I thought it would be fun since it's almost December and we all have grand plans for life with baby Rather than just a laundry list of the usual "I thought I'd never..." we can list things you actually stuck with, too.
STMs: 1) One thing you said you'd never do and actually stuck to the plan 2) One thing you said you'd never do, and did within about 3 days (or 3 months)
FTMs: 1) One thing you would like to avoid that you feel you really can achieve (either because that's how your family/friends do it, or you're committed) 2) One thing you'd like to do but you're not sure if you'll be able to
I'll start! FTM 1) I'd really like to avoid overprocessed and junk food, and build good eating habits. Spending time with my friends that do baby led weaning and cook together as couples has reassured me that while it's not easy all the time, kids do like good food and you can share one meal together 2) I'd like to limit screens/devices/tv time as long as possible...have no clue how that will go.
1. Limited screen time, fo sho. I am not a fan of kids pitching a fit unless they get to play with a phone or tablet.
2. No arguing! I am constantly surprised at how often I hear small kids arguing with their parents, about stuff like "put on your shoes because it's time to go", or "I don't want that for dinner", etc. I just don't recall being allowed to argue like that. I'm sure I sound naïve or STMs will laugh/get ruffled by this but seriously.
3. No "I'm going to count to three!" BS. This is kind of like #2 above. I about lose my bananas when I hear a toddler arguing and the mom goes "THREEEEE...." <eyeroll>.
Ok both of mine are "I hope that I can do them, but I'm not sure".
I hope that I can breastfeed him up to a year. That includes pumping and feeding him breast milk from the bottle (which I want to start early so my husband can feed him as well. And in any case I'm going to have to pump since I'll be working).
The other is to make all my own baby food. I've already been researching it and made room in our freezer for frozen baby food. Here is hoping.
ETA: After reading some of these I realized one that I definitely think I can hold to: no co-sleeping.
1) No tv time until she's a toddler (2+) and then very limited. I call no tv during the week and only just recently, two movies on the weekend pretty damn good. It used to be one movie for the entire weekend, but I need my rest
2) formula feed. But hey, I BF for 4 mo before she weaned by herself and when your milk never comes in no matter what you do/take, you feed your damn kid and let go of the guilt.
I don't recall having an "I'd never do/let..." list. The only thing I was adamant about not doing was sleep training and infant ear piercing.
I do think a good amount of things on such lists can be naive. When it comes to behavioral stuff, It's hard to know what one will do until they're in that environment/dynamic, have lived it and dealt with all of the complexities and nuances of their child's development, temperament and personality.
G 12.04 | E 11.06 | D 11.08 | H 12.09 | R 11.14 | Expecting #6 2.16.18.
I said I would not give my child processed junk food until she was at least 3 and we've mostly stuck to that. My daughter occasionally gets an animal cracker or Cheerios, but that's about it. She wasn't even allowed cake on her birthday. I thought it would be really hard because I'm not much of a cook and certainly not the healthiest eater. But we've been very conscientious about the foods she's exposed to and I'm really proud of how well she eats.
I said I would never use a pacifier. That lasted less than 3 days. It was a life saver for the first few months and I will use one again with this baby if he/she wants it. Fortunately after about 3 months my daughter lost interest in it, so we were really lucky.
I also said DD wouldn't be allowed any TV until she's 2. Well, she's 20 months old and freaking addicted to Barney. We have to seriously limit her time in front of the TV and it's already a battle.
STMs: 1) One thing you said you'd never do and actually stuck to the plan - spanking. I have an almost 7 year old and a 2.5 year old and have never spanked either one. I don't see that ever happening
2) One thing you said you'd never do, and did within about 3 days (or 3 months). I didn't think I'd let my kids sleep in our room. Ds#1 was in for 11 weeks and ds#2 was in for 5 months. Who knows when this one will leave us.
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
My IF blog
FTMs: 1) One thing you would like to avoid that you feel you really can achieve (either because that's how your family/friends do it, or you're committed)
No co-sleeping.
2) One thing you'd like to do but you're not sure if you'll be able to
I'm determined to pump. Not sure about BF yet, but pumping for sure, even though I have little to no support from family. I would also like to make my own baby food.
2) One thing you'd like to do but you're not sure if you'll be able to
I'm determined to pump. Not sure about BF yet, but pumping for sure, even though I have little to no support from family. I would also like to make my own baby food.
1) One thing you said you'd never do and actually stuck to the plan
Spank. I said I would never spank and I still haven't. It has been a real test of my self-control sometimes, because my mom had no problem swatting us on the behind when we blatantly disobeyed her and I had to fight to make sure that didn't become a habit for me too. 2) One thing you said you'd never do, and did within about 3 days (or 3 months)
I never said never on this, but I wanted to breastfeed longer. But my milk never really came in and I had lots of trouble, so after 2 months, we switched to formula and never looked back.
2) One thing you'd like to do but you're not sure if you'll be able to
I'm determined to pump. Not sure about BF yet, but pumping for sure, even though I have little to no support from family. I would also like to make my own baby food.
Your family doesn't support BFing?
You'd be surprised at how many people don't. My mom never BF and was not that supportive. From day 1, she swore DS was "starving" because my milk didn't come in soon enough, he lost weight after birth, he nursed all the time in those first few weeks, etc. All of those things are totally normal, by the way. But my mom swore that DS needed formula and that I was starving him.
And a lot of my other family members thought it was weird because they didn't know anyone else who did it. DH was the only one who was totally supportive.
1. Limited screen time, fo sho. I am not a fan of kids pitching a fit unless they get to play with a phone or tablet.
2. No arguing! I am constantly surprised at how often I hear small kids arguing with their parents, about stuff like "put on your shoes because it's time to go", or "I don't want that for dinner", etc. I just don't recall being allowed to argue like that. I'm sure I sound naïve or STMs will laugh/get ruffled by this but seriously.
3. No "I'm going to count to three!" BS. This is kind of like #2 above. I about lose my bananas when I hear a toddler arguing and the mom goes "THREEEEE...." <eyeroll>.
Bahaha. You're right. I laughed. Kids argue. It's normal for them to push boundaries and see what they can get away with. And many don't transition well when it's time to change gears. I have sweet kids but they can be assholes. Sometimes in public... And it's embarrassing. Counting to 3 is a whole "thing." There are entire books about it. No clue why but it works.
Back to the initial question, cosleeping was the main thing I said I'd never do and I did it with both previous kids.
It's amazing what you'll consider when you're desperate.
1) No sugary treats or junk before baby's first birthday cake. My parenting strategy: No arguing with my toddler (he is welcome to voice his opinion and I acknowledge what he has said, but I don't go back and forth about it. Mama makes the rules.). I use mostly positive parenting strategies and try to focus on teaching positive behaviors versus punishing. Teaching independence has always been my "hill to die on". If my kids are capable of doing something for themselves, I do not do it for them.
2) Pacifiers: I swore my first would never have one. By two days old, I was begging him to take one. He had a really rough start and I would have done anything to find a simple solution to the constant crying. Sadly, he was determined not to take a pacifier no matter what. Talk about eating my words!!
Breastfeeding: I fully admit to being a total sanctimommy about this before I actually gave birth. I completely bought into the bs about "it's painless, easy and totally natural". I had no idea why anyone wouldn't do it. Lol!!! Let's just say my experience was the exact opposite of painless, easy, or natural. It just did not work at all despite my total commitment and effort. To those judgey bishes out there (my former self included): if formula didn't exist, both of my children would have starved to death.
Junk food: This is a half and half type deal. I never said "never" and my kids always get the "family meal" at dinner time. But lunches are much more "kid food" than I ever thought I would do. I stick with organic frozen chicken nuggets and organic Mac and Cheese type main courses with fruit and veggies. It's not like I am giving them total junk, but pre-kids I did have a strong attitude about allowing that kind of stuff. Live and learn.
FTM: 1) One thing you would like to avoid that you feel you really can achieve (either because that's how your family/friends do it, or you're committed) I really, really want to avoid disposables & strictly cloth diaper (minus the first few weeks when he may be too small for the diapers. I"m trying to round up some newborn sized ones, but not really putting forth that much effort). 2) One thing you'd like to do but you're not sure if you'll be able to I registered for and received the machine and accessories to make your own baby food purees. I even got the contraption to fill your own sippy-food bags. I have high hopes, but my other mom-friends just give me that "Oh honey, you'll learn" look. I also want to try and limit screen time as much as we can, but in this day and age that seems tough.
Sara, It's not that my family is telling me to NOT breastfeed.
BUT
My mom tells me how gross it is, and only mentions the bad things like leakage and inconvenience, mastitis,, and so forth. Nothing real positive to say. My MIL didn't BF so she's not helpful. And my SIL and I aren't close.
We can't afford formula AND I know the benefits of BF-ing. So I'm hoping to at least pump for the first 6-9 months. BF-ing I will try but without the support system am not sure I will continue....
@Anna930, STM here and DD has never slept in our bed. it's too small for us sometimes and we need our sleep uninturrupted. we did nap on the couch a few times when she was small but otherwise, DD loved her crib and LOVES her big girl bed now No fears
FTMs: 1) One thing you would like to avoid that you feel you really can achieve (either because that's how your family/friends do it, or you're committed) 2) One thing you'd like to do but you're not sure if you'll be able to
FTM
1) I wanted to say I'd like to avoid formula feeding but then read "that you feel you really can achieve". Since I have no experience, I'm not sure what I can/can't achieve or what difficulties I may or may not face. So I will go with I'd like to avoid using disposable diapers after the first week. I have my CD stash ready to go and I am 100% committed to making it work. *I don't know anyone who currently uses CD's, but my mom and mil's all have tons of experience
2) This is where I will say EBF. I'm hoping it works out.
I'm with Anna and guessing baby will be sleeping with me/us more than planned! We are getting a Rock N Play and putting it beside our bed, plus baby has a crib in the nursery for later. I've also told DH that if baby was really cranky and I'm still on ML, I may sleep in the guest room with RNP and baby so he can sleep. STMs--please tell me if this is a bad idea and we should both be sleep-deprived!
1) I'm hoping to EBF for a year. My sister EBF as a SAHM and I have several friends who work FT and EBF, so I have support. I believe if they can do it, i can do it. I too hope to save on the cost of formula (and yes to the PP, WIC will pay for formula, but you have to be at a certain fairly low income level).
2) I guess i'm in the never say never school. I've also heard it can be difficult to commit to BF so I want to put all my energy into that. I don't want LO exposed to too much screens and other stuff that is bad for LO's brain, but when (FX) the Broncos make it the Super Bowl, LO may watch
STM: I said I would never co-sleep and we didnt. She was in her own room from week 1 onward. I had her in the arms reach co-sleeper for the first week (mostly to appease my mom who bought it) and could not take it. She made too many noises and I was getting no sleep.
2) no paci. Even though I threatened to cut my mom's finger off, she did have the need to suck. Heaven sent. Unfortunately we are still stuck with the damn paci. She's going to go to college with the paci at this rate. I only let her indulge for bedtime but damn she loves that thing!
Married: 5/21/05 **~** Emery Aylin 6/30/12
BFP#1-11/5/10- Surgery for ectopic pregnancy 11/15/10
BFP#2-11/1/11 Due 7/8/12 Born 6/30/12
Oops we did it again... BFP 03/23/14 Due 12/6/14 Nora Born 11/23/14
You guys are scaring me with how often "baby won't sleep with us" has come up as something you claimed and now happens... it's not something as a FTM that I will say "never" about - asides from abusing my child there isn't much I am willing to go that far about, but I will say that my hopes are that it does not happen...
Many do it out of necessity in order to get sleep. My babies slept with me from the get-go, and I planned it that way. It made breastfeeding much easier, and I could get more, relatively undisturbed sleep, and because I was too damn lazy to get up to get them from some other location. I just popped my boob in their mouth and they were good-to-go, and I/we went back to sleep. It just felt natural to do it that way. I'll do the same again. But I also have a RnP for naps and such.
G 12.04 | E 11.06 | D 11.08 | H 12.09 | R 11.14 | Expecting #6 2.16.18.
1) One thing you would like to avoid that you feel you really can achieve (either because that's how your family/friends do it, or you're committed): Even after reading this thread I'm pretty committed to avoiding cosleeping because I'm pretty sure in our bed it would be child abuse. DH frequently throws elbows in his sleep and rolls around a lot...oh and he's over 200lb. I've been told by everyone before DH that I am a "kicker" and a "trasher" -- I suspect it's less likely that I've changed than that DH is a deep sleeper. 2) One thing you'd like to do but you're not sure if you'll be able to: I really want to avoid exposing LO to TV/tablets/etc. of any kind before she starts preschool, mostly because I had a terrible time paying attention all the way through grad school and want to do anything possible to help tip the scales to avoid it for her. OTOH, I already have a "B" plan, which is to find recordings of Great Performances at the Met and American Ballet Theater, etc. which I hope will at least give her an appreciation of the arts w/o exposing her to anything all that exciting.
"And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
If BF doesn't work out then we will hBe to make some large life changes such as DH a 2nd job and decrease current bills (not sure how we can do that other than lose TV everything else is already minimal)
I'm not say anything will be 100% certain so both are "hopes"
1) Cloth diapering, we already have a good amount of them and luckily my DH's mom did it with all 5 of her kids so she's a great support (even if she does get confused with the new stuff) 2) Breast feed for as long as I can manage. Hopefully I make it a year.
Am I the only FTM that doesn't care about cosleeping? Like, it's kind of annoying but my bed is already full of pets so I guess a kid doesn't weird me out. I just don't feel that strongly either way.
In memory of the baby Hufflepuff and all the angel babies of D14
1) One thing you said you'd never do and actually stuck to the plan:
No co-sleeping before 1. I was a super freak about SIDS and never even napped with DS until he was over a year. H fell asleep on the couch with him once and whn I discovered it, all hell broke loose because he's the heaviest sleeper ever. It didn't ever happen again.
2) One thing you said you'd never do, and did within about 3 days (or 3 months):
Formula feeding. I was 100% about breastfeeding, until DS was born...then I wasn't interested at all. He got formula in the hospital. I have no regrets.
**I was totally one of "those" moms before I actually had a child. FTMs- life happens, shit happens, don't set yourself up for disappointment and failure by coming up with 100 things you're not going to do**
@ColeyCannoli - we are planning to co-sleep (but I wonder - is it truly co-sleeping if baby is in a co-sleeper? Or is that more like sticking a PnP by your bed?).
At any rate, I have some wishes but I'm not married to them:
1) hope to either BF and/or pump for 6 months at a minimum
2) hope to raise him to NOT whine in public. This may be naive of me, but I hope to achieve it.
It's co-sleeping if they're rooming-in with you, like if you use a co-sleeper or even a RnP next to the bed. Bed sharing is bringing baby into the bed with you. Bed sharing was easiest for me, and just came natural to me. I'm also a light sleeper.
G 12.04 | E 11.06 | D 11.08 | H 12.09 | R 11.14 | Expecting #6 2.16.18.
When I say cosleeping I mean bed sharing. That's what most people mean by it. I haven't heard the term bed sharing until the last couple of years. Why would people need a name for a baby sleeping in a pack n play in your room?
I didnt want to to it because I assumed it was unsafe and didn't want to start bad habits etc. Then I had a colicky baby with reflux and realized I needed to sleep somehow
It's co-sleeping if they're rooming-in with you, like if you use a co-sleeper or even a RnP next to the bed. Bed sharing is bringing baby into the bed with you. Bed sharing was easiest for me, and just came natural to me. I'm also a light sleeper.
Oops, in that case, I've already failed at my #1 stated goal, because I plan to have LO in a bassinet in our room for the first 3-6mo. That was fast.
"And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
@drpayne
I've generally used "co-sleeping" to mean bed sharing until the definition was expanded a couple years ago to include rooming-in. Now it seems many want to differentiate between the two.
G 12.04 | E 11.06 | D 11.08 | H 12.09 | R 11.14 | Expecting #6 2.16.18.
@hprice3467 If you haven't already, make sure to check out the La Leche League website to see if they have any groups in your area. They are free, and full of information and support specifIc to breastfeeding. If that's not your style, check with your insurance company to see what they offer with regard to lactation consulting postpartum. Mine covers unlimited in-home visits for two years!
As a FTM, I am also planning not to bed share, also for safety reasons (MH and I are both big people, and we toss and turn a lot). One thing I am really hoping to do is to continue singing with the two bands I sing for. I know my life is about to dramatically change, but I don't want to lose that part of myself, and I already have gigs lined up from February until December 2015. I hope I'm not being overly ambitious...
I've also never heard the bed-sharing/co-sleeping distinction...I usually read co-sleeping to mean in the bed. Ideally the baby will be in a bassinet in the room, but I don't want to say he/she will never be in the bed. I'd be worried about injury, but who knows, as people said maybe I won't be sleeping much anyway.
The pacifier comments are really interesting to me! I never knew it was a "thing" until my cousin warned me "DONT use one!!!" Very interesting, although not on my personal list.
We're only seriously against co-sleeping for our family because my husband is a sleep-puncher and sleep-kicker and I am just dead to the world when I'm asleep, so we fear for the baby's well-being.
Totally understood. I couldn't imagine how shitty I'd feel if I kicked baby off the bed by accident. Luckily neither my DH or I move much at night.
I also think it's a bad idea to sleep with a really small baby actually in the bed with you. We have a bassinet that we are keeping in the room until he outgrows it (seems like a common thing to do).
In memory of the baby Hufflepuff and all the angel babies of D14
I would never sleep if we tried putting the baby in bed with us, I would be terrified because my husband and I are both very heavy sleepers. He is comatose within 2 minutes of closing his eyes at night. I toss and turn, flail and talk and never remember any of it. It is a miracle if I make it through the night with the fitted sheet still on my side of the bed. We do have a cradle to go in our room..but there is no way we could share the bed.
Re: Things you'd "never" do...
FTM!
1. Limited screen time, fo sho. I am not a fan of kids pitching a fit unless they get to play with a phone or tablet.
2. No arguing! I am constantly surprised at how often I hear small kids arguing with their parents, about stuff like "put on your shoes because it's time to go", or "I don't want that for dinner", etc. I just don't recall being allowed to argue like that. I'm sure I sound naïve or STMs will laugh/get ruffled by this but seriously.
3. No "I'm going to count to three!" BS. This is kind of like #2 above. I about lose my bananas when I hear a toddler arguing and the mom goes "THREEEEE...." <eyeroll>.
BFP #1: EDD 8/18/2014 | MMC 1/28/14
BFP #2: EDD 12/29/14
STM
1) No tv time until she's a toddler (2+) and then very limited. I call no tv during the week and only just recently, two movies on the weekend pretty damn good. It used to be one movie for the entire weekend, but I need my rest
2) formula feed. But hey, I BF for 4 mo before she weaned by herself and when your milk never comes in no matter what you do/take, you feed your damn kid and let go of the guilt.
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
My IF blog
1) One thing you would like to avoid that you feel you really can achieve (either because that's how your family/friends do it, or you're committed)
BFP #1: EDD 8/18/2014 | MMC 1/28/14
BFP #2: EDD 12/29/14
2) One thing you said you'd never do, and did within about 3 days (or 3 months)
Bahaha. You're right. I laughed. Kids argue. It's normal for them to push boundaries and see what they can get away with. And many don't transition well when it's time to change gears. I have sweet kids but they can be assholes. Sometimes in public... And it's embarrassing. Counting to 3 is a whole "thing." There are entire books about it. No clue why but it works.
Back to the initial question, cosleeping was the main thing I said I'd never do and I did it with both previous kids.
It's amazing what you'll consider when you're desperate.
1) No sugary treats or junk before baby's first birthday cake.
My parenting strategy: No arguing with my toddler (he is welcome to voice his opinion and I acknowledge what he has said, but I don't go back and forth about it. Mama makes the rules.). I use mostly positive parenting strategies and try to focus on teaching positive behaviors versus punishing. Teaching independence has always been my "hill to die on". If my kids are capable of doing something for themselves, I do not do it for them.
2) Pacifiers: I swore my first would never have one. By two days old, I was begging him to take one. He had a really rough start and I would have done anything to find a simple solution to the constant crying. Sadly, he was determined not to take a pacifier no matter what. Talk about eating my words!!
Breastfeeding: I fully admit to being a total sanctimommy about this before I actually gave birth. I completely bought into the bs about "it's painless, easy and totally natural". I had no idea why anyone wouldn't do it. Lol!!! Let's just say my experience was the exact opposite of painless, easy, or natural. It just did not work at all despite my total commitment and effort. To those judgey bishes out there (my former self included): if formula didn't exist, both of my children would have starved to death.
Junk food: This is a half and half type deal. I never said "never" and my kids always get the "family meal" at dinner time. But lunches are much more "kid food" than I ever thought I would do. I stick with organic frozen chicken nuggets and organic Mac and Cheese type main courses with fruit and veggies. It's not like I am giving them total junk, but pre-kids I did have a strong attitude about allowing that kind of stuff. Live and learn.
1) One thing you would like to avoid that you feel you really can achieve (either because that's how your family/friends do it, or you're committed) I really, really want to avoid disposables & strictly cloth diaper (minus the first few weeks when he may be too small for the diapers. I"m trying to round up some newborn sized ones, but not really putting forth that much effort).
2) One thing you'd like to do but you're not sure if you'll be able to I registered for and received the machine and accessories to make your own baby food purees. I even got the contraption to fill your own sippy-food bags. I have high hopes, but my other mom-friends just give me that "Oh honey, you'll learn" look. I also want to try and limit screen time as much as we can, but in this day and age that seems tough.
I said I would never co-sleep and we didnt. She was in her own room from week 1 onward. I had her in the arms reach co-sleeper for the first week (mostly to appease my mom who bought it) and could not take it. She made too many noises and I was getting no sleep.
2) no paci. Even though I threatened to cut my mom's finger off, she did have the need to suck. Heaven sent. Unfortunately we are still stuck with the damn paci. She's going to go to college with the paci at this rate. I only let her indulge for bedtime but damn she loves that thing!
Married: 5/21/05 **~** Emery Aylin 6/30/12
BFP#1-11/5/10- Surgery for ectopic pregnancy 11/15/10 BFP#2-11/1/11 Due 7/8/12 Born 6/30/12
Oops we did it again... BFP 03/23/14 Due 12/6/14 Nora Born 11/23/14
2) One thing you'd like to do but you're not sure if you'll be able to: I really want to avoid exposing LO to TV/tablets/etc. of any kind before she starts preschool, mostly because I had a terrible time paying attention all the way through grad school and want to do anything possible to help tip the scales to avoid it for her. OTOH, I already have a "B" plan, which is to find recordings of Great Performances at the Met and American Ballet Theater, etc. which I hope will at least give her an appreciation of the arts w/o exposing her to anything all that exciting.
1) Cloth diapering, we already have a good amount of them and luckily my DH's mom did it with all 5 of her kids so she's a great support (even if she does get confused with the new stuff)
2) Breast feed for as long as I can manage. Hopefully I make it a year.
Am I the only FTM that doesn't care about cosleeping? Like, it's kind of annoying but my bed is already full of pets so I guess a kid doesn't weird me out. I just don't feel that strongly either way.
No co-sleeping before 1. I was a super freak about SIDS and never even napped with DS until he was over a year. H fell asleep on the couch with him once and whn I discovered it, all hell broke loose because he's the heaviest sleeper ever. It didn't ever happen again.
2) One thing you said you'd never do, and did within about 3 days (or 3 months):
Formula feeding. I was 100% about breastfeeding, until DS was born...then I wasn't interested at all. He got formula in the hospital. I have no regrets.
**I was totally one of "those" moms before I actually had a child. FTMs- life happens, shit happens, don't set yourself up for disappointment and failure by coming up with 100 things you're not going to do**
I didnt want to to it because I assumed it was unsafe and didn't want to start bad habits etc. Then I had a colicky baby with reflux and realized I needed to sleep somehow
I also think it's a bad idea to sleep with a really small baby actually in the bed with you. We have a bassinet that we are keeping in the room until he outgrows it (seems like a common thing to do).