Hi everyone,
I went to the doctor last Thursday for my 2nd ultrasound (8wks), and the heartbeat was gone. I was there the week before and the HB was low, around 80, which is why they had me back a week later. I'm frustrated because after the loss i did a lot of reading, and it seemed pretty likely with a HB that low that a MC was imminent. My doctor had just said perhaps I was not as far along as we'd suspected, and let's check again next week to ensure it's growing at a healthy rate. Of course it wasn't exactly what i wanted to hear, but didn't really leave the office concerned. Got my first US picture, and called family to announce the news that I only had to take back a week later.
Of course no one wants to have their doctor giving them reason to be concerned over every little thing that's most likely nothing, but it seems to me as though she most likely new this would be the outcome, and gave no warning? I feel like i want a doctor who is going to be very honest with me, not nervous about my feelings.
Does anyone else think she should have been a little more open about the likely outcome? Other than that she and the office have been ok, and are really convenient for me, but I just don't want to go through a situation again without knowing what the doctor knows or thinks.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Re: Should I switch doctors?
That said if you are looking for a reason so switch drs you dont need one. Just switch.
When I went the doc (also at 8weeks) said my body was beginning the miscarriage already - no heartbeat, the lining of the sac was not round anymore, and bleeding had begun internally.
For me, how she handled it is just a tiny, tiny bit off from what I would have liked to see. After she explained that you might be early, I would have liked for her to say '...or this baby might not make it and the best way for us to find out is to wait a week and recheck.' However, how she handled it is absolutely common, and there are so many worse responses from docs out there. My first 2011 loss at 10 weeks showed a lack of HB measuring at 6w2d, the doc said that he was "100% positive everything was just fine" and I couldn't possibly have my dates right (I was temping) and left the room. Then the nurse came in to draw the first of repeat betas, she was sad and sorry for my loss. He was just chicken shit and didn't know how to deal with loss. He refused all my calls after that and 100% of my substandard care was orchestrated by the nurse. So, I wouldn't change, but I would probably mention to your doctor that in the future you prefer data-heavy straight-shooting from your doc, and not withholding worrisome news for fear for protecting you.
As an aside, do not feel bad about having told your family! Losing a baby is a painful traumatic experience and you deserve support. If you lost a close family member or friend, wouldn't you turn to your family for support? You shouldn't have to feel shame or feel the need to hide that you have had a loss, or regret that you had to 'take back' the happy announcement. Let your family celebrate the news and mourn the loss, both are important because your baby existed and not just to you. Silence and stigma have traumatized women for generations. There should not be a need to wait to announce until the 2nd trimester, but there still is because that's what our own mothers were taught by their mothers. Very few moms my mother's age ever admitted even to their own children that they had miscarriages too. Usually women find out their moms went through it only after they have a loss themselves and their moms tell them in a hope to help them feel better. My mom lost my eldest brother to pre-term birth at 26 weeks decades before 24 weeks was considered viable and before they had NICUs even. She broke the mold and was open with us about the death of Glenn. It was incredibly empowering for her and she taught me that loss was to be talked about, that women should never suffer in silence simply because it makes others uncomfortable.
All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.
I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.
Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.
With that being said, I still prefer announcing just to my close family at first. I told friends and extended family after I miscarried. I've heard stories about people being congratulated on their pregnancy by people who hadn't gotten the update. I would rather give the news all at once and avoid that.
BFP 2/19/15 • MMC found at 9 wks • D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
BFP 8/29/15 • CP (age 37)
TTC#2 since May 2017
BFP 10/18/17 • MMC found at 8 wks • Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
BFP 2/16/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 4/13/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 5/07/18 • MMC found at 10.5 wks • D&E at 11.5 wks • Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
BFP 9/24/18 • CP (age 40)
All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.
I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.
Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.