BF baby of his age. Heidi preferred to eat at night more than during the day for a couple of months, so we were up every 2-3 hours. What is your routine (bath, nurse, book, etc)? Maybe try rearranging the parts of your routine...
2. Heidi has reflux, and it definitely made it harder for her to sleep at night. We elevated the mattress in her playard/bassinet and that helped so much. We also let her sleep in her boppy bouncer.
3. Letting them sit more upright will usually help with gas and spitting up if it's done after a feeding for about 30min to an hour. But sometimes the chair is too much, so we do the bouncer or swing instead.
4. What kind of pain is it (achy all over, nipples, etc)? I use warm compress when my breast start to ache from my oversupply. Heidi only nursed one side at a time until she was 4 months old. Then she started taking both breasts each feeding. It sounds like he's getting enough if he's pulling himself off...but he should be eating a little bit longer to make sure he's getting enough hind milk. I would try to let him go 2.5 hours in-between feedings to see if he'll nurse for longer.
Make sure you're getting plenty of water to stay hydrated and try and sleep/nap when your LO is asleep if you can. Is their a relative or friend that can come over and watch him while you take a nap? HTH. Hugs.
~Sweet Girl *8/18/08* c-section ~ Sweet Boy *12/2/10* VBAC ~ Sweet Boy *8/14/12* VBAC~
VBAC Birth Story 2VBAC Birth Story
I try putting him to sleep as soon as he gives tired cues but he fights it. He'll be dead exhausted but he'll whip his head around trying to look at everything. I think he's afraid he'll miss out on something if he sleeps.
I do have a pump but I stopped using it because I kept having engorgement issues. Guess it might be time to drag it back out.
Despite sleeping horribly, at least DS typically wakes up all smiles. So he's not a pain all the time, just when I'm most tired it seems!
I would caution against using the bumbo if you suspect your baby has reflux. My pedi agreed with me that it was probably making my son's flare ups worse because it was scrunching up his digestive system.
As for sleep, I don't really have any suggestions except just to have patience. It will get better one day but it's hard waiting for that day I know. In the meantime, you sound really tired and frustrated. Are you the only one getting up with the baby at night? Is it possible for your husband to help you for a few nights so you can get some rest and feel better? I got up with DS on my own for the first 3 months and I got really overexhausted, depressed, and sick. Then my husband stepped in and did it for a while and I was able to get enough sleep to feel better again. It's amazing how much sleep depriviation affects your emotions. I guess there's a reason why some countries use it as a torture device! LOL.
We went to the pedi on Saturday about the reflux. His weight was up 12oz from two weeks ago and there was no sign of irritation to his throat. She said to try Maalox and if that helped to then use the Zantac she gave us the prescription for. We've tried Maalox a few times but he seems to spit up/vomit more afterward and DH and I aren't keen on giving him mediciation. We're hoping that since he's a "happy spitter" that we can manage it without medication. I have some ColicCalm on order which is supposed to be good for gas and reflux so we'll see if that helps.
As far as my sleeping, I am the only one getting up with DS at night. He sleeps in our room but DH never seems to hear him, plus I feel it's my responsibility since DH gets up to go to work every day and I work from home. My mom does come over two days a week to watch DS but I use that time to focus on getting work done or taking care of housework. So the only time I sleep is at night.
I think I'm going to start trying to put DS in his crib to sleep at night and I'll stay on the floor in his room. I think he's waking up some because he wants to move more than he has room to do in the co-sleeper and I think DH's night noises disrupt him too. Plus I think if I'm not sleeping right next to him, I won't over-comfort. I think I might be taking his night fussing as distress when it isn't.
No real easy answers but I do feel better having gotten this off my chest.