First, this is my second marriage. My husband has two boys from his first marriage (ages 6 & 7) and I have an internationally adopted son from my first marriage (age 6). My best friend threw me a shower for my son who came home at 12 months of age so the shower was for "infant" items not "newborn" items. It was a beautiful shower and she really went all out to make this mom feel special eventhough I wasn't pregnant. So fast forward to this pregnancy. We really faught hard for this pregnancy. My husband had a vasectomy after his two sons in his first marriage so we went through two failed rounds of IVF (paid for out of pocket) and then had a vasectomy reversal 7 months before we conceived this baby. Anyway, I did not expect anything since this is kinda our fourth child and I already had a baby shower for my first but the other day my husband asked me if anyone was going to throw me a shower. I said no but the more I think about it, I'm really surprised that no one has even offered. I have a mother-in-law and sister-in-law (who has four teenage daughters) who have not offered, I have five childhood gf's who I am extremely close to and not one of them has offered, I have a mother and teenage sister who have not offered, I have tons of aunts who have not offered, etc. The only ones who have even mentioned doing something for me are two girls at work who I'm not even close to. I really don't have too much for a newborn but that doesn't bother me....we can buy our own stuff but I'm hurt that no one has offered a diaper shower or gift cards or just to get together for dinner and celebrate the baby before he comes. Am I wrong or should I just get over it?
Re: No shower...kinda hurt
If you really want to celebrate with a big group then plan a sip and see after the baby is born...?
Maybe you can host your own! Like a barbecue or something?
If you truly just want a get together, not gifts, plan a girls night out or family BBQ before your due date.
If it's truly about celebrating the baby, not gifts (and the bolded above makes me maybe doubt that, but I want to believe you), then host a BBQ to have people over, or a Sip 'n See after the baby's here. You can't really host your own shower without looking gift-grabby, but you are welcome to throw a party to celebrate this baby that you waited so long for!
As for the second bolded, you are never wrong for feeling any way you want to feel, but you really have no choice BUT to get over it. Know that once the baby's here, people will be excited. Not having a shower will probably never even be a blip on your radar ever again.
I think it's just likely they aren't thinking of doing anything because you're already a mother. This is kind of your 4th! So. It's probably not crossing their minds, but once the baby's here, they will show their happiness and support. And if they don't, fuck 'em.
You're going to have YEARS of celebrations with this kid!
And yes, we did go through two IVFs before the reversal. They basically can suck out live sperm from the testicle tubes even if a man has had a vasectomy. We tried that first because we thought it would work the first time and then my husband wouldn't even have to consider a reversal. Unfortunately, two rounds later and $20K in debt we decided to leave it up to God and go for the reversal and whatever happened happened. We even were told, 2 months before I got pregnant, that the reversal was not a complete success because his sperm count was very low. Miracles happen every day though and we were VERY lucky.
I'd consider throwing a sip and see party for after LO arrives. In that case, I'd probably include "no gifts" on the invite so it is clear that you want to celebrate your new arrival and aren't looking for gifts. I'm sure some people will get you something anyway, but at least your party will stay a celebration and not appear to be a shower.
TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
And yes, we did go through two IVFs before the reversal. They basically can suck out live sperm from the testicle tubes even if a man has had a vasectomy. We tried that first because we thought it would work the first time and then my husband wouldn't even have to consider a reversal. Unfortunately, two rounds later and $20K in debt we decided to leave it up to God and go for the reversal and whatever happened happened. We even were told, 2 months before I got pregnant, that the reversal was not a complete success because his sperm count was very low. Miracles happen every day though and we were VERY lucky.
You can be as SURPRISED as YOU want, but no one has to do ANYTHING for YOUR baby. It's not their RESPONSIBILITY, and you shouldn't have had an expectation since you already have children.
Also, your use of caps in your post is extremely obnoxious. We can all read, and while you want to emphasise specific words, given the topic it's just coming off bratty.
TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
n Chart</a>"http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Charww.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Chart</a>
Where is the please stop posting gif?
TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
Also, I feel like maybe we can kill two birds with one stone here. If the OP befriends kray, then they can be friends and PM each other, freeing our board from the grammatical errors and typos.
WHY does it seem like everyone who posts about not getting a shower always throws out the dinner party thing? Does it not occur to you that you can actually host your own dinner party? And, even better, because no one who posts is ever "in it for the gifts" and just wants a little GTG before baby is born, you don't even actually have to mention the baby on the invitation! If you don't care about gifts then don't even bother with putting "no gifts" on the invite. You don't mention baby - people won't bring gifts.
Call your friends, send an e-vite, whatever, have a dinner party.
Completely different context and use of the caps button.
TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
n Chart</a>"http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Charww.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Chart</a>
Op, I'm sorry bsc has entered your thread and tainted it. I do understand how you feel. I'm having my third and am kind of sad this one isn't being celebrated as much as my first two. It's not common to have more than one shower so I think that's why people don't think of throwing one for you. I give your husband this =D> because the procedures he went thru are very painful! Many men wouldn't do it so congrats to both of you!
To me its not welcoming someone into motherhood but celebrating the baby that is coming. But maybe more people think of it like you as welcoming into motherhood which is why no one has asked to do anything for me.