OK, this is probably a weird conversation. I will say that there's been some talk about whether or not kissing a child on the mouth (your own child or even someone else's) is appropriate.
I will tell you that we know of an adult, a grandfather, who has never appropriately kissed anyone. Not sure why. It's not intended to be sexual, but it comes across that way. I think it's just the way he was raised. Gross, yes. Some may say it seems like sexual abuse (trust me, I found myself screaming at this person once because of it!) Whatever it is, it's disgusting. And problematic.
Well, because of this person and the fact that my husband was raised by a man in a "man's man" household, he said kissing a child on the mouth is inappropriate. I disagree. He relates all mouth kissers back to this one disgusting person. I think it's part of a child's learning process.
Now I agree there comes a certain age where mouth kissing shouldn't happen often or at all (and then only within your own family), but I need some facts to help back my side up. Or is it really inappropriate? My husband was totally emotionally cut off and didn't hug one person before we started dated (and even then I had to force him into it). Yes, it's sad (and maybe due to the fact that he wasn't kissed enough as a baby) and most likely due to his sad upbringing, but what can I do here? Obviously, this is our first child. And I know people say "he will kiss the baby when it's here" but I really don't think it's the case. I've been with him for more than 12 years and he's pretty stuck in his ways.
I'm sure this is just the first of many problems I'll be coming to you guys for! Thanks for your input.
Re: Mouth kissing little ones
I don't think it is inappropriate, but more of a "what you are used to" kind of thing. I come from a long line of kisser/huggers, so while I don't kiss my parents on the mouth anymore, I do kiss them on the cheek or the forehead.
My kids still kiss me on the mouth. It won't last forever and they will stop doing it when they feel they are ready. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy those little upturned faces just waiting to give me a kiss.
Oh and I kiss DH on the mouth too.
Well, I think that kissing little kids on the mouth is normal, and I don't see anything wrong with it, because I don't see it as being sexual. However, My family is very affectionate and I have always kissed my mom, dad, brothers, and grandparents on the mouth, so it is normal to me. I know that seems weird to some people, and I don't blame them for thinking that's strange. Most families are not that affectionate, or they kiss on the cheek. I think it really depends on the family, and if both people are comfortable with it. Obviously if one person is uncomfortable, then it probably isn't appropriate to kiss them on the mouth.
Idk if that really answered your question, but I really think it depends on the family and the way they grew up.
ETA words
I remember seeing a thread somewhere where many people didn't like it.
I always kiss my baby on the mouth. I even kiss my 25 year old on the mouth. I am not like this with any other family members, except my kids.
I can see why your husband is the way he is. I hope he can overcome enough to at least give hugs and be affectionate in other ways. But many people think it is normal not to kiss on the mouth, so I wouldn't push that.
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
He pointed out during our conversation that my dad and brother don't kiss on the mouth, which I've never noticed. Bc like I said, totally off my radar. I know they did when my brother was little. He said he even to this day he has an awkward moment when greeting or saying goodbye to my mom, which I couldn't help but lol at.
I'm sure I will be a mouth kisser with our future child slash children. It's just natural to me. He knows the only thing that would upset me is if he withheld affection like his family. Beyond that, I'm open to whatever he's most comfortable with. And I'm sure the rest of my family will continue as we always have.
ETA and honestly, I couldn't possibly care less if others think it's gross or weird. I guarantee there are things in their families that are bizarre and disgusting to me. I can't fathom why it bothers slash matters to them.
This exactly.
We are mouth kissers in my family but my husband barely has huggers in his family ... He has no issues with it that I know of. I think its a personal thing and how you were raised is going to depend on how comfortable with it you are.
Well, we didn't start out mouth kissing C, she just started doing it to us around 18 months. I think she saw DH and I kissing and assumed that it was normal. I don't mind. She'll outgrow it when she's ready, or if not, we'll redirect her. Also, she doesn't do it to DH really, just me.
I think it's just what you're used to, what you grew up with, what your family's culture does...Not an issue I can get worked up about.
DD2 (b. 9/04/2013)
BFP 2/25/12, m/c @ 6w 3d || BFP 8/1/12, m.m/c @ 9w5d
This to a T. DHs sisters do kiss their kids and my DD on the lips too with no hesitation, but my family is all over lip kissing. Its just how we were raised and my Dad comes from a very large and very affectionate family. I've kissed complete strangers because they are family! But that's just me... I think touching a shopping cart is more disgusting.
Coming from a non kissy family I always thought it kinda gross, but then I had uber affectionate kids and the youngest kisses me on the lips. My oldest used to and now kisses my cheek, both girls kiss my H's cheek or forehead
I do too. It's common in my family and very non sexual. I remember kissing my brother closed mouth until I was like 5 and he was 4. My mother is very kissy. It's just the way we are raised. She gotten me a few times in my adult life. I don't mind.
As far as th germ argument goes? Sheesh. I'm more wary of restaurant high chairs, shopping carts, and people sneezing in public than a quick smack on the lips shared between family members.
Nothing sexual about it, of course. There isn't anything wrong with it. Just not for us.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown
Married 3-1-08 | Nathan 11-24-08 | Kaelyn 11-30-10 | Alicia 8-17-13
I think with your own young children, and within a close family (even extended), kissing on the lips is fine. Most kids will redirect to a cheek when it seems appropriate. Our family is made up of cheek kissers (European patriarchs) at almost every greeting or farewell, so that is always normal, and with children, lips are fine. That said, I would be uncomfortable with someone outside of my family kissing my child on the lips. I have had very close friends LO's kiss me on the lips, catching me off guard, and it was awkward. I would choose to kiss their cheek even though they are like niece's and nephews to me...Either way, unless an adult is forcing a kid to kiss them on the lips, it's not really a problem in my mind.
I don't judge others who do it but its just not the norm in my family or in Dh's family. Hispanics love to kiss and hug but in my family all kisses are on the cheeks. I have a ton of super affectionate family members but I can't think of a single person who kisses their kid on the mouth.
We won't be kissing our LO on the mouth. We're both sort of weirded out by it.
My mother still kisses me on the mouth, my dad uses cheek
My boys are older and I think around age 8 is when they started asking for the cheek instead
I used to be against it but that's the only way DD will kiss us. I'll take slobbery toddler kisses anyway I can get them! As she grows up, I think we'll show her to kiss on the cheek instead which, to me, seems more appropriate.
We kiss our girls on the lips. Our families kiss our girls on the lips.
My mom still kisses me on the lips, although I find that a bit odd. Sometimes I let her, sometimes I turn so it's my cheek. I think it's all in how you are raised and how you are comfortable. To be honest, until my last child and a post like this on the bump, I never really considered the topic or whether other people thought it was weird.
Wow. I completely respect anyone's decision whether or not they think it is ok, but it is shocking to me that someone in public may see me kiss my baby and think I am a pedophile, or even be reminded of pedophiles. That makes me sad.
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
i wouldnt kiss my baby on the mouth or let anyone else do it. i don't know if im coming down with something or anyone else. im also not fond of sharing drinks for this same reason.
my sister's kids were tasting a drink from their ant and later on they all went to the er because the ant didnt know she was coming down with a virus.
DH & I both come from very Unaffectionate families (physically) growing up. Even hugging is awkward for both of us, although his circle of friends & culture greet with a hug and kiss on the cheek which is very hard for me to adjust to.
that being said, I do kiss both of my LOs on the mouth, but it's more because that is how they kiss me & I would be afraid of hurting their feelings if I redirected them at this age. My 3yo is already weaning off of the kisses & I never force it.
I would never, ever force my child to greet or say goodbye with a kiss to anyone, even if it was the other persons cultural norm. I feel that would be disrespecting their boundaries & confusing while trying to teach them about inappropriate adult contact.
I do not think parents who kiss their children are perverts, but beyond toddler age it does make me uncomfortable.
DD #2 2 years old (08/17/11)
DD #3 born 08/29/13
Lol. It's a miracle I've been able to stay molestation free all these years.
GTFO.
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!, DS is now 3.5yrs!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP! DD is 1.5 yrs!
Surprise! 12/16/14 BFP, loss #2 12/31/14
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
I agree!
No mouth kissing here.
*nods*
This!
Seriously, do we not have enough judgement and fear based living in the world without second guessing if someone who shows affection by kissing their child on the lips is a pedophile???
I guess my husband is at risk from his sister, and previously by his mother as well then, because at 47, he still kisses his immediate female family members on the lips. There is absolutely nothing sexual about it, just a family way, and most times he and his sister don't even get on that great, but it is still the way they greet and farewell each other.
As for children, my step son was often kissed on the lips as a child, and particularly at one stage he was initiating that as his only way to kiss. He is now 8 and will kiss on the lips at night with his Dad and I, but no other time, with no one else, and definitely not in front of his friends!
I respect opinions, but I find it so interesting that a parent would consider kissing a child they birthed on the lips gross. I think there is too much adult thinking going on for a basic gesture of love.
Yes. I like to respect people's comfort levels with affection, how they were raised or be understanding of their experiences or jobs that may unfortunately make them view affection in a twisted way, but for people to flat out say I am gross or disgusting for giving my baby a kiss actually is really, really offensive the more I think of it.
Layla 01.08.12
Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13
My Gang. Halloween 2013
I HATE when MIL/FIL kiss DS on the mouth (I guess I should point out he still gives open mouth kisses) and they thoroughly enjoy every wet one!