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April 2015 Moms
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Any single moms here?

lidia10lidia10 member
in April 2015 Moms
hello everyone! I'm curious to see if anyone here is a single mom. I found myself single at 12 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I broke up and since he moved out he pretends I don't exist. How are you ladies dealing with going through an emotional time alone? I've been going to therapy and I'm finally beginning to enjoy the pregnancy and plan for my baby girl. I'm almost 20 weeks.
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Re: Any single moms here?

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    lidia10lidia10 member
    Thank you! ❤️
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    LEMSALEMSA member
    There's a single parenting board. From what I gather they at a pretty supportive bunch. Good luck.
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    theinvadermothershiptheinvadermothership member
    I'm sorry you had to go through this, but huge kudos to you for getting the help you need. You aren't alone, as we've had a couple moms on A15 go through this as well, but as someone pointed out, the Single Parent board might be a huge use to you too.

    I'm not in your position but if i was, the only thing i can think of doing is focus on the people close to you and your baby. Hang out with friends or relatives when you can and just try and be happy. Focus on the baby and think of your little girl. How beautiful she is going to be and how grateful she is to have you. You're going to do just fine.

    Best of luck to you all the same. Stay strong, Mama!
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    SuperFudge00SuperFudge00 member
    Ditto on the no father bashing. I got to learn that my dad was a jerk all on my own and never blamed my mom for anything; at least nothing that had to do with him.

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    MushibambooMushibamboo member
    Best of luck, @lidia10‌! I raised my daughter on my own until recently (she is now 6). It's hard, but as mrsslushie said, totally empowering! A great support network is key. My parents and little sis still have a special relationship with my daughter since I was on my own when she was little.
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    theinvadermothershiptheinvadermothership member
    @lidia10‌ definitely lawyer up. You also should decide if you want him to completely give up his rights as a father. You won't get the monetary support, but if he gives away his rights, he can't be popping in and out of her life or try to start custody battles with you down the road. And tbh, if you talk to anyone who grew up as a single parent, the thing that usually messes them up the most is the parent that keeps walking in and out of their lives. Please keep this in mind and talk to a lawyer asap.
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    taahirataahira member
    I just wanted to send you good vibes. Stay strong.
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    mamad727mamad727 member
    I am a single mom, ive been since i was 12 weeks too. I already have a 3 year old son and am expecting another boy :). My ex decided hed rather be single and only be a part time dad.... its definitely tough at times with a toddler and pregnant. In the end I know that I'm being the best parent I can be. :)
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    lidia10lidia10 member
    Luckily, I have my parents and two sisters. I have a great circle of friends and co-workers. My niece who is 24 years old, plans to sleep over when I'm almost due to take me to the hospital. Overall I feel blessed and realize I'm not alone.

    I've had rough days because I didn't expect my ex to be so cold and disconnected. My ex moved out with the excuse that he would fix things and gain my trust again. Two days later he deleted me from Facebook like I never existed. I would say the hardest part was realizing that we wouldn't be a family.

    My mom retires in March so I'm hoping she will help me with the baby. She's already expressed interest in babysitting when I go back to work. ❤️
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    Cate92Cate92 member
    Not a single mother - but man do I have respect for them. Good luck and I hope you find all the support you need.

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    sagehens47sagehens47 member
    What a dick! There's no nicer way to put it. Sounds like you have an amazing support group and are already a great mama. I'm so sorry you have to deal with such a heartbreak at this time. Hats off to ya, girl... You got this...
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    jessicahanes36jessicahanes36 member
    lidia10 said:

    hello everyone! I'm curious to see if anyone here is a single mom. I found myself single at 12 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I broke up and since he moved out he pretends I don't exist. How are you ladies dealing with going through an emotional time alone? I've been going to therapy and I'm finally beginning to enjoy the pregnancy and plan for my baby girl. I'm almost 20 weeks.

    Same situation,
    baby's father disappeared and we haven't spoken since.
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    jessicahanes36jessicahanes36 member
    lidia10 said:

    This pregnancy was a huge surprise and blessing. I just turned 38 and never thought I would be a mom. Life never happens the way you plan. Luckily I'm a professional and my life is established. I do feel sadness that she might not have a father figure but based on how he was to me and how he has behaved since the breakup .. I know I'm better off. I have faith that God will send me a better man in the future.

    I agree with the father bashing. I don't plan to do that. I want my baby to be a positive person.

    At this point I don't know if he plans to be part of my baby's life since he has not contacted me in two months. I need to speak to a lawyer because I don't plan to give her his last name. It's a long story but he is very irresponsible and has poor values. Thanks so much for your replies.

    THIS IS LITERALLY MY LIFE
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    emb518emb518 member
    I am married now, but was a single mother with my first. The whole pregnancy I was alone and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't scary but it shows you how strong you are. Just remember that every child is a blessing whether the father sees that or not.
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    OliveMom3OliveMom3 member
    Given what you say about him, (though I'm positive you will make the right decision for you) I would suggest you not declare the father on the birth certificate and give the baby your last name. You won't collect child support (which could be a downside to this idea) but you also won't have deal with any custody problems or his opinion on how you want to raise your baby. My mom always says that the best thing about being a single parent is you are 100% in charge. If you want to send your kid to private school, go for it! No need to run the idea by someone else. No compromising.
    She had my brother at 36 and me at 38 with the same man who was married at the time. She got pregnant with her eyes wide open (read: on purpose) because she wanted nothing more than to have kids. She had a successful career and was able to provide for us and told our sperm donor (it's weird to call him our father) that she was happy to raise us on her own and that he had a duty to his other family to be there for them (he wanted to leave his family when he found out my mom was pregnant).
    She's never said a single bad word about him. And was always outnumber 1 fan. My brother is a doctor and I'm a neurophysiologist.
    All this to say, that you can do it! I believe in you!
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    JJBodenJJBoden member
    I left an abusive marriage when ODS was 14 months. I actually love being a single mom. My son and I were a dynamic duo. We had so much fun! I have 2 kids now, third on the way. I have to live in a different state than SO. ( his job in in another state). Hopefully this will change soon. But I am pretty much a single mom except for school breaks and summer when we can be in the same state with him or when he can come here. ( about once a month) So, I do it all alone with 2 kids and I'm pregnant. I get tired but I make it work. We have fun. My house isn't clean, but my kids are. :) I won't lie it's harder to be a single mom to two. When they are both sick it sucks! And my older son needs a daily shot and it's hard to do with the toddler jumping all over. One baby alone is really doable. Promise. One thing that has helped me is co sleeping. I get more sleep that way. You get in a groove and just roll with it. You'll be happy and it's great you're no longer with a dirt bag!
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    mama2blu+newmama2blu+new member
    This is tough, but you are tougher! I am engaged now with my 2nd child but was single/on and off with a real loser with my first.
    In hindsight it would have been less stressful and over all better for myself and daughter had he never been in the picture. All he did was leech on him and I kept giving and giving, hoping he would change. I felt I owed it to my daughter to try and give her a traditional family unit.
    I had lots of support from others, which helped me get through my pregnancy. The 1st year was extremely difficult- sometimes doing it on my own, sometimes including him in things.
    I moved out of state when DD was 18mos and it was the best decision ever.
    I didn't have him weighing me down and I could focus solely on my daughter and myself. I met the man of my dreams a year ago and am so happy and grateful for our beautiful blended and growing family.
    Moral of the story- what is meant to be will be. There is a reason for everything, even though it may hurt like hell and you may not understand it at first. Go about your life with your head up, don't look back and be confident in your abilities as a woman and mother. Make sure you have support and let yourself feel hurt or pain, then come back stronger for your child.
    Your child and family are and will be proud of you for being the best mother you can be!
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    indiacharlotteindiacharlotte member
    i was single with my first and actually ended up really appreciating that inseparable bond with my daughter and not having to answer to anyone. It's not ideal and it did make me sad not to be a family and that she had to put up with such a useless father coming in and out of her life but I enjoyed taking control of my own life and being able to make all of my own decisions. Sounds like you're being very sensible and positive and I bet you're going to have an amazing adventure just the two of you :)
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