Hi ladies! I wanted to have a little fun with this post. I've posted separately about my fear of talking to people about IF and loss (in an attempt to seek comfort) because of the well-intentioned things they say that end up hurting my feelings or just plain annoying me. I know I can't be alone in this so I wanted to see what comments people make that drive you nuts, bother you, or hurt your feelings.
(Disclaimer: It's ok for us (If'ers) to say these things to each other because we understand. I'm actually a little scared to start this post because I'm afraid people will get offended because they may have said some of these things themselves. I promise it's not meant to upset anyone; it's just for fun.)
I have a few to get us started:
"It will happen when you least expect it."
"Don't stress. That just makes it worse. You have to calm down. As soon as my neighbor's sister's friend's daughter in law adopted she got pregnant."
"You still have plenty of time." (I'm 36 and would like to have more than 1 child.)
"1 year? That's not that long to be trying." (said by someone with 3 kids that had no trouble getting pregnant)
"I don't understand why she's so upset. It's wasn't even technically a baby yet." <--- This was said about someone who's friend lost a baby around 10-12 weeks. She said this to me THE DAY this same friend was throwing her a baby shower, just 1 week after the miscarriage. I don't think I could have done that.
"Do you want my kids? They’re Driving Me Nuts!"
"You're lucky. At least you get to sleep in."
"I'd rather buy tampons than Pampers."
"There's always next month."
"At least it's fun to try."
"If this is stressing you out, wait till you become a mom."
"You can always adopt."
"It will happen once you stop trying."
Re: PLEASE don't say that! :D (loss mentioned)
3 early m/c before pursuing fertility treatments
Diagnosis: Unexplained
IUI #2: Mar 2016 (Follistim + Ganirelix + Ovidrel) *BFN
IUI #3: Apr 2016 (Follistim + Ganirelix + Ovidrel) *BFN
IUI #4: May 2016(Follistim + Ganirelix + Ovidrel) *BFN
IVF #2: begin stims mid August
"Just don't think about it" ...I want to hit people when they say that.
"You have to be patient" ... I want to run people over with my car when they say that hahahaha
That felt good. Thank you
Unexplained Infertility- Postive for MTHFR Gene Mutation
Natural cycles with 1 miscarriage
-3 IUI's w/ Clomid= BFN
-IVF #1-Follistim and Menopur= BFN
***11 Eggs, 10 mature, 8 fertilized, transferred 1 (day 5) 2 made it to freeze
-FET #1- Transferred 2, day 5 embryos =BFN
-IVF #2- Follistim and Menopur = BFN
***11 retrieved, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, transferred 2 (day 3), 4 made it to freeze (Follistim and Menopur) = BFN
-FET #2- Transferred 2, day 3 embryos = BFN
**Changed doctor**
-IUI #4- natural cycle = BFN
-IUI #5- Follistim (5 eggs) BFP- lead to Miscarriage
-Laproscopic Surgery for Endometriosis, Polyp removal and Cyst removal.
-IVF #3- Menopur, Follistim, Lupron, Ganirellex- BFP lead to Eptopic Pregnancy
***11 Eggs retrieved, 10 Mature, 8 fertilized, transferred 3 embryos (day 3), 0 made it to freeze
-Lapropscopic surgery- Removal of Fallopian Tube
-IVF #4- Estrogen Priming with Vivelle dot, Menopur, Follistim, Ganirellex- BFP
***15 Eggs retreived, 11 mature, 11 fertilized, 2 embryos transferred (day 3), 2 made it to freeze
Found out I was positive for MTHFR Gene Mutation during TWW of IVF #4
"It just wasn't meant to be." (After same miscarriage)
"I bet your sisters would give you eggs!" (My mother, trying to be helpful but...it was def not the right moment to make that suggestion)
Everyone means well, I'm sure, but there's a lot of landmines.
Him: 31, totes fine.
IUI #1: 5 follicles, cycle cancelled :-/
IUI #2: 1 follicle, BFP, chemical
IVF #1: 12 follicles, 9 eggs, 1 fresh 5dt and 4 on ice. BFP, beta #1: 326, beta #2: 841
"Just adopt" Yeah, like that's a thing. "Just" is not how adoption works. This was said to me by my brother, who has three children, two who are 14 months apart and one from a woman who was told she'd never be able to have kids because of complications with her birth.
I went to Disneyland with my bro and said three kids, and they were being a bit wild, nothing too crazy, and my sis-in-law said "are you sure you want kids". Really? Oh yeah, I've spent $50,000 trying to get pregnant because I don't want kids. This is the same sis-in-law who got pregnant after being with my bro for less than 6 weeks, and was always told she'd never be able to have any.
Me - 28, Lean PCOS
DH - 31
Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014
Blog: ourbinarystar.com
FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!
Married June 2012
TTC #1 since Oct 2014
March 2016: IUI#1 w/ Clomid, Ovidrel, Progesterone, Estradiol - BFN
April-May 2016: treatment on hold due to bad thyroid levels, adjusted meds
June 2016: IUI#2 w/ Clomid, Ovidrel, Progesterone, Estradiol - BFN
July 13th: IVF consult
August 2016: IUI#3 w/ Femara, Ovidrel, Progresterone - BFN
Sept/Oct 2016: IVF + ICSI
TI for 4 cycles: 1 round of femara; 2 rounds femara/ injectables: all ended in BFN.
3 IUI Cycles: letrozole/Follistim with HCG Trigger,all resulted in BFN.
FET #1: Baseline appt 4/28/16, Gonal-F/Menopur stims, Centrotide 5/4/16, ER 5/11/16; 6/8/16 ET, BFN
FET #2: Baseline appt 6/22/16, Estrace/PIO shots: 7/12/16 ET, 1st beta 7/21/16: 83 BFP, 2nd beta 7/23/16: 315. 1st U/S: 8/4/16 empty sac. 2nd U/S: 8/10/16 yolk sac appeared, everything stopped growing. Office D&C: 8/11/16, MC.
FET #3: Baseline appt 12/28/16, Estrace/PIO shots: 1/17/17 ET, 1st beta 1/27/17: 146 BFP, 2nd beta 1/29/17: 336, 1st U/S: 2/16/17, 2 healthy twin babies measuring 7w0d. EDD: 10/5/17
Once a friend of my DH said "you're chakras are just off".
Unexplained/ Endo
Medicated IUIs # 1-3 BFN
IVF #1- BFN
FET #1- BFP; Ectopic pregnancy found at 7wks
FET #2- February 2017 BFP Beta #1- 119 (8dp5dt) Beta #2- 475 (12dp5dt)
and everyone who says I should a) just relax or b) stop trying so hard bc it will happen when I least expect it. SURE, I didn't try for 10 years and it didn't happen but I'm sure if I stop now it will be like magic ><
~Anne
@lilmissslp Lol, chakras. Yeah, okay, that is totally why.
Me - 28, Lean PCOS
DH - 31
Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014
Blog: ourbinarystar.com
FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!
My aunt pushed a distant cousin towards me at a wedding and said, you two should talk, cuz she had a lot of trouble getting her (7 yo) son. Yeah, she probably has a trick to share!
My all time favorite is, "I know you probably don't want to hear this, but try to relax, " why the h would you say it?
Married: October 2014
Me: 35 DH: 39
TTC since November 2014
Diagnosis: Anovulation from PCOSish without syndrome, Male factors - low motility and morphology issues
April-Sept. 2015 - Clomid and TI - BFN
Dec. 2015- HSG - Clear tubes
Jan., Feb., March 2016 - Letrozole 7.5mg and TI with HCG trigger= BFN
April, May, June 2016 - Letrozole 7.5mg and IUI with HCG trigger= BFN
September 2016 - IVF round #1;ER 9/26 with ICSI on 14 eggs - developed mild OHSS.
Sept 2016 - 12 non-PGS embryos frozen (5 5AAs)
FET #1 Jan 16, 2017 - BFP!- MC at 6W5d
FET #2 May 8, 2017 - BFP! EDD 1-24-2018
"At least you can afford the treatments!" (Oh yes, on a therapist salary paying for treatment is seriously the easiest thing I have ever done in my life.)
"But so many bad people have kids!" (Yes, this changes the fact that I'm struggling.)
"Maybe you shouldn't be eating that candy bar/ice cream/pasta/whatever." (Ugh you're probably right but damn it sometimes I deserve a freaking ice cream! Besides, when did you become a PCOS nutrition expert?!)
these are just a few that have really gotten under my skin!!!
"You guys have only been married a year, enjoy the honeymoon. You have your whole lives to be parents".
.......It makes me SO mad.
The best though, is this guy at my office. Since the person who was in my role before me got pregnant and left, his favorite joke is to run around telling people that I'm pregnant and going to leave. That is just THE BEST!
Me: 31, DH:33
TTC since October 2015: MFI
Summer 2016: 3 IUI's: BFN
October 2016: Switched RE's and began IVF cycle
December 2016: Retrieved 13 eggs, 12 mature, 9 fertilized with ICSI. 5 day ET of 2 blasts with 4 frosites left. BFP!!!! EDD: 8/30/2017
August 25, 2017: It's a Girl!!
April 12, 2019: FET, BFP!!! Baby BOY EDD: 12/29/2019
Unexplained/ Endo
Medicated IUIs # 1-3 BFN
IVF #1- BFN
FET #1- BFP; Ectopic pregnancy found at 7wks
FET #2- February 2017 BFP Beta #1- 119 (8dp5dt) Beta #2- 475 (12dp5dt)
Married 2014; TTC since 4/2015
Diagnosed with Stage 3 Endometriosis and possible ovulation dysfunction
2nd TI (clomid/follistim/ovidrel/progesterone)- 5/11/16 - BFN
So many people, including myself, aren't comfortable talking about their infertility. Then outsiders - even though they mean well (usually)- say those types of comments. It's a never ending vicious cycle. Top that off with some raging hormones and emotions. Sounds like a party.
Me: 31, DH:33
TTC since October 2015: MFI
Summer 2016: 3 IUI's: BFN
October 2016: Switched RE's and began IVF cycle
December 2016: Retrieved 13 eggs, 12 mature, 9 fertilized with ICSI. 5 day ET of 2 blasts with 4 frosites left. BFP!!!! EDD: 8/30/2017
August 25, 2017: It's a Girl!!
April 12, 2019: FET, BFP!!! Baby BOY EDD: 12/29/2019
People are ridiculous .
**BFP and loss warning**
**BFP and loss warning**
Me: 31, DH:33
TTC since October 2015: MFI
Summer 2016: 3 IUI's: BFN
October 2016: Switched RE's and began IVF cycle
December 2016: Retrieved 13 eggs, 12 mature, 9 fertilized with ICSI. 5 day ET of 2 blasts with 4 frosites left. BFP!!!! EDD: 8/30/2017
August 25, 2017: It's a Girl!!
April 12, 2019: FET, BFP!!! Baby BOY EDD: 12/29/2019
DH: 36, No known issues
TTC since 11/2014
1000mg Metformin daily
Oct-Dec 2015: Letrozole 5mg, Ovidrel, TI = BFN x 2
Feb-May 2016: Letrozole 5mg, Ovidrel, TI, Prometrium = BFN x 3
August 2016: Clomid 100mg no response, Letrozole 5mg, Ovidrel, TI, Prometrium = BFN
"you should get drunk. My friend/coworker/dog walker got drunk and now she's pregnant." I really wan to retort with well you and your friend can go f*ck yourselves. (I've got a lot of anger in me today)
Yea, I don't find it so funny.
I don't think I've ever seen my husband move so damn fast to get me out of the room before I started screaming/cursing/punching/::enter verb here:: at that witch of a woman...
me:41 dh:42
me:PCOS, blocked left fallopian tube, hyperprolactinemia (dh's swimmers are perfect/normal)
Tried 3 rounds of clomid with Ovidrel trigger (BFNs)
May/June 2016 IVF 6/1 ER 7 eggs retrieved, 7 fertilized via ICSI 6 embryos made it to blasts.
6/6 2 AA embryos transfered, 4 BBs frozen
Beta 6/18 -- BFN
FET #1 August 22 BFN
Dec 2016/Jan 2017 Round 2 was a bust. 6 eggs, Only 1 embryo made it, no transfer
FET #2 cancelled 10/17 due to uterine polyps. Postponed until 9/2018 due to hip replacement.
FET #3 9/11/18 Uterine scratch and antihistamine protocol/lovenox done this time. 2 AA hatching blasts put in. BFP 9/20/18!!
me:41 dh:42
me:PCOS, blocked left fallopian tube, hyperprolactinemia (dh's swimmers are perfect/normal)
Tried 3 rounds of clomid with Ovidrel trigger (BFNs)
May/June 2016 IVF 6/1 ER 7 eggs retrieved, 7 fertilized via ICSI 6 embryos made it to blasts.
6/6 2 AA embryos transfered, 4 BBs frozen
Beta 6/18 -- BFN
FET #1 August 22 BFN
Dec 2016/Jan 2017 Round 2 was a bust. 6 eggs, Only 1 embryo made it, no transfer
FET #2 cancelled 10/17 due to uterine polyps. Postponed until 9/2018 due to hip replacement.
FET #3 9/11/18 Uterine scratch and antihistamine protocol/lovenox done this time. 2 AA hatching blasts put in. BFP 9/20/18!!
Met 2008 | Dated 2010 | Married 2012
TTC#1 since June 2015
June 2016- 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | 2 follies (14 & 12), thin (2.45) lining | BFN
July 2016- 1mg estradiol CDs 1-7, 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | 2 follies (14 & 10), thin (~4) lining | BFN
August 2016- 1mg estradiol CDs 1-7, 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | BFN | Referred to specialist, visited once, was told we have less than a 3% chance even on medication, recommended to IUI for up to a 50% chance, decided not to pursue at this time | Stopped "trying"
October 2016- We became licensed foster parents
November 9, 2016- Arrival of DD#1, 4yo
March 1, 2017- 1 day late, feel like crap (low fever & exhausted) | Mom suggested test before taking meds, I laughed but did it anyway | BFP! *shock*
Unexplained/ Endo
Medicated IUIs # 1-3 BFN
IVF #1- BFN
FET #1- BFP; Ectopic pregnancy found at 7wks
FET #2- February 2017 BFP Beta #1- 119 (8dp5dt) Beta #2- 475 (12dp5dt)
When we told my MIL that we were going from IUIs to IVF, she said "Are you sure you've tried long enough, I mean, shouldn't you be on the vitamins longer before you go that route?" Well, we've been trying for 2.5 years, and I trust the opinion of my doc who says that IVF is probably our best bet.
I was told by one person I should go on a cruise because she's on a forum for regular cruisers and so many of them get pregnant while on vacation. Our other friend retorted "Are you going to buy her ticket so she can go?"
It's always someone's friend's sister's cousin that got drunk and got pregnant or went on vacation, or just got sneezed on and it just happens. IF is just not understood in our society and people have no idea what to say. That's why I've been so open about our journey, because the awkward questions just need to stop.
---Trigger warning---
TTC since April 2013
Two cancelled IUIs in Aug and Sept '15 due to low motility/count
IVF round 1: January 2016
ER: February 17, 2016; 9 retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilized
Day 5 Blastocysts: 5 BB, 1 AB, all normal from PGS
FET date: May 11, '16; transferred 1 AB embryo
First beta: May 23, '16: 998!! Second: May 25, '16: 1648
EDD: January 27, 2017
Me: 28 DH: 35
Dx PCOS May 2015
Baby #1 due 12/7/17
@zigzag8412 She sounds like the unprofessional one. I HATE that line! It's not like you CAN'T have kids or anything.
What the heck does that mean! That's exactly what it means - it means we can't have kids without getting a doctor, medicine, possibly procedures involved. It means we can't have a drunken night at a cousins wedding and forget to take our pills and suddenly we're pregnant. I get it, people mean well and they just don't know...but SHUT UP! Just shut up. ugggg!
Sorry. I am frustrated today. I finally opened up to one of my best friends this weekend and told her. And that was her response too. "It's not a big deal. And least you can".
Me: 31, DH:33
TTC since October 2015: MFI
Summer 2016: 3 IUI's: BFN
October 2016: Switched RE's and began IVF cycle
December 2016: Retrieved 13 eggs, 12 mature, 9 fertilized with ICSI. 5 day ET of 2 blasts with 4 frosites left. BFP!!!! EDD: 8/30/2017
August 25, 2017: It's a Girl!!
April 12, 2019: FET, BFP!!! Baby BOY EDD: 12/29/2019
I also get, your young, don't worry about it! ( yea well its been three years and multiple losses so shut it!)
stop stressing, it will happen!
At least you know you can get pregnant.
You can try again.
You're to young anyway!
The worst ever was when my SIL went through a miscarriage (11 weeks) and I told my MIL that I was going to talk to her ( seeing as I have had multiple) and she said, "oh well you weren't really far so you don't understand".... ever wanted to punch you husbands mom before, because I thought about it!