3rd Trimester

Faux Pas :/

I've been lurking on the shower board bc my shower is next weekend. I was reading there that apparently it is a no no to ask for a book in place of a card?? We decided to do this for my shower. Why is this a no no?? Anyone else do this??
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Re: Faux Pas :/

  • I have never heard of that, I would be sort of put off if someone asked me to buy them a book instead of a card. I assume you want a gift as well, then a book? It just seems a little pushy to be honest.  
    August Sig. man crush
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  • What the pp said.  Usually a book costs more than a card and it is generally assumed that you will also give a gift so it seems a little rude to ask for esentially both.  Also I think it is a general rule not to dictate what your guests give you. 

    I went to one of those showers and it was fine so if you already sent out invites or anything it is not the end of the world.  People recognized that it was a little gift grabby but no one was really put-off by it.  If someone does not want to give you a book as a card they won't.  It's okay.

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  • image Sagen:
    I have never heard of that, I would be sort of put off if someone asked me to buy them a book instead of a card. I assume you want a gift as well, then a book? It just seems a little pushy to be honest.  

    No. She worded it to bring a book in place of a card if you're planning to bring a card. I'm usually a card giver with gift cards or money inside them. I've received baby shower invites with this same thing on there and I took it as give something more of use such as a book instead of a card that will end up in a memory box in the attic. Half of my registry is books (on Amazon) that have the option of being used (my guests know I don't care about that bc I'm a big book lover used and all), so if the issue is price, most of my books start at .01 and do not go up to unreasonable.

    Added: Most of my books or ANY baby book can be found at Goodwill for cents. 

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  • At my shower for DD two years ago, for a wishing well, guests were asked to bring a book.  There was some cute saying on the invitation, but I can't remember it right now.  It was the guests choice whether to bring a wishing well gift or not, so I don't think it was being pushy.  I have heard of the card thing and I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.  I wouldn't worry about it.  If people are put out by the cost of a book, get one at the Dollar Store to serve the purpose.

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  • It is a no no to tell people what to bring to a shower, especially when they're already expected to bring you another gift. And your previous statement that people will understand that it was only meant for people not bringing a gift isn't necessarily true.
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  • I went to a shower where a book instead of card was asked for.

    I stood in Barnes and Noble trying to find a reasonably priced book and just got angry.  I had already bought a nice gift but I was guilted into spending more money on a decent book.  It felt pushy and unfair, honestly.

    What's done is done, but I'm sure some will be irritated by the request.  They probably won't say anything to you, either, so you'll never know, but please don't assume that because people brought books that everyone loved the idea.

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  • image Joy2611:
    I went to a shower where a book instead of card was asked for.I stood in Barnes and Noble trying to find a reasonably priced book and just got angry.nbsp; I had already bought a nice gift but I was guilted into spending more money on a decent book.nbsp; It felt pushy and unfair, honestly.What's done is done, but I'm sure some will be irritated by the request.nbsp; They probably won't say anything to you, either, so you'll never know, but please don't assume that because people brought books that everyone loved the idea.


    This. It is a good idea in theory, but comes off as giftgrabby.
  • image SittinUnderAPalmTree:

    At my shower for DD two years ago, for a wishing well, guests were asked to bring a book.  There was some cute saying on the invitation, but I can't remember it right now.  It was the guests choice whether to bring a wishing well gift or not, so I don't think it was being pushy.  I have heard of the card thing and I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.  I wouldn't worry about it.  If people are put out by the cost of a book, get one at the Dollar Store to serve the purpose.

    That's kinda how I felt about it. I just saw how bad some took it on that other board and didn't realize it was so offensive. 

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  • Because it's asking for an additional gift, on top of what's already being given and also dictating how people spend their money, also a no no.  
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  • image SittinUnderAPalmTree:

    At my shower for DD two years ago, for a wishing well, guests were asked to bring a book.  There was some cute saying on the invitation, but I can't remember it right now.  It was the guests choice whether to bring a wishing well gift or not, so I don't think it was being pushy.  I have heard of the card thing and I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.  I wouldn't worry about it.  If people are put out by the cost of a book, get one at the Dollar Store to serve the purpose.

    This is what I always imagined. The card would gently suggest that book lovers bring a favorite book (signed) in lieu of a card. But it would be optional.

    I was hoping my hosts would do this, but I never suggested it. 


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  • I'm not sure why, but I never thought of this as a "no no" until now!  My hosts did not include this with my invitation.  I was kind of sad about it at first because I thought it was a cute idea after I saw it on Pinterest, but now I realize it is kind of demanding.

    That being said, if I received an invite that did ask for a book, I would go to the dollar store and see what I could find.  A book there would be cheaper than even a card from Hallmark.  I would also go to TJ Maxx or Marshalls.  I don't think an expensive book store would be my first stop to find something like this!

    Hopefully no one's feathers get ruffled and your guests think nothing of it.


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  • While I have done this for showers in the past, I did feel like it was a little much to be honest. Also, people always give the same books, so there are like ten copies of "I'll Love You Forever" or "The Giving Tree."
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  • image InkedMegs:

    I'm not sure why, but I never thought of this as a "no no" until now!  My hosts did not include this with my invitation.  I was kind of sad about it at first because I thought it was a cute idea after I saw it on Pinterest, but now I realize it is kind of demanding.

    That being said, if I received an invite that did ask for a book, I would go to the dollar store and see what I could find.  A book there would be cheaper than even a card from Hallmark.  I would also go to TJ Maxx or Marshalls.  I don't think an expensive book store would be my first stop to find something like this!

    Hopefully no one's feathers get ruffled and your guests think nothing of it.

    I don't think they would or I would have caught it before thinking about having that on the invite. I'm pretty close with everyone coming and frankly IMO it's their fault for assuming they need to get me a gift AND a book...I've always thought it was strange you give a gift and a card, so I guess that's why I have the mindset of it being their fault for assuming the invite insinuates bringing both. 

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  • image RiverSong82:
    While I have done this for showers in the past, I did feel like it was a little much to be honest. Also, people always give the same books, so there are like ten copies of "I'll Love You Forever" or "The Giving Tree."

    Good call! I didn't think of multiple duplicate books.

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  • image RiverSong82:
    While I have done this for showers in the past, I did feel like it was a little much to be honest. Also, people always give the same books, so there are like ten copies of "I'll Love You Forever" or "The Giving Tree."

    Can I tell you how much I hate "I'll Love You Forever." I absolutely abhor it, and my MIL plans to give it to my DH when she comes to see the baby.


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  • Lots of people say it's a no-no, but I think it depends on your family and friends. I have been to half a dozen showers this past year and they have all done the book instead of a card thing. I didn't mind one bit, I love books and I loved picking out and sharing some of my favorites. In fact, it is being done at my shower as well. If people really don't want to but the book, they won't. As far as it being so much more expensive then a card arguement, when I buy cards (and most cards these days) they are $4-5 dollars and you can find a nice book for just about that price so it's the same thing.
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  • image Heissenbuttel04:
    Lots of people say it's a no-no, but I think it depends on your family and friends. I have been to half a dozen showers this past year and they have all done the book instead of a card thing. I didn't mind one bit, I love books and I loved picking out and sharing some of my favorites. In fact, it is being done at my shower as well. If people really don't want to but the book, they won't. As far as it being so much more expensive then a card arguement, when I buy cards (and most cards these days) they are $4-5 dollars and you can find a nice book for just about that price so it's the same thing.

    Yes 

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  • image doozer1345:
     I'm pretty close with everyone coming and frankly IMO it's their fault for assuming they need to get me a gift AND a book...I've always thought it was strange you give a gift and a card, so I guess that's why I have the mindset of it being their fault for assuming the invite insinuates bringing both. 

    People are busy not everyone wants to make their way to the place you registered for one gift, then to the dollar store for another gift. Put it anyway you want but generally people give a gift then they put a card on it to write a msg, and so the reciever knows who it is from. If someone reccomendeds that I give a book instead of a card then I would assume they meant present as well. If any of your close friends assume the same thing it is your or your hostest's fault, not theirs. Cards are not gifts, they are cards, two seperate thing. You can make a gift a cards by giving a gift card, but even then it is not the same thing as a card. If you put money in the card, the money is the gift, and the card is the card. If it is close, and invites are out, don't stress about it. Also you know your friends, and family so if they are cool with it, that is great. For the sake of the general debate on books instead of cards I think most people would think whoever is having the shower is requesting two gifts.

    August Sig. man crush
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  • I would love it if all of the baby showers I went to did this. Maybe I should start doing it on all of my baby shower gifts. I hate buying cards because it seems like such a waste of money. You can go to any dollar tree and there are TONS of kids books for $1. I would imagine Walmart probably has inexpensive ones as well and Target usually has the cute Sesame Street books in the Dollar Spot for $1. That's cheaper than I usually can get by with cards because the cheap ones are usually incredibly stupid. 
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  • We did this at my shower 3 years ago and had a cute little poem about how books last longer than cards and to write your message in a book.
    I think it's a cute idea and a great way to build a library for your new baby. I love reading who gave the book to us. And I agree that you can choose to buy a 1 card or a 5 card and the same goes with books.
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  • image nyki06:
    I would love it if all of the baby showers I went to did this. Maybe I should start doing it on all of my baby shower gifts. I hate buying cards because it seems like such a waste of money. You can go to any dollar tree and there are TONS of kids books for $1. I would imagine Walmart probably has inexpensive ones as well and Target usually has the cute Sesame Street books in the Dollar Spot for $1. That's cheaper than I usually can get by with cards because the cheap ones are usually incredibly stupid. 

     I totally agree with this and I think I'll start doing it too!

    Also, for what it's worth, I'm pretty sure only us pregnant people hyper analyze these things. I would bet that people who prefer to buy a card will just go ahead and buy a card. Just like there are people who think registries are a faux pas and refuse to buy off them... Don't stress about it, it's supposed to be a fun event! 



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  • I LOVE the idea....wish they had done that idea for my shower 3.5 years ago!  There are all kinds of CHEAP books available...Dollar Store, Target dollar bin and like you said....Amazon (my personal fave!)  For the price of an average card $2-$4---you can get a book(s) to use for YEARS instead of throwing away a stack of cards!! 
  • image doozer1345:
    image InkedMegs:

    I'm not sure why, but I never thought of this as a "no no" until now!  My hosts did not include this with my invitation.  I was kind of sad about it at first because I thought it was a cute idea after I saw it on Pinterest, but now I realize it is kind of demanding.

    That being said, if I received an invite that did ask for a book, I would go to the dollar store and see what I could find.  A book there would be cheaper than even a card from Hallmark.  I would also go to TJ Maxx or Marshalls.  I don't think an expensive book store would be my first stop to find something like this!

    Hopefully no one's feathers get ruffled and your guests think nothing of it.

    I don't think they would or I would have caught it before thinking about having that on the invite. I'm pretty close with everyone coming and frankly IMO it's their fault for assuming they need to get me a gift AND a book...I've always thought it was strange you give a gift and a card, so I guess that's why I have the mindset of it being their fault for assuming the invite insinuates bringing both. 

    In reading this, I have two thoughts.  The first is that's kind of a shiity attitude to have about guests coming to your shower and bringing you a gift.  The second is I'm not sure you know what a card is.  It's that small folded up thick paper, it usually has a nice picture and words in it.  They usually come with a gift, so you know who it's from and all.

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  • OP, I didn't realize it was a faux pas.  At my shower with DS they included an extra slip of paper in with the invitation that said, "There will be a special raffle, if you'd like to be included please bring a copy of your favorite children's book to get baby's library started."  It was my favorite part of the shower.  After all of the gifts, they presented me with a basket full of books that everyone had brought.  Most people wrote notes for the baby or signed the inside cover.  It was really sweet.  And the winner of the raffle got a gift basket filled with chocolate, wine and some bath salts.

    I recently did this for one of my friends and only one person brought a book instead of a card.  The people who want to participate will, the ones who don't want to won't.  I think it's a cute idea.  You can find toddler/infant books for $5 and most cards cost $3-5.  I think the idea is that if you are going to be spending that money anyway, why not make it for something useful.  Unless the people you are inviting (or the people throwing the shower) are all about etiquette, it's probably not that big of a deal.

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  • My sister hosted one of my showers & she asked everyone to bring a book for the baby's book collection. However she did state on the invite to bring a "gently used" or "new" book - whatever the guests preferred & I pretty sure everyone brought a book. Some even gave me 3-4 gently used books! I got LOTS of great books for baby & not many duplicates either. I think it is all in the way you word it...
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  • image Bliss+Berry:
    image doozer1345:
    image InkedMegs:

    I'm not sure why, but I never thought of this as a "no no" until now!  My hosts did not include this with my invitation.  I was kind of sad about it at first because I thought it was a cute idea after I saw it on Pinterest, but now I realize it is kind of demanding.

    That being said, if I received an invite that did ask for a book, I would go to the dollar store and see what I could find.  A book there would be cheaper than even a card from Hallmark.  I would also go to TJ Maxx or Marshalls.  I don't think an expensive book store would be my first stop to find something like this!

    Hopefully no one's feathers get ruffled and your guests think nothing of it.

    I don't think they would or I would have caught it before thinking about having that on the invite. I'm pretty close with everyone coming and frankly IMO it's their fault for assuming they need to get me a gift AND a book...I've always thought it was strange you give a gift and a card, so I guess that's why I have the mindset of it being their fault for assuming the invite insinuates bringing both. 

    In reading this, I have two thoughts.  The first is that's kind of a shiity attitude to have about guests coming to your shower and bringing you a gift.  The second is I'm not sure you know what a card is.  It's that small folded up thick paper, it usually has a nice picture and words in it.  They usually come with a gift, so you know who it's from and all.

    Right. It also comes with an envelope and is separate from the gift. What you're describing sounds more like a name tag on a gift.

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  • image Bliss+Berry:
    image doozer1345:
    image InkedMegs:

    I'm not sure why, but I never thought of this as a "no no" until now!  My hosts did not include this with my invitation.  I was kind of sad about it at first because I thought it was a cute idea after I saw it on Pinterest, but now I realize it is kind of demanding.

    That being said, if I received an invite that did ask for a book, I would go to the dollar store and see what I could find.  A book there would be cheaper than even a card from Hallmark.  I would also go to TJ Maxx or Marshalls.  I don't think an expensive book store would be my first stop to find something like this!

    Hopefully no one's feathers get ruffled and your guests think nothing of it.

    I don't think they would or I would have caught it before thinking about having that on the invite. I'm pretty close with everyone coming and frankly IMO it's their fault for assuming they need to get me a gift AND a book...I've always thought it was strange you give a gift and a card, so I guess that's why I have the mindset of it being their fault for assuming the invite insinuates bringing both. 

    In reading this, I have two thoughts.  The first is that's kind of a shiity attitude to have about guests coming to your shower and bringing you a gift.  The second is I'm not sure you know what a card is.  It's that small folded up thick paper, it usually has a nice picture and words in it.  They usually come with a gift, so you know who it's from and all.


    Yeah, this. Cards are pretty standardly attached to gifts, at least from every birthday and shower I've been to in my lifetime.
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  • I'll tell ya, I hate this new fad. Sure, it'd be GREAT to get a bunch of new books to read instead of cards, but... people give cards for a reason. Asking for books instead kind of seems on the same page as saying, "Instead of wrapping the gift you bring, bring us diapers or sheets of toilet paper." That stuff would be more useful, but kind of not a part of the gift-ensemble. 

    If you want books, register for books. 

  • I'm on team Bliss.  Because she's right and because she made me laugh.
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  • You will get opinions all over the place on this.  Some people love it, some hate it.  Personally if I were invited to one and didn't want to get a book, I would just do a card and not worry about it.  But some people get great angst over that making people feel awkward if they don't participate.  I don't personally get this.  We are all adults, if I want to participate, I do, if I don't, I don't.  Either way I don't think anything one way or the other about the organizers....it just seems kind of like another shower game to me and a cutesy thing to do.  I won't debate it here though, people who are against it are STRONGLY against it and it is just not something I can get all that fired up about one way or the other.

    Enjoy your shower and do not worry about this, seriously....it is not a faux pas, it is something, like most things with showers, that people have different opinions on.   

    We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013.  We love her to pieces.  

    We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011.  She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.


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