As a mother I am so excited when my son does things that make me proud. He is the smartest little boy I have ever met. He knows all of his letters (can point them out and can say most of them). Knows about 10 or more shapes (can point them out), and knows numbers 1-10 (can say about 5 and can point out the rest). Every time he does something amazing like this I want to shout it out. But I don't want others feeling like I am bragging about him. I mean lets face it. Everyone else on facebook likes to post videos, update their status, or post pictures when their kid does something good. So why do I feel a hesitation when I want to post something online or even bring him up in conversation. I am his mom. I should be proud to talk about it. But I don't want to hurt others feelings because my son is so much more advanced. It doesn't help that many times if I do say something about what he has done another mom makes a comment "wow, I need to start working with my kid more". At that point I don't know what to say.
Thanks for letting me vent. Any advice would be appreciated.
Re: Trying not to brag about my son to people.
Lol! Okay...
I stopped playing the mom -competition a while ago. My daughter is already doing more than the average almost 3 year old but I don't feel the need to brag. What do I really benefit from "announcing" she can do something others can't? Really...we all get there at some point and getting there at 2 rather than 3 (such as knowing letters) doesn't really make a difference anyways. Some moms on Facebook are constantly doing this and it just makes me laugh.
I don't know reading "bring up bebe" was a real eye opener to me as a mother and as a person.
Maybe my title was misleading but my point is that I don't want to brag. But at the same time I do want to feel like I can talk to others about my son without them thinking I am bragging.
I think it depends on how you say it...and be prepared for any reaction.
Its totally fine to talk about your son.
coming from a sister, who's brother has a 155 IQ and did multiplication at 3. Talking about your son doesn't mean rubbing it into other's faces, and if people get upset its their own insecurity.
It isn't about "working" with your kids. Some Kids Are Very Smart, Some Are Average. It makes life interesting. It is their fault they are comparing not yours. If your son is smart, he is smart. It is what it is, and it is who HE is. So share it and enjoy him.
My little brother is amazingly smart. I mean I think he thinks totally differently than most people, but he is humble, etc. and my parents never sat down and "worked" with him
It is important to note:
Which is to say, haters gunna hate. Just don't be a douche about it and you'll be fine.
I think that talking about or bragging about your son could get on people's nerves. A little humility in life goes a LONG way. Good for you that your son is a smart baby, but let other people notice that for themselves. Every child will have different skills and talents, and all parents are just as proud of their kids as you are of yours.
I think kids are advanced in different areas. Some have amazing social skills, some are very physical, some have greater mental abilities, etc. It all evens out.
FWIW I think you could have written your post without adding in all the things you think your son can do that makes him "advanced" - to me, that is bragging. IMO. The info wasn't necessary to get your point across.
I think posting unsolicted information about how amazing your son is is bragging. The appropriate time to share those things is when someone asks you about your son. Those things you listed sound like something that his grandma or uncles or little old ladies at the grocery would love to hear about when they ask about your son.
Just because other people put dumb stuff on FB, you don't have to join in the asshat-ery
I post updates on my kids on FB all the time. I think that is the only thing I post! My parents live in another state and they love following my posts because it makes them feel like they're keeping up with the kids. By the time I talk to them on weekends, I often forget some of the little things, so they like catching up on FB better. I also post an insane number of pictures per request of my mom. My mom loves that my kids love puzzles. So I always post pics of the completed puzzles that the kids do when they're able to do them on their own for the first time. I'm sure my other followers are wondering why I do that, but I don't really care!
I think it's fine to be proud of your kid. It's a different story if you commented on a friend's post and wrote something like, "well MY kid did that when he was 1."
I agree with this. Let others notice it for themselves and it will go over well.
Yeah, I have to agree with this and some pp's. You going on and on about "how much more advanced" your kid is, listing example after example, etc. comes across as bragging. As pp said, you could've asked the question without going on and on. It's one thing to state a fact, but when you use language like "much more" it is a comparison and comes off as bragging. You have to consider your audience too. I'm sure grandma loves to hear these stories, but in a group of moms, you'll just have to watch what and how you say it.
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I don't know how you act on FB, but here you're definitely coming off a little "I feel so sorry for you that your kid isn't as amazingly awesome super smart and handsome as mine."
The thing is, no matter what accomplishments your son achieves before say, my son, I will still think my son is the best, most amazing child ever. So brag away, no need to feel guilty. No one is going to be jealous.
FTR, my son only recently grasped the concept of counting. Not reciting numbers, but counting. I "bragged" to my FB friends even though I know their kids have been doing it forever now. His accomplishment is no less to me, and my friends were also excited for him. I'm sure they didn't feel guilty at all.
This. My DD was running before friend's babies even sat up or crawled. She's very advanced physically. Always has been. But I don't preface conversations by stating how much more advanced she is.
I have a friend who does the opposite - her son is very bright and when people mention how smart he is she is like, "Eh, he could be smarter." I find that more obnoxious than bragging.
It doesn't sound like you're bragging, it just sounds like you are excited and proud. Nothing wrong with that!
As a pp mentioned how I am on Facebook might be different. That seems to be the case. Other than this one instance of contacting you guys for advice I have never talked about the skills my son has on here (As far as I can remember). The thing is I rarely post about his stuff on Facebook either. As I said in an earlier post I only do it if I get really excited. Otherwise it is normal pictures etc. Not sure how my post came across as bragging. I was honestly just looking for some incite. I am sorry that my post offended some of you.
As for the autism thing. DS loves to be held, give kisses, is great with other people, does not have any issues with clothing or tags rubbing him wrong etc. I looked into the idea of autism when he started showing strong interest in learning and it is just not the case for him. I will however keep watching because I know things can change with regards to autism and its development.
I figured me spelling out some of his skills was needed otherwise i would get comments like "oh all moms think their kids are brilliant". All i was trying to say is that he tends to be more advanced in things and i am not sure how to talk about him with people (even in regular conversation) without coming off like i am bragging. I am proud of my son. That doesn't mean i am over the top when i talk about him. Seems i talk about him just as much as everyone else does on here. Somehow the picture that was painted from my post was very different than i intended.
(sorry for the grammer issues i can't correct typos and capitols on my phone well)
A friend of mine did this and compared all kids to her wonderful, cute, smart and athletic kids. Ends up, hardly no one in our circle of friends talks to her anymore - her kids are cute, I'm sure smart too, but no one wants to constantly hear that. Most of my friends are the opposite, we get together and trade "war" stories of all the crazy, wild and embarrassing things our kids do and get a good laugh. She also brags about how great her husband is and we all know he is a jerk... so sometimes it comes off as you are trying to make up for something. You know the old saying, people who are truly happy don't have to talk about it... they just live their happy lives?
That said, my facebook page is like a shrine to my kids, but only pictures for family and close friends. Not updates or stats on how many words they are counting or how advanced they are.
I'm not trying to be a jerk but is any of this really advanced for a 17 month old?
It seems like you are only proud of these things because you assume no other child can do them.
Like PP said I was PROUD when my son started to walk, even though he was not early at all.
You need to be cool. It's great that your 17mo can recognize letters. Really, it is. Just enough with the "so much more advanced" stuff. There's nothing to feel bad about. There's nothing at all. Just be cool.
My 2.5 year old has hit all those milestones (and more, obviously) and I have never felt the need to announce on facebook that my kid does x, y, or z. Of course, some things are super exciting, like their first step or their first word, but I don't get having to announce that my kid was counting to 10 or recognizing letters or why you feel the need to tell others that stuff--are you that insecure you need recognition that you're doing a good job?
I just can't imagine how that would come up in conversation with other parents. Usually when I'm talking to mom friends/sharing stuff on FB it's usually sweet things or funny things my kids did. We don't feel the need to tell others what milestones our kids hit--usually when they do things they show friends/family on their own.
I'm surprised at almost all of you who commented on this post. I don't see at all why you are saying she is rude and condescending. She was just giving a little background about her son, since none of you know him. If anyone is being rude it's the rest of you. We come here for advice and a knowing and comforting "ear", not for everyone to shoot us down.
I think what she is looking for in "advice" is how she should word her posts and keeping a "matter of fact" tone without sounding like she's bragging. It is perfectly fine to post about your son! He's your baby and no matter when he reaches a particular milestone, you will be proud of him and want to show everyone what he can do. It's normal. I agree, keep your posts to a minimum, and just post the most interesting or funniest updates. I'm horrible at posting every single thing my son does, so this was good for me to think about as well. I realized one day the only topic I've posted about for months was my son. But he is my first and currently only child. I can't remember what there was to talk about before he was born. I've since cut waay back too. No one said anything, but I just kinda felt like I was proba bly boring people. It was cute when he was a few months old... but 18 months old... ok, 1000 pics is just excessive. LOL (I dont really have that many on FB.) Just posting funny things he's done, or what is to me, particularly amazing. Such as proving his Ped. wrong when she referred him to a speech therapist because at 15 months he could only say mom-mom and ah-da (his best attempt at dada). Now, at 18 months, something has just clicked and he can say so many words now, and can repeat just about anything. His pronunciation is still off, but he's trying now. He's getting it. That is not bragging. That is a proud triumph for my son. And all of my family and friends who we rarely see, love the updates and the photos. Keep it up. If they really don't care about what you post on FB, they'll simply keep scrolling past it.
When I want to brag about specific things DD's doing that are advanced, I text or call my mom. She loves hearing about her and is just as biased as I am about her greatness! Lol When it comes to facebook, I just post the occasional funny story about what she's doing or smething funny she said without saying how many words she can say, etc.
I have a few friends with babies very close in age to DD, and I know where they differ in milestones/achievements. I just don't bring those things up.
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I think its parts like this that are making people respond the way they are....
Sigh, I do not tell people that my son is more advanced then theirs. That would just be asinine. I have a few times mentioned that he can recognize letters (when it comes up what he is doing in conversation or the one or two times I posted something on facebook).
When I said he was more advanced in my post I said it because I figured it was relevant to my story. And as others stated maybe I am wrong and he isn't more advanced. I am just trying to get to a point where I can discuss my son in conversations and not worry about something I am saying about him making another mother worry about their child not being at that level yet. As for those getting offended that I mentioned my kid was more advanced and taking that as a stab at them or me bragging about him you are misconstruing my post.
For those who gave kind and honest answers thank you. I am glad to know that at least a few people understood what I was trying to say.
I still don't understand why you feel the need to tell the world when your son hits every.single.milestone. I get sharing the first steps or first word milestones with other mom friends/family. I don't get how saying "my kid can count to 10" would ever need to come up in conversations with other parents. If a concerned mom was asking if my child did something because her child wasn't doing something yet, I wouldn't lie of course, but I would probably just say that my kid does x but he still doesn't do y and assure her every child will have their own set of strengths/weaknesses. Otherwise just let your child be and let them show what skills they have mastered--there's no need to tell others about everything your kid does. There are much better stories to share with other parents besides talking about what milestones your kid has hit.
I NEVER said that I tell everyone every milestone my kid hits. This is exactly what I meant by misconstruing what I was trying to say.
Um, I'm not "misconstruing" when you said word for word in your OP:
"As a mother I am so excited when my son does things that make me proud. He is the smartest little boy I have ever met. He knows all of his letters (can point them out and can say most of them). Knows about 10 or more shapes (can point them out), and knows numbers 1-10 (can say about 5 and can point out the rest). Every time he does something amazing like this I want to shout it out. But I don't want others feeling like I am bragging about him... I should be proud to talk about it. But I don't want to hurt others feelings because my son is so much more advanced.
It is called a figure of speech. I am pretty sure in the movies when they talk about a guy losing his virginity and he wants to "shout it from the roof tops" he doesn't actually want to shout it from the roof tops.
In the first paragraph I was referring to people I speak to IRL and in my second I was referring to talking on here in this post. So no I was not contradicting myself. I was never referring to my kid being more advanced than your kids. I was referring to some of his accomplishments being advanced compared to other mothers I know IRL and I know this because they have mentioned it to me or have stated something online or in person to me that has made it seem that way. And in the second paragraph I was not saying he was more advanced than your kids in particular. I was saying he is advanced in general. And my doctor actually has told me this. If you want to get mad at the word "advanced" then you can get mad at babycenter.com because they are the ones that used that wording in their developmental milestones chart. And I suppose you can blame my doctor too for saying he is above average in his development of those things.
Looking back at my original post I can understand why you may have read my post as AW. I apologize for posting it before proof reading it and making sure that the way it would be read was how I wanted it to come across. It does not correctly represent who I am or how I do things. I would never want to make it seem that someone else child is stupid, underdeveloped, or not as bright as my own. That was never my intention and I am sorry that it came across that way to you.
As for the pp somehow being my AE. I suppose there is no way for you to prove that is true just the same I am unable to prove it is not true. I will say that I did not create nor do I know who created that account and hope that you are willing to just take my word on it.
I get being impressed/happy that your son can do those things, especially if this is your first. But when you post things on facebook and have friends with kids a similiar age, it might come across as bragging and honestly might make them question their own child's progression.
Kids excel at different things and some things they will do sooner than others, I don't think at this age it predicts how "smart" they will be. My 3 year old had an expressive speech delay at 18 months barely said any words. People have commented to me in the past few months at her new daycare, that she must have started talking really early, because she speaks really well. Well that was obviously not the case. Just learn to relax a little.
How did I not? I said I was sorry. I figured that would be enough to say hey I realize my post was foolish and I am going to be the better person and say sorry about it but it seems for people like you an apology becomes invisible.