Hello My Older Sister Just had her Angel Baby on 1/24/13, stillborn. I am 21 weeks pregnant, we were excited about being pregnant together I was planing her baby shower with my mom we have sent invites everything. I was also planning my baby shower at the same time for financial purposes starting early, she said she wanted to be completely involve in my baby shower. How do I go about this do I continue to plan my shower and keep her involved or do I drop hints about the shower and let her decide if she would like to be involved or do I just not tell her anything?? I dont know how to go about this..... PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!
Re: Sister Lost Baby to StillBirth @ 27 weeks, Im 6 weeks Behind her
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
I was invited to 3 baby showers after we lost our DD and I went to one only because she was pregnant mostly my whole pregnancy and I was close to her and it was way to soon. I cried the whole time and really didn't make anyone feel happy there. After they all saw me they were sad. Honestly showers are happy times and having to go to a shower after losing a baby is straight torture for the mom that lost her baby. I would just not really mention it to your sister she is dealing with something that I hope you never ever have to deal with. I put on a happy face when I went but left early and cried the whole ride home and had to take a xanax when I came home due to a panic attack I had in the car on the way home. If your sister has any interest let her come to you about it. it is so hard to be the person who lost a baby and having to be different to others who just don't get it (no offense).
Heather
BTW... congrats on your baby! It is truly a wonderful time, and it is the best thing in the world (for me atleast).
Definitely don't ask about your shower or drop hints about your shower. I don't mean to sound awful, and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh... but it's hard for me to believe that your sister just delivered her angel baby 5 days ago and your biggest concern right now is how to handle your own baby shower?? When the time does come for your shower... and I would push it back myself- don't ask her to be involved. If she wants to be she can ask. Honestly, don't be surprised if she doesn't come, I had to miss my SIL's shower and I was even pregnant again with my rainbow. You should offer her the love she needs while giving her distance if she wants it, pregnant women are EXTREMELY difficult to be around after you've lost a child, so if she doesn't want to be around you don't take it personally.
Do not talk about your pregnancy with her, she will ask if she wants to know. If she doesn't ask it doesn't mean she doesn't love you and your baby, she just can't do it.. .but she will, when she's ready.
Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!
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I echo what PP have said. I wouldn't say anything to her about it. Her loss is still so so recent and raw...it is going to be hard for her to even think about you being pregnant too (even though she is still happy for you). My SIL is pregnant and due within a month of my EDD and I could have never planned a shower for her and prob. would not have gone...I am still trying to decide if i can be there for the birth. It's just a really, really hard thing when you have suffered such a shocking loss...
I would let her approach you about the shower...and that might mean that she doesn't.
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My SIL was 7 months pregnant when my son passed away due to an accident during birth. DH's family hid the baby shower from me which upset me more. They ended up telling me about at the last minute and expecting me to go. I stopped by but left when they opened presents. She had her baby a month ago and I wen to the hospital when th baby was born. There was a lot of pressure put on me o hold the baby. I talked to one woman who was in a similar situation to mine. She said the first time she held the baby her SIL gave her privacy so he old hold the baby and feel all the emotions. I would have appreciated that. The week after my niece was born was really hard for me and still some days I can't go see her. Her milestones will be tough because they will remind me of my baby. Just please be honest and considerate. Text and call your sister as much as you can even if she doesn't respond. Don't forget how much she is hurting.
Due with baby boy # 2 in May 2016
DD #1 born January 2014
Losing a baby is so, so awful. Show some respect for her, her child and her grief.