August 2013 Moms

Mouth kissing little ones

OK, this is probably a weird conversation. I will say that there's been some talk about whether or not kissing a child on the mouth (your own child or even someone else's) is appropriate.

I will tell you that we know of an adult, a grandfather, who has never appropriately kissed anyone. Not sure why. It's not intended to be sexual, but it comes across that way. I think it's just the way he was raised. Gross, yes. Some may say it seems like sexual abuse (trust me, I found myself screaming at this person once because of it!) Whatever it is, it's disgusting. And problematic. 

Well, because of this person and the fact that my husband was raised by a man in a "man's man" household, he said kissing a child on the mouth is inappropriate. I disagree. He relates all mouth kissers back to this one disgusting person. I think it's part of a child's learning process. 

Now I agree there comes a certain age where mouth kissing shouldn't happen often or at all (and then only within your own family), but I need some facts to help back my side up. Or is it really inappropriate? My husband was totally emotionally cut off and didn't hug one person before we started dated (and even then I had to force him into it). Yes, it's sad (and maybe due to the fact that he wasn't kissed enough as a baby) and most likely due to his sad upbringing, but what can I do here? Obviously, this is our first child. And I know people say "he will kiss the baby when it's here" but I really don't think it's the case. I've been with him for more than 12 years and he's pretty stuck in his ways.  

I'm sure this is just the first of many problems I'll be coming to you guys for! Thanks for your input.  

«1

Re: Mouth kissing little ones

  • I don't think it is inappropriate, but more of a "what you are used to" kind of thing. I come from a long line of kisser/huggers, so while I don't kiss my parents on the mouth anymore, I do kiss them on the cheek or the forehead.

     My kids still kiss me on the mouth. It won't last forever and they will stop doing it when they feel they are ready. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy those little upturned faces just waiting to give me a kiss.

     Oh and I kiss DH on the mouth too. Wink

    image
  • Well, I think that kissing little kids on the mouth is normal, and I don't see anything wrong with it, because I don't see it as being sexual. However, My family is very affectionate and I have always kissed my mom, dad, brothers, and grandparents on the mouth, so it is normal to me. I know that seems weird to some people, and I don't blame them for thinking that's strange. Most families are not that affectionate, or they kiss on the cheek. I think it really depends on the family, and if both people are comfortable with it. Obviously if one person is uncomfortable, then it probably isn't appropriate to kiss them on the mouth.

    Idk if that really answered your question, but I really think it depends on the family and the way they grew up.  

    ETA words

    image

    image
  • I remember seeing a thread somewhere where many people didn't like it.

    I always kiss my baby on the mouth.  I even kiss my 25 year old on the mouth.  I am not like this with any other family members, except my kids.

    I can see why your husband is the way he is.  I hope he can overcome enough to at least give hugs and be affectionate in other ways.  But many people think it is normal not to kiss on the mouth, so I wouldn't push that.

    image

    Layla 01.08.12

    image

    Chloe and Vivian 07.23.13

    image

    My Gang.  Halloween 2013

  • I can see both sides.  to me mouth kissing is a little weird but I don't think it's sexual or gross.  my SIL does it with her kids but I kiss them on the cheek.  I guess it's whatever each of you are comfortable with.  can't you do the mouth kiss if you want to and not force him to or does he not want you to at all?  
    image
  • Kissing kids or babies on the mouth is disgusting. DS has plenty of cheek for me to kiss all I want but absolutely not on the lips. Those can be reserved for his future spouse. I would be livid if anyone tried to kiss my baby on the mouth....so germy and just gross.

    Married to the love of my life 8/14/09
    Our sweet little Easton was born at home 3/15/12
    Suprise BFP! 09/20/12 natural m/c 10/09/12
    Baby Heidi was born at home (picture perfect homebirth!) 7/28/13
     imageimage

  • My H and I just talked about this the other night. Basically my entire family, possibly excluding adult cousins, kiss on the mouth. I actually never knew this was considered weird by anyone until the nest slash bump. It's totally normal and a given in my family. My H was raised like yours was, with limited affection. He only started hugging his dad in the past few years. I can count on one hand the number of times his dad has hugged me. My family hugs and kisses as a greeting, as a goodbye, and as good night if we're all together. And if something good happens. Or bad happens. Etcetera, you get it.

    He pointed out during our conversation that my dad and brother don't kiss on the mouth, which I've never noticed. Bc like I said, totally off my radar. I know they did when my brother was little. He said he even to this day he has an awkward moment when greeting or saying goodbye to my mom, which I couldn't help but lol at.

    I'm sure I will be a mouth kisser with our future child slash children. It's just natural to me. He knows the only thing that would upset me is if he withheld affection like his family. Beyond that, I'm open to whatever he's most comfortable with. And I'm sure the rest of my family will continue as we always have.

    ETA and honestly, I couldn't possibly care less if others think it's gross or weird. I guarantee there are things in their families that are bizarre and disgusting to me. I can't fathom why it bothers slash matters to them.
    image"">imageimageimage

  • I still kiss my mom and my grandma on the lips when saying hello or goodbye and we all kiss my 18 month old nephew on the mouth. I think it just depends on the family.

    Married my true love on August 5, 2011 Welcomed Baby Lauren on August 5, 2013



    Aug 13 July siggy Challenge : Summer beverages
    image

    image
  • image himymlover:
    Well, I think that kissing little kids on the mouth is normal, and I don't see anything wrong with it, because I don't see it as being sexual. However, My family is very affectionate and I have always kissed my mom, dad, brothers, and grandparents on the mouth, so it is normal to me. I know that seems weird to some people, and I don't blame them for thinking that's strange. Most families are not that affectionate, or they kiss on the cheek. I think it really depends on the family, and if both people are comfortable with it. Obviously if one person is uncomfortable, then it probably isn't appropriate to kiss them on the mouth.Idk if that really answered your question, but I really think it depends on the family and the way they grew up. nbsp;ETA words


    This exactly.

    We are mouth kissers in my family but my husband barely has huggers in his family ... He has no issues with it that I know of. I think its a personal thing and how you were raised is going to depend on how comfortable with it you are.
  • My mom still kisses me on the lips and I'm 34. I kiss my son on the mouth, and I don't see anything wrong with it. It's not weird to me. The people who find it inappropriate seem way more weird to me.
  • Well, we didn't start out mouth kissing C, she just started doing it to us around 18 months.  I think she saw DH and I kissing and assumed that it was normal. I don't mind. She'll outgrow it when she's ready, or if not, we'll redirect her. Also, she doesn't do it to DH really, just me.

    I think it's just what you're used to, what you grew up with, what your family's culture does...Not an issue I can get worked up about. 

    DD1 (b. 8/16/2010)
    DD2 (b. 9/04/2013)
    BFP 2/25/12, m/c @ 6w 3d || BFP 8/1/12, m.m/c @ 9w5d
  • image MrsSteSte:
    My H and I just talked about this the other night. Basically my entire family, possibly excluding adult cousins, kiss on the mouth. I actually never knew this was considered weird by anyone until the nest slash bump. It's totally normal and a given in my family. My H was raised like yours was, with limited affection. He only started hugging his dad in the past few years. I can count on one hand the number of times his dad has hugged me. My family hugs and kisses as a greeting, as a goodbye, and as good night if we're all together. And if something good happens. Or bad happens. Etcetera, you get it.

    He pointed out during our conversation that my dad and brother don't kiss on the mouth, which I've never noticed. Bc like I said, totally off my radar. I know they did when my brother was little. He said he even to this day he has an awkward moment when greeting or saying goodbye to my mom, which I couldn't help but lol at.

    I'm sure I will be a mouth kisser with our future child slash children. It's just natural to me. He knows the only thing that would upset me is if he withheld affection like his family. Beyond that, I'm open to whatever he's most comfortable with. And I'm sure the rest of my family will continue as we always have.

    ETA and honestly, I couldn't possibly care less if others think it's gross or weird. I guarantee there are things in their families that are bizarre and disgusting to me. I can't fathom why it bothers slash matters to them.


    This to a T. DHs sisters do kiss their kids and my DD on the lips too with no hesitation, but my family is all over lip kissing. Its just how we were raised and my Dad comes from a very large and very affectionate family. I've kissed complete strangers because they are family! But that's just me... I think touching a shopping cart is more disgusting.
    image
  • I kiss my son on the mouth and see nothing wrong with it. My family is affectionate. My husband kisses SD and DS but not on the mouth. Neither of his parents are very affectionate. Our kids are know we love them like crazy and that is all that matters. Your husband will do what feels comfortable to him and so will you.
    imageNo one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
    image
    image
    image

    image
  • Coming from a non kissy family I always thought it kinda gross, but then I had uber affectionate kids and the youngest kisses me on the lips. My oldest used to and now kisses my cheek, both girls kiss my H's cheek or forehead :) 

    image image

  • I do it with my kids, as does my DH. I also do with some younger nieces/nephews. Both our families do the same (siblings, etc). I don't think it's weird or disgusting. Our mouths are (of course!) CLOSED when we kiss, so it's just lips touching. *shrug* If you don't want to, that's fine, but I dunno where anyone gets it that it's totally disgusting with a little baby or small child.
  • image Sascha3:
    I remember seeing a thread somewhere where many people didn't like it.I always kiss my baby on the mouth.


    I do too. It's common in my family and very non sexual. I remember kissing my brother closed mouth until I was like 5 and he was 4. My mother is very kissy. It's just the way we are raised. She gotten me a few times in my adult life. I don't mind.

    As far as th germ argument goes? Sheesh. I'm more wary of restaurant high chairs, shopping carts, and people sneezing in public than a quick smack on the lips shared between family members.
     DS1 8/2011. DS2 8/2013.

  • Neither DH's nor my family do this. None of our close friends do this either. Mouth kissing is between dating or married people only. It is just the way we grew up, so we both find it odd.

    Nothing sexual about it, of course. There isn't anything wrong with it. Just not for us.
    image

    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown

    Married 3-1-08  |  Nathan 11-24-08  |  Kaelyn 11-30-10  |  Alicia  8-17-13


  • I think with your own young children, and within a close family (even extended), kissing on the lips is fine.  Most kids will redirect to a cheek when it seems appropriate.  Our family is made up of cheek kissers (European patriarchs) at almost every greeting or farewell, so that is always normal, and with children, lips are fine.  That said, I would be uncomfortable with someone outside of my family kissing my child on the lips.  I have had very close friends LO's kiss me on the lips, catching me off guard, and it was awkward.  I would choose to kiss their cheek even though they are like niece's and nephews to me...Either way, unless an adult is forcing a kid to kiss them on the lips, it's not really a problem in my mind. 

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • image CelticWife:
    Neither DH's nor my family do this. None of our close friends do this either. Mouth kissing is between dating or married people only. It is just the way we grew up, so we both find it odd.

    Nothing sexual about it, of course. There isn't anything wrong with it. Just not for us.
    . DH and I are like this. I come from a very affectionate family, but never kissed anyone in my family on the lips. Cheeks, yes. Lips, no. It's something reserved for our significant others.
    image
  • To each their own but I don't do it with my two. My parents used to do it to me and as I got older I thought it was gross.
    imageimageimageimage

  • Well, put me in the "I think it's weird" column.

    I don't judge others who do it but its just not the norm in my family or in Dh's family. Hispanics love to kiss and hug but in my family all kisses are on the cheeks. I have a ton of super affectionate family members but I can't think of a single person who kisses their kid on the mouth.

    We won't be kissing our LO on the mouth. We're both sort of weirded out by it.
    photo crunchy_zps41233998.gifimagephoto crunchy_zps41233998.gif
    My baby is ONE!!

     

       

  • I kiss my girls on the mouth, cheek, belly, legs.....They are so kissable!
    My mother still kisses me on the mouth, my dad uses cheek
    My boys are older and I think around age 8 is when they started asking for the cheek instead
    Tara
  • As a teen/adult I never found the right transition, since my parents "mouth kissed".  I decided I would do cheek kisses with my kiddos.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • I used to be against it but that's the only way DD will kiss us.  I'll take slobbery toddler kisses anyway I can get them!  As she grows up, I think we'll show her to kiss on the cheek instead which, to me, seems more appropriate. 

    image

    image
  • We kiss our girls on the lips.  Our families kiss our girls on the lips. 

     My mom still kisses me on the lips, although I find that a bit odd.  Sometimes I let her, sometimes I turn so it's my cheek.  I think it's all in how you are raised and how you are comfortable.  To be honest, until my last child and a post like this on the bump, I never really considered the topic or whether other people thought it was weird. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
  • I'm used to kissing kids on the lips, even the kids at my daycare, but only once I really know them and love them. My husband still kisses his mom on the lips and I find that a little weird, but if he wants to thats fine. I think either way is fine, some people are affectionate in different ways and I wouldn't push your husband in any way that he isn't comfortable with.
  • I thought it was weird at first. When DD was a newborn I definitely kissed her cheeks but never her lips. She started initiating kissing on the lips. So I figure it is a stage. I will let her do it until she doesn't want to. I don't kiss my parents on the mouth. I have no issues when kids are LOs and would never redirect a child if they intended on being affectionate that way, but I don't initiate it. Before I was a parent I would have said I thought it was gross, definitely not now that I have my DD.
    Married - July 2010, DD - April 2011, #2 EDD August 10, 2013
  • It really comes down to a personal preference. My family is very affectionate and I remember getting mouth kisses from my parents when I was younger but it was something that we grew out of. We still do lots of hugs and cheek kisses. My husband grew up in a very strict  "we do not show our love...we may not actually have any love" kind of family so he never received any affection. I think that is why his heart doubles in size every time our DD leans in for his kisses.

    We lip kiss our children and we will continue to do so until they grow out of it and its becomes "uncool." No one else kisses them on the lips unless our kid leans in a plants one on their lips. 

    TTGP November Signature Challenge - Animals Being Jerks
    Cat unties girl's bikini. - AnimalsBeingDicks.com
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Personally I'm not a fan. I'm probably influenced by my experience with social work but all i can think about when I see adults kissing little kids on the mouth are the creeper pedophiles out there. And even when it's a parent I feel the same way because I know family members are just as capable of taking advantage of their children. Like i said I'm sure I'm jaded by seeing too many abused children but I just cant shake the image now. My parents kissed us on the mouth when we were young but it's not something I'll do with my child. Hugs and cheek kisses are fine ways in my opinion of showing affection. MIL will need some boundaries set though because she is a mouth kisser and its still weird to me. Seeing her try to lay a big one on DH's lips completely grosses me out! To the OPI wouldn't try to sway your husbands decision. If he feels a certain way and it makes him uncomfortable it's better to respect that and allow him to pick his own way of showing affection when the time comes.

  • I come from a long line of kisses/huggers. MH does not but he does kiss Lucas on the mouth. I know that will stop in the next few years.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
    Photobucket
  • image cortneyloo:
    Personally I'm not a fan. I'm probably influenced by my experience with social work but all i can think about when I see adults kissing little kids on the mouth are the creeper pedophiles out there. And even when it's a parent I feel the same way because I know family members are just as capable of taking advantage of their children. Like i said I'm sure I'm jaded by seeing too many abused children but I just cant shake the image now. My parents kissed us on the mouth when we were young but it's not something I'll do with my child. Hugs and cheek kisses are fine ways in my opinion of showing affection. MIL will need some boundaries set though because she is a mouth kisser and its still weird to me. Seeing her try to lay a big one on DH's lips completely grosses me out! To the OPI wouldn't try to sway your husbands decision. If he feels a certain way and it makes him uncomfortable it's better to respect that and allow him to pick his own way of showing affection when the time comes.


    I've spent years working with abused children so I think that is why I have a strong reaction to it as well. It skeeves me out so much.

    Married to the love of my life 8/14/09
    Our sweet little Easton was born at home 3/15/12
    Suprise BFP! 09/20/12 natural m/c 10/09/12
    Baby Heidi was born at home (picture perfect homebirth!) 7/28/13
     imageimage

«1
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards