3rd Trimester

Faux Pas :/

I've been lurking on the shower board bc my shower is next weekend. I was reading there that apparently it is a no no to ask for a book in place of a card?? We decided to do this for my shower. Why is this a no no?? Anyone else do this??
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Re: Faux Pas :/

  • What the pp said.  Usually a book costs more than a card and it is generally assumed that you will also give a gift so it seems a little rude to ask for esentially both.  Also I think it is a general rule not to dictate what your guests give you. 

    I went to one of those showers and it was fine so if you already sent out invites or anything it is not the end of the world.  People recognized that it was a little gift grabby but no one was really put-off by it.  If someone does not want to give you a book as a card they won't.  It's okay.

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  • imageSagen:
    I have never heard of that, I would be sort of put off if someone asked me to buy them a book instead of a card. I assume you want a gift as well, then a book? It just seems a little pushy to be honest.  

    No. She worded it to bring a book in place of a card if you're planning to bring a card. I'm usually a card giver with gift cards or money inside them. I've received baby shower invites with this same thing on there and I took it as give something more of use such as a book instead of a card that will end up in a memory box in the attic. Half of my registry is books (on Amazon) that have the option of being used (my guests know I don't care about that bc I'm a big book lover used and all), so if the issue is price, most of my books start at .01 and do not go up to unreasonable.

    Added: Most of my books or ANY baby book can be found at Goodwill for cents. 

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  • At my shower for DD two years ago, for a wishing well, guests were asked to bring a book.  There was some cute saying on the invitation, but I can't remember it right now.  It was the guests choice whether to bring a wishing well gift or not, so I don't think it was being pushy.  I have heard of the card thing and I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.  I wouldn't worry about it.  If people are put out by the cost of a book, get one at the Dollar Store to serve the purpose.

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  • It is a no no to tell people what to bring to a shower, especially when they're already expected to bring you another gift. And your previous statement that people will understand that it was only meant for people not bringing a gift isn't necessarily true.
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  • imageJoy2611:
    I went to a shower where a book instead of card was asked for.I stood in Barnes and Noble trying to find a reasonably priced book and just got angry.nbsp; I had already bought a nice gift but I was guilted into spending more money on a decent book.nbsp; It felt pushy and unfair, honestly.What's done is done, but I'm sure some will be irritated by the request.nbsp; They probably won't say anything to you, either, so you'll never know, but please don't assume that because people brought books that everyone loved the idea.


    This. It is a good idea in theory, but comes off as giftgrabby.
  • imageSittinUnderAPalmTree:

    At my shower for DD two years ago, for a wishing well, guests were asked to bring a book.  There was some cute saying on the invitation, but I can't remember it right now.  It was the guests choice whether to bring a wishing well gift or not, so I don't think it was being pushy.  I have heard of the card thing and I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.  I wouldn't worry about it.  If people are put out by the cost of a book, get one at the Dollar Store to serve the purpose.

    That's kinda how I felt about it. I just saw how bad some took it on that other board and didn't realize it was so offensive. 

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  • imageSittinUnderAPalmTree:

    At my shower for DD two years ago, for a wishing well, guests were asked to bring a book.  There was some cute saying on the invitation, but I can't remember it right now.  It was the guests choice whether to bring a wishing well gift or not, so I don't think it was being pushy.  I have heard of the card thing and I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.  I wouldn't worry about it.  If people are put out by the cost of a book, get one at the Dollar Store to serve the purpose.

    This is what I always imagined. The card would gently suggest that book lovers bring a favorite book (signed) in lieu of a card. But it would be optional.

    I was hoping my hosts would do this, but I never suggested it. 


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  • I'm not sure why, but I never thought of this as a "no no" until now!  My hosts did not include this with my invitation.  I was kind of sad about it at first because I thought it was a cute idea after I saw it on Pinterest, but now I realize it is kind of demanding.

    That being said, if I received an invite that did ask for a book, I would go to the dollar store and see what I could find.  A book there would be cheaper than even a card from Hallmark.  I would also go to TJ Maxx or Marshalls.  I don't think an expensive book store would be my first stop to find something like this!

    Hopefully no one's feathers get ruffled and your guests think nothing of it.


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  • While I have done this for showers in the past, I did feel like it was a little much to be honest. Also, people always give the same books, so there are like ten copies of "I'll Love You Forever" or "The Giving Tree."
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  • imageInkedMegs:

    I'm not sure why, but I never thought of this as a "no no" until now!  My hosts did not include this with my invitation.  I was kind of sad about it at first because I thought it was a cute idea after I saw it on Pinterest, but now I realize it is kind of demanding.

    That being said, if I received an invite that did ask for a book, I would go to the dollar store and see what I could find.  A book there would be cheaper than even a card from Hallmark.  I would also go to TJ Maxx or Marshalls.  I don't think an expensive book store would be my first stop to find something like this!

    Hopefully no one's feathers get ruffled and your guests think nothing of it.

    I don't think they would or I would have caught it before thinking about having that on the invite. I'm pretty close with everyone coming and frankly IMO it's their fault for assuming they need to get me a gift AND a book...I've always thought it was strange you give a gift and a card, so I guess that's why I have the mindset of it being their fault for assuming the invite insinuates bringing both. 

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  • imageRiverSong82:
    While I have done this for showers in the past, I did feel like it was a little much to be honest. Also, people always give the same books, so there are like ten copies of "I'll Love You Forever" or "The Giving Tree."

    Good call! I didn't think of multiple duplicate books.

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  • imageRiverSong82:
    While I have done this for showers in the past, I did feel like it was a little much to be honest. Also, people always give the same books, so there are like ten copies of "I'll Love You Forever" or "The Giving Tree."

    Can I tell you how much I hate "I'll Love You Forever." I absolutely abhor it, and my MIL plans to give it to my DH when she comes to see the baby.


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  • Lots of people say it's a no-no, but I think it depends on your family and friends. I have been to half a dozen showers this past year and they have all done the book instead of a card thing. I didn't mind one bit, I love books and I loved picking out and sharing some of my favorites. In fact, it is being done at my shower as well. If people really don't want to but the book, they won't. As far as it being so much more expensive then a card arguement, when I buy cards (and most cards these days) they are $4-5 dollars and you can find a nice book for just about that price so it's the same thing.
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  • imageHeissenbuttel04:
    Lots of people say it's a no-no, but I think it depends on your family and friends. I have been to half a dozen showers this past year and they have all done the book instead of a card thing. I didn't mind one bit, I love books and I loved picking out and sharing some of my favorites. In fact, it is being done at my shower as well. If people really don't want to but the book, they won't. As far as it being so much more expensive then a card arguement, when I buy cards (and most cards these days) they are $4-5 dollars and you can find a nice book for just about that price so it's the same thing.

    Yes 

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  • I would love it if all of the baby showers I went to did this. Maybe I should start doing it on all of my baby shower gifts. I hate buying cards because it seems like such a waste of money. You can go to any dollar tree and there are TONS of kids books for $1. I would imagine Walmart probably has inexpensive ones as well and Target usually has the cute Sesame Street books in the Dollar Spot for $1. That's cheaper than I usually can get by with cards because the cheap ones are usually incredibly stupid. 
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  • We did this at my shower 3 years ago and had a cute little poem about how books last longer than cards and to write your message in a book.
    I think it's a cute idea and a great way to build a library for your new baby. I love reading who gave the book to us. And I agree that you can choose to buy a 1 card or a 5 card and the same goes with books.
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  • imagenyki06:
    I would love it if all of the baby showers I went to did this. Maybe I should start doing it on all of my baby shower gifts. I hate buying cards because it seems like such a waste of money. You can go to any dollar tree and there are TONS of kids books for $1. I would imagine Walmart probably has inexpensive ones as well and Target usually has the cute Sesame Street books in the Dollar Spot for $1. That's cheaper than I usually can get by with cards because the cheap ones are usually incredibly stupid. 

     I totally agree with this and I think I'll start doing it too!

    Also, for what it's worth, I'm pretty sure only us pregnant people hyper analyze these things. I would bet that people who prefer to buy a card will just go ahead and buy a card. Just like there are people who think registries are a faux pas and refuse to buy off them... Don't stress about it, it's supposed to be a fun event! 


     
  • I LOVE the idea....wish they had done that idea for my shower 3.5 years ago!  There are all kinds of CHEAP books available...Dollar Store, Target dollar bin and like you said....Amazon (my personal fave!)  For the price of an average card $2-$4---you can get a book(s) to use for YEARS instead of throwing away a stack of cards!! 
  • OP, I didn't realize it was a faux pas.  At my shower with DS they included an extra slip of paper in with the invitation that said, "There will be a special raffle, if you'd like to be included please bring a copy of your favorite children's book to get baby's library started."  It was my favorite part of the shower.  After all of the gifts, they presented me with a basket full of books that everyone had brought.  Most people wrote notes for the baby or signed the inside cover.  It was really sweet.  And the winner of the raffle got a gift basket filled with chocolate, wine and some bath salts.

    I recently did this for one of my friends and only one person brought a book instead of a card.  The people who want to participate will, the ones who don't want to won't.  I think it's a cute idea.  You can find toddler/infant books for $5 and most cards cost $3-5.  I think the idea is that if you are going to be spending that money anyway, why not make it for something useful.  Unless the people you are inviting (or the people throwing the shower) are all about etiquette, it's probably not that big of a deal.

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  • My sister hosted one of my showers & she asked everyone to bring a book for the baby's book collection. However she did state on the invite to bring a "gently used" or "new" book - whatever the guests preferred & I pretty sure everyone brought a book. Some even gave me 3-4 gently used books! I got LOTS of great books for baby & not many duplicates either. I think it is all in the way you word it...
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  • imageBliss+Berry:
    imagedoozer1345:
    imageInkedMegs:

    I'm not sure why, but I never thought of this as a "no no" until now!  My hosts did not include this with my invitation.  I was kind of sad about it at first because I thought it was a cute idea after I saw it on Pinterest, but now I realize it is kind of demanding.

    That being said, if I received an invite that did ask for a book, I would go to the dollar store and see what I could find.  A book there would be cheaper than even a card from Hallmark.  I would also go to TJ Maxx or Marshalls.  I don't think an expensive book store would be my first stop to find something like this!

    Hopefully no one's feathers get ruffled and your guests think nothing of it.

    I don't think they would or I would have caught it before thinking about having that on the invite. I'm pretty close with everyone coming and frankly IMO it's their fault for assuming they need to get me a gift AND a book...I've always thought it was strange you give a gift and a card, so I guess that's why I have the mindset of it being their fault for assuming the invite insinuates bringing both. 

    In reading this, I have two thoughts.  The first is that's kind of a shiity attitude to have about guests coming to your shower and bringing you a gift.  The second is I'm not sure you know what a card is.  It's that small folded up thick paper, it usually has a nice picture and words in it.  They usually come with a gift, so you know who it's from and all.

    Right. It also comes with an envelope and is separate from the gift. What you're describing sounds more like a name tag on a gift.

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  • imageBliss+Berry:
    imagedoozer1345:
    imageInkedMegs:

    I'm not sure why, but I never thought of this as a "no no" until now!  My hosts did not include this with my invitation.  I was kind of sad about it at first because I thought it was a cute idea after I saw it on Pinterest, but now I realize it is kind of demanding.

    That being said, if I received an invite that did ask for a book, I would go to the dollar store and see what I could find.  A book there would be cheaper than even a card from Hallmark.  I would also go to TJ Maxx or Marshalls.  I don't think an expensive book store would be my first stop to find something like this!

    Hopefully no one's feathers get ruffled and your guests think nothing of it.

    I don't think they would or I would have caught it before thinking about having that on the invite. I'm pretty close with everyone coming and frankly IMO it's their fault for assuming they need to get me a gift AND a book...I've always thought it was strange you give a gift and a card, so I guess that's why I have the mindset of it being their fault for assuming the invite insinuates bringing both. 

    In reading this, I have two thoughts.  The first is that's kind of a shiity attitude to have about guests coming to your shower and bringing you a gift.  The second is I'm not sure you know what a card is.  It's that small folded up thick paper, it usually has a nice picture and words in it.  They usually come with a gift, so you know who it's from and all.


    Yeah, this. Cards are pretty standardly attached to gifts, at least from every birthday and shower I've been to in my lifetime.
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  • I'll tell ya, I hate this new fad. Sure, it'd be GREAT to get a bunch of new books to read instead of cards, but... people give cards for a reason. Asking for books instead kind of seems on the same page as saying, "Instead of wrapping the gift you bring, bring us diapers or sheets of toilet paper." That stuff would be more useful, but kind of not a part of the gift-ensemble. 

    If you want books, register for books. 

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  • You will get opinions all over the place on this.  Some people love it, some hate it.  Personally if I were invited to one and didn't want to get a book, I would just do a card and not worry about it.  But some people get great angst over that making people feel awkward if they don't participate.  I don't personally get this.  We are all adults, if I want to participate, I do, if I don't, I don't.  Either way I don't think anything one way or the other about the organizers....it just seems kind of like another shower game to me and a cutesy thing to do.  I won't debate it here though, people who are against it are STRONGLY against it and it is just not something I can get all that fired up about one way or the other.

    Enjoy your shower and do not worry about this, seriously....it is not a faux pas, it is something, like most things with showers, that people have different opinions on.   

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  • I don't know if I am having a shower or not...but I have been asked to do this in the past being a guest ata  shower.  I thought it was adorable.  I was not offended at all.  Maybe that's just the teacher in me that thought it was so cute to start the kids reading young.  Good luck.  To each their own...
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  • I've been to a few of these before.

    As a teacher, I'm not going to buy your kid a crappy book from the dollar store.  You want good literature, no?  So off to Barnes and Noble I will go and buy you a good book- which is going to run me $10-$15 (even with my coupon)- way more than my .99 cent card.

    I'll do it, but then I also have to get a gift.  And frankly, I always get the damn card anyway because I can't attach my nice book to a gift with ribbon and I want you to know which gift is from me.

    I don't like being told what to buy with my money, so I'll probably be a bit bitchy after I go to Barnes and Noble, Hallmark, and Babies R Us, that by the time I get to BRU, your gift is getting smaller and smaller :)  

     

     

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  • But it's not the end of the world...

    Just make sure your thank you cards show how much you appreciated the book and gift- reference both.  Nothing worse than going to 3 stores, busting my arse on the weekend to get all the gifts, wrap them, attend your shower, and then get a generic shower thank you- just make sure you show your appreciation! 

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  • imageJoy2611:

    I went to a shower where a book instead of card was asked for.

    I stood in Barnes and Noble trying to find a reasonably priced book and just got angry.  I had already bought a nice gift but I was guilted into spending more money on a decent book.  It felt pushy and unfair, honestly.

    What's done is done, but I'm sure some will be irritated by the request.  They probably won't say anything to you, either, so you'll never know, but please don't assume that because people brought books that everyone loved the idea.

    This.  After buying a really thoughtful and pricey gift, I decided I was not going to buy a book on top of it.  What really killed me is the friend who the shower was for is a doctor.  It seemed a greedy to me.

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  • Can I just snort laugh about this post now?  Not about you, OP, because I still feel like you did not know and it is no big deal, but people did have good points about it. 

    I just keep imagining this turning into - ok, I am having a shower and I want the gift wrapped in diapers and a book for a card and tied up with a onesie.  And don't forget the diaper bag to carry the gift in.  :) Obviously totally kidding.

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  • imageJenG329:

    I've been to a few of these before.

    As a teacher, I'm not going to buy your kid a crappy book from the dollar store.  You want good literature, no?  So off to Barnes and Noble I will go and buy you a good book- which is going to run me $10-$15 (even with my coupon)- way more than my .99 cent card.

    I'll do it, but then I also have to get a gift.  And frankly, I always get the damn card anyway because I can't attach my nice book to a gift with ribbon and I want you to know which gift is from me.

    I don't like being told what to buy with my money, so I'll probably be a bit bitchy after I go to Barnes and Noble, Hallmark, and Babies R Us, that by the time I get to BRU, your gift is getting smaller and smaller :)  

     

     

     

    Yes, this!  I would do it if I were asked to, but you can bet I'll be grumbly about it the whole time.  It's cute in theory, but realistically you either end up with a bunch of cheapo books or you end up with guests that are bitter about being told how to give a gift. 

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  • Meh, I did this for my sister's shower as we're all big readers in our family and she was having the 1st grandchild so no one had baby books to lend out. We just included a little poem with the invites asking people in lieu of a card to bring a book, be it new or used but in the price range of a typical card. Just like with people shopping off the registry (and God knows only like 25-50% of people do) some did bring books and some didn't. Some brought multiple books even! If people get offended then that's their problem imo. It's just a request, not a mandate. And I definitely wouldn't go to B&N or a specialty store for it. Walmart, Target, or the dollar store.

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  • imageJenG329:

    I've been to a few of these before.

    As a teacher, I'm not going to buy your kid a crappy book from the dollar store.  You want good literature, no?  So off to Barnes and Noble I will go and buy you a good book- which is going to run me $10-$15 (even with my coupon)- way more than my .99 cent card.

    I'll do it, but then I also have to get a gift.  And frankly, I always get the damn card anyway because I can't attach my nice book to a gift with ribbon and I want you to know which gift is from me.

    I don't like being told what to buy with my money, so I'll probably be a bit bitchy after I go to Barnes and Noble, Hallmark, and Babies R Us, that by the time I get to BRU, your gift is getting smaller and smaller :)  

     

     

    Really? You need to get "good literature" for a baby/toddler? I have a 21 month old and she isn't very picky about the books that are read to her, she just loves being read to. In my case I would rather get 5 books from the dollar store for her than one expensive book. She will be more entertained and it will keep her attention, meaning that she will be reading longer. As a toddler I guess that is the point to me. Aside from that, have you ever looked at the books at the dollar store? Maybe you have a crappy one but the one here sells a ton of cute Sesame Street, Blues Clues, and other books with popular characters. I am thankful that we have some nice, expensive word books but at the same time I love that we have "cheap" filler books since we read so often.

    I highly doubt that the person who is suggesting that you bring a book instead of a card is expecting that you will bring a $15 book. If you don't think it's ok to do this, that's fine, but I think that you feeling the need to buy an expensive book is more of your issue than the person that is hosting the shower.  

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  • Some might thnik it is pushy / rude, but I personally think it is adorable.  There has been no discussion yet of doing this for me shower, but if I was invited to a shower with this theme, all I would think was "wow, what an adorable idea" and be excited to share my favorite book.
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  • I didn't and I really hate in general when shower invites ask you to bring anything. A book or diapers at a baby shower or a lottery ticket or household goods at a bridal shower. The book thing isn't as bad but it's still a pita.
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  • If the point of the card in lieu of a book is to get the baby's library started, I would not buy some shittty dollar store book. I would take this as a "please bring me Heidi, Tom Sawyer, something by Roald Dahl, etc, preferably hardback". I do not think buying some craptastic filmsy book is "starting a baby's library".

    For all of you that are "book lovers", I slept with books instead of stuffed animals because I loved them so much and find this request BEYOND rude. If you really were a book lover, you would get a classic, whether it is Madeline or Little Women, not some garbage at the dollar store.

    Finally, if everyone is so into books for their kids, why not give them your old books? I have an entire bookcase of books for my LO, and most of them are still in beautiful condition. Perhaps that is because none of them came from the dollar store.

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  • imagecaladpi02:

    If the point of the card in lieu of a book is to get the baby's library started, I would not buy some shittty dollar store book. I would take this as a "please bring me Heidi, Tom Sawyer, something by Roald Dahl, etc, preferably hardback". I do not think buying some craptastic filmsy book is "starting a baby's library".

    For all of you that are "book lovers", I slept with books instead of stuffed animals because I loved them so much and find this request BEYOND rude. If you really were a book lover, you would get a classic, whether it is Madeline or Little Women, not some garbage at the dollar store.

    Finally, if everyone is so into books for their kids, why not give them your old books? I have an entire bookcase of books for my LO, and most of them are still in beautiful condition. Perhaps that is because none of them came from the dollar store.

    My two year old doesn't want to read a novel. Also, not all of our parents were kind enough to save all of our old books.  

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  • LOL @ this entire thing.  Panties are wadded everywhere! 
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