3rd Trimester

just need a break...vent

I have a very active toddler who JUST turned 3, everyone describes her as "busy". she is for the most part a great little girl, but just is constantly on the go. I am 36 weeks pregnant and it is really hard for me to keep up with her. DH doesn't seem to get it at all. our only bathroom is upstairs and when she has to go, she has to go NOW. it is hard for me to get her up the stairs fast enough to go potty or just get up the stairs in general. we have tried putting a potty chair downstairs, which works great, but that still means someone has to go upstairs to dump it. The stairs kill me. I also just really can't keep up with her in general. Normally I can, but I am sore and tired. DH just doesn't get it. I do work full time and by the time I get home I am super tired even though my job isn't physically demanding at all. DH only works 7/14 days and I get that his days that he does work are long (12 hours) but since he only works 7/14 days he is home with DD a lot and he knows how busy she is. he is actually only with her alone 2 days/week. He can keep up with her just fine so her being so active doesn't phase him a bit. when I am with her alone (like today, since DH did have to work, and he also works every other weekend) I feel like that is more work than actually going to work. don't get me wrong, I love DD and DH to death, but I am so tired of being pregnant and sore and just want a minute to myself when he gets home. DH just got home and the first thing he asks me is "whats for supper?" yesterday we decided to just go to the mall to walk around a bit (it has been really cold here) and DH is a fast walker, I had to ask him to slow down so I could actually walk with him. I guess what I am venting about is I just need some help from him a little and maybe a bit of a break. Thanks for listening. 

Re: just need a break...vent

  • I would not put up with that from my husband. He's just as much a parent as I am, he needs to step up and help with your kids. I would have a serious talk with him because it's not going to get any better once baby #2 gets here.

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  • he is normally great with DD, so I don't know what has happened the last few weeks. 
  • I feel your pain and tireness with a constantly on the go toddler. DD is the same and doesn't seem to need naps anymore. Getting her to take one at all these days is next to impossible. She just wants to go go go!

    Can you talk to your husband about this? He doesn't seem to be listening to you? Have you brought it up? Don't suffer silently. You need to sit down and explain it to your husband. He might be more receptive if you tell him how tired you are. 

    I don't mean for this to sound mean, but telling us is great for venting purposes, but it doesn't actually HELP you. Talk to him and explain that you need more help. 
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  • image PrimRoseMama:
    I feel your pain and tireness with a constantly on the go toddler. DD is the same and doesn't seem to need naps anymore. Getting her to take one at all these days is next to impossible. She just wants to go go go!

    Can you talk to your husband about this? He doesn't seem to be listening to you? Have you brought it up? Don't suffer silently. You need to sit down and explain it to your husband. He might be more receptive if you tell him how tired you are. 

    I don't mean for this to sound mean, but telling us is great for venting purposes, but it doesn't actually HELP you. Talk to him and explain that you need more help. 

     

    are you sure we don't have the same kid? lol she will nap for him, she won't nap for me and once in a while at daycare she will, but that is usually if they go to the park in the morning (she goes to an in home). yes, I have told him, but I guess I need to talk to him more and I do understand that venting doesn't really help the situation, except to vent.  

  • image sugar212:
    image PrimRoseMama:
    I feel your pain and tireness with a constantly on the go toddler. DD is the same and doesn't seem to need naps anymore. Getting her to take one at all these days is next to impossible. She just wants to go go go!

    Can you talk to your husband about this? He doesn't seem to be listening to you? Have you brought it up? Don't suffer silently. You need to sit down and explain it to your husband. He might be more receptive if you tell him how tired you are. 

    I don't mean for this to sound mean, but telling us is great for venting purposes, but it doesn't actually HELP you. Talk to him and explain that you need more help. 

     

    are you sure we don't have the same kid? lol she will nap for him, she won't nap for me and once in a while at daycare she will, but that is usually if they go to the park in the morning (she goes to an in home). yes, I have told him, but I guess I need to talk to him more and I do understand that venting doesn't really help the situation, except to vent.  

    DD is the opposite. She will nap for me more than for H. When H is home then forget it. She wants to play play play with Daddy. She plays with me every day but since he works so much she feels like she has to go go go to get his attention while he is here. He loves it and takes advantage. Its really sweet.

    Definitely talk to your husband again. My husband has always been very observant and proactive about household chores, cooking and helping with DD. He's a great partner, but even he has some issues with some feather brains every now and then. I think your husband just needs to have a good sit down and clear communications of your needs.

    Keep trying, but I do know the days that you want to cry when the kid won't nap.  

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  • I can relate.  I have a very active little girl who just turned 4.  She has a hard time entertaining herself.  Constantly she is asking me, "Mommy, come play with me"...it's hard to hear that and tell her I'm too busy or too tired but of course, sometimes I must.  She doesn't nap for me either but we've found out that it's for the best.  Because she doesn't nap, she goes to bed super early.  The last 2 nights she has been in bed at 7:30 which gives DH and I some neccessary alone time. 

    Venting is important and communication with your husband is also key.  Sounds like you do deserve a break--maybe get a babysitter or take a day off from work so you can go to a spa or just sit at home and do nothing?  I take those days for myself occasionally.  I usually end up doing cleaning or organizing around the house but just being alone is a great relief! 

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  • Come up with what you can to make your life easier. I have 2 toddlers and am 39 weeks, so I get it. We are huge on meal planning, so I can get the crock pot ready the night before or whatever and my husband makes dinner more often than I do. Either way, what we are having is written down so whoever can starts first.

    As for the potty, dress your daughter in clothes she can manage herself and put a step by the toilet. She should be able to get there by herself, so you'll only need to help her wipe or check in on her when you get there. Heading in this direction now will make it easier when baby is born.

    Maybe your husband is just oblivious to what it is like for you being 8 months pregnant. Be more direct about what you need, and I'm sure that will clear things up. Instead of saying "I'm exhausted" or "you don't get it," say "I need you to carry the laundry upstairs" or whatever you want.
  • WhitWedWhitWed
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    I can sympathize with having to chase around a toddler, go up and down stairs, and work full time. Just in the last two weeks I haven't been able to breathe at all and it's really getting to me. I've been really active with DD this pregnancy up until recently and DH has been awesome with her, but he hasn't been the most understanding for me.  I have had to start saying to DD "go ask daddy to help" because I can't do much at all anymore. Bending over and lifting something is out of the question. He definitely doesn't get it at all because he thinks I'm exaggerating or makes comments about it.  I hate it and I'm ready to be able to move, breathe, and get on with life.  Counting the days with you!
  • I hear you - I have a very busy 2yr old and up until I was pulled out on medical leave a few weeks back, was balancing FT work + caring for her in the evenigns. DH works a lot of long days and I have a few hours of time just her and I between daycare pickup and him coming home. Luckily we are both home on weekends together to care for her.  But my days at work were certainly less exhausting than my days home caring for her on weekends. At least I got to sit down for an extended period of time!

    My only advice...be very specific with what you need from your husband. Many times they do NOT get it because they just don't have the physical experience of being pregnant but they should try to be understanding when you are telling them you are tired or not feeling well. But as far as needs - then, yes, be as specific as you can be.

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  • Just wanted to say it soon shall pass.  Its a phase.  Enjoy your pregnancy and the time with your "go go go" dd.  These moments will go fast!  Just embrace the alone time you have as a family of 3 before the arrival of your baby.
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  • Would it be wrong to say that if I were in your shoes I'd have considered dumping DD's pee down the kitchen sink to avoid the extra trips up the stairs? Embarrassed
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  • image AprilAngie:
    Just wanted to say it soon shall pass.  Its a phase.  Enjoy your pregnancy and the time with your "go go go" dd.  These moments will go fast!  Just embrace the alone time you have as a family of 3 before the arrival of your baby.

     

    Thank you, I needed this!  

  • image Courtimilk:
    Would it be wrong to say that if I were in your shoes I'd have considered dumping DD's pee down the kitchen sink to avoid the extra trips up the stairs? Embarrassed

     

    I have to admit, I read this wrong and pictured myself letting DD actually pee in the sink. thanks for the laugh! 

  • I'm a FTM and can't imagine having to shuffle a toddler or potty chair up and down stairs at this stage. I could just cry when I leave something upstairs that I need, so I'm sorry you're dealing with this without much help from your DH. Mine was walking really fast in front of me the other day and I asked him if he was embarrassed to be with me as I lagged behind...he felt bad because he didn't even realize. 

    Have a talk with your H about how you're feeling. And if he asks you what's for supper, just say, "Surprise me".  

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  • image sugar212:
    image PrimRoseMama:
    I feel your pain and tireness with a constantly on the go toddler. DD is the same and doesn't seem to need naps anymore. Getting her to take one at all these days is next to impossible. She just wants to go go go!

    Can you talk to your husband about this? He doesn't seem to be listening to you? Have you brought it up? Don't suffer silently. You need to sit down and explain it to your husband. He might be more receptive if you tell him how tired you are. 

    I don't mean for this to sound mean, but telling us is great for venting purposes, but it doesn't actually HELP you. Talk to him and explain that you need more help. 

     

    are you sure we don't have the same kid? lol she will nap for him, she won't nap for me and once in a while at daycare she will, but that is usually if they go to the park in the morning (she goes to an in home). yes, I have told him, but I guess I need to talk to him more and I do understand that venting doesn't really help the situation, except to vent.  

     

    My son sleeps more frequently for my husband also.  He gets him to run around like a wild man to get all of the energy out.  When I get really tired I will take my son to the park or outside to play and it gives me a timeout.  As soon as we get home he will sleep for 2 hours.  Also, I agree that you just need to talk to him.  If he doesn't get the point then, it might take some tears to go along with it so he truly understands! 

  • I can definitely sympathize. I also have a son who just turned 3 and is sooo wild from the moment he wakes up in the morning...plus I have a 21 month old girl... AND we are moving this weekend. I'm so exhausted and feel like a broken record to DH when he gets home about how I can't move etc.

    You just need to tell him you need more from him than you are getting. For some reason they don't seen to understand that the more pregnant we get the harder the simplest tasks are for us. Don't be a martyr just flat out give him instructions on what you need him to do for you.
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  • DH needs to pitch in more, tired or not, too bad. I am a SAHM and luckily my daughter has been great so far about me not being able to do a lot, but I told my husband that he needs to pick up the slack. I realize he works and has long hours, but physically I'm shot, he needs to realize that the physical toll is too much
  • To address the husband walking too fast thing specifically... Grab onto your husband if you can, I always have to or my husband runs away haha. It's especially helpful since sometimes when I'm feeling bad ill slow down even more as the walk continues... I just have to hold onto DH's arm to force him to walk my speed.

    I'm sorry your husband isn't giving you the help you need. Maybe ask for specific things, as I think that can help a lot. When he comes home and asks what's for supper, say "I don't know, I need to lie down for 15 minutes. Can you watch DD and think of something to cook us or order us takeout tonight?"

    My parents divorced when I was 2 so I had a single working mom for much of my childhood... When she got home from work exhausted, we'd play the "Mommy's taking a nap game" where I would tuck her in under my blanket on the couch and try to stay still and be quiet for as long as I could bear.... Not very long, of course, but she still loved getting a bit of rest before making us dinner. So totally try that game!
  • image Courtimilk:
    Would it be wrong to say that if I were in your shoes I'd have considered dumping DD's pee down the kitchen sink to avoid the extra trips up the stairs? Embarrassed

    Seems like common sense to me! 

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  • I think you described my life right now hahahaha!  Except I have a 3 yr old...no stairs and my husband does business personal property tax so I just got him back a week ago as r

    their busy season has ended... We hardly see him jan-may....it's finally nice having him home as I'm 37 wks as of today and am on bed rest...hubby was forced to step up and help! 

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