First time posting here, looking for some advice! My husband is a great guy and is super excited about our baby (due end of November). However, he is so impulsive with money, and always has something in mind to buy. At this point it's a boat. A small row boat, but still around $1500. My opinion is that babies are expensive, and since this Is our first one, so many things about our financial future are unpredictable, such as how much will we end up having to purchase off the registry after the shower, how much will daycare be, in addition to home costs, etc.
He thinks I am being controlling, and that he should have a present for himself before baby is here.
Am I being too controlling? I've spoken to a friend and my sister , both of whom think he is nuts and I am not being a jerk.
This issue has caused many fights already, and he continues to bring it up daily, I think he thinks he can just wear me down till I give in, but I'm pretty stubborn as well!
Re: Money fights
I think that a conversation with your husband is in order. You have to be on the same page as far as finances. DH and I have a shared account and always run purchases by eachother. (Granted, not things like a $2 coffee or lunch with coworkers, more things that will significantly have an effect on our budget.)
Does he have a need for a boat right now? Does he use boats frequently that it would justify him buying his own?
**Follow your heart, but take your brain with you**
TTC since Sept 2011, Unexplained IF
Oct 12 - Jan 14: 3 clomid/TI cycles, 2 hysteroscopies, 2 IUIs, 1 BFP (MMC @ 12w), 2 more IUIs
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Baby boy arrived 11/13/14!
I handle the finances and I'm a complete budget-hawk, but I will say DH is also very responsible with finances. Look - babies are expensive, owning a home is expensive (or saving for one), everything adds-up. It doesn't matter how much money you earn, expenditures need to be prioritized. Do you have a cushy e-fund you are comfortable with? Daycare can be a real killer depending on where you live. You are not being unreasonable or controlling at all.
Frankly it sounds like your H is behaving like an immature, irresponsible, entitled man-child. Really - why does he think he deserves an expensive, shiny new toy as a treat before the baby comes? Did he have a big accomplishment like a promotion, large bonus, finishing a grad degree or something? He's not going to be out using this all the time with a new infant to help take care-of. How would he react if you told him you wanted to burn $1500 on a nice new handbag as a gift to yourself for "pushing?" He'd probably disagree with you.
Sit him down nicely with a spreadsheet (I love quicken) and show him some budgeting. Do you guys want to save for college? If you have $1500 laying around, starting a 529b is a better use of money. When you have a child, it's not about you anymore. Even the large ticket items we buy aren't for us individually anymore, they are for DS or the house - things we need or want that we can use as a family, get a lot of use out of, and enjoy together - even putting that money aside for a vacation down the road is more "fair" in terms o family finances than a row-boat for just your H to use on occasion.
If you have sufficient money, it might be a nice idea to let him buy the boat if he truly sees this as his last big purchase before baby (and he's not just using it as an excuse). If not, explain to him the financial impact of his purchase and why it is not a good idea at this time. Let him know that just because you are having a baby doesn't mean an end to fun, but it will mean perhaps more budgeting and saving money to allow for those "fun" purchases.
Good luck!
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As for the general idea of not agreeing on big purchases, that's something that needs to be sorted out. In our world, $1500 would be far too much to spend on anything. Unless it was a home project or vacation, it just wouldn't be an option. But I recognize that everyone's incomes are different and what might be too much for one couple may not be for another. So with that said, big purchases in general are things that we discuss first. We don't make them very often, so typically we are buying something we both want anyways. But if someone isn't on board with it, that should mean something to the other. And you are right-with baby on the way there are going to be expenses. Kind of like when you move on your own for the first time and there are expenses upfront that aren't always usual (like, buying grocery staples that don't get purchased at every grocery trip but are necessary), a baby can be the same no matter how much you plan. Maybe the baby won't like the kind of bottles you have, or the diapers, or is a preemie. Those things will send you back out to the store to get new stuff. Take DS, for example-he hated being swaddled but liked being wrapped in fuzzy blankets. We stocked up on a few. He hated the pacifiers we had so we bought different ones to find one he liked. Those kinds of things. And daycare should already be an expense that you are aware of and have LO lined up for daycare, if that's the route you're going.
To sum up: he's being unreasonable by not discussing as an adult and acting like an adult. He's a husband and father, not a child.
I picked up a little boat that was in pretty rough shape at the end of the season. My husband and I spent the fall & winter months repairing and restoring it. He picked up an old trolling motor and rebuilt it, and we installed new seats and painted it after it was all sealed up. We had a great time together and have a lot of pride in our finished project, which ended up costing about $350 total.
This may not be the ideal time for you to delve into it together, but maybe it could give him an outlet without breaking the bank.
I think it's easy to forget that another human with additional expenses will soon be entering our lives. I had to discuss this with dh the other day. He really wanted to pay off one of out loans (about 8k - no interest, it was a family deal with no rush)but I reminded him we don't know what's coming. What if I'm on bedrest etc etc. He realized I had a valid point and so we decided to wait until after baby arrives to pay it off.
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DH and I happen to have an agreement that we both must agree if the other is spending over a few hundred dollars on something. Even if it's with his bonus money, which we don't factor into our joint money.